Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi ladies im wondering if any of you guys out there have any pointers on choosing the right therapist for the job. I have aetna insurance and they do cover the sessions for $25 copay for each. Only catch is i have to choose a therapist that is in their network. While i was searching on their online docfind, i did not see a gender therapist category but rather gay/lesbian? Should i just call them individually and ask for their experience with TGs? Also some of them have PHD, PSYD, MS, MSW, MA, and MD... this lost me... is one of these more preferrable than others? which one doesn't prescribe or offer referrals for hormones?

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Post Merge: September 04, 2009, 02:30:28 AM

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BTW i live around NOVA/DC area and Im wondering if any ladies here have went to a good gender therapist around this area to refer me to.

If you cant find a therapist experienced with TG's,  I would look at some lesbian ones, as they may have encounters trangephynderism.  My second referral letter was from a Phd level psychologist which happeded to be a lesbian.  She was very aware of TG issues and how to format the letter.  I only had to have one evaluation with her and she faxed my evaluation to my plastic surgeon for SRS.  I was using a TG counselor for therapy for 8 months prior and she did my first letter.  I had only been in RLT for 7 or 8 months prior, but she said since my counseling secessions  that it was apparent i was GID and surgery was necessary.  I was fortunate to have such understanding therapists.   

Tristan, not all gay/lesbian therapists understand TG issues.  In fact, many of them do not.  My therapist happens to be Bi, but she is very much up to date on what our community has going on and how to deal with it.  Just be sure they are not going to try to force you into "their" role.  Rather than finding the ones my insurance covered, I asked around till I found the best therapist.  Even though I pay more because she is out of network, it is worth it, because a bad therapist is worse than none at all.  Also, be prepared to go to one trial session and then decide if you will be right for each other.

You are so very pretty.  Glad you are here,  Good luck!

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Yeah, my first therapist was terrible, and she advertised that she dealt with gay & lesbian issues. I definitely felt that she had no idea how to counsel me. Thankfully the second therapist I saw was wonderful, and I credit her with my coming to terms with who I am.

I agree with Kristi that a bad therapist is worse than none at all. If they don't treat you like a human being AND an adult, run the other way!

I've been to a dozen therapists over the years and until I went to gender therapist, did I really find out who I was meant to be.

I admit, I was not up front with my other therapists, but they didn't seem to know much about GID – and I wasn't going to spend my time "educating" them.

My GT knew, within 10 hours of us spending time together, that I was TG and has been very helpful and supportive with my "issues".

I'm so glad I finally went to a GT! :)

Trial and error :p

Some are good some are bad just gotta hope that they understand and can connect with you outside of TG issues/experience.

Quote from: shanetastic on September 10, 2009, 10:02:55 PM
Trial and error :P

I went to a general therapist (clinical psychologist, PhD) for general help that gradually morphed into help with my gender issues.  She has been wonderful even though her TS experience is very limited.  (I'm still seeing her.)

Go for a consult.  If you don't click, try another.  (The greater DC area should be lousy with therapists. ;))  Sometimes you go to one for a while and they are helpful only up to a certain point.  That's when you find a different one.  The idea is that they are to help you to discover and be who you are and help you through the rough patches.

Good luck, sweetie. :D

- Kate

Quote from: Michelle Hayden on September 04, 2009, 11:41:44 PM
If you cant find a therapist experienced with TG's,  I would look at some lesbian ones, as they may have encounters trangephynderism.  My second referral letter was from a Phd level psychologist which happeded to be a lesbian.  She was very aware of TG issues and how to format the letter.  I only had to have one evaluation with her and she faxed my evaluation to my plastic surgeon for SRS.  I was using a TG counselor for therapy for 8 months prior and she did my first letter.  I had only been in RLT for 7 or 8 months prior, but she said since my counseling secessions  that it was apparent i was GID and surgery was necessary.  I was fortunate to have such understanding therapists.

That's a good idea Michelle. I would think a lesbian therapist would understand the situation and objectives a lot better than some of the stuffy middle aged NHS psychiatrists we have in England who know absolutely nothing about the physical transitioning process.

I'd try out different therapists. I found a TG therapist about 35 miles from me, and I went to see her, and within 5 sessions, it became apparent that she was not a fit for me. Felt like she was going to offer me a package SRS, FFS, and HRT package for a monthly price with an adjustable interest rate.

One good way to go about finding a therapist is to start at the SRS/GRS surgeon. They will refer you therapists for your state. I ended up doing this and found one very close by to me that even understood when I asked about WPATH. And they took my insurance (out of network but better than nothing).

Try GLMA (www.glma.org (http://www.glma.org)) They might be able to help in finding a good therapist in your area, as they have a provider directory.  I know it is hard to find one that is not only experienced, but non bias.  It is not so much if they are TS/TG or Lesbian, but more of if they have a good working knowledge of ->-bleeped-<- and are non bias and can help with your particular situations.  It is almost as hard if not harder than trying to find a good ob gyn.  I am not trying to find one and it is hard trying to find one that has experience with MTF post ops.  My hormone dr now only really prescribes hrt for me.  He really doesnt have experience with post op and exams.

dont i need a therapist consultation to get HRT?

I think you might.  I know i had been seeing my therapist for about 3 months b4 i asked her for a referral, but i had been getting mine online anyways, im not advocating doing that, but i had done alot of research b4 i did it, and i knew the aprox doesages for MTF, but it is prob wiser to  go to a dr that will prescribe hrt.  My experience in MI tho is that they tend to give estradiol in  low dosages, and really not enough, at least that was my experience in my area.  I told my therapist that i had been on hormones for about 6 months prior to seeing her, so she advised me to go to her hormone dr, and she called and talked to him about me b4 i went, so he was aware of my self medicating, so it was plain to him that it was better for him to put me on hrt than for me to continue.  That is my story.  If you call one  of the hrt drs on the site i gave, just call and ask b4 hand.  I know some will refer you to one that will evaluate you in a timely manner, so you dont have to wait like 6 months  or more just to get hrt.  I am fully aware of WPATH and SOC objectives, but i am like 39 and i knew what i wanted and i am not having any kind of metal issues or anything, and  i fully explained to  them my GID experiences and so they knew up front  that i had a solid understanding and was def within the guidelines of what WPATH determines as to  what defines a potential patient for hrt and transitioning.  You have to be determined if you want to get things done in a timely fashion and know it takes alot of research and time to find out the ways of going around all the bureaucracy involved with someone in an age group that has no issues or problems that may hamper their own situations.  I happen to be a person that is very determined when it comes to getting things done.  Sorry for the lecture, but it is a lengthy process to fully transition, not only physically, but in getting all the  documentation done and over with. 

Quote from: Kristi on September 05, 2009, 12:03:09 AMEven though I pay more because she is out of network, it is worth it, because a bad therapist is worse than none at all.  Also, be prepared to go to one trial session and then decide if you will be right for each other.

Oh, how much I can vouch for that statement! I am a self-starter, very motivated, very critical of myself, and in a therapist all I needed was someone to guide and encourage me. My first therapist was a wonderful gay man who helped me go from really timid, closeted "I have to transition but I don't know how" old me, to full time in less than four months. He was kind, gentle, understanding and wonderful.

My second therapist was very demanding, very critical, and even reamed me out about missing two appointments when I had explained from the start that the nature of my job and dealing with major technical issues causes me to miss appointments and even fun weekends, dinners out with my partner and such. She was relentless, had me feeling terribly bad about myself, got upset when she found out I was keeping some things from her (who wouldn't, when she made me feel like an idiot little no-nothing kid for every little transgression). Finally one day I missed my second appointment because of a work emergency and just never went back. After not seeing her for about two months, I suddenly realized how much better I felt about myself and how much better I was doing without her. She was, I am sure, good for some people, just not for me.

My ex whom I was with for over a decade is a lesbian and has been in counseling almost her entire life. She's worked with some pretty bad therapists. I remember vividly, days when she would come home from her therapists office crying and depressed for days. Finally she found a therapist who was really good for her. That was when she came out fully and has been doing much better ever since.

A therapist can help make you or literally break you.

Your therapist should obviously understand gender issues. Without that experience our issues and the standards of care associated with us can be very much beyond the realm of understanding of a non-gender specialist.

My therapist, Dr. Helma Seidl in Ottawa, is terrific. When I began to pursue transition with my goal being SRS, I began seeing her only because I was required to do it because I thought I could do all this myself without help. I was very wrong, I would have been lost without her. I really look forward to seeing her now, expecially since we have moved past all the relatively difficult stuff like resolving my employment situation and we focus on what seem to me more interesting topics and I tend to ask questions based more on curiosity than on critical, immediate, anxiety-related things. We even discuss the future SRS (in May if all goes well!) which leaves me giddy and excited in anticipation. I am seeing her tomorrow, yay!

A gender therapist will recognize certain patterns and timelines/milestones in your struggle that a nongender therapist would not see. This is extraordinarily important because she can then ease your mind on many things and direct you on the best path for your current problem based on her specific experience.

I am scheduled to go to a therapist named Martha Harris, she might be affiliated with the Banyan Tree Project/counseling. She specializes in gender identity issues and has seen over 400 transgenders since 1995. Ill let you guys know :) one random question, do you have to cut 'it' off after a few years? cuz ive heard taking doses of hormones for years and years is bad and the only way to alleviate this is to get srs?

Hey I see Helma Seidl too! I completely agree with you about her, she is awesome.

Quote from: TristanV on September 22, 2009, 07:45:45 AM
one random question, do you have to cut 'it' off after a few years? cuz ive heard taking doses of hormones for years and years is bad and the only way to alleviate this is to get srs?

You don't have to do anything.  No decent therapist will dictate to you what you have to to.  It is about finding the right way forward for your life with your particular situation.  "Cutting it off" is not the goal of SRS.  It is to bring our bodies in line with who we are on the inside.  For some this is appropriate, for other, not.  It also depends on whether or not you can afford certain medical procedures.  And yes, if you begin HRT, you should be monitored.  There can be complications, but it is not that way for everyone.  Your therapist should be working with an endocrinologist. 

I am excited that you are taking this step.  Just go with an open mind, and you will do just fine.

Best wishes!

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I went to three therapists.  They all were fine but my spouse didn't like the first two.  Don't ask why, it is too weird.  They offered a sliding scale in payment and one was paid for by county mental health services so it was free.  I ended up paying $35 a session for the last therapist.  She was a life saver for me as transitioning really has some major emotional hurdles and having someone to open up to was vital for me. 

I totally agree that you must really click with a therapist.  S/He will be into some of the most intimate details of your life and at some time, may be the only person who you can seek this kind of help from.  The hardest part for me was to stop seeing her. I miss her terribly.

HRT is a one way street and continues after surgery albeit at sometimes a lower dose. In fact, after surgery it is required.  I did not lower mine because I could not handle menopause like symptoms and my doctor agreed. 

Maggie

I have spoken to my therapist for the very first time today and i think it went well. The talk was just about her trying to get to know me, my past, why I want to transition, my family, fears and stuff. She said that I am more than likely to be a transgender, but it is too soon to say really. for 45 minutes session, the price is $125, does this seem okay? My insurance will cover up to $500 and up to 50% then after. Im not quiet sure how many sessions i need to get to the point where i can stand on my own feet without her? I am wondering how many sessions you girls had to go to and stuff... She told me it usually takes 3 months for her to give me a recommendation for HRT. thats about $500 a month! i don't have that much allowance for that at the moment... I chose my therapist, even though she's out of network with my insurance, since she worked with 500+ TGs since she started her career and had alot of experience and connections.

Wow, there is indeed a great amount of time and money that one must have in order to get through this! Therapist, Hormones, Endocronologist, Electrolysis wow :S very discouraging :(

Tristan,

The price of your therapist is more reasonable than mine.  Are you saying she wants you to come every week?  Yes it takes time for a recommendation for HRT.  But you are doing well.  Yes, this can be quite expensive.

Hang on, sweetie and don't get discouraged.
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The price seems about right, I pay $100/hour and I have been going for almost a year. I have seen my therapist perhaps 15 times.

It is expensive but within reach, just keep at it  :)

thank you for the motivation! I need to find a way to fund my transition.

3 months of therapy could be 3, 6, 12 or 24 sessions depending on your needs and your therapist's inclinations.

Quote from: TristanV on September 25, 2009, 08:47:50 PM
thank you for the motivation! I need to find a way to fund my transition.

Get a roommate or life at home.  Housing is the number one money sapper.  If you can find some way to lessen the financial burden of room and board, the more money you will have to apply/save toward your medical expenses.

Sounds like you found the right therapist, Tristan.  She certainly has the credentials.  Did you feel that connection with her?  I think the big thing to look for in a therapist is not someone who is going to tell you what to do or how to feel  or who you should be before/during/after transition.  I think, and my therapist seems to agree, that they should be guides along this journey.  The way that we have been describing it, is a "professional friendship".  It's kind of like I 'm paying her to be my buddy, but she also happens to be a buddy who can write me referral letters.:)  My therapist is awesome though - she is extremely laid back, very conscientious of my needs and goals, and wants to see me develop into the person that I feel I am in my soul.  And she's a lesbian - which is a super bonus for me because that's the sexual preference I identify with.:)

thank you for your advice :)

Yes she is extremely nice. She said to think of her as my 'gate keeper' for the trans world. If i need help or need resources that she'll be the source for them. Actually for the next session, she wants me to meet one of her other trans client :) im excited. its kinda like to 'shadow' her. Oh and my therapist is also a lesbian.

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Post Merge: September 26, 2009, 06:24:48 PM

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Also, i am not getting ahead of myself but i do wonder the cost of HRT... Doctor's visits, Blood/Lab works and the Hormones themselves? I want to have a rough idea of how much i would need to save up for HRT IF i do decide to transition in the future. Thanks ladies :)

P.S. sry for all the annoying questions >-<'

^My question would be is why this therapist needs 3 months to determine whether or not you are transgendered??  Heck, i got my evaluation for SRS in one secession!  Like i said, i told my general therapist that i was transgendered and i had been taking estradiol and spironolactone for 6 months before ever seeing a dr, so she advised me to at least get blood work done, and so when i went for the blood work, he put me on what i was already taking, but just gave me a script for it. I found that some therapists are only all about the money and not really wanting to get to the point until they get alot of $ out of you.  You simply dont need 3 months to get an evaluation for hrt.  Id find another therapist for sure.

Some therapists charge on a sliding scale. Mine charged $30 a session. I went weekly and for about a year.  I was already on DIY HRT so she gave me a letter instantly to see a GP from Planned Parenthood who charged ~$100 for a quick blood screening and the basic exam. Estrace pills are $10 for 100 2 mg tabs which lasts 50 days.  Spiro still comes from "inhouse" as they have the best price. $105 for 300 100 mg tabs.

I got my SRS letter after a couple months but could have had it sooner but my issues were and have always been how to get my family to cooperate with me.

So It doesn't have to be expensive but there certainly are those in the business who rake in big money from our population.  I spend about $20 a month on HRT and my friend who goes with implants spends $135 a month.  She went to an endo who charged $400 for the initial visit.

Maggie