Susan's Place Transgender Resources

First hello everyone,

close to a week ago i came out to my sister. it was very scary, to say the least. what a wonderful person she is. let me explane who i am, i am a father of 4 with two step children. i have always been a c/d hidden and repressed for many reasons. my beautiful wife knows nothing about this (repressed durring courtship and 3 yrs marriage). repression has not been easy, just last week i could not stand it anymore. i bought some clothes and enjoyed my time while my wife and kids were away.
like pandora's box i cannot repress agian, i have setup time with professional to see what i can do to make sure i am ok. i love my new wife with all that i am. we are very religous and i don't think my issue would go down well with it and i dont know how she will react if she finds out.
my plan is to talk to professional help first and try to build a foundation before shaking the walls of what i love with all my soul. i know that my gr8 wife loves me but i am scared to bits. only my sister know about my C/D'ing

any thoughts?

  Choosing to see a professional is a GREAT first step, however, I would caution you to make sure that professional is experienced with gender issues.  Many therapists have never dealt with these kinds of issues and therefore are not prepared or capable to truly understand all that comes with them.

  Your story is a common one among TG individuals.  I do hope that your wife understands and accepts your lifestyle because, in all reality, she will eventually find out even if you choose to hide it.  I think the counseling will help immensly, assuming your therapist is qualified.  Take it slow and concentrate on not burning or building bridges until you are sure what the final result will be.  You've made a great start from what I can tell Jessie.  In all fairness to your wife it is important that you share this with her because you have chosen to share a life together.  I think it's wise to see the professional before you 'shake the walls', as you said, and go from there.

  I certainly wish you the very best in this process Jessie :)  This site has a large volume of information in it's Reference Library and WIKI that may help you in addition to the chat feature where you can talk live with others.  There are a lot of great people here also who have been through what you are going through and can offer some great advice from thier perspective.

Best wishes.......
 

Seeing a professional is good, but sooner or later you will have to face the issue of telling your wife.  I used to crossdress at home only when my wife and kids were out of the house.  I did this for many years and always felt terribly guilty about it.  Finally I decided to tell my wife.  My only regret is that I did not tell her earlier.  She was upset not about my crossdressing (of course it was a shock to her) but about the fact that I had hidden this part of myself from her and not been honest about myself with her.  Not every wife is going to react positively to being told by her husband that he is a crossdresser, but if the two of you really love one another then I think you both have much more to gain by telling her.

Well today was my first appointment with a counselor and I found it very relaxing. It was very nice to be able to release and come out to a person face to face. I was even shocked that she told me of a CD friendly shop for shoes.
I was very nice to hear her say that it is most likley that I love to dress as a female is due to that I am just more senual of a person and it is ok. It was a very relaxing session, I was very scared to talk to someone about my crossdressing. I even talked about my wife and feeling guilty about hiding my clothes.
To all those who are doing the same thing, this is not a good thing to do. Though that being said it does take the right time to come out, it was even advised to write a "love" letter with what you want to say. This is due to as we open our mouths what wwe need to say and what comes out are all together different. This doe not mean write the letter give it to her and run, lol. but to take the time and sit with the person that you are in love with and let them read it.
Though until you are ready to give this letter it would be advised to place it on top of your stash of clothing that way in case this person who you claim to love will be able to read what you have written and might have that opertunity to understand you without being on the attack when you come.

Hi Jesse,

It is good that you are seing a counsellor. I have been seing one for 12 months about my crossdressing - it is so nice to talk to some about the issues we face. You are right about the need to be open with your wife. I have recently opened up to my family (Parents and Brother - I am single) and it is so nice not having to hid that awful secrite from them.

I am glad you found us here at Susans.

Alice

I'm glad I found this string ... I was about to start one on a similar topic when I found this scrolling through the site. I am married with a wonderful wife and three children anyone would be proud of. None of them have an inkling of my crossdressing. As each day passes though, more and more I find my true self expression and comfort in Jenny. I want to tell my wife but she is extremely strong in her morals and has very little tolerance for the transgendered. She sees cross dressing and transvestism as a trespass into a sacred realm ... Man and Woman were created for a reason and that's that. Other than that, we get along wonderfully, and I consider her my best friend. I have to think one reason we get along so well is that I can relate to some of her feelings and needs as a woman. I have always related more to women than men. I know if I tell her we would be finished, and my kids would likely alienate me as well, as they have developed the same sense of morality.  I'm torn; the urge to express as a woman grows stronger and stronger, I feel I'm living a lie, yet I would tear a family apart if I came out. I'm not sure how i would even go about finding councilling in this area; I live in a fairly conservaive part of Western Canada; councillors dealing with transgender issues don't take up much space in the yellow pages (OK... no space!)

I'm looking for any ideas or inspiration that will eventually help me deal with this.

Thanks, Jen

Ohh Jen,

I have been there trying to hid and trying to get on with life. I know it is hard to keep doing this - each day the preasure building. I hate the feeling of hidding and the preasure build until it all exploded out of me.Unfortunaly depression was with me causing all of my feelings and scary thoughts to come out.

Do enure you find a cousellor or someone to talk to. It is my greatest confort that I can share my feeling to my friends evern if they do not undertand. This allows you to relieve the preasure building inside hence you will become a better person/husband.

If you do not feel confortable talk to your wife - find a cousellor and start talk to them. Aviod the preasure building - the most important thing.

I am sure others will be able to suggest a cousellor to go to.

Alice