Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I had been trying to get pronouns right and I do well. I correct my mom when she gets pronouns wrong. But after hearing so many people refer to a transman as her I started saying it myself. I feel so guilty. Im sorry. I do respect him. And I want the respect of others so of course I will respect my brothers.

Kyle, don't sweat it.  It's not like it was a deliberate attempt to undermine someone's identity!  You know you didn't mean anything by it, so don't worry about the approval (or otherwise) of others too much, eh? :)

Yep, it's hard sometimes when others around you keep referring to the incorrect pronouns. It then takes extra thought when you go to refer to that person since your brain wants to use the pronoun it hears most often. I had this problem with myself early on. My family took a long time to update their vocabulary, and soon it started injecting itself back into my own mind, so when I would refer to myself I would sometimes slip up and call myself the wrong name and/or gender.

I say just keep correcting the people around you and it'll hopefully slowly start solidifying in your mind (and hopefully theirs as well). Don't get down on yourself, it's not like it's on purpose or you don't try to correct it when you do slip up.

~Sarah

I catch myself accidentally doing that as well sometimes. I believe people are allowed to make honest mistakes. It is the ones who intentionallly do it that needs a spanking.

I think you should 'sweat it'.  If you want to be referred to correctly, you'd better be doing the same to others.  Otherwise, why would anyone bother to give you what you want?

Quote from: Mister on September 15, 2009, 03:33:52 PM
I think you should 'sweat it'.  If you want to be referred to correctly, you'd better be doing the same to others.  Otherwise, why would anyone bother to give you what you want?

I agree with Mister, if they identify as a female dog I would happly call them a b****. You know? I wouldn't want to be treated differently..

Jay

I do care. Otherwise I would not have went out of my way to apologize. And accidents do happen alright? I really am starting to feel uncomfortable.

I have found that when this happens to me, if I hug the person after they apologise it seems to confirm in their minds that I forgive them and it's easier for them to let it go.

I know you guys don't want to go around hugging each other but maybe you could arm wrestle or bang your heads together or just a handshake...something just to finish it and move on.

Yes accidents do happen and while Mister and Jay are quite correct in the sentiment that one should be mindful, I think the point is being laboured somewhat - especially as you've apologised more than once and seem to have taken the point.

My partner accepts me as a guy, and yet, occasionally, he'll have a slip of the tongue. Usually when the binders are in the wash cause then the chesticles are unavoidable.
And a feminine term slips into normal conversation.
And then, when he notices (or I bring attention to it), he apologizes and is sincerely sorry that he struck a nerve.

Quote from: Mister on September 15, 2009, 03:33:52 PM
I think you should 'sweat it'.  If you want to be referred to correctly, you'd better be doing the same to others.  Otherwise, why would anyone bother to give you what you want?

You never make mistakes.

Don't worry about it dear, it was accidental, a slip of mental gears not a representation of your true thoughts. You should not feel guilty.

I correct people, but it is no big deal.  It takes a while.  Usually the pronoun mistakes are later in the conversation after we've both relaxed and are running more on habit.

Try to use the right pronouns, but if you slip then just try to use the right pronouns. ::)

- Kate

ive actually recently had a little trouble. >_<  i have a MTF friend who used to dress in drag (it was drag at the time) all of the time and went by male pronouns and said s/he was a gay male.  i was used to calling him (now her) by male pronouns and a male name even when seeing... - ARGH PRONOUN CONFUSION! him... or her... depending on when - all in womens clothing.  so seeing the exact same person in the exact same clothing was confusing.

moral of the story, regular human* trans people can make mistakes in regard to other transpeople.

*regular human - anyone thats not mister, hes superhuman

Quote from: Maiden on September 15, 2009, 05:29:50 PM
You never make mistakes.

Sure do.  But not on trans 101.  It's rudimentary. 

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Post Merge: September 15, 2009, 07:25:02 PM

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Quote from: Josh on September 15, 2009, 06:12:52 PM
*regular human - anyone thats not mister, hes superhuman

Well things are typically quite clear to me, as I do not spend any time with people who have just begun their transition to men/women and do not look anything like men/women, nor do they enjoy wearing the clothing of the opposite sex and typically think the idea of gender being non-binary is as practical as immaculate conception.

Don't feel guilty, pronouns are just pronouns, and do not reflect the image you have of whom you speak about.
My own sister sometimes talk to me using the male gender, but the next sentence she talks about my vagina, so there is no offence to be taken here.  ;D

If apologies were made, I see no reason to feel bad about it any longer. Whats in the past is the past, just think about the future and try to learn :]
xoxo

In the early stages of transition slip ups can happen. Especially if you're still ill at ease refering to yourself with male pronouns in front of others.

It isn't anything to get too upset over, just keep your pronoun usage in mind in the future.