Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Dana Lane on September 16, 2009, 11:04:39 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Trying to be correct with pronouns but not sure of the person's status
Post by: Dana Lane on September 16, 2009, 11:04:39 AM
Post by: Dana Lane on September 16, 2009, 11:04:39 AM
Hi all,
First off I try to chose my wording as carefully as possible to make sure I don't accidentally say something that would offend someone. There is only sincerity in this message so if I word something inappropriate feel free to let me know but not yelling! :)
The LGBT community is very diverse to say the least. As far as trasngendered goes there are multiple flavors. If someone is trying to pass as a female either because they know/feel they are a female inside or if they are a crossdresser most of the time it would be safe to refer to that person as her/she. This type of person will put makeup on, perhaps a wig and female clothing. If I am sitting at a bar and I see this person I would feel comfortable telling the bartender I would like to buy 'her' a drink.
However to me it seems a bit different with FTM. I work at a University so I see a LOT of different types of people. The other night I visited a bar on campus and was sitting next to what appeared to be a genetic female that had masculine qualities. Short haircut, male clothing, etc. No facial hair that I could notice. I really couldn't tell if this was a FTM or perhaps a butch (i am not sure if that is an appropriate term or not) lesbian. This person had asked the bartender for a drink and he forgot. I wanted to get the bartender's attention and tell him (he/she) needed a drink and I refrained from doing that because to be honest I had no idea what pronoun I should have used.
If anyone has any thoughts or advice on this I would really appreciate it. I would feel horrible if I used the wrong pronoun and upset someone.
First off I try to chose my wording as carefully as possible to make sure I don't accidentally say something that would offend someone. There is only sincerity in this message so if I word something inappropriate feel free to let me know but not yelling! :)
The LGBT community is very diverse to say the least. As far as trasngendered goes there are multiple flavors. If someone is trying to pass as a female either because they know/feel they are a female inside or if they are a crossdresser most of the time it would be safe to refer to that person as her/she. This type of person will put makeup on, perhaps a wig and female clothing. If I am sitting at a bar and I see this person I would feel comfortable telling the bartender I would like to buy 'her' a drink.
However to me it seems a bit different with FTM. I work at a University so I see a LOT of different types of people. The other night I visited a bar on campus and was sitting next to what appeared to be a genetic female that had masculine qualities. Short haircut, male clothing, etc. No facial hair that I could notice. I really couldn't tell if this was a FTM or perhaps a butch (i am not sure if that is an appropriate term or not) lesbian. This person had asked the bartender for a drink and he forgot. I wanted to get the bartender's attention and tell him (he/she) needed a drink and I refrained from doing that because to be honest I had no idea what pronoun I should have used.
If anyone has any thoughts or advice on this I would really appreciate it. I would feel horrible if I used the wrong pronoun and upset someone.
Title: Re: Trying to be correct with pronouns but not sure of the person's status
Post by: tekla on September 16, 2009, 11:20:20 AM
Post by: tekla on September 16, 2009, 11:20:20 AM
Yo! Bartender! My buddy here needs a drink, how about it?
Title: Re: Trying to be correct with pronouns but not sure of the person's status
Post by: Julie Marie on September 16, 2009, 11:54:25 AM
Post by: Julie Marie on September 16, 2009, 11:54:25 AM
Quote from: tekla on September 16, 2009, 11:20:20 AM
Yo! Bartender! My buddy here needs a drink, how about it?
And when you ask the person you just treated to a drink for their name they say "Pat". :eusa_doh:
Title: Re: Trying to be correct with pronouns but not sure of the person's status
Post by: Dana Lane on September 16, 2009, 11:58:14 AM
Post by: Dana Lane on September 16, 2009, 11:58:14 AM
Quote from: Julie Marie on September 16, 2009, 11:54:25 AM
And when you ask the person you just treated to a drink for their name they say "Pat". :eusa_doh:
haha! that is too funny!
And tekla, you take some amazing photos! love your flickr
Title: Re: Trying to be correct with pronouns but not sure of the person's status
Post by: tekla on September 16, 2009, 12:03:05 PM
Post by: tekla on September 16, 2009, 12:03:05 PM
Thank you, that's nice of you to say that.