Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Julie Marie on September 17, 2009, 10:09:27 AM Return to Full Version
Title: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Julie Marie on September 17, 2009, 10:09:27 AM
Post by: Julie Marie on September 17, 2009, 10:09:27 AM
Being told what it's like living in Siberia is very different than actually living there. You can't compare reading a book to living life. So I was just wondering what life lessons you've learned since coming out.
For me:
People's initial reaction may be temporary: Support from family could become avoidance. A friend who freaks out may come around later. What I've found is the initial reaction is often due to shock. And people in shock aren't themselves.
Laws/policies/rules protecting you are just words: "So it is written it, so let it be done" is the stuff of movies. Unless those words are enforced, they are useless.
Follow your gut feeling: If you have that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, pay attention to it! It's there for a reason. Don't try to convince yourself it's unimportant. Focus on it and make yourself aware why you feel that way. Don't let anyone talk you into anything. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
You can't 'make' somebody think/feel/act in a certain way: Don't lull yourself into a false sense of security that everything will be okay as long as you "do all the right things". People don't change overnight. If they are freaked out about TGs, telling them they are wrong about us will not make them okay about us. It takes a lot of time and effort to alter people's beliefs.
Don't let others do 'the dirty work' for you: If you fear coming out to any or all in your life, don't give that job to someone else to do it, unless you are there when they do it. Everyone has their own perception of how they see things and they will apply that when telling your story. You never know how they will convey your message and what of their own stuff they will interject. Be present for everything.
"The sooner, the better": Once you know you have to come out, do it as soon as possible. One of the most common reactions is "How can I trust you when you've been hiding this from me all this time?" If you can answer, "I needed to determine if I had to do this first. And as soon as I did, I told you", you'll be a lot better off than waiting for 'the right time'. The trust issue is big. Always be aware of that.
Be prepared to lose EVERYTHING if you're planning to transition: Imagine what life would be like if you lost your family, your friends, your job, everything. Then decide what you'd do and if you could handle it and if you still need to transition. Put the pluses and minuses down on a sheet of paper if you need and weigh them out. Then decide. Don't ignore this step or you could find yourself filled with regrets.
Julie
For me:
People's initial reaction may be temporary: Support from family could become avoidance. A friend who freaks out may come around later. What I've found is the initial reaction is often due to shock. And people in shock aren't themselves.
Laws/policies/rules protecting you are just words: "So it is written it, so let it be done" is the stuff of movies. Unless those words are enforced, they are useless.
Follow your gut feeling: If you have that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, pay attention to it! It's there for a reason. Don't try to convince yourself it's unimportant. Focus on it and make yourself aware why you feel that way. Don't let anyone talk you into anything. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
You can't 'make' somebody think/feel/act in a certain way: Don't lull yourself into a false sense of security that everything will be okay as long as you "do all the right things". People don't change overnight. If they are freaked out about TGs, telling them they are wrong about us will not make them okay about us. It takes a lot of time and effort to alter people's beliefs.
Don't let others do 'the dirty work' for you: If you fear coming out to any or all in your life, don't give that job to someone else to do it, unless you are there when they do it. Everyone has their own perception of how they see things and they will apply that when telling your story. You never know how they will convey your message and what of their own stuff they will interject. Be present for everything.
"The sooner, the better": Once you know you have to come out, do it as soon as possible. One of the most common reactions is "How can I trust you when you've been hiding this from me all this time?" If you can answer, "I needed to determine if I had to do this first. And as soon as I did, I told you", you'll be a lot better off than waiting for 'the right time'. The trust issue is big. Always be aware of that.
Be prepared to lose EVERYTHING if you're planning to transition: Imagine what life would be like if you lost your family, your friends, your job, everything. Then decide what you'd do and if you could handle it and if you still need to transition. Put the pluses and minuses down on a sheet of paper if you need and weigh them out. Then decide. Don't ignore this step or you could find yourself filled with regrets.
Julie
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: fluffy jorgen on September 17, 2009, 06:19:24 PM
Post by: fluffy jorgen on September 17, 2009, 06:19:24 PM
Food for thought to those who have just started out on the long complicated journey. :)
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: FairyGirl on September 17, 2009, 06:32:53 PM
Post by: FairyGirl on September 17, 2009, 06:32:53 PM
I've learned that some things I thought were important before are just not, that living a lie is not doing anyone any favors, least of all yourself, and that I really love dark purple nail polish :)
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: heatherrose on September 17, 2009, 07:31:05 PM
Post by: heatherrose on September 17, 2009, 07:31:05 PM
What have I learned?
Friends remain so, as long as you conform to their expectations and don't complicate their lives.
Intelligence is not equivalent to wisdom.
Less is more.
It is almost impossible to find a purse that matches lineman boots.
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: K8 on September 17, 2009, 09:21:33 PM
Post by: K8 on September 17, 2009, 09:21:33 PM
Uh, how long can these posts be? ??? I'll have to get back to you in the morning, Julie.
:D Hey Heather, I think I have just the right number for you. Well, not lineman boots, but it works with motorcycle boots and comes in various colors, including limeyellow for visibility in any light. It's part of my biker bitch outfit. ;)
- Kate
Quote from: heatherrose on September 17, 2009, 07:31:05 PM
It is almost impossible to find a purse that matches lineman boots.
:D Hey Heather, I think I have just the right number for you. Well, not lineman boots, but it works with motorcycle boots and comes in various colors, including limeyellow for visibility in any light. It's part of my biker bitch outfit. ;)
- Kate
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: justme19 on September 18, 2009, 07:40:24 AM
Post by: justme19 on September 18, 2009, 07:40:24 AM
Quote from: Julie Marie on September 17, 2009, 10:09:27 AM
Be prepared to lose EVERYTHING if you're planning to transition: Imagine what life would be like if you lost your family, your friends, your job, everything. Then decide what you'd do and if you could handle it and if you still need to transition. Put the pluses and minuses down on a sheet of paper if you need and weigh them out. Then decide. Don't ignore this step or you could find yourself filled with regrets.
Julie
Main reason im to scard to come out. I love my family so much!
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: K8 on September 18, 2009, 08:06:28 AM
Post by: K8 on September 18, 2009, 08:06:28 AM
What I've learned in the last five months:
> This is both harder and easier than I thought it would be.
> You never know how people will react.
> If you fully accept yourself, it will be easier.
> If you try to blend in – wear age-appropriate clothing for your area – it will be easier.
> The more friends you have, the easier it will be.
> If you can maintain a sense of humor, it will be easier.
> It will still be hard.
> Accept help wherever you find it.
> Do not attempt this alone – get professional help.
> Everyone you know will be going through a transition with you.
> Your attitude makes a HUGE difference.
> This is far more interesting to you than it is to anyone else.
> How you see yourself will evolve as you go through this.
> Most barriers are within.
> You will change in ways you didn't expect and not change in ways you thought you would.
> Just when you think you have this licked, you'll get smacked with something unexpected.
> There is one helluva lot more going on inside than outside.
> (I'm not sure this fits, but I'm learning an awful lot about myself. For the first time in my life I am becoming secure in who I am.)
> Some of us have it easier than others. (duh ::))
> This is a long settling-in process.
> There's an awful lot of admin work – just changing my name required over 3 dozen notifications with numerous follow-ups to correct mistakes.
> That first sales call or junk mail appeal to the new you will be thrilling.
> It's taking a lot longer to think of myself as Kate than I had thought (therefore I need to cut my friends some slack when they take a while, too).
> This is a whole new life but is still the same old life. Finding that balance point can be tough. (Just one more adjustment. :P)
> Living in your head sucks a lot more than I realized it did when I was doing it.
> Treating the idea that you are a woman today and were a man yesterday (or last week or last month...) as something normal helps those around you see it as normal, too.
> Go at your own pace, what you are comfortable with. Don't let others or your own expectations or an artificial timetable set the pace.
> You are more than your gender. While gender permeates your life and place in the world, there is far more to who you are than what gender you present.
> You will not become the next sex idol. You may be attractive to some in the gender you want to attract, but chances are there won't be duals to the death in the parking lot for the privilege of seeking your favors.
> If you think transitioning will solve all your problems, you're wrong.
> Whenever I think that a list like this is complete, I'm wrong.
> This is something you are doing. Ultimately, you will need to be able to rely on yourself.
> Discovering your style is wonderful and difficult but part of the process.
> Whatever ideas you have starting off about what it will be like or what you'll become are probably wrong.
> Have fun. You may be transitioning for the rest of your life, but this part, when it's new and exciting, only happens once.
> Puberty sucks, no matter how many times you go through it.
> Susan is providing an invaluable resource here. Some of the people here are wonderfully supportive and offer good information and insights.
> I have a lot more in common with FtMs than I had thought. Many of our issues and feelings are the same.
> Many of my GG friends have many of the same body image issues as I do.
> There are a lot of social and political aspects to this besides the physical and emotional ones.
> And lastly, this may be the strangest and most wonderful thing you ever do – enjoy it as much as you can.
- Kate
> This is both harder and easier than I thought it would be.
> You never know how people will react.
> If you fully accept yourself, it will be easier.
> If you try to blend in – wear age-appropriate clothing for your area – it will be easier.
> The more friends you have, the easier it will be.
> If you can maintain a sense of humor, it will be easier.
> It will still be hard.
> Accept help wherever you find it.
> Do not attempt this alone – get professional help.
> Everyone you know will be going through a transition with you.
> Your attitude makes a HUGE difference.
> This is far more interesting to you than it is to anyone else.
> How you see yourself will evolve as you go through this.
> Most barriers are within.
> You will change in ways you didn't expect and not change in ways you thought you would.
> Just when you think you have this licked, you'll get smacked with something unexpected.
> There is one helluva lot more going on inside than outside.
> (I'm not sure this fits, but I'm learning an awful lot about myself. For the first time in my life I am becoming secure in who I am.)
> Some of us have it easier than others. (duh ::))
> This is a long settling-in process.
> There's an awful lot of admin work – just changing my name required over 3 dozen notifications with numerous follow-ups to correct mistakes.
> That first sales call or junk mail appeal to the new you will be thrilling.
> It's taking a lot longer to think of myself as Kate than I had thought (therefore I need to cut my friends some slack when they take a while, too).
> This is a whole new life but is still the same old life. Finding that balance point can be tough. (Just one more adjustment. :P)
> Living in your head sucks a lot more than I realized it did when I was doing it.
> Treating the idea that you are a woman today and were a man yesterday (or last week or last month...) as something normal helps those around you see it as normal, too.
> Go at your own pace, what you are comfortable with. Don't let others or your own expectations or an artificial timetable set the pace.
> You are more than your gender. While gender permeates your life and place in the world, there is far more to who you are than what gender you present.
> You will not become the next sex idol. You may be attractive to some in the gender you want to attract, but chances are there won't be duals to the death in the parking lot for the privilege of seeking your favors.
> If you think transitioning will solve all your problems, you're wrong.
> Whenever I think that a list like this is complete, I'm wrong.
> This is something you are doing. Ultimately, you will need to be able to rely on yourself.
> Discovering your style is wonderful and difficult but part of the process.
> Whatever ideas you have starting off about what it will be like or what you'll become are probably wrong.
> Have fun. You may be transitioning for the rest of your life, but this part, when it's new and exciting, only happens once.
> Puberty sucks, no matter how many times you go through it.
> Susan is providing an invaluable resource here. Some of the people here are wonderfully supportive and offer good information and insights.
> I have a lot more in common with FtMs than I had thought. Many of our issues and feelings are the same.
> Many of my GG friends have many of the same body image issues as I do.
> There are a lot of social and political aspects to this besides the physical and emotional ones.
> And lastly, this may be the strangest and most wonderful thing you ever do – enjoy it as much as you can.
- Kate
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Julie Marie on September 18, 2009, 08:50:24 AM
Post by: Julie Marie on September 18, 2009, 08:50:24 AM
That was awesome Kate! As I went through the list I found myself nodding in agreement. Thank you!
My daughter is fond of saying, "Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." Taking this path will definitely make you stronger.
Julie
My daughter is fond of saying, "Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." Taking this path will definitely make you stronger.
Julie
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Syne on September 18, 2009, 10:35:27 AM
Post by: Syne on September 18, 2009, 10:35:27 AM
I learned that I can carry concealed legally in the state I live in, provided I am licensed.
I learned that I have no problems using a sidearm to stay alive.
I learned that the police could care less about most minorities, even less so for transgender folks unless they want to force them to have sex to get out of made up tickets/fines.
I learned not to trade on box for another.
I learned that I am a lot more dominant than what I thought.
I learned that I can stand in front of a bunch of people and talk about my life.
I learned that beneath it all, I am still just me and I am good with that.
I learned that I have no problems using a sidearm to stay alive.
I learned that the police could care less about most minorities, even less so for transgender folks unless they want to force them to have sex to get out of made up tickets/fines.
I learned not to trade on box for another.
I learned that I am a lot more dominant than what I thought.
I learned that I can stand in front of a bunch of people and talk about my life.
I learned that beneath it all, I am still just me and I am good with that.
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Debra on September 18, 2009, 11:01:33 AM
Post by: Debra on September 18, 2009, 11:01:33 AM
Great post thanks Julie :)
That last one is key. I did a list of pros and cons when I was in the psych ward after trying to commit suicide. The cons definitely outweigh the pros in quantity but figuring out how to weight things such as "being yourself" is tough.
That last one is key. I did a list of pros and cons when I was in the psych ward after trying to commit suicide. The cons definitely outweigh the pros in quantity but figuring out how to weight things such as "being yourself" is tough.
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: FairyGirl on September 18, 2009, 11:44:44 AM
Post by: FairyGirl on September 18, 2009, 11:44:44 AM
great list Kate! It should be on a poster :)
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: heatherrose on September 18, 2009, 05:57:51 PM
Post by: heatherrose on September 18, 2009, 05:57:51 PM
What y'all said and...
THIS.
Quote from: Syne on September 18, 2009, 10:35:27 AM
I learned that beneath it all, I am still just me and I am good with that.
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Janet_Girl on September 18, 2009, 09:47:46 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on September 18, 2009, 09:47:46 PM
Over the last year I have learn....
That I can be all I can be. No, I am not joining the Army.
I am stronger than I think I am.
That most people I encounter really could care less about the fact that I am Transsexual.
That I am pretty than I think I am.
The Goddess shall provide what I need.
Janet
That I can be all I can be. No, I am not joining the Army.
I am stronger than I think I am.
That most people I encounter really could care less about the fact that I am Transsexual.
That I am pretty than I think I am.
The Goddess shall provide what I need.
Janet
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: heatherrose on September 18, 2009, 11:09:48 PM
Post by: heatherrose on September 18, 2009, 11:09:48 PM
Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 18, 2009, 09:47:46 PMI am pretty than I think I am.
:icon_yes: :icon_flower:
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Cindy on September 19, 2009, 05:38:18 AM
Post by: Cindy on September 19, 2009, 05:38:18 AM
Kate and Julie
Fantastic, I was just reading and nodding and agreeing and whoa.
As I start this path I'm finding the same.
1) You care a damn sight more about what's happening to you than collegues do.
2) Embarresment doesn't mean rejection.
3) If you don't like ideas and situations pushed into your face why should anyone else?
4) Being hypersensitive doesn't mean you have to be hyperintolerant.
5)Dress sensibly. Don't try to look like a 16yr old. Unless you are sixteen.
6) Men and women have different places in society; no matter what you wish to believe. Being the ultimate womens libber is non-productive to you. Sexism is a fact.
7) Whenever you interact with someone, be polite, be supportive, leave them with a better impression of you than they had when you met.
8) No one likes bitches except dogs.
9) Men are very embaressed about sexuality, don't rub there noses in it. They really don't want to think about sexuality, they think of sex continually. And for them sex is sex. Wham Bam Thank you Mam. Or as Aussie women say, " He eats, roots and leaves"
10) You have one life, enjoy it. Do it live it and be happy. I was born with male bits, I will die with female bits.
Mmm sorry I got a bit carried away, thanks girls, nice post.
Cindy
Fantastic, I was just reading and nodding and agreeing and whoa.
As I start this path I'm finding the same.
1) You care a damn sight more about what's happening to you than collegues do.
2) Embarresment doesn't mean rejection.
3) If you don't like ideas and situations pushed into your face why should anyone else?
4) Being hypersensitive doesn't mean you have to be hyperintolerant.
5)Dress sensibly. Don't try to look like a 16yr old. Unless you are sixteen.
6) Men and women have different places in society; no matter what you wish to believe. Being the ultimate womens libber is non-productive to you. Sexism is a fact.
7) Whenever you interact with someone, be polite, be supportive, leave them with a better impression of you than they had when you met.
8) No one likes bitches except dogs.
9) Men are very embaressed about sexuality, don't rub there noses in it. They really don't want to think about sexuality, they think of sex continually. And for them sex is sex. Wham Bam Thank you Mam. Or as Aussie women say, " He eats, roots and leaves"
10) You have one life, enjoy it. Do it live it and be happy. I was born with male bits, I will die with female bits.
Mmm sorry I got a bit carried away, thanks girls, nice post.
Cindy
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: heatherrose on September 19, 2009, 07:11:22 PM
Post by: heatherrose on September 19, 2009, 07:11:22 PM
Quote from: CindyJames on September 19, 2009, 05:38:18 AM" He eats, roots and leaves"
Amazing the difference a comma makes. :icon_chuckel:
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Miniar on September 20, 2009, 06:17:50 AM
Post by: Miniar on September 20, 2009, 06:17:50 AM
So far, the most important thing I've learned is;
No matter how others react, this is first and foremost about me towards me.
Once I realized I couldn't live a lie anymore, the rejection of others became, for a large part, not really my problem.
People who don't like you, don't like you because of their own reasons, not because of you.
No matter how others react, this is first and foremost about me towards me.
Once I realized I couldn't live a lie anymore, the rejection of others became, for a large part, not really my problem.
People who don't like you, don't like you because of their own reasons, not because of you.
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: CharleneT on September 20, 2009, 01:23:41 PM
Post by: CharleneT on September 20, 2009, 01:23:41 PM
GREAT lists !!!
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: juliekins on September 20, 2009, 03:35:03 PM
Post by: juliekins on September 20, 2009, 03:35:03 PM
I learned:
1. Sometimes your gut feelings about how people will handle the news is accurate. Sometimes you'll be pleasantly surprised, and other times extremely disappointed.
2. It takes a lot of money to do the whole enchilada- laser, FFS, SRS , BA, HRT etc. Some don't choose to do all of this, but if you can afford it-it's worth it.
3. Figure on things costing at least twice what you thought. Don't forget to figure in possibly finding a new job, being unemployed, going back to school etc. Consider yourself exceedingly lucky if you work for a Fortune 500 company with a decent anti-discrimination policy. Keep that job!
4. Be prepared for a long recovery road from surgery. It may takes months and sometimes throws you into a funk and depression. Not the time to look for work!
5. Just because you now have new anatomy doesn't mean you understand the social dynamics of fitting in with your new gender peer group. It takes observation, and open mind and practice.
6. Sometimes blood is not thicker than water. Family members may exile you in favor of keeping their narrow minded religious beliefs and church friends.
7. Always wipe off the toilet seat and put down some TP before you sit. Male bits did have their sanitary benefits when needing to use a porta potty!
8. It's very cool to be in the women's dept shopping just like anyone else, and forgetting about the fact that at one time it was both scary and a big deal.
9. Wearing gender appropriate clothing is just the best.
10. It's fun to still be able to whack a golf ball far. It's even better to hear your male playing partner, who you just met, exclaim to his buddies-"s@*t, those ladies could hit the hell out of the ball"!
11. It's great when your presence and personality can change a closed minded persons opinion of trans people!
1. Sometimes your gut feelings about how people will handle the news is accurate. Sometimes you'll be pleasantly surprised, and other times extremely disappointed.
2. It takes a lot of money to do the whole enchilada- laser, FFS, SRS , BA, HRT etc. Some don't choose to do all of this, but if you can afford it-it's worth it.
3. Figure on things costing at least twice what you thought. Don't forget to figure in possibly finding a new job, being unemployed, going back to school etc. Consider yourself exceedingly lucky if you work for a Fortune 500 company with a decent anti-discrimination policy. Keep that job!
4. Be prepared for a long recovery road from surgery. It may takes months and sometimes throws you into a funk and depression. Not the time to look for work!
5. Just because you now have new anatomy doesn't mean you understand the social dynamics of fitting in with your new gender peer group. It takes observation, and open mind and practice.
6. Sometimes blood is not thicker than water. Family members may exile you in favor of keeping their narrow minded religious beliefs and church friends.
7. Always wipe off the toilet seat and put down some TP before you sit. Male bits did have their sanitary benefits when needing to use a porta potty!
8. It's very cool to be in the women's dept shopping just like anyone else, and forgetting about the fact that at one time it was both scary and a big deal.
9. Wearing gender appropriate clothing is just the best.
10. It's fun to still be able to whack a golf ball far. It's even better to hear your male playing partner, who you just met, exclaim to his buddies-"s@*t, those ladies could hit the hell out of the ball"!
11. It's great when your presence and personality can change a closed minded persons opinion of trans people!
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: myles on September 20, 2009, 05:48:09 PM
Post by: myles on September 20, 2009, 05:48:09 PM
I have learned that:
1) It is possible to be comfortable in my body with the right hormones and surgery.
2) I deserve to like myself, respect myself and care about myself enough to transition.
3) Going in with the willingness to lose it all was needed, and I am grateful to have lost very little to date
4) It is not my loss but someone else's, I am a good person and now no longer in thier life due to thier own ignorance
5) The more comfortable I am with myself the more comfortable others are around me
6) I am a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was emotionally
7)It's ok to pee sitting down if your a guy, just make sure to put the seat up when you leave the restroom
8- Transitioning at middle age means you still have half of your life ahead of you to live as the correct gender not that you wasted the first half of your life living as the wrong gender
Cheers,
Myles
I am sure there is more just what I came up with off the top of my head.
1) It is possible to be comfortable in my body with the right hormones and surgery.
2) I deserve to like myself, respect myself and care about myself enough to transition.
3) Going in with the willingness to lose it all was needed, and I am grateful to have lost very little to date
4) It is not my loss but someone else's, I am a good person and now no longer in thier life due to thier own ignorance
5) The more comfortable I am with myself the more comfortable others are around me
6) I am a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was emotionally
7)It's ok to pee sitting down if your a guy, just make sure to put the seat up when you leave the restroom
8- Transitioning at middle age means you still have half of your life ahead of you to live as the correct gender not that you wasted the first half of your life living as the wrong gender
Cheers,
Myles
I am sure there is more just what I came up with off the top of my head.
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Tammy Hope on September 20, 2009, 06:13:05 PM
Post by: Tammy Hope on September 20, 2009, 06:13:05 PM
Impressive contributions in this thread. I don't really think I have anything unique to contribute (especially as I'm further behind the curve than most) but some of it is already starting to ring true.
One thing I might say that hasn't been said is kind of an extension of Kate's "taking a lot longer to think of myself as Kate" remark. Sometimes I'm a bit troubled with myself that I don't instinctively think of myself as Laura (not even 100% settled on that name) - I can't wait to feel that way.
But more than that, I'm surprised a bit how hard it can be to feel like "one of the girls" when I'm in the company of an approving GG friend. My hairdresser for instance. We chat about a lot of the sorts of things you'd think you'd chat with a hairdresser about, but I wonder if it's a flase expectation to look forward to the day when it really feels like "two girls chatting" ....I'm not even sure if I'm making sense or expressing the thought correctly.
Still, it seems to me that there's an interplay between how much you feel like your new presentation fits into a given situation and how much confidence you employ, and vice versa. the more confident you are the more you fit and the more you fit the more confident you are.
Still, I guess what I've learned most is how much I have to learn - I almost feel like it's been a bit too easy for me this first year in some ways. Like I haven't really learned the harder lessons yet.
One thing I might say that hasn't been said is kind of an extension of Kate's "taking a lot longer to think of myself as Kate" remark. Sometimes I'm a bit troubled with myself that I don't instinctively think of myself as Laura (not even 100% settled on that name) - I can't wait to feel that way.
But more than that, I'm surprised a bit how hard it can be to feel like "one of the girls" when I'm in the company of an approving GG friend. My hairdresser for instance. We chat about a lot of the sorts of things you'd think you'd chat with a hairdresser about, but I wonder if it's a flase expectation to look forward to the day when it really feels like "two girls chatting" ....I'm not even sure if I'm making sense or expressing the thought correctly.
Still, it seems to me that there's an interplay between how much you feel like your new presentation fits into a given situation and how much confidence you employ, and vice versa. the more confident you are the more you fit and the more you fit the more confident you are.
Still, I guess what I've learned most is how much I have to learn - I almost feel like it's been a bit too easy for me this first year in some ways. Like I haven't really learned the harder lessons yet.
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Julie Marie on September 20, 2009, 06:25:10 PM
Post by: Julie Marie on September 20, 2009, 06:25:10 PM
I wouldn't worry about it Laura. It will come in time. Think of this like you would entering a new school and feeling like you're not one of the crowd. In time, you adjust and before you know it you can look back and wonder why you ever felt like an outsider.
The toughest part about transitioning is mental. You have to believe it yourself before others will.
Julie
The toughest part about transitioning is mental. You have to believe it yourself before others will.
Julie
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: Kaitlyn on September 20, 2009, 06:29:55 PM
Post by: Kaitlyn on September 20, 2009, 06:29:55 PM
1) I can do without most of the possessions I thought I needed, and be happier for it.
2) My armchair moralizing was childish and naive, and I defended ideas and people that didn't deserve it.
3) The approval of my family would be wonderful, but I can't hold my life hostage for it.
4) Friends, especially GGs, like me much better as a girl -I'm more relaxed and natural, and I can be more empathetic.
5) It's thrilling to overcome fear and present publicly as female.
2) My armchair moralizing was childish and naive, and I defended ideas and people that didn't deserve it.
3) The approval of my family would be wonderful, but I can't hold my life hostage for it.
4) Friends, especially GGs, like me much better as a girl -I'm more relaxed and natural, and I can be more empathetic.
5) It's thrilling to overcome fear and present publicly as female.
Title: Re: What Have You Learned Since Coming Out?
Post by: K8 on September 21, 2009, 09:22:02 PM
Post by: K8 on September 21, 2009, 09:22:02 PM
BTW, I've also learned that they make an incredible variety of really cute shoes in my size. :)
Now if I could just find a big strong man to build a larger closet for me ... ;)
- Kate
Now if I could just find a big strong man to build a larger closet for me ... ;)
- Kate