Community Conversation => Non-binary talk => Topic started by: Kinkly on October 06, 2009, 04:21:53 AM Return to Full Version
Title: positive androgynous presentation
Post by: Kinkly on October 06, 2009, 04:21:53 AM
Post by: Kinkly on October 06, 2009, 04:21:53 AM
I need to be me and to present as me I have a bushy beard & mostly wear fairly femenine clothling (no dresses or skirts in public yet though) other then the ocational giggle (which I enjoy for some reason) strangers don't seem to care but mum & Dad do. Dad basicaly refuses to comunicate with me unless I'm in "acceptabe clothling" when I'm in all netural clothling or netural/male mix I feel i'm hiding who I am. I keep geting hints from mum to buy "pretty male clothes" telling me of shops that sell it or I get questions like "why don't you just wear netural clothes?"
my question is how do you stay on speaking terms with people who said they will support you no matter when you are pushing the boundries of what they can handle even though you know you have a lot of changes that are greater in the hopefully not to distant future.
my question is how do you stay on speaking terms with people who said they will support you no matter when you are pushing the boundries of what they can handle even though you know you have a lot of changes that are greater in the hopefully not to distant future.
Title: Re: positive androgynous presentation
Post by: LightlyLuke on October 07, 2009, 01:19:21 PM
Post by: LightlyLuke on October 07, 2009, 01:19:21 PM
I'd say the first thing is to not take any of their comments personally. Let them slide off your back like water off a duck.
Then I'd say that you have to give them time to get used to it all. And since you say there are more changes ahead, there's that much more time that you have to give them.
They're probably doing the best they can with what they have to work with. You have to be patient. And have a good sense of humor. They mean well, in their own way.
The process will be helped by you becoming more comfortable with yourself. That will help them see that this is a good thing. They're probably not sure right now.
Then I'd say that you have to give them time to get used to it all. And since you say there are more changes ahead, there's that much more time that you have to give them.
They're probably doing the best they can with what they have to work with. You have to be patient. And have a good sense of humor. They mean well, in their own way.
The process will be helped by you becoming more comfortable with yourself. That will help them see that this is a good thing. They're probably not sure right now.
Title: Re: positive androgynous presentation
Post by: Nicky on October 07, 2009, 03:22:05 PM
Post by: Nicky on October 07, 2009, 03:22:05 PM
Really I don't think parents have any say in how you look and you don't need their permission. You could pose them the exact same question : "how do you stay on speaking terms with people who said they will support you no matter when you are pushing the boundries of what they can handle even though you know you have a lot of changes that are greater in the hopefully not to distant future"?
My suggestion is this. Tell them you appreciate their concerns but what you wear is non-negotiable. They can choose to shut you out or they can choose to be a part of your life. They might not understand what you are doing but that is unimportant. You love them and they love you, and you want to have a good relationship with them. Remind them they said they would be supportive but what they are doing is not.
Though if you are snarky like me you would look your mum up and down and say "your not one to comment on fashion mum" ;)
best of luck Kinkly
My suggestion is this. Tell them you appreciate their concerns but what you wear is non-negotiable. They can choose to shut you out or they can choose to be a part of your life. They might not understand what you are doing but that is unimportant. You love them and they love you, and you want to have a good relationship with them. Remind them they said they would be supportive but what they are doing is not.
Though if you are snarky like me you would look your mum up and down and say "your not one to comment on fashion mum" ;)
best of luck Kinkly
Title: Re: positive androgynous presentation
Post by: Pica Pica on October 08, 2009, 12:18:23 PM
Post by: Pica Pica on October 08, 2009, 12:18:23 PM
Oh, myne parents just laugh - the hardest comments come from the kids at the school (though "Why do you have so many cool shoes" was nice - andwer, "'Cos I'm a cool person")