Susan's Place Transgender Resources

The most successful ts stories I've heard or read of are those ts who able to plan & control their trans. I was not able do this, do to my own personal shortcomings. I fought, or more accurrately let my inner soul, thoughts, feelings, & every other part of me fight it out within. After that I struggled to live as a woman, but only becuase I could no longer live as a man in any way. My trans has been a very ugly & messy piece of work. I dressed in heels, dresses or a short skirt/top, & the best makeup job I could do. Two hrs later I walked into the mens dressing room at work in this state of being. I then proceeded to remove all my makup w/a cotton ball soaked in baby oil. I then went and removed my heels & dress or skirt in front of no less than 30 guys, most of which I did not know by name. After that standing in front of(no personal dressing rooms)30 guys all glaring at me, started to put my work cloths on.After my shift I went back into the mens dressing room, stripped as I did before in front of at least 2doz guys, put my dress & high heels on & carefuly reaplied my makup. I never felt cofortable taking my cloths off in front off theses guys & obviously did not belong there & they did not want me there. I got wrote up, suspended, & fired for wearing clear nail polish, lip gloss, & using the female facilities.

Why in God(dess') are you not out at work?  And why would you want to reveal your inner self in such a way?  ???


Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on October 27, 2009, 08:36:43 PM
Why in God(dess') are you not out at work?  And why would you want to reveal your inner self in such a way?  ???


Janet

I tried to come out at work for 5yrs, I only revealed this to you now, cuz I cannot tell anyone else. 

Unless I am mistaken, I believe your employers actions violate Federal Discrimination Laws >:(

Well, that's one way to come out, I suppose. Kind of a rough way to do it though.

Slow down a bit, sis, and try to gain control before you land in jail or a psych ward. No need for that!

Quote from: Virginia Marie on October 27, 2009, 09:02:32 PM
Unless I am mistaken, I believe your employers actions violate Federal Discrimination Laws >:(

Yeah, I tried to bring that up at the EEOC, but title VII does not apply to us people. 

I have to say what you did at work was pretty gutsy, but what you are doing sounds like the desperate acts of a desperate person. I hear anger and defiance, and pain.

I recommend that you try to find as much help and support as you can. Going out all guns blazing is just setting you up for a shoot-out. I know it seems like this is what you want, but really you can have your blaze of glory and a life too. Take stock, evaluate where you are at, get help and support, make a plan. We can help you do this if you want.

I don't even know what to say.

When did this happen?

Quote from: Bellaon7 on October 27, 2009, 10:12:34 PM
I cast off this world's chains, inside my beast it screams in rage, I WILL NOT BE TAMED! I am gonna rattle this cage, I grab my axe & chop away at the pain, pour out my heart from within this cage, the notes spray out from within my soul like rain, again & again I will rattle the cage!

Well I hate to be the one to say this but for all the noise and drama, it probably won't do any good. Like a chimpanzee screeching and yanking on the bars of its cage, all people will do is watch and say "well, that's chimps for you".  Not one of them will go "oh how this brave and profound action makes me stop and think".

I don't know the context of the work scenario and yeah it sounds discriminatory but then again, it sounds like they didn't know about your situation and you made a very dramatic reveal!  Personally I can get the angst and despair that you may be feeling but I'm not for a moment surprised at the reaction you got from them.

The battle is for hearts and minds, not lines drawn in the sands of belligerence.  You can rattle cages until your muscles turn to jelly - but I'm pretty sure any comfort or relief it brings you will be fleeting and you'll end up right back where you started, except for maybe having a few more folks taking an antipathetic view of your predicament.

Don't get me wrong, I admire your willfulness...but you might be better served by using a "shaped charge" to direct it and get results, rather than going off in a general  explosive "bang"  with all the collateral damage thereof :)

All the best...

It might have been best if you had went through HR and worked with them about you coming out at work. They could have helped you work out details such as where you should change into your uniform, etc.

Quote from: finewine on October 28, 2009, 03:04:11 AM
Well I hate to be the one to say this but for all the noise and drama, it probably won't do any good. Like a chimpanzee screeching and yanking on the bars of its cage, all people will do is watch and say "well, that's chimps for you".  Not one of them will go "oh how this brave and profound action makes me stop and think".

I don't know the context of the work scenario and yeah it sounds discriminatory but then again, it sounds like they didn't know about your situation and you made a very dramatic reveal!  Personally I can get the angst and despair that you may be feeling but I'm not for a moment surprised at the reaction you got from them.

The battle is for hearts and minds, not lines drawn in the sands of belligerence.  You can rattle cages until your muscles turn to jelly - but I'm pretty sure any comfort or relief it brings you will be fleeting and you'll end up right back where you started, except for maybe having a few more folks taking an antipathetic view of your predicament.

Don't get me wrong, I admire your willfulness...but you might be better served by using a "shaped charge" to direct it and get results, rather than going off in a general  explosive "bang"  with all the collateral damage thereof :)

All the best...

Sorry, that was the chorus to a song.

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Post Merge: October 28, 2009, 09:15:43 AM

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Quote from: Dana Lane on October 28, 2009, 04:30:05 AM
It might have been best if you had went through HR and worked with them about you coming out at work. They could have helped you work out details such as where you should change into your uniform, etc.

I tried that several time as well, even with letters from two Drs.

oh well you obviously didn't want to work there anyways. Now that's over, you can find a job more suited to your true nature. Best of luck hon ;)

Quote from: FairyGirl on October 28, 2009, 09:16:36 AM
oh well you obviously didn't want to work there anyways. Now that's over, you can find a job more suited to your true nature. Best of luck hon ;)

Ty I sure hope so!

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Post Merge: October 28, 2009, 09:37:26 AM

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Quote from: Nicky on October 27, 2009, 09:29:32 PM
I have to say what you did at work was pretty gutsy, but what you are doing sounds like the desperate acts of a desperate person. I hear anger and defiance, and pain.

I recommend that you try to find as much help and support as you can. Going out all guns blazing is just setting you up for a shoot-out. I know it seems like this is what you want, but really you can have your blaze of glory and a life too. Take stock, evaluate where you are at, get help and support, make a plan. We can help you do this if you want.

I'm sorry for such a tyraid, but I am very angry & desperate, but have no plans to go out in some crazy blaze of glory.

Gosh girl I hope you can find another job that will accept you.

Your workplace sucks.  You're better off not working there.  So does apparently every other professional institution in your lfie.

 it needs a lot of guts to do that, but is it the most effective?   maybe loosing such a job will open the opportunity for other better jobs.

but i wouldn't had done it like this, i would just started with hormone and laser ..... and if they don't accept then it is not your problem.

i see it more as i don't care what happen to me, please do crucify me if you don't like but i am doing it.  i know that feeling this is what i do with every step forward when the pain became unsupportable to care about other people

I was on hrt & laser/electro for almost 3yrs before I first tried to come out at work. I appologize, I should have explained this right off. I didn't just show up one day en'femme & start making demands. I took many baby steps until I would get slapped down. There was more than one job I was fired from for trying to come out at work. This is a very long story & won't got into every detail. I finally went to hr(again after manyX) with two Dr's letters clearly stating that I was in RLT & needed to dress as a female & have access to the proper facilities. They finally agreed to let me dress female, but insisted I still use the mens dressing & restrooms.

Now you can demand it and state that discrimination is against federal law.  OK. OK. It is stretching the truth a bit but they wont want to risk it.

JMHO
Janet

Crud. I was hoping your state was one that had anti-discrimination laws on gender identity... but no. Apparently, Nevada is one of the only states in the West that doesn't. Ever consider moving to a slightly more trans-friendly state, like California, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, or New Mexico?

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm sure it doesn't help much, but still. All of the above states have gender identity anti-discrimination laws on the books, as do the vast majority of northern east coast states.

SD

I pursued this by every legal means as I could find, Union greivence, National Labor & Realations Board, EEOC, Title VII, Lamda Legal, Union Arbitration, & finally the union cut a deal behind my back & without my consent just so they both could be done with me. My own 80yr old Mother offered to pay for a lawer, even though she cannot offord it. Of cousre I never would have accepted money from her, but at this point it was clear to me that TS's have no rights at all.

Come on man I used to go to a shooting range where at least one of the guys used to use the women's room all the time, and at my last gym I've had guys think I was one of their buddies and continue some conversation, following me into the women's locker room/bathroom lol. And, what's wrong with wearing clear nail polish? Nails actually polished, look just as shiny, and guys who get manicures get that as part of the service I believe. Clear lip gloss, as far as I know, both sexes use Chap Stick.

I think you need legal help (and probably some counseling too, honestly)

Public restrooms have never been a serious issue as long as I was clearly presenting as female, but at work where every one knew I'm trans is a whole different monster. Yes, I've been wrote up more than once, at more than one job for wearing clear lip gloss & nail polish. It sounds crazy to me too. I'v been under the care of mental health professional for over 8yrs.

Quote from: Bellaon7 on October 28, 2009, 05:39:08 PM
They finally agreed to let me dress female, but insisted I still use the mens dressing & restrooms.

this is sick, if they don't want you to use the girl dressing room then they might let you use the neutral place.  but dressing femme inside a men dressing room is trying to put you in trouble.

I agree with yabby.  I think they're looking to have you start the type of trouble with them that they'd be able to get you on before you can get them on their bull.  That's how the man works usually.

I'm sorry, I should have been more clear. I've already been fired & the legalities were "taken care of" by the union behind my back. At the time I was really hoping I could help to move the needle, if even in the smallest of ways for myself & the rest us. I went through this on my own.

If your union is affiliated with the AFL-CIO you might want to check out Pride at Work (http://prideatwork.org/).
That is the AFL-CIO LGBT rights promotion organization.

Ty, but no they're not. Again there is no fight to be fought against my former employers, the union settled on my behalf & called to tell me about it one month later.

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Post Merge: October 29, 2009, 11:54:53 PM

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Post Merge: October 29, 2009, 10:01:45 PM

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