Susan's Place Transgender Resources

i'm 5'11, my shoulders are too wide, i have too much hair all over the place, my feet are a size 11 in men's shoes, and i'm hideous. i quit. i can't do anything to change it, because i'm a lost cause, low life scum, and i'll never be able to achieve anything other than long hair, and bigger breasts. i suck balls. what's the point in even living? screw it.

I often feel like I'll never get to where i can be accepted as me. I also feel that I have suffered long enough and put in so much time into being myself that I will not give up just yet. I refuse to let those idiots I work with win this fight.


Whatever reawson you find for giving up, there is somewhere a reason for nto giving up, please know that your not alone in either the bad feelings or the good ones. You can change peoples perceptions of yourself but it takes time and perseverence. Please don't let ignorant people win, educate them by being yourself.

I also have had the same thing.  But HRT is changing some things.  And after my Orchie, maybe they will change even more.


Janet

Quote from: YellowDaisy on October 31, 2009, 02:25:27 PM
i'm 5'11, my shoulders are too wide, i have too much hair all over the place, my feet are a size 11 in men's shoes, and i'm hideous. i quit. i can't do anything to change it, because i'm a lost cause, low life scum, and i'll never be able to achieve anything other than long hair, and bigger breasts. i suck balls. what's the point in even living? screw it.

I have all that plus I weigh 260 pounds.

I'd LOVE to be a PRETTY girl....I'll probably be a homely woman.

Oh well. I'd rather be a homely woman as a homely man.

Me too..

small frame..
weak little female body.. everything you ladies would want...

The entire month of a menstrual cycle is just a wipeout.. i dunno how chicks live with it
Periods are really .. just.. i cant live with this.. i cant live at all... call me a victim.. fine... im going insane... i really cant take it anymore..

its hard to have hope. its hard not to be depressed.. just hang in there, I'll hang with you...

Quote from: YellowDaisy on October 31, 2009, 02:25:27 PM
i'm 5'11, my shoulders are too wide, i have too much hair all over the place, my feet are a size 11 in men's shoes, and i'm hideous. i quit. i can't do anything to change it, because i'm a lost cause, low life scum, and i'll never be able to achieve anything other than long hair, and bigger breasts. i suck balls. what's the point in even living? screw it.

*huggs* Yellow Daisy.  It's not fair, is it? But there are no guarantees in life?  Start looking at the positives.. do you have your health?  The love of friends family?  Itemize those things...

I was playing with that celebrity lookalikie thing (where you upload your photo, and it shoots back celebrities that look like you) last night.  It was fun and addicting, and before I knew it I was dipping into older photos... eek!  pre-transition.  And looking at that person, pictures as recent as 3 years ago, I can't believe that I made it to where I'm at.  I'm 6'1" tall, wide shoulders, size 10/11 shoe, and I walk happily (usually) through life now, without people paying me a heed.  It's hard work to get to this point, and it will consume your life and any semblance of a savings account you may have, but if I can do it, anyone can do it, and you will be surprised what HRT and if you can get the $$$ together, a bit of cosmetic surgery will do for you. 

I was where you were 4 years ago, and I just bit the bullet.  I was going to kill myself, through alcohol, or some self-directed attempt, but really, there is only one shot at life.  Before I even transitioned,  I really thought, there is no way that I will ever pass as a woman, then I realized, that's not the point, and I strode forward, not caring, world be damned, and I've never been happier in my life since then.

Best of Luck, Please find and build your personal support network.  Friends, family, peers, whatever. 

*huggs* again for you,
Melan

This is tough.  This is really tough.  But you can get there.

I wore a beard much of my adult life because I knew I could never pass as a woman.  (Why even try?)  Then I got where I had to try.  I don't pass all the time, but at this point I've stopped caring.  I am a woman and happier than I've ever been in my life.

Talk to people – friends and/or counselor.  Don't just live in your head.  (If it's anything like mine, it can be very scary.)  We all go through periods of self-doubt.  But little by little you can get where you need to go.

*hugs*
Kate

Quote from: YellowDaisy on October 31, 2009, 02:25:27 PM
i'm 5'11, my shoulders are too wide, i have too much hair all over the place, my feet are a size 11 in men's shoes, and i'm hideous. i quit. i can't do anything to change it, because i'm a lost cause, low life scum, and i'll never be able to achieve anything other than long hair, and bigger breasts. i suck balls. what's the point in even living? screw it.

At 5'10 only two of my three (cisgenered) sisters are shorter than you. The third is just barely 6' tall, and I, a trans-man who doesn't pass amongst the general public, am 6'2, three whole inches taller than you.
I've seen some nice shoes in size 11. Women's shoes. If I run by size through Pennangalan Dreams (a shop that sells gothic/fetish shoes) I can see two pairs of dizzyingly high heels in your size, might not be your taste, but it sure makes me shiver at the thought of a woman in those.
My shoulders are wider than my hips, not by much, but they are. Same goes for almost all the (cis)women in my immediate family.
Hair can always be removed.

Either way, You shouldn't transition with the goal in mind to become a Victoria's Secret model. You should do what is right for you, to be "you".

And to top that off.
You can never know how good or bad you look. Because "you" are too close to "you" to see "you"rself without bias.
You aren't in a position to judge.

And in the end, it doesn't matter how you look. Someone, somewhere, can look at you and see beauty. We all have different tastes.
My brother is skinny with a coke-gut (like a beer gut but worse), a knobby head, crossed eyes, old glasses, and moves with all the grace of a hippo with brain damage. And he's absolutely gorgeous in the eyes of his short and chubby and flat-faced girlfriend and she's stunning in his eyes. The two of them are madly and love and getting married sometime soon-ish.
Just goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the beheld.

So instead of worrying about superficial "problems" that prevent you from looking like an impossible and media enforced ideal of beauty that doesn't exist in the real world, just go "to hell with it" and be you.
Just you.

And to someone, somewhere, that'll be beautiful.
Heck, to ME, that would be beautiful. Just the choice to be "you".

When I was going through a fairly bad patch about how I looked, it stuck me as 'What if you were born a female and still had theses problems'.  That was when I began to develop the 'Attitude', as I call it.  And as I looked at other women I saw I was not the only one with these types of problems.

They too were flat chested, had excessive body hair for a woman, too tall, facial hair, boy hips, wide shoulders, etc.  So any excuse that you can come up with, just look around.  You are not the only one with your unique problems.


Janet

Quote from: YellowDaisy on October 31, 2009, 02:25:27 PM
i'm 5'11, my shoulders are too wide, i have too much hair all over the place, my feet are a size 11 in men's shoes, and i'm hideous. i quit. i can't do anything to change it, because i'm a lost cause, low life scum, and i'll never be able to achieve anything other than long hair, and bigger breasts. i suck balls. what's the point in even living? screw it.

Daisy,

Read what these good folks here have to say. They've all been there, I bet. Maybe it takes getting to the point of desperation, where you are now, to realize that you DO want to live, and you MUST live as your real self. This is not about looks. It's not a beauty contest. It's your life. Your one and only life. It's up to you to live it, Hon.

I think Miniar is right on the mark. We come in all shapes and sizes no matter what our gender, and there's always someone waiting out there who thinks we're wonderful and beautiful and sexy. You just have to be willing willing to livde true to yourself.

Hugs to you!

Dan

People call me creepy, and I'm pretty sure my pupils never un-dilate even when I'm in the sun. I had hair grow on me after I started HRT, and my voice got a little worse. My face has sharp features that are exposed the second I lose any weight so I must eat like a pig in order to pass...


And my hands look like Jack Skellingtons if  they were to play the piano for 100 years. You're not alone in what you feel... Don't throw in the towel. If you don't do this you'll just be miserable again, and even worse... I... Still get really sad and depressed but part of me feels alive that hasn't been since I was really really young. So even though I feel what you're feeling sometimes, I also have this other part of me thats finally being nurtured and its living, and I think its worth it. Rather be 60 percent girl, than 0... And have no experiences of it (The ones I crave. The ones that would feed me regret the day I die).

I have a weird way of saying things. You'll be ok.

thank you for all your help. i guess i shouldn't give up, even though sometimes i get breakdowns, because i just hate it so much. i guess you can't have everything, and this is still one life, so i'll just try to do everything i can to make it as best as possible. who knows? i could always be the perfect female in another life, but then again, lots of genetic girls take their femeninity for granted, so it's a very small part of their lives, and they seldomly appreciate it. at least i have something to work toward, and appreciate for the rest of my life once it's all said and done.

FWIW my 15 yr old daughter wears size 11 shoes and she is 5'8 at last measurement.

I'll always be a short guy.  My brother is only an inch or two taller than I am; we have our 5'0 mother to thank for that.

Most people for whatever reason wish they were taller, shorter, more endowed, less endowed, shaplier, had a 6-pack, what have you.  But we get what we get.  And FWIW I've known  many tall, large boned women.

Take what you have, embrace it,  and OWN it.  Be YOURSELF.  Life is actually kind of fun when you stop obsessing over trivial details, because in the grand scheme of things, the small stuff doesn't matter.

Quote from: sneakersjay on November 01, 2009, 02:19:48 PM


Most people for whatever reason wish they were taller, shorter, more endowed, less endowed, shaplier, had a 6-pack, what have you.  But we get what we get.  And FWIW I've known  many tall, large boned women.

Take what you have, embrace it,  and OWN it.  Be YOURSELF.  Life is actually kind of fun when you stop obsessing over trivial details, because in the grand scheme of things, the small stuff doesn't matter.

Good advice for all of us, no matter what stage of transition we are in.  I find myself getting into slumps, wishing I were shorter, and all kinds of other things, but it's a dead end road.    There's no future in wanting to change things that are beyond your control, and frankly, embracing those things that you love about yourself is so important.  Great post Jay!

Ok That was me 6-8 years ago.  I knew I would never be able to pass, too tall, too much shoulders, too big,, Nope I knew I would never ever make it as a woman.  Actually stopped for a few years, then it all came back and I started transistioning because that was the only answer.  Guess what I was wrong.

Now everyones results can and will be different.  But from someone who has been there, well HRT can do amaizing things

Beni

I know a transwoman here in town who has had HRT, FFS, and electrolysis. She's been on HRT for years, she had electrolysis for ages, and it apparently took quite some time for her face to look good after surgery. She just kept going one step at a time.

However, she still has her masculine skeletal structure. There's no getting away from it. She is quite tall, she has a very solid, athletic build, and her shoulders are strong and broad.

But you know what? She's the envy of a lot of cisgender women who don't know that she is trans. They love that she's so strong and athletic-looking. And so do a bunch of us in the trans community. You can be tall and strong and still be attractive. A lot of women would kill for broad shoulders. And some of your muscle mass should decrease over time on HRT.

I know it sucks. I admire any transwoman who sticks with it and gets to her goal. I think that if you keep taking baby steps, you'll get there. And when you get there, OWN IT.

You may have to go through hell, but you are, and will be, your own kind of woman. A wonderful kind of woman. HUGS.

I wish I was 5'11! I am 6'1" but I guess I have to deal with that. I wear a men's size 10.5 to 11 which means I can fit most ladies 12 sizes (thin foot!).

btw "my shoulders are too wide, i have too much hair all over the place"

If you are on HRT you should lose a lot of upper body mass and your shoulders should get a bit narrower. The body hair problem should also improve.

I was in the same boat too. About the same body structure. Scandinavian women often have broad shoulders and thick torsos. It just comes with the genetics. So, I look like a Swedish crone. Not that awful when considering my age.  However, I have had and still have massive body issues, but HRT did change some things for the better. 

Hang in there, enjoy what HRT can do for you and for your sense of well being. Not everyone gets to be gorgeous, but most all can pass. 

I know a woman who I initially thought there was no way she would pass but a year later and she does consistently and is very happy.  She is tall and over 220.

Maggie

I don't think I will ever look 100%. I can't even imagine letting that stop me. If I can pass on occasion I will be happy as a clam.


/waves at Maggie the poster right before me.

Don't let it get you down...I actually met a transwoman in passing at my work a couple months ago that was well over 6'5", built like a linebacker and had a 100-watt smile on her face like she couldn't be happier with herself.

We will always have things we don't like about each other...hell, I'd LOVE to turn out like a male model, but I'm short (5'4") and my body type seems to be heading to the stocky side, I have a weak chin and a VERY feminine butt. I get to sit back with the knowledge I will be shopping in the kids section/smallest possible clothing for the rest of my life (or risk looking like my clothing is eating me). And I could keep going with it.

So who would you rather be? The person so worried about what others think that you stay miserable? Or the barely passing woman I mentioned who was overjoyed at just being her and couldn't care less of anything but her own happiness?

Reading the post, I don't wanna be a transsexual either. Nobody does, really. I have yet to come across someone that wants to have to go through all of this trouble and stress.

I don't think suicide is the answer. Maybe just hold on and do the best you can for yourself. Learn to be satisfied with what you're stuck with.

Like Chris, I don't wanna be a short guy with no dick and womanly hips. Don't want a feminine face, or a small build, and I know that transmale worries about this stuff aren't as big a deal but we're all in the same boat. Plenty of transsexuals learn to live with it and I'm sure you can too.

YellowDaisy, when I fist read your post it broought tears to my eyes.   You posted as if there was no hope for you, given what you see ATM.

The road is not easy, I know when I first embarked on it numerous years ago I used to have my doubts also.   Yes I thought I was tall etc etc etc, big feet and what not.

HRT does soften the edges and when you eventually can afford some surgery, it will do wonders.

I wish you all the best and hope things get better for you.

Hugs - Di

i see alot of you bringing up hrt. i'm desperate for it, and i've been trying to get on it for over a year. my mom owns the air i breathe, since i'm not quite legal age yet, and she's been dragging her feet, and putting it off. we've been getting in alot of fights over it. it makes me think how being shy and introverted works against a transsexual. it really has worked against me, because if only i asked about anti androgens once they found out when i was 13, but there's nothing i can do about it now, so i might as well forget it, and take advantage of the opportunity that i have now. i'm going to start pushing this alot harder, because obviously, not saying anything isn't doing me any good, and my mom's been letting it slide. i'm going to do whatever i can to get on anti androgens as soon as possible. being "nice" just isn't working, because she's only been taking advantage of me, and letting me finish last.

....and I thought I was too tall for a woman at 5' 7"......I've had days where I've felt it's not working, especially with my fat disribution. Transition isn't all it's cracked up to be and very hard to achieve our goal from any angle...

Hum.. I somethings think that I was so very shy and introverted growing up BECAUSE of being transexual.  I am just a whole lot more outgoing now a days.  Though I still have days when the shys come back.

The good news is that being younger, that even at 20-21 or even much later, you can still have pretty good results.  Best thing I recommend is get a job, any job and start saving money for therapy and doctors.

Hang in there

Beni

Susan Boyle, a famous person who was on the show Britain's Got Talent...Is (And I don't want to be mean) but she is very very unattractive and she looks bluntly masculine...Could pass as an male--But--She is worldly famous and people see beyond that!

What I'm trying to crack at is...That not everyone is going to be beautiful or drop-dead pretty--There's plenty of cis-girls who are just not plainly that attractive...The same goes for trans-people (Not everyone will be what society thinks is beauty.)

Quote from: Tetra on November 03, 2009, 10:17:59 PM
Susan Boyle, a famous person who was on the show Britain's Got Talent...Is (And I don't want to be mean) but she is very very unattractive and she looks bluntly masculine...Could pass as an male--But--She is worldly famous and people see beyond that!

What I'm trying to crack at is...That not everyone is going to be beautiful or drop-dead pretty--There's plenty of cis-girls who are just not plainly that attractive...The same goes for trans-people (Not everyone will be what society thinks is beauty.)

Susan is plain, but since her makeover she is looking fine.   I don't think she looks masculine at all, soz.

I never wanted to be transsexual in the first place. You've got to admit, it kind of sucks.

Quote from: Alyssa M. on November 03, 2009, 10:47:03 PM
You've got to admit, it kind of sucks.

Yeah. I rather would have been a dog or something. Preferably an American Eskimo but I'm not choosy.

Quote from: Alyssa M. on November 03, 2009, 10:47:03 PM
I never wanted to be transsexual in the first place.

I really, really, really wanted to be a gay man, but it didn't work because I wasn't gay and wasn't a man.  You have to play the hand you're dealt. 

(A little creative cheating is OK, though. >:-))

- Kate

I remember one desperate day when I had had it. I called my therapist and left a pathetic message. When he called back, I told him how I was feeling and said what you just said: "I don't WANT to be a transsexual." And he said something like, "Well, I don't know of a single transsexual who WANTS to be trans." He made me laugh through my tears. I knew what he meant; given a choice before birth, would any of us have said, "Oh, yes, please! I want to be a transsexual! Pretty please!"

But people learn to value it. Later, at a support group, the icebreaker was, "If you had your choice and could start over again, would you choose to be cis or trans?" Maybe I was in a very idealistic group, but I think every person but me said that he or she would choose trans.

There might have been one other person who felt the same way I did, but I really think I was the lone holdout. Then I was told, "Well, you weren't given the choice of male or female. If you chose cis, you would be born cis male OR cis female--luck of the draw. You wouldn't get to choose your gender, but you would be happy with it."

Well, that gave me pause. My transsexuality has been such a pervasive force in my life that I couldn't even imagine being happy as a female. It's a completely foreign concept. The thought of a fifty percent chance of being born cis female just horrified me. It's not who I am. How could it be?

So I guess I choose trans after all. But grudgingly. Because I still don't wanna be a transsexual.

Quote from: Arch on November 04, 2009, 06:42:58 PM
I remember one desperate day when I had had it. I called my therapist and left a pathetic message. When he called back, I told him how I was feeling and said what you just said: "I don't WANT to be a transsexual." And he said something like, "Well, I don't know of a single transsexual who WANTS to be trans." He made me laugh through my tears. I knew what he meant; given a choice before birth, would any of us have said, "Oh, yes, please! I want to be a transsexual! Pretty please!"

But people learn to value it. Later, at a support group, the icebreaker was, "If you had your choice and could start over again, would you choose to be cis or trans?" Maybe I was in a very idealistic group, but I think every person but me said that he or she would choose trans.

There might have been one other person who felt the same way I did, but I really think I was the lone holdout. Then I was told, "Well, you weren't given the choice of male or female. If you chose cis, you would be born cis male OR cis female--luck of the draw. You wouldn't get to choose your gender, but you would be happy with it."

Well, that gave me pause. My transsexuality has been such a pervasive force in my life that I couldn't even imagine being happy as a female. It's a completely foreign concept. The thought of a fifty percent chance of being born cis female just horrified me. It's not who I am. How could it be?

So I guess I choose trans after all. But grudgingly. Because I still don't wanna be a transsexual.

I've thought about that scenario a lot too.

If I had a choice to have been born trans or born cis, I would definitely rather have been born cis.

But the way I see it, it would have to be ME being born cis, and ME being born cis would be being born female, otherwise it would be someone else being born cis.

Saying that if you could have been born cis but that there's a 50% chance you would be born as mentally being the opposite gender than you are now, is the same as saying you could be born but there's a 50% chance someone else will take your place instead.

Quote from: Arch on November 04, 2009, 06:42:58 PM
I remember one desperate day when I had had it. I called my therapist and left a pathetic message. When he called back, I told him how I was feeling and said what you just said: "I don't WANT to be a transsexual." And he said something like, "Well, I don't know of a single transsexual who WANTS to be trans." He made me laugh through my tears. I knew what he meant; given a choice before birth, would any of us have said, "Oh, yes, please! I want to be a transsexual! Pretty please!"

But people learn to value it. Later, at a support group, the icebreaker was, "If you had your choice and could start over again, would you choose to be cis or trans?" Maybe I was in a very idealistic group, but I think every person but me said that he or she would choose trans.

There might have been one other person who felt the same way I did, but I really think I was the lone holdout. Then I was told, "Well, you weren't given the choice of male or female. If you chose cis, you would be born cis male OR cis female--luck of the draw. You wouldn't get to choose your gender, but you would be happy with it."

Well, that gave me pause. My transsexuality has been such a pervasive force in my life that I couldn't even imagine being happy as a female. It's a completely foreign concept. The thought of a fifty percent chance of being born cis female just horrified me. It's not who I am. How could it be?

So I guess I choose trans after all. But grudgingly. Because I still don't wanna be a transsexual.

like i said in my last post, i could be the perfect female in another life, but when you are born cisgendered, that's just it, that's who you are, and gender is a very small part of your life, you very seldomly think about it, and you think that the things you do are just birthrights, so it really is not valued too much. when i think of it, if i wasn't transsexual, and i was born female, that takes away such a big part of my life that would make that life a whole lot different, because my gender would just be a minor feature that would be taken for granted like the shoes on my feet.

I note people referring to cisgendered, I don't hear that term used in Australia, could someone please explain?

If it is born genetic female or male, that's a term I'm familiar with.

Yes. I call it Bio, short for biological. Of course.  Also know as GG ( Genetic Girl ) or GM ( Genetic Male or Man).

Janet

The term "cisgender" was coined in analogy with the concept of cis-trans isomerism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cis-trans_isomerism) in organic chemistry, where a molecule with two sides comes in two versions, or isomers, where in one isomer, one of the sides is "flipped" relative to how it is in the other isomer. The isomer which is "flipped" is called the "trans" isomer ("trans" meaning "across" or "on the other side"), and the other one is called "cis" ("on the same side"; it's prounounces like "sis"). Wikipedia has some clear examples of this.

So "cisgender" refers to when internal gender identy is "on the same side" as perceived birth gender. The only problem I have with it is that it might suggest that the term "transgender" is very binary -- i.e. birth sex and gender identity being true "opposites." I think that's a stretch, but some people disparage the use of "transgender" on those grounds.

The really nice thing about this terminology is that the language is quite neutral. GG tends to suggest that trans people are genetic defects; Bio man/woman suggests that trans people are biological freaks. Using cis makes it harder to treat trans people as "other."

Also, there's a bonus that when some bigot calls someone a ->-bleeped-<-, you can say, "yeah, what about it, cissy?" (or at least think it to yourself).

Thanks Janet and Alyssa. :)

Another term that has problems, even though I use it myself somethimes, is natal woman - a born woman.  Well, I was born a woman but no one could see that because of the upholstery, so I was raised male.

But when talking to cis-gendered people - people who don't think about any of this much - the term cis-gendered requires explanation while they seem to get natal woman or genetic woman (or biological woman - haven't tried that) right away.

- Kate

If I were to use it in conversation with someone that didn't understand what it meant, I'd either let them figure it out or, if they were to ask, tell them, "Cis is the opposite of trans. It's a common term in chemistry, borrowed from Latin."

Quote from: Alyssa M. on November 05, 2009, 02:27:15 PM
If I were to use it in conversation with someone that didn't understand what it meant, I'd either let them figure it out or, if they were to ask, tell them, "Cis is the opposite of trans. It's a common term in chemistry, borrowed from Latin."

Chemistry and Physics are very different mostly to biology.   I would have thought 'cis' and 'trans'sexual maybe are different, but not necessarily the opposite.  - ie. different biology at birth, but many would suscribe a sameness in cognition, aims and goals.   Of course transsexuals can't bear offspring.

I am a post-op female and believe I think and act female, thus I transitioned in my late teens early 20's. I was born with a boys biology and as a young person much as I wished I was a girl, reality told me this was not the case.   The dilemma of course is the mental processes, I acted far more like a girl child than I cared to admit back then.  I say that as no kid wants to feel "teased' at school and sent up for being girly.