Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Much has been made of  ->-bleeped-<-, the supposed erotic attraction of MTF's to their female image.

Half humorously and half seriously I propose autopaleoandrophilia, that is the erotic attraction of an MTF to their previous male presentation.

When you look at old photos of yourself, do you say, "I would so have sex with that guy!"?
Does a new realization come of your former attractiveness?
Moreover, do you realize how unexploited the old attractiveness was?
This has nothing to do with regret.

(This question is also open to FTM's.)

I would counter act that and say that I love my current image and not anything in the past (Yuck)

It curious as to why MTFs have been associated to  ->-bleeped-<- but nothing, to my knowledge, has been done the same for FTMs. Double-standard? An assumption by people as to the "true cause" of MTF transsexualism?

They look Ok, I guess

I think I looked ok to other people, I never had a problem getting mates or anything. I know I was not the type of guy I was looking for (too sensitive, emotional (not like crying or hysterical emo, just kind of "feelings-blah-blah-blah-emotional") and I'm not looking for that in a guy at all. I liked that I had ambition and drive, dressed nice and was very clean, those are nice attributes. I see old pictures and it's just someone else, it feels like a different life. I don't hate it or despise it, it is so far from any kind of reality I face now that I can look back with fondness. If I didn't have the life I have now, I know I could never do that :) Meghan

Looks wise ok.  Seems to be a happy go lucky guy, with a violent short lived temper.  But date him, No.  I don't even have many pictures and the ones I have, the eyes look so sad.


Janet

While I performed well in the old skin, those days are gone, behind me.  What you suggest Renate, really turns my stomach.  (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdigg.com%2Fcomedy%2F9_Emoticons_Rejected_By_Instant_Messenger%2Ft.jpg&hash=940b56f59c8145eec504be8e8fd6f98eed59bc3f)

This topic is just TOO cute! Anyway it doesn't really matter what I would have wanted, that weirdo wasn't into girls.

He was a nice enough guy, but was just so sad all the time and he always seemed a bit lost to be honest. Actually I guess what I feel is pity. My therapist has gotten me so averse to dis-integrating myself like this it is now hard to think of "him" as being separate from myself. He's just a sad chapter of my life that is thankfully now over.

I still have some pictures of myself from last year where I posed nude for a romantic interest of mine then and. . .They make me feel a little nauseous, not just in the appearance itself but in knowing I once looked like that. (So much yucky hair.) I will say, though, I've always thought I had a decent face. It's features are kind of soft and its eyes wise.

But I know other people saw other things in my face that I can only take their word for because I can imagine my feelings would yield those things. I've been told often I looked angry, sad, or in deep thought. Over the last few months, though, people swear there's something different about me but they can't place it. I haven't started HRT yet, so the only thing I can figure out is they're seeing my growing sense of inner peace.

She looks way too heavy, or way too light depending on the year. Wild-eyed, sleep deprived, dirty clothes and oily, tangled hair; very artistic, but a nasty mean streak; severely antisocial. Clothes never fit (hardly even looked decent) except when someone else dressed her... and then she looked awkward and uncertain, afraid, always trying to cover herself up. Cringed and lashed out at people who told her she had any redeeming physical qualities.

Yeah, I'd hit it.  :laugh: I love me now, and I love me from before... I just didn't love me before. Even filthy, poorly dressed, and in bad physical health I had a certain attractive allure (based on how other people acted towards me). Never did anything with it or about it, except try to hide it, and often hated myself that I had something other people didn't and couldn't make good use of it.

Quote from: Linus on November 04, 2009, 07:18:52 AM
It curious as to why MTFs have been associated to  ->-bleeped-<- but nothing, to my knowledge, has been done the same for FTMs. Double-standard? An assumption by people as to the "true cause" of MTF transsexualism?

Because you don't exist. Only MTF's exist and all MTF's are just men who either have a paraphilic love for the idea of themselves as women, or are an example of extreme homosexuality.

Or so seem to believe the creator/s of the " ->-bleeped-<-" diagnosis.

Just another reason I refuse to use the term seriously (I think the described paraphillia probably does exist, but I don't want to validate the opinions of creator of the term by using it). ;D

To get back on topic for a moment, I clicked "other". I don't much like to see old pictures of me, and the one's of me as a kid I have a hard time associating as even me.

I am amused by the thought of me maybe being a sexy woman named Kylie. As for my evil twin, I hate that bitch. She was ugly and awkward. Even when she was pretty she looked like someone she wasnt. As for the thought of me being aroused by being a man, I am a man so why would that be so amazing?

I was told repeatedly as a female that I looked "hot"...and looking back at pictures, sure, I'd tap that. It's not like I began transition because I didn't like the way she looked, because I did...I just don't want "she" to be "me".

I actually have a harder time finding an attractive sense of style as a guy...though this is in part because the chesticles make me look barrel-chested.

Autopaleogynephilia.

But there's no paleo since I still look like a woman.

So I guess I really have the famed  ->-bleeped-<-, who knew that it's really attractive FTMs?

So if I were male, at least passably enough to live as a male and have straight relationships with women, maybe I would. Actually I'd probably think my current self was a lesbian, since I've got short hair and probably dress like a dyke.

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on November 04, 2009, 09:16:24 AM
I know I was not the type of guy I was looking for (too sensitive, emotional) and I'm not looking for that in a guy at all. I liked that I had ambition and drive, dressed nice and was very clean, those are nice attributes. I see old pictures and it's just someone else, it feels like a different life. I don't hate it or despise it, it is so far from any kind of reality I face now that I can look back with fondness. If I didn't have the life I have now, I know I could never do that :) Meghan

Quote from: FairyGirl on November 04, 2009, 11:14:55 AM
He was a nice enough guy, but was just so sad all the time and he always seemed a bit lost to be honest. Actually I guess what I feel is pity. My therapist has gotten me so averse to dis-integrating myself like this it is now hard to think of "him" as being separate from myself. He's just a sad chapter of my life that is thankfully now over.

I can identify with these.

That guy was OK and nice enough, but a bit lost.  Like he couldn't figure out why he didn't fit in.  I'd be friends with him, but I wouldn't date him.  (Well, maybe a pity date. ::))

I had to separate myself from him to become Kate.  Now I'm integrating him back in, but it still seems like a different life in a different time – sort of like when I was married the second time and would try to remember what I was like during the first marriage.

And I think as Kate I need someone who won't be bowled over by me.  I don't think the old me could have done it.  I am now one of those women he longed for but knew he couldn't handle.

(Now I'm getting all schizo.  Thanks, Renate. >:()

- Kate

I think I made a hot girl, I won't lie :P I'm also an awesome person, I'd totally date myself. Nobody loves me more than I love myself. *hugs self*

The really old pictures; possible seriel killer, definate ceriel addicct, case in point; Coco Pebbles with chocolate milk, Hershey's syrup, lots of chocolate marshmellows & chocolate chips.   

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Post Merge: November 05, 2009, 01:20:05 PM

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Post Merge: November 05, 2009, 11:20:34 AM

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I wanna know who else answered 'they look psycho' muwaha

She was a nice lookin gal..
I feel bad for killing her off..
She was sooo high maintenence though!!

Now I just confuse the hell out of people.. nobody wants me... whatever

I would not date my old self.. not really cause of looks but cause I was really depressed ..and asexual. bad combo for someone you wanna date..

Haha, funny story. I was packing up my stuff and throwing out a lot of old stuff ealier this year. I came across an old picture of my self and I didn't recognize myself at first -- instead, I said to my self, "Hey, that guy is cute! Who's that!"  The picture was about 10 years old. LMAO!

It's hard for me to imagine what it was like in the past. It's very weird, because my past self seems like a ghost or a brother I once knew. When I talk about myself in the past, I use female pronouns and in my mind I see myself as a woman. In a way, my former self seems like a brother or someone else that I was close to.

When I was putting on make-up stubble, I was thinking to myself that I can't even remember what it was like to have hair on my face, and stubble.

I can't even remember what my penis looked like, or felt like, now that it's gone. (And, no, I didn't take any old pictures of it -- although I know a few trans people have before SRS. I even know ppl who took pictures of everything after SRS. I don't know, I really didn't wanna take pictures of my vagina after SRS... I didn't see the point. But, a lot of people do, and to each her own).

Anyway, yeah... very weird. I would say that I was cute. A lot of people say I was cute. I've had women who've seen old pictures of me and say I was hawt. Which, I'm fine with. It really doesn't bother me any more. I just hope I'm as hawt now, or even hawter. LOL

But, yep, I've ran into old pictures of myself and found myself thinking I was cute. It's a very weird sensation when I realize I was checking out my former self.

When I did drag, one of the girls I know kept checking me out and kept saying how hawt I looked as a man (she's seen my old pics). She's straight, so she's not into women. So, as a woman she has no attraction to me. It's interesting when someone finds your old self attractive. Ironically, her boyfriend things I'm attractive but has no attraction to my former self.

Wow, it's like being reincarnated twice in one life. o_0

Haha, here's a couple of old pix of me: 

Would you date the former me? Or, just maybe as I am now? Or both? :P

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh83%2Facadia_green%2Fnaterockn.jpg&hash=7b63007ae94b1ca26928a335b5f1e0bf199127b1)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh83%2Facadia_green%2Fnate-2-july-9-2006.jpg&hash=03d6488c32f438e693d3d07c35d1b52002f8f4c8)


<--- My icon is one of my most current pix, from August this year, in case you're wondering what I look like now. o_0 I really need to get some new pictures of myself. I have a couple, but with other ppl, or just ones from my webcam (as the icon is from my webcam) -- webcam doesn't take good pix.

Quote from: gothique11 on November 05, 2009, 04:52:53 PM
Haha, funny story. I was packing up my stuff and throwing out a lot of old stuff ealier this year. I came across an old picture of my self and I didn't recognize myself at first -- instead, I said to my self, "Hey, that guy is cute! Who's that!"  The picture was about 10 years old. LMAO!

It's hard for me to imagine what it was like in the past. It's very weird, because my past self seems like a ghost or a brother I once knew. When I talk about myself in the past, I use female pronouns and in my mind I see myself as a woman. In a way, my former self seems like a brother or someone else that I was close to.

When I was putting on make-up stubble, I was thinking to myself that I can't even remember what it was like to have hair on my face, and stubble.

I can't even remember what my penis looked like, or felt like, now that it's gone. (And, no, I didn't take any old pictures of it -- although I know a few trans people have before SRS. I even know ppl who took pictures of everything after SRS. I don't know, I really didn't wanna take pictures of my vagina after SRS... I didn't see the point. But, a lot of people do, and to each her own).

Anyway, yeah... very weird. I would say that I was cute. A lot of people say I was cute. I've had women who've seen old pictures of me and say I was hawt. Which, I'm fine with. It really doesn't bother me any more. I just hope I'm as hawt now, or even hawter. LOL

But, yep, I've ran into old pictures of myself and found myself thinking I was cute. It's a very weird sensation when I realize I was checking out my former self.

When I did drag, one of the girls I know kept checking me out and kept saying how hawt I looked as a man (she's seen my old pics). She's straight, so she's not into women. So, as a woman she has no attraction to me. It's interesting when someone finds your old self attractive. Ironically, her boyfriend things I'm attractive but has no attraction to my former self.

Wow, it's like being reincarnated twice in one life. o_0

Haha, here's a couple of old pix of me: 

Would you date the former me? Or, just maybe as I am now? Or both? :P

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh83%2Facadia_green%2Fnaterockn.jpg&hash=7b63007ae94b1ca26928a335b5f1e0bf199127b1)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh83%2Facadia_green%2Fnate-2-july-9-2006.jpg&hash=03d6488c32f438e693d3d07c35d1b52002f8f4c8)


<--- My icon is one of my most current pix, from August this year, in case you're wondering what I look like now. o_0 I really need to get some new pictures of myself. I have a couple, but with other ppl, or just ones from my webcam (as the icon is from my webcam) -- webcam doesn't take good pix.

Quote from: Renate on November 04, 2009, 06:02:18 AM
Much has been made of  ->-bleeped-<-, the supposed erotic attraction of MTF's to their female image.

Half humorously and half seriously I propose autopaleoandrophilia, that is the erotic attraction of an MTF to their previous male presentation.

When you look at old photos of yourself, do you say, "I would so have sex with that guy!"?
Does a new realization come of your former attractiveness?
Moreover, do you realize how unexploited the old attractiveness was?
This has nothing to do with regret.

(This question is also open to FTM's.)

HOLY CRAP I GET THAT!

I got that BEFORE transitioning mostly... I got that and  ->-bleeped-<- at the same time. It thought I was just a fetishist and a narcissist.

Thinking that delayed my transition a bit

Quote from: Becca on November 05, 2009, 11:33:37 AM
I wanna know who else answered 'they look psycho' muwaha

Me, 'cause it's true!  I had scary eyes and hair and looked angry all the time.  Angry isn't a good look for me, so things are much better now :)

And seeing how I'm still in a very transitional phase...I still probably look a little psycho-ish :P

@Jeatyn

Haha lol rofl. Ah you made my night. Here, have a hug from me too!  ;D

Hell no she wasn't attractive and always depressed...besides I'm not into females =P

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi15.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa370%2Fn3rv3c4ndy%2FFangFireballandMe-1.jpg&hash=62f53af517a9101bb6ca7af8aa53f9eff7c8fef2)

Me when I was like 12 or 13... When the BIG feelings first started

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi15.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa370%2Fn3rv3c4ndy%2Fn67402206_30235555_5372.jpg&hash=ddfd6e78be7d1fe00822c98443b9d96bd2950534)

The last days of boy mode. This was the night I tried proving to myself that I was a guy, and thought I did... But like 2 weeks after started feeling just.. .Wrong about it

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi15.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa370%2Fn3rv3c4ndy%2FPhoto637-1.jpg&hash=490ed7cf56d3f05c5910b5147d63b65c57346c4a)

Me a week ago or something when I don't look crappy. Its one of my better days. Generally my cheeks are more hallow and my facial hair is impossible to shave/visible and I just started getting laser... So I wish this beard would fall off more... D:



So yes. The second picture. I thought I was hot. I liked the way I looked... But never understood why it felt like narcissism especially when I hated things so much. I embraced it and thought I was awesome but got closer to knowing that that wasn't it at all... I would have fantasies of me and me... But boy me as the other person... Which was sorta effed up. Ideas got more complex and thats why I thought it was a fetish...

I dk... Just a comparison and stuff. D:

I posted a picture of myself taken three years ago.  I posted it on some other thread before, but this time I couldn't stand it and removed it.  It just seemed too weird to me. 

It creeped me out to think that I was that person.  I know I was, but it seemed to be another person or from another lifetime.  I've worked so hard to become Kate, and I love being Kate.  Kate is who I was meant to be.  I just couldn't stand to see that picture and be reminded of how I might have remained.

This is very weird.  I'm glad I have a counseling appointment next week. :P  I guess I have a lot more work to do than I had thought.  This process involves a lot of sorting through emotional baggage that we've been hauling around.  I've found some pretty yucky stuff in that baggage and will be glad when I'm done with the sorting. :P

- Kate

I actually think you're hot, Kara...both in avatar and your recent pic. Much moreso than the "before" shot. :p Take that as you like.

I actually went through the first day I started T and deleted a LOT of old pics of me...I think I have maybe one or two left, though more because I was just part of a bigger picture. She was hot...but as many have said, she was depressed a lot, moody as hell, and had some anger issues that were borderline explosive. I also could never actually date my female counterpart because I've ALWAYS been the dominant one (call it overcompensating for a missing something >.<) and we would have killed each other by now. So in the "Do, Marry, Kill" game...she'd be a one night stand "do".

Quote from: chrissyboy on November 06, 2009, 10:33:14 PM
I actually think you're hot, Kara...both in avatar and your recent pic. Much moreso than the "before" shot. :p Take that as you like.

I actually went through the first day I started T and deleted a LOT of old pics of me...I think I have maybe one or two left, though more because I was just part of a bigger picture. She was hot...but as many have said, she was depressed a lot, moody as hell, and had some anger issues that were borderline explosive. I also could never actually date my female counterpart because I've ALWAYS been the dominant one (call it overcompensating for a missing something >.<) and we would have killed each other by now. So in the "Do, Marry, Kill" game...she'd be a one night stand "do".

No one else thinks that D:

Everyone else seems to really like either the old me when I show them picts and go, "I'm sorry but you were hot,"
Or I'll find out later (This is one relationship for example) that someone (lets call her, lesbian friend), even though they said they considered me a girl in the relationship and were accepting and started the whole relationship thing by kissing me once... I mean that even though I thought she accepted me and my role, part of her didn't. Ultimately when it came to anything sexual, she was the one receiving, and that was alright cause I cared about her and would have rather made her happy than totally embrace how much I hate topping people in any way. I was purposefully not dating her because she lived too far away for me to be there for her all the time, and I told her this many times. So basically she'd act not only accepting but as if she believed in what I was, but then months later when I told her I loved another person (we barely even saw each other unless I was able to borrow a car to visit... And drive 3 hours to see her), she blew up on me and told me that she felt, "Used."
Its not an insult to her, its my problem that I couldn't get any real satisfaction sexually from the whole thing. As for the me loving her loving her thing; You don't chose that. And I told her that that wasn't my choice to make. So ultimately she said she felt used and I sometimes feel like thats just because of my body. She obviously liked my body. She liked some male forms, like an actor for example... But I don't think she ever saw me as hot as a girl, only hot as a really feminine boy. There were other indicators of this way before that line of hers... But you get the point.
So ultimately... The only other times I've been really hit on as a girl were once when I was trashed off Jagermeister at a halloween club, and a "gay" dude made out with me, or the creepy people outside of my dorm, all middle aged and stuff. There is one person who kinda treated me in that way a little but that wasn't really a relationship or love as much as it enthralled me.
I do love a person still, and she lives very far away... Very. And she's the only one who's treated me or regarded me in the way that makes me feel comfortable... But we have yet to finally be reunited (long lost friend... I feel), so yeah.


I guess that was a crazy tangent but I was going to say thanks, chris. You're one of the only people who thinks that... Thank you.

Quote from: Kara-Xen on November 07, 2009, 12:24:06 PM
No one else thinks that D:

Not true, you definitely look better now. Maybe it's just my taste or whatever.

Quote from: SilverFang on November 07, 2009, 12:28:34 PM
Not true, you definitely look better now. Maybe it's just my taste or whatever.

Interesting D:

... Thanks Silver

Renate..........it doesn't work for me.  I'm gay.


Bev

Well... I tried very hard to be my definition of the perfect man. I notice the same is what I look for in a guy, but with such lofty ambitions comes high expectations.

I assume I'll be alone forever when I find everyone falls short. :(

Oh well. That's why I have my dogs and my car. :) Unconditional love.

wow gothique and Kara-Xen.. thanks for sharing those

sometimes when the anger is greatest, I just wanna take all those pics, all the girl stuff and just burn em
last week i cleaned out my closet..
but i felt kind of regretful of it

should we deny our past...? I dont think so, as much as I want to...

This is probably the ONLY reason I was able to put up with "crossdressing". (dressing as a girl) Somewhat similar to cismen crossdressing maybe, except I did it every day and no one cared. LOL.

Quote from: northy on November 07, 2009, 10:23:08 PM
wow gothique and Kara-Xen.. thanks for sharing those

sometimes when the anger is greatest, I just wanna take all those pics, all the girl stuff and just burn em
last week i cleaned out my closet..
but i felt kind of regretful of it

should we deny our past...? I dont think so, as much as I want to...

Thanks. I'll post something newer eventually.

I feel so affected by the years of intense testosterone that I like to save the old ones to "Try and stay positive"

But its a matter of perspective and sometimes it just feels like a lie. On my facebook and stuff though... I wanted to just delete them all and couldn't :( Some of them are my old friends.

I almost think I should aim for stealth so I pass better and take myself more seriously, but I feel like I owe this community and the increasing number of trans cases... Some likely screwed over by the chemicals and negligence of our race...

They're victims from the day they're born I sometimes feel like... So I emphasize with them, but also think they need some kind of support... Cause no one else seems to see them this way. The whole victim thing.


EDIT: This is what I look like today... I looked worse this week. I just got laser and I was afraid of shaving. So I did finally, and it worked better. Tried to take better care of myself today...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi15.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa370%2Fn3rv3c4ndy%2FPhoto698.jpg&hash=f4f55e7819f30ddd811aa9f5b16632a9237c462d)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi15.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa370%2Fn3rv3c4ndy%2FPhoto699.jpg&hash=b9ee1352d792779917ec750304c692a8e09b2360)

So I guess I'm not longer... Uh... Autopaleoandrophilic...?

Not really... Maybe if I looked at the me from 4 years ago... Lol

Ok... So yeah, I was trying to stick to the topic too, right? D:

This is a bit difficult for me, because I'm not very far along yet. I have no trouble visualizing me 'before' (I have a photo taken on my year in a Japanese highschool, when I had short hair still), but the 'after' shot is a little more difficult. I don't see myself changing an enormous amount, so people looking at the resulting couple would probably see brother and sister. :-\ I'm also not nearly as into guys compared to  girls, though he does pass the threshold of acceptability. The Japanese girls thought he was cute enough. ^_^

Mentally, the guy wouldn't last long as his own independent person. I imagine it'd happen like it's happening within my head, where the boy side is being absorbed into the girl one. He'd end up being an adoring, doting boyfriend with no thoughts outside of the girl; which I suppose is a good kind to have, all things considered.

Quote from: Kara-Xen on November 07, 2009, 12:24:06 PM
No one else thinks that D:
...
You're one of the only people who thinks that... Thank you.

At the risk of turning this into a 'reassuring Kara-Xen' thread, I think you look good too. Much better than the guy version (and several years younger, it seems). And there are probably a great many people who think the same thing.
Don't worry too much. Apparently it gives you wrinkles. >:-)

Quote from: Luna! on November 08, 2009, 01:48:39 AM
This is a bit difficult for me, because I'm not very far along yet. I have no trouble visualizing me 'before' (I have a photo taken on my year in a Japanese highschool, when I had short hair still), but the 'after' shot is a little more difficult. I don't see myself changing an enormous amount, so people looking at the resulting couple would probably see brother and sister. :-\ I'm also not nearly as into guys compared to  girls, though he does pass the threshold of acceptability. The Japanese girls thought he was cute enough. ^_^

Mentally, the guy wouldn't last long as his own independent person. I imagine it'd happen like it's happening within my head, where the boy side is being absorbed into the girl one. He'd end up being an adoring, doting boyfriend with no thoughts outside of the girl; which I suppose is a good kind to have, all things considered.

At the risk of turning this into a 'reassuring Kara-Xen' thread, I think you look good too. Much better than the guy version (and several years younger, it seems). And there are probably a great many people who think the same thing.
Don't worry too much. Apparently it gives you wrinkles. >:-)

._. Thanks. And I didn't mean to derail the thread! Continue on. And yeah... That was me YEARS ago... And eww wrinkles D:

Sorry, thank you. <3

Kara-Xen you look hawt now! Wow! Amazing *drools* Damn, I wish I looked as hot as you. LOL

Quote from: Dee_pntx on November 09, 2009, 03:26:31 AM
When I see old photos of myself I want to cry/vomit/commit suicide.

It makes me sick to see those old photos.  But I am beginning to see that they are of a stranger, a dead person.  The person in those pics is dead and gone.  Thank the Giver Goddess of Estrogen.

I agree, Dee.  I think I'm going through the same process.

It was hard for me to see old photos and think that was me.  But it wasn't and isn't me.  I used to be that person, but that person is gone and now I am me - the new and vastly improved version.  He's not necessarily dead; he's just in a better place. ;) 

Blessings to modern medical science and accepting friends,
Kate

Quote from: Dee_pntx on November 09, 2009, 03:26:31 AM
When I see old photos of myself I want to cry/vomit/commit suicide.

It makes me sick to see those old photos.  But I am beginning to see that they are of a stranger, a dead person.  The person in those pics is dead and gone.  Thank the Giver Goddess of Estrogen.

I am not so much extreme as you, but it is a little bit embarassing to see and show my photos taken about 10 or 15 years ago. My photos before that period look fine to me.

Barbie~~

Eh. I'm not really my type (well that sounds weird)

Ya know? Too much like my invisible twin sister. That, and I don't see myself as "she could be hot". (people disagree with that statement, but whatever)
And the girl i'm living in is gay (well, dur... or this question wouldn't make sense at all :P)

??? that didn't really make sense did it

Quote from: gothique11 on November 09, 2009, 02:42:50 AM
Kara-Xen you look hawt now! Wow! Amazing *drools* Damn, I wish I looked as hot as you. LOL

.______.; As long as its not "Johnny Depp" Hot I wont extinguish humanity out of anger.

I would not touch the old me, but I would totally hit Isabella!(can I say that here?)

QuoteUgh, not my type

too butch. not my type  :D :D :D

I like pretty feminine girls & "she" was none of that.

Quote from: Tasha Elizabeth on November 21, 2009, 09:27:38 AM
by the same token i wouldnt date tasha either.  while i dont hate her with the intensity i hated him, i really dont like her all that much either.

I know how this feels, everyone always seems so happy and complete and sometimes I wonder how much of it is crap. How long have you really known her?

I'll see your hot food, lol. Years ago I had a tumor in one of my salivary glands. When they took it out, the signal nerve reattached itself to some sweat glands in the surface skin. Yeah, you can guess what happens when the good stuff comes out  :icon_redface:

My therapist got a little annoyed with me yesterday, because I concluded and overview of next terms plans with "or I might open my wrist". Being called out on that was good for me I think, I dunno yet. I can certainly relate to your years of self hatred expression. It's amazing how many people can't get that, it's like...are we even living in the same world?

Well I hope you get to know this Tasha better and find out you like her after all.

I wouldn't do him for the reasons many of us have said.  I wouldn't do Kate, either, because she would drive me crazy and, besides, I'm not into women anymore. :P

Quote from: Tasha Elizabeth on November 21, 2009, 11:25:13 AM
for the most part i kinda feel lost without that constant unbearable need to transition.

I know what you mean.  You focus so much on trying to do one thing and then, when you do it, now what?

And Tasha and Becca, I hope you both learn to like yourselves because you learn to see the wonderful people we can see in you. :icon_bunch:

- Kate

Quote from: Renate on November 04, 2009, 06:02:18 AM
Much has been made of  ->-bleeped-<-, the supposed erotic attraction of MTF's to their female image.

Half humorously and half seriously I propose autopaleoandrophilia, that is the erotic attraction of an MTF to their previous male presentation.

When you look at old photos of yourself, do you say, "I would so have sex with that guy!"?
Does a new realization come of your former attractiveness?
Moreover, do you realize how unexploited the old attractiveness was?
This has nothing to do with regret.

(This question is also open to FTM's.)

This reminds me of something I did that ended up helping me to decide that I want to transition.

About a year ago, I was using my female body to make some money by doing some modeling.  So I was practicing and doing stuff like head shots at home with a mirror and camera.  I needed pics of myself as a woman for work, but I decided to do pics of me as a guy too, for fun.  I put on a nice blazer and did fake facial hair (looked ok in the photos).

When I looked at the pics of me as a woman, I thought, "She's hot.  Wow, I'm so lucky to have that body.  And I always forget about it and imagine myself with a male body . . . "

When I looked at the pics of me as a guy, I didn't look as long.  It was more like, "Yeah, that's me," and then I thought about the style of my clothing, facial hair, etc and how I thought it was a good look for me.

So it brought a gender-identity-related inner conflict into focus and helped me to confront it.

I see myself as male and imagine myself with a male body, but I also feel really lucky to have ended up with the female body I got, and for a long time, it seemed like it would be a waste, or failure to fully appreciate something good that I got for free and by accident (having trouble articulating myself here) to permanently alter a body that a lot of girls probably envy. 

Ugh, now I sound vain.  This is really hard to express, but maybe some of you can relate??

Anyway, I finally concluded that if I look good as a woman, I'll probably look good as a man too, and feel more confident, which makes a big difference.  And that I was being shallow and sinking to the usage of society's definition of what a "good body" is, which is really NOT something I want to do.

So here I am.

(I just wish my top surgery could be a donation to an mtf in need!  :laugh: )

Quote from: Alexmakenoise on November 22, 2009, 01:40:01 AM
and for a long time, it seemed like it would be a waste, or failure to fully appreciate something good that I got for free and by accident (having trouble articulating myself here) to permanently alter a body that a lot of girls probably envy. 

I can completely relate. A lot of he self-hatred I had (and still have to deal with quite frequently) comes from being, here comes the vanity: a really intelligent, beautiful "young lady". How the hell anyone could decide that when I wore t-shirts that hung down to my knees, I'll never know; but the thing I always got (and expect to get) crap about, is that I'm "beautiful" and "why would you waste that when it's something so many other people wish they could have?".

I'll stop now, so I don't end up in a rant over it, but yeah. I get you on this one. Completely.

"AUTOPALINDROPHILIA" . When my hair is dyed dark brown, I put it up and get out my rimless glasses. Then the red jacket and just above the knee skirt. I look in the mirror, see Russia from my house, and get really turned on.

Quote from: xsocialworker on November 22, 2009, 05:46:13 PM
"AUTOPALINDROPHILIA" . When my hair is dyed dark brown, I put it up and get out my rimless glasses. Then the red jacket and just above the knee skirt. I look in the mirror, see Russia from my house, and get really turned on.

EPIC WIN

Where does Putin go when rears his head and takes off his shirt. I'm not sayin, but ya betcha Todd is on a moose hunt at that time.

Oh her real life stuff is so funny you can't even begin to make it up, like her on Bill O a night or two ago.

I believe that I am because I have common sense, and I have, I believe, the values that are reflective of so many American values. And I believe that what Americans are seeking is not the elitism, the, um, the, ah -- kind of spineless -- a spinelessness that perhaps is made up for that with elite Ivy League education and -- fact resume that's based on anything but hard work and private-sector, free-enterprise principles. Americans could be seeking something like that in positive change in their leadership. I'm not saying that that has to be me.

Quitting one's job is a true example of having a spine. I wonder if her fans would be so adoring if she weighed 200 pounds and had spiked hair? In her business whatever it is, looks matter. Just like in our business.