Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been creeping around the forums for some amount of time and it's helped me finally decide to come out and talk on Susan's. Like a lot of people, I felt like I was a different gender on the inside since I was a very young kid. I even got spanked on multiple occasions when I was four and five years old for putting bouncy balls in my underwear. I was packing before I even knew the term.
I realized I was transgendered and wanted to have a sex change when I was thirteen. However, my parents really stomped it out of me. I was punished a lot (in ways I now know are illegal) and the impact of their abuse really left me mentally scarred. Two years away from 'home' and being 100% independent from them have done wonders and I'm feeling very confident in rebuilding the identity they unsuccessfully tried to strip me from.
___
My current situation: I'm back to dressing as my inner and proper gender...binding and packing.  :P
My friends and family only know me identified as a 'lesbian' even though that label never fit me.  :-\
My fiancee of almost 3 yrs knows that I'm a transsexual and is more supportive than I ever could have hoped for.  :laugh:

I have lots of questions that I can't find the answers to so I'd appreciate some feedback from the community here. Thank you.

Hi Nightkoi, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 3600 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother. :icon_hug:

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Blessed Be.
Janet

Welcome to Susans. Ask away with your questions definitely the place to come for answers or at least opinions. I also came form the lesbian community and have a very supportive partner.
Myles

Thanks Myles.

It's good to know that there are others out there who have supportive partners too. I've read a lot ftm blogs where partners leave once the transsexualism came into the picture. So I previously had a lot of angst about coming out to my fiancee. I am very lucky to have her.

NKoi, it's wonderful that you have a loving, supporting fiance, but unfortunate that your parents reacted so miserably! Your story sounds like a mixed blessing/roller coaster ride of ups and downs. I personally wouldn't consider wearing masculine clothes or binding/packing to be 'crossdressing', since you don't identify as a woman, you identify as a man. To me, (I'm an ftm guy) crossdressing is wearing a dress. Welcome to the comm, if you have any questions I'm sure one of the guys here will have some kinda answer.

Quote from: Cairus on November 10, 2009, 03:34:02 PM
NKoi, it's wonderful that you have a loving, supporting fiance, but unfortunate that your parents reacted so miserably! Your story sounds like a mixed blessing/roller coaster ride of ups and downs. I personally wouldn't consider wearing masculine clothes or binding/packing to be 'crossdressing', since you don't identify as a woman, you identify as a man. To me, (I'm an ftm guy) crossdressing is wearing a dress. Welcome to the comm, if you have any questions I'm sure one of the guys here will have some kinda answer.

My life has been somewhat of a battle but I consider the point where I'm at now worth the entire fight. I suppose you are correct in saying that I'm not a crossdresser. Personally, I don't see myself as cross dressing by wearing the clothes I do but instead the skirts and dresses like you said. However, everyone calls me a crossdresser because of my biological gender. They'll probably stop when I come out as trans to them. At least I hope so!

One question I have it the cost of T. How much does the prescription cost to get filled?
I realize there is the entire GP process and stuff, but I'm trying to isolate the different costs.  ???

I get mine refilled through Stroheckers, they have an online site and ship to several states, it's about $50 for the T (excluding shipping and such). It lasts me for about 4 months or so. Not too much money.
Myles

Quote from: myles on November 10, 2009, 04:05:34 PM
I get mine refilled through Stroheckers, they have an online site and ship to several states, it's about $50 for the T (excluding shipping and such). It lasts me for about 4 months or so. Not too much money.
Myles

Wow Myles, I didn't know that, either, and I wasn't the one asking the question! Thanks! It's nice to know that while the cost of GP/endo/therapy is pricey, that the actual script itself isn't too bad.

Welcome! It seems like you guys are coming in droves.

Heya! Glad to see more guys joining.  I'm so tired of feeling alone in how I feel. It's been nice to see others in my situation. I too have mates who are 100% behind me and it has been a definate help.

Welcome aboard good to have ya. I just have one piece of advise...Get it out of your head you are cross dressing. You are a man with an unfortunate birth defect. If you put on a skirt then you would be cross dressing.
jmho

/hugz

Yeah, I'll get that out of my head. Because you are all right. I'm not a cross dresser unless I wear a skirt or dress.  ::) People just want to call me one. Maybe I'll edit my first post.

Thank you for the warm welcome everyone.
@myles: That's a relief....thank you for sharing that with me. It helped others too!
@Kurzar: Me too. Susan's is wonderful in that respect...to know that there are guys out there just like me....as Cynthialee put it, "with an unfortunate birth defect." It's nice. I thought I was completely alone and freakish for feeling/thinking the way I do. Now I know I'm not either of those..
@Tristan: We are. Strength in numbers I suppose. Once one person has the courage to speak up, so do others. A domino effect in a way.  ;)

Yeah Stroheckers, my prescription costs me a bit under $60 and includes needles and stuff, get a few extras cos you'll get some dull ones lol.

T is great you'll love it.

Welcome!  ;D

Quote from: Alex_C on November 10, 2009, 09:36:11 PM
Yeah Stroheckers, my prescription costs me a bit under $60 and includes needles and stuff, get a few extras cos you'll get some dull ones lol.

T is great you'll love it.

I know I will. Haha, I've already decided on how I want my facial hair. (hopefully it won't be sparse. My genetics should be on my side with that one though). I already have extremely defined muscles in my upper body currently. Can't wait to see how it'll look with T helping.

@FlorDeLuna: Thank you!  :-*

Welcome to Susans brother! :)

Jay

Quote from: NightKoi on November 10, 2009, 03:19:22 PM
It's good to know that there are others out there who have supportive partners too. I've read a lot ftm blogs where partners leave once the transsexualism came into the picture.

I don't want to rain on your parade, just warn you. My ex knew I was transgender for years and had no problem with it. When I started counseling to sort out my gender issues, he was fully supportive. When I said I wanted to start hormones...and when I did start hormones...well, he became less supportive and broke up with me a few months into my HRT.

I don't know your specific circumstances, but keep in mind that if you undergo physical changes, that might change the way your partner responds to you.

And on that happy note...welcome to the site!!!

Quote from: NightKoi on November 10, 2009, 10:53:55 PM
Haha, I've already decided on how I want my facial hair.

Haven't we all  :laugh:

Welcome to the forums.

Quote from: Arch on November 11, 2009, 03:35:23 AM
I don't want to rain on your parade, just warn you. My ex knew I was transgender for years and had no problem with it. When I started counseling to sort out my gender issues, he was fully supportive. When I said I wanted to start hormones...and when I did start hormones...well, he became less supportive and broke up with me a few months into my HRT.

I don't know your specific circumstances, but keep in mind that if you undergo physical changes, that might change the way your partner responds to you.

And on that happy note...welcome to the site!!!

My partner and I have excellent communication with each other luckily. I talked to her and I really laid it out:
Me-"You know I'll have body hair that I didn't have before, right?"
Her--"Yep. I don't care. I find that sexy,"
Me--"And I'll eventually have a penis,"
Her--"That's fine with me too,"
She really stressed that she fell in love with my heart and just because my outside gender changes, doesn't mean I'm anyone different than the person she fell in love with. She's attracted to scruffy faces, tan skin, and muscles....  :police: All of which I have ('cept the facial hair right now) and plan to build off of that.
I've been a lot more confident and more myself since coming out to her. She's been happier than I can ever remember her being. She calls me her hubby and our about having kids has increased. She's very excited for me.
At first she was sad because she felt like she was losing a part of her identity. The lesbian part...because I'm a man and we'd be a heterosexual couple. Then she came to realize it was just a label...and that she'd still have her same friends and community as she always had.
We talk everything through, sometimes multiple times so we have 100% clear understanding.
I came home last week and she had drawn a picture on our dry erase board of a rose and had written: "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
I adore her.

@ Jay: Thanks man  ;D
@Teknoir: lmao! Thank you

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Post Merge: November 11, 2009, 12:23:22 PM

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p.s. Arch,

I do want to thank you for the advice. I realize that things can really be put at risk with a transition like this. I'm sorry for the loss of your partner and do hope that not only you, but everyone here can find someone to spend their lives happily with. I'm not trying to be condescending by any means, I promise! I'm not the kinda guy to stand on a high horse. I just sincerely hope that people find a lasting love. I'm a hopeless romantic through and through.  :icon_redface:

Quote from: NightKoi on November 11, 2009, 12:18:15 PM
I do want to thank you for the advice. I realize that things can really be put at risk with a transition like this. I'm sorry for the loss of your partner and do hope that not only you, but everyone here can find someone to spend their lives happily with. I'm not trying to be condescending by any means, I promise! I'm not the kinda guy to stand on a high horse. I just sincerely hope that people find a lasting love. I'm a hopeless romantic through and through.  :icon_redface:

Hey, thanks. I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure you were covered, and it looks like you are. Oftentimes, people don't mind the idea of something, but then when reality hits...well, you know. But it looks like you and your partner are on the same wavelength, and I'm glad of that.

Quote from: Arch on November 11, 2009, 03:50:33 PM
Hey, thanks. I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure you were covered, and it looks like you are. Oftentimes, people don't mind the idea of something, but then when reality hits...well, you know. But it looks like you and your partner are on the same wavelength, and I'm glad of that.

Thank you. I thank God everyday for the blessing of her in my life.  :D

Quote from: Cairus on November 10, 2009, 03:34:02 PMI personally wouldn't consider wearing masculine clothes or binding/packing to be 'crossdressing', since you don't identify as a woman, you identify as a man. To me, (I'm an ftm guy) crossdressing is wearing a dress.

I was thinking that too.

I guess after years of my parents calling me an 'alien' and a 'cross dresser' sank in more than I thought. But you all are right. I don't consider myself a cross dresser, I'm just wearing the close I'm meant to.

Your parents called you an alien, too? :icon_neutral:

Quote from: Radar on November 12, 2009, 09:07:23 AM
Your parents called you an alien, too? :icon_neutral:

God, that makes me sad to hear. I was hoping no one else went through what I did...  :icon_no:

Quote from: NightKoi on November 12, 2009, 11:00:30 AM
God, that makes me sad to hear. I was hoping no one else went through what I did...  :icon_no:

Although my mother used to tell me I was weird, that was mostly about my geekiness. She mostly didn't SAY anything about my boyishness...but it's amazing how quickly my avoidance of makeup and girly clothing turned from being "mature" (when I was in junior high school) to being...well, she didn't actually say it, but she became frantically worried about me when I was in high school. Then it seemed that all she wanted to do was get me to wear a dress and put on makeup and want to go to the salon and all of that.

You should have seen how secretly thrilled she was when I wore a skimpy top one day in my freshman year of college. She sent me back to change, but the relief and happiness in her face were unmistakable.

You know, I was deep in my conformity phase throughout my teenage years. At least, I thought I was. Now I look back and realize that long hair doesn't mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and rub her nose in my transness...are you out to your parents, NightKoi?

Sorry for hijacking. I'm deep in the throes of flu and not paying much attention to propriety.

Quote from: Arch on November 12, 2009, 12:07:21 PM
Although my mother used to tell me I was weird, that was mostly about my geekiness. She mostly didn't SAY anything about my boyishness...but it's amazing how quickly my avoidance of makeup and girly clothing turned from being "mature" (when I was in junior high school) to being...well, she didn't actually say it, but she became frantically worried about me when I was in high school. Then it seemed that all she wanted to do was get me to wear a dress and put on makeup and want to go to the salon and all of that.

You should have seen how secretly thrilled she was when I wore a skimpy top one day in my freshman year of college. She sent me back to change, but the relief and happiness in her face were unmistakable.

You know, I was deep in my conformity phase throughout my teenage years. At least, I thought I was. Now I look back and realize that long hair doesn't mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and rub her nose in my transness...are you out to your parents, NightKoi?

Sorry for hijacking. I'm deep in the throes of flu and not paying much attention to propriety.

Nah don't worry about it. Feel better, the flu sucks.
I'm not out as trans to anyone but my fiancee. I was out years ago when I was thirteen but that was before my parents got to me. Now they only know me as a lesbian. Boy, don't I have another surprise for them.
I don't love them or respect them very much...since their impact on my life was really nothing but negative. I will tell them...but the way I see it, it's their loss if they decide to not be a part of my life anymore.
I do worry about my brothers. I know they'll accept me without a second thought, but I'm worried my folks will keep them out of contact with me. Which would kill me.

Quote from: NightKoi on November 12, 2009, 11:00:30 AMGod, that makes me sad to hear. I was hoping no one else went through what I did...  :icon_no:

Actually my family... and many people... have said it- but it's all in good fun. :) I sometimes wonder myself. :eusa_think:

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Post Merge: November 12, 2009, 06:22:56 PM

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Quote from: Arch on November 12, 2009, 12:07:21 PMNow I look back and realize that long hair doesn't mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.

It's the rock star look! :icon_rockon:
Actually, my hair is long (and has been since late teens) because of my love of rock music, wanting to be cool like a rock star and it did help my family get off my back... some. Now I've just gotten used to it. I'm going to get it cut short in the future.

Welcome, and congrats on gaining the independence. Im sorry about your parents, no one deserves to be punished for trying to be themselves. You should be surrounded by people that love you for who you are.

Anyways, ask away!

Quote from: ccc on November 18, 2009, 11:36:33 PM
Welcome, and congrats on gaining the independence. Im sorry about your parents, no one deserves to be punished for trying to be themselves. You should be surrounded by people that love you for who you are.

Anyways, ask away!

Thanks for the welcome. Becoming a part of Susan's has been a huge help and resource for me. I'm wondering a lot how people came out to their parents/families. If you have, how did you do it? And how'd it go?

Quote from: NightKoi on November 19, 2009, 08:01:44 AM
Thanks for the welcome. Becoming a part of Susan's has been a huge help and resource for me. I'm wondering a lot how people came out to their parents/families. If you have, how did you do it? And how'd it go?

I personally have not, yet... im not ready to... and I know that they'd have a problem with it, I know my parents wouldn't accept me...

Id rather wait til im back on my own again, successful and independent.

But I don't know how ill tell them.
:(

Quote from: ccc on November 19, 2009, 12:27:50 PM
I personally have not, yet... im not ready to... and I know that they'd have a problem with it, I know my parents wouldn't accept me...

Id rather wait til im back on my own again, successful and independent.

But I don't know how ill tell them.
:(

I know that about my folks too. I just don't even have any idea on how to approach it. When they found out I dated women they were rather cruel and unusual to say the least. Even though I'm independent now and I don't rely on them, I still dread the fit they will undoubtedly throw. And an Aunt I'm close and out to asked me not 'to dump them'. Which will be a difficult not to do since it'd be easier to walk away and continue the life I've made for myself  :-X Besides, I'm close to my brothers and one of them lives with them. I'd die if I was kept from him.

Quote from: NightKoi on November 19, 2009, 11:13:39 PMI just don't even have any idea on how to approach it. When they found out I dated women they were rather cruel and unusual to say the least. Even though I'm independent now and I don't rely on them, I still dread the fit they will undoubtedly throw.

I'm writing a letter and mailing them out to my family. It helps keep you from being there if you tell them in person since they could get explosive or even violent. They can also use it to reference back too as well as helpful web links. I suspect my family will flip out too and try to "negotiate" things with me.

Even though I'm independent and haven't lived with them for a long time I still dread listening to the lecture and manipulation. Their (eventual) approval is still important to me. We'll see.

Letters work...I've done that once with them but I gave them the letter in person and then went upstairs to play with my brother while they read it. Afterwards they talked with me and were pretty acceptive. That was about my sexuality.

I don't think it'd go so smoothly with my transsexuality.... Maybe sending it to them so I don't have to be present would be a good plan...but I'll wait until after Xmas and Spring Break, because I'm stuck seeing them because of other obligations...lol

Hey NK.  Welcome.  I'm a new guy here too.  Seems like a lot of guys are coming out these days.  It sure is good to feel like you're not alone.  For years, it seemed like I'd never meet another TG guy; somehow it seemed like there were more TG women out there.

My family went through a phase (started when I was about 5 through when I moved out at the age of 17) when they punished me if I acted masculine, required me to cross dress for church each Sunday, etc.  But what you went through sounds worse.  I say this because you mentioned something about part of it being illegal.

I hope you can keep talking to your brothers.  Are they a lot younger than you?  Even if your parents keep them away from you now, maybe they'll find you when they're on their own.

I've already brought up the idea with my brother (only sibling) and he just said, "Hey, it would be cool to have a brother."  Seemed like it didn't really matter to him much, which made me happy.

About your gf and the lgbt community:  I've been involved with the lgbt community on and off since I started college.  Just like with everything else, the people who are worth being friends with will remain your friends no matter what.  If she loses friends because she's in a hetero relationship, those people weren't her friends to begin with.  I know that probably seems cheesy and obvious, but I thought it was worth saying anyway.

Also, I've seen a relationship go sort of the opposite way - a lesbian and an mtf girl who had just come out fell in love.  The ftm girl still had an obviously male body, and gf had always told people she was 100% lesbian, not the least bit bi (we were all active in the college's queer organization).  But they seemed to transcend a lot of the traditional gender expectations, and were still together last I heard.  The gf was didn't mind  that her mtf gf wanted to take plenty of time to socialize and research before transitioning.  Seemed they were in love with each other's inner identities more than each other's bodies, which is as it should be.  Sounds like you lucked out in the same kind of way.

Quote from: Radar on November 12, 2009, 06:17:40 PM
Actually my family... and many people... have said it- but it's all in good fun. :) I sometimes wonder myself. :eusa_think:

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Post Merge: November 12, 2009, 05:22:56 PM

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It's the rock star look! :icon_rockon:
Actually, my hair is long (and has been since late teens) because of my love of rock music, wanting to be cool like a rock star and it did help my family get off my back... some. Now I've just gotten used to it. I'm going to get it cut short in the future.

I have long hair too, and don't plan on cutting it.  Same thing - it's inspired by being into metal, and rock music in general.

I think that today, it should go without saying that hair length has nothing to do with gender expression or sexual orientation or gender identity (unless you want it to, I guess).  I'll post some pics to show my "rock star" look once I get my post count up.

Quote from: NightKoi on November 19, 2009, 11:13:39 PM
I know that about my folks too. I just don't even have any idea on how to approach it. When they found out I dated women they were rather cruel and unusual to say the least. Even though I'm independent now and I don't rely on them, I still dread the fit they will undoubtedly throw. And an Aunt I'm close and out to asked me not 'to dump them'. Which will be a difficult not to do since it'd be easier to walk away and continue the life I've made for myself  :-X Besides, I'm close to my brothers and one of them lives with them. I'd die if I was kept from him.

Same with mine, when my immediate family found out I dated women they freaked and weren't very accepting. They are now somewhat, its been 2 years, but it just seems they are being tolerant of it. And on top of that they really aren't accepting about the way I present and dress, they still always try to make me wear girl clothes and such. Well not "make me" but encourage it and stuff. The thing im afraid of, is that they might keep my niece and nephew from me. Now that'd really kill me. So I understand about your brother. If anything, you guys can find ways to stay in touch. Maybe he can sneak a phone call, or a visit to you. Idk, but that's if you want to tell them. Depends on his age too, if he's in his teens(around 15 and up) then he should be able to stand upto them and tell them he still wants you in his life. It should be his choice not theirs. But on the other hand if he's younger, that'd be trouble. They have more say on his choices, and you'd have to wait longer for him to be on his own. If all else fails, the only thing I can suggest is trying to make them realize what a big mistake itd be to cut you out of his life.

And if your parents are already out of your life then there's no reason for you to try to make amends with them. Just tell them, if you decide to, and leave it as is. If they want to be a part of your life let them do all the work.

@Alex: Lol, yea I've noticed that there's been an increase. I feel like there is a wave a courage and understanding spreading around. It's nice that there are so many guys out there going through the same thing and we can talk to them about it.
As for what happened to me, I see pain as relative. Some things will hurt a person more than they might hurt another....so I wouldn't discount what happened to you as any less painful than what happened to me. I also think my brothers would be cool with it. I love them and I know that they love me unconditionally. (Definitely lucky in that aspect, because I've heard stories where some transsexuals are so afraid of a violent response from their male siblings). It's good to hear your brother was accepting and nonchalant about it. I don't see changing my outside gender as a big deal  because for me, it seems the normal thing to do. But the rest of the world, well, they would be fine with throwing a fit. You know what I mean?
I'm glad that there are other couples out there like my partner and I. = ) I know I'm the luckiest man in the world to have her.  :icon_yes:




@ccc: God, being forced into those frilly dresses for holidays and church sucks....I feel you man. My brother that I'm specifically talking about is 9. And I have another one, 2 yrs old, who lives with a different set of parents. My eldest younger brother also lives with those same folks and he's 17. I'm not as worried about the second set of folks...they might be adverse to the idea for some time but I know they won't abandon me or retaliate like the first set will.
(Awkward family, I know)
I'd love to have my brothers all be a part of my life and I'm quite close to the 17 and the 9 year old. Just hope that my 'rents can get over themselves and let me continue being their awesome older sibling.  :icon_wink: