Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I suppose I've gotten my fair share of looks, but I've never actually been harrassed, besides employers. I run alone and am not an imposing person, but I get left alone. I have not even been taunted. Is this unusual?

Count you're blessings!

While it's not unusual to have a smooth transtion, it will offer it's challenges.

Mine was fairly simple with respect to family and friends.

*shrug*

Just my 2 cents

Yeah, same, Aside from... family, its been pretty smooth for me. No taunts, questions, 'omg ->-bleeped-<-' moments... DUnno about looks, i went from androgynous to female without much hastle.... I guess i slipped through the cracks.

A few bumps in the road.  Lose my job, thus medical coverage.  But no real hassles or confrontations.

We are truly blessed for not having a great obstacles.


Janet

Because I'm so well known in my local community, when someone I know (who hasn't yet seen me) walks through the door of my business, I get the "OMG", "What happened"! But for the most part people have been very good about not making a big issue over it. Out in public, I've only had one situation where a young teen girl thought she needed a picture of me for whatever reason.

Other than that, I've never been taunted, pointed at or openly laughed at that I've detected. Pretty smooth sailing, I'd say!


Dawn

No problems.

But I think it's easier going F --> M esp. in an area of a lot of lesbians.  Nobody looked at me twice and now I pass 100%.  I'll probably get harrassed more for being a short nerd than being trans.


Jay

I'd say i'm maybe 90% out. I always dress like a guy ect out in public but I don't yet use the mens room. I know I get odd looks but so far no one has said anything to me.  Oh and I haven't come out to an employer yet (not working atm).

Yes.

It was kind of unnerving. I was ready and expecting confrontation and stuff like that. When I simply started to be me all the time and using the proper clothing things, people didnt raised an eye to look at me twice.

I was dumbfounded since I thought things were going to be much worse and when they didnt it threw me off balance.

ya so far its just family giving me trouble. I'm sure there will be some public harassment at some point though....and work has yet to know....that'll be quite interesting with some very fundamental believing founders of the company.

Only obnoxious parts have been at school. Take a classroom of stupid kids and have the teachers (respectfully) addressing me as he and my male name all semester long because I actually participate in the lectures and ask questions, and eventually you get people talking about my breasts.

Next semester that won't be a problem.

Early on I confused the local right wingers who would alternate telling me I was either a confused young man or a confused young woman and that they would pray for me. I found that laughing in their face was the best response.

The past five years or so, not so much and I could care less. I live and that is all that matters.

I thought when I started going out full time I would run into problems, but its been quiet the opposite. Now I have men smiling, talking and opening doors. And the free drinks are kinda nice too ;-)

Havnt had any one hassel me.

Not even started RLT that I already lost a job because over a few month I "had changed". The guy was an absolute homophobic bigot.

That should be better after my FFS.

Like others, family was (is) the hardest obstacle. I live an hour from my immediate family, and hence don't see them as often as the rest of the people in my life. Therefore, it's frustrating when after being full time for nearly two years and everyone else in my life having made the transition totally fine, I still get the occasional "he" or "<old name>" from my family. It throws me off, since I don't hear incorrect pronouns at all anywhere else, then I go home and I have to continually be reminded of my past.

Besides that though, RLT (ie. life, at this point) has been dandy.

~Sarah

The worst I've gotten were a few raised eyebrows early on.  I still get the occassional "he" or "him" from friends and family (6 months RLE) but they are becoming fewer.  And a waiter I know at a local Mexican restaurant still calls me "amigo", but I don't go there much anymore.

I've been really surprised and pleased how accepting everyone has been.  Maybe there is hope for our civilization.

- Kate

Kate, you are a serious pain in my ass. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a teen. When I was a teen, I wanted to be an adult. If I live till May, I'll be 40. It was all supposed to just go downhill after 25. Now there's more to look forward to if I can just find the will.

One week so far, and me making a point to go to town every day and "show off" ;) and no, so far nothing. Over the last few months if I was out dressed maybe 3 times someone has shouted from a car window or some such, but nothing direct.

On the other hand, since I've started going, essentially, full time this week, my wife has had a really hard week and the tension at home is ratcheted up pretty high.

No taunting directly but I've had friends in the early stages tell me they saw some person or group pointing at me and other obvious things in public places. I used to be so self conscious...so glad I didn't notice that.

I started living a double life in my teens, back in the 1960's, but I was never "out". As an "M" (which was on my birth certificate) I was always hassled, I was "odd", and it showed. As a girl, I fit perfectly, was more comfortable, and way more natural. The only looks I got were good ones. At transition/SRS (age 24) life just went to totally normal.

Quote from: Bellaon7 on November 13, 2009, 10:28:49 PM
Kate, you are a serious pain in my ass.

;D  Always glad to make life more interesting, dear.  ;)

- Kate

so far no problems at all, really. I haven't been "sirred" in a very long time, it's always "ma'am"- even in jeans, t-shirts, and tennis shoes with no makeup buying plywood at the hardware store. No one in public ladies' restrooms has ever given me a suspicious look, even speaking, and I would be a bit afraid to go into a men's room at this point. I just made my second looooong trip from Nashville to Sydney, Australia and I've also traveled by air in the US, and everyone has taken me at face value as the woman I am. My SO is as committed to my upcoming my surgery as I, and my uber-conservative family still loves me though they may not entirely exactly approve. My (real) life goes on.

Quote from: Tasha Elizabeth on November 15, 2009, 11:10:20 AM


my spouse tried that to try to discourage me from transitioning.  she once said "it doesnt matter how much surgery you have, NOBODY will EVER mistake you for a girl."

::shrugs::  i dont blame her.  she wanted to keep her husband, so i guess i understand.

Yah my wife actually has seen guys looking at me and she's actually experienced some jealousy. But when she told her bible study gals this, they reassured her that guys were probably only staring at me because they wondered why a guy was dressed up like a girl....

I was dumbfounded at their ignorance

No hassles from the general public. Just the occasional pronoun faliure from people who knew me as a guy. And some family tension, which is getting better.

Like Kurzar, I'm about 90% out...I haven't brought it up to my boss yet because I don't feel I pass enough to warrant making everyone change pronouns and feel awkward, and because I'm afraid of being fired and finding work in MI is a pain in the hindquarters right now.

And I agree with Jay's thought on it being easier going FtM...I either look like a guy or a butch lesbian or tomboy. I've had more issues with family than anything on the outside.

not entirely on point but - I had to run up to Corinth tonight and stopped in the local Wal-Mart and i ran across my hairdrersser. It's the first time she's seen me out fully presenting as Laura and I asked her how i was passing and she said pretty much if she hadn't known she wouldn't have noticed.

Mind you, I'm not suggesting I stand up to serious inspection or a voice check, but most people don't look THAT close unless you give them reason.

I'm just a guy who wishes he was most of you, so take what I say with a grain of whatever. I think it's easy to get into a siege mentality.  When any of us realize that we are dealing with a new paradigm it takes us a while to decide how we deal with it.  Certainly meeting someone in transition, and it becomes obvious for some reason, is one of those moments.  It takes a few times to conclude how to deal with it.  It's happening to you all the time, because you are the paradigm changer, but in my life I've probably had that experience less than a dozen times and I'm looking.  Like racist there will be gender bigots.  I don't think that either of those groups are a large part of society. 

Remember it's not you who is confused; it's the person who is confronted with your new reality for the first few times.  You might as well be an alien; they don't know how to deal with you.  They probably need your comfort. LOL  Have you ever had to deal with something new and weren't sure what it would be like?  An employer, he/she is thinking how does this person perform their job, what kind of problems and disruption am I going to face.  The idea has never crossed their mind.  I work on the docks, can you imagine if one of the guys showed up as a girl one day?  These guys have trouble with the girls on the crew; their thinking isn't too evolved.

If I think I see someone who has transitioned I look.  I try to be discreet.  I am so doggone excited I want to run up to them and ask a million questions.  I want to celebrate their escape from the other skin so much.  If I did it would embarrass the heck out of you.  So I sneak glances like someone swooning in the presence of a celebrity.  You're probably thinking oh no I've been 'outed' that guy is creeping me out.  I'm truly sorry that we make you uncomfortable, but some of it is affection.  If J. Edgar Hoover, Marv Albert, and 95% of women are wearing the other sexes clothes how many of the rest of us do you think are out there.  Try and remember the problem isn't you it's us.  You've been living with yourself forever it's our first time.

I had a conversation yesterday with an old friend living far away who is concerned about my transition.

His main concern is that I am marking myself forever as an outsider, and he spoke about how he sees people interacting with visibly gender variant people. Specifically, he said, most people don't seem to take any notice until after they are out of sight and then rubberneck or give each other a knowing look. I have seen or heard people do this myself. He seemed to think I was delusional if I didn't think this was happening to me.

This has a whole lot to do with passing privilege and with presenting appropriately in any given situation. In other words, it has to do with calibrating how much we want to change or fit into paradigms, and how much we are able to do that. I have concluded I'd rather challenge paradigms than to fit into a male paradigm; ideally I would fit into a female paradigm.

I'm not sure how much I even care if people whisper behind my back. Sure, I care, but I have concluded that I prefer it to living as a man, provided they do it behind my back, and otherwise treat me respectfully. Partly that is because I expect it will get better as time goes on. When cis people and trans people who haven't transitioned talk about trans people, they almost always mean visibly gender-variant people, which they seem to assume is a synonym for trans.

Quote from: Alyssa M. on November 21, 2009, 05:21:28 PM
I'm not sure how much I even care if people whisper behind my back. Sure, I care, but I have concluded that I prefer it to living as a man, provided they do it behind my back, and otherwise treat me respectfully. Partly that is because I expect it will get better as time goes on. When cis people and trans people who haven't transitioned talk about trans people, they almost always mean visibly gender-variant people, which they seem to assume is a synonym for trans.

I am usually seen as a woman.  If that's all the better it gets, I can live with it.  I'm much happier usually a woman than I ever was seen mostly as a man.  For me it's not an all or nothing deal.  50% woman to me is better than 100% fake man.  And I too expect it to get better as I settle into this.  It all depends on what each of us needs.

And yes, the obviously gender-variant are who the general population sees as trans.  That's one reason it is helpful to transition openly – so that those around us can see that we are not just putting on this other gender like a dress or a man's suit, but we are normal people who are changing our presentation to better suit who really are.

- Kate

Dear Kate:

You look cold standing there in the snow.  It's morning, I haven't turned on the heat yet, and when I see you I'm freezing.  We have to take up a collection and get you to where you can get a picture standing on a warm beach in a nice sun dress or something. Wool suit, boots, snow, brrrr. LOL

Well, in January I'm going to visit friends at their condo in Florida.  I'll get them to take a beach picture. :)

- Kate

In January you will just have a snow woman as your avatar. 

Sorry Sis, but you are just in snow country. Brrrrrrrrr



Janet

Quote from: K8 on November 22, 2009, 07:45:50 AM
I am usually seen as a woman.  If that's all the better it gets, I can live with it.  I'm much happier usually a woman than I ever was seen mostly as a man.  For me it's not an all or nothing deal.  50% woman to me is better than 100% fake man.  And I too expect it to get better as I settle into this.  It all depends on what each of us needs.

And yes, the obviously gender-variant are who the general population sees as trans.  That's one reason it is helpful to transition openly – so that those around us can see that we are not just putting on this other gender like a dress or a man's suit, but we are normal people who are changing our presentation to better suit who really are.

- Kate

I agree. For those of us who are privileged to be able to transition in a community that is supportive (I don't mean a physical location as much as a network of friends, family, and acquaintances), it's a good way to normalize and reify the experience of trans people for the broader community.

I think you look really happy in your current avatar photo. I liked the one from the mountains you had before too -- I think I've been to that lake a couple of times, though it has been over a decade since the last time I was there. If it's where I'm thinking, it's a beautiful place. :)

Kate hon you're welcome to come to Sydney- it was 106 Fahrenheit (41 C) here yesterday!  :P <--tongue lolling from heat prostration

Quote from: Alyssa M. on November 21, 2009, 05:21:28 PMI'm not sure how much I even care if people whisper behind my back. Sure, I care, but I have concluded that I prefer it to living as a man, provided they do it behind my back, and otherwise treat me respectfully. Partly that is because I expect it will get better as time goes on. When cis people and trans people who haven't transitioned talk about trans people, they almost always mean visibly gender-variant people, which they seem to assume is a synonym for trans.

You are absolutely right and thank you for this. Though I haven't really had problems, I still can't help but wonder sometimes- is that guy looking at me and smiling because he's interested, or does he just think I'm a freak? That always then triggers a serious bout of dysphoria and I have to meditate to get grounded again. I know I should just assume the best rather than assuming the worst, but sometimes that's difficult. Realizing that no matter what, I still prefer it to living as a man is a very comforting thought at those times.

It's funny you should mention the weather "Down Under," Chloe.

I have a friend who is very, very Down Under right now. He reported to his stateside girlfriend (who posted on the Facebook):

Quote
It's cold.


Like, really cold.

I think I believe him. ;)

lol he must be in Antarctica or something :laugh:

Quote from: Tasha Elizabeth on November 16, 2009, 03:08:16 PM

if they have seen you looking anything like your pic there, i would be more dumbfounded at their BLINDNESS lol

hehe awww thanks girl =)