Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: goldman44 on November 13, 2009, 05:11:46 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: goldman44 on November 13, 2009, 05:11:46 AM
Post by: goldman44 on November 13, 2009, 05:11:46 AM
Hi all,
I am definitely living inside a closet because I have been married for 15 years to a lovely woman; however, I have always been attracted to transgender women, especially those with real breasts.
Before and during my marriage, I have dated transgender women and always found the intimate moments completely normal and erotically intense; however, whenever I see two men having sex, on tv or in magazines, I become totally repulsed to the point where I shiver and actually feel physically sick. Yet again, I find oral sex, with a transgender woman, totally natural and beautiful.
What concerns me, is the older I am becoming, my feelings toward transgender women are getting stronger and stronger.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am definitely living inside a closet because I have been married for 15 years to a lovely woman; however, I have always been attracted to transgender women, especially those with real breasts.
Before and during my marriage, I have dated transgender women and always found the intimate moments completely normal and erotically intense; however, whenever I see two men having sex, on tv or in magazines, I become totally repulsed to the point where I shiver and actually feel physically sick. Yet again, I find oral sex, with a transgender woman, totally natural and beautiful.
What concerns me, is the older I am becoming, my feelings toward transgender women are getting stronger and stronger.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Sarah Louise on November 13, 2009, 09:22:50 AM
Post by: Sarah Louise on November 13, 2009, 09:22:50 AM
My only comment is that Susan's is NOT a dating site, you will not find a girl or guy here for recreational activities. Please follow all rules here.
Sarah L.
Sarah L.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: BrandiOK on November 13, 2009, 10:55:14 AM
Post by: BrandiOK on November 13, 2009, 10:55:14 AM
Quote from: goldman44 on November 13, 2009, 05:11:46 AMBefore and during my marriage, I have dated transgender women.
Quote from: goldman44 on November 13, 2009, 05:11:46 AM
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I have some advice...divorce your wife and give her everything, she deserves better.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 13, 2009, 05:27:11 PM
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 13, 2009, 05:27:11 PM
Quote from: BrandiOK on November 13, 2009, 10:55:14 AM
I have some advice...divorce your wife and give her everything, she deserves better.
;D
My advice would be to not cheat on your wife or go behind her back. ::)
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 07:18:20 PM
Post by: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 07:18:20 PM
Goldman,
I can understand why you would find a transgender woman attractive but
is it only a sexual attraction that you feel or is it something deeper for you?
You said that your feelings are getting stronger and stronger. Does that mean
that you feel a compulsion to leave your wife to be with a transgender woman?
I would suggest, before you allow your compulsion to destroy your life and
that of your wife's, find a therapist who has experience with gender
identity issues, that you can talk to. I wish you peace.
I can understand why you would find a transgender woman attractive but
is it only a sexual attraction that you feel or is it something deeper for you?
You said that your feelings are getting stronger and stronger. Does that mean
that you feel a compulsion to leave your wife to be with a transgender woman?
I would suggest, before you allow your compulsion to destroy your life and
that of your wife's, find a therapist who has experience with gender
identity issues, that you can talk to. I wish you peace.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 13, 2009, 08:30:48 PM
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 13, 2009, 08:30:48 PM
You're going to have to make a choice. It's totally unfair to your wife to put her life at potention risk to satisfy your indescretion.
Post Merge: November 14, 2009, 12:32:40 AM
You're going to have to make a choice. It's totally unfair to your wife to put her life at potential risk to satisfy your indescretion.
Post Merge: November 14, 2009, 12:32:40 AM
You're going to have to make a choice. It's totally unfair to your wife to put her life at potential risk to satisfy your indescretion.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 09:11:26 PM
Post by: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 09:11:26 PM
...and it was completely unfair for me to marry my exes, hoping that it would "cure" me.
Why are we jumping down this guy's throat? He has not hit on anyone and came asking for advice.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 13, 2009, 09:39:16 PM
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 13, 2009, 09:39:16 PM
Quote from: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 09:11:26 PMThis was my gut feeling as well after seeing this guy getting doggpiled. The rub is, no matter how you look at this, he's gotta come to terms with his wife. I don't jump to the conclusion that this is an evil predetor cruising for ts. I can feel empathy, but he's gotta make a decision. We're not talking transition here, he's engaging in activity which may be putting his family in immediate physical risk, that ain't right.
...and it was completely unfair for me to marry my exes, hoping that it would "cure" me.
Why are we jumping down this guy's throat? He has not hit on anyone and came asking for advice.
Post Merge: November 13, 2009, 11:39:31 PM
Quote from: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 09:11:26 PM
...and it was completely unfair for me to marry my exes, hoping that it would "cure" me.
Why are we jumping down this guy's throat? He has not hit on anyone and came asking for advice.
Post Merge: November 13, 2009, 09:39:52 PM
Quote from: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 09:11:26 PM
...and it was completely unfair for me to marry my exes, hoping that it would "cure" me.
Why are we jumping down this guy's throat? He has not hit on anyone and came asking for advice.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 09:59:30 PM
Post by: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 09:59:30 PM
Not to worry, being soundly thrashed, he probably won't be back.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Autumn on November 13, 2009, 10:03:32 PM
Post by: Autumn on November 13, 2009, 10:03:32 PM
Quote from: heatherrose on November 13, 2009, 09:11:26 PM
Why are we jumping down this guy's throat?
He asked for it. >:-)
Not every extramarital relation is a) bad or b) unwelcome by the other partner.
You're attracted to a sexual abnormality. People aren't supposed to be primarily attracted to transsexuals. It's a mindf--k. Therapy to discover why is a good idea. You may just like cock, but not male bodies. There are a lot of guys like that. There are women like that. But figure out what it is to you.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Luc on November 14, 2009, 12:39:19 AM
Post by: Luc on November 14, 2009, 12:39:19 AM
Am I the only one who objects to this guy's post on the basis that he assumes transgender women are different from other women?
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: heatherrose on November 14, 2009, 01:56:12 AM
Post by: heatherrose on November 14, 2009, 01:56:12 AM
I saw him as someone struggling to understand himself much like all of us
because of the question that he actually asked. This might have been the first
time that he actually attempted contact with "transgender" people outside of
those among our "community" who "play for pay" but he did not come in trolling.
What caused everybody's hackles to raise up was his honesty in presenting his
situation. Instead of thinking about what he was asking, everybody assumed he was
a troll, though he never indicated that that was his intentions for coming here.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: OriSoul on November 14, 2009, 08:06:01 PM
Post by: OriSoul on November 14, 2009, 08:06:01 PM
I really hate guys that cheat... If I was his wife and I know you probably hear this a lot but I'd most defiantly rip his balls out and there is a safe way to do so without killing the poor guy so he has to live with it.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: heatherrose on November 15, 2009, 11:12:08 AM
Post by: heatherrose on November 15, 2009, 11:12:08 AM
...and there are people who can not stand born males who refuse to act like it
and would be willing to rip your package off, hoping that you do die.
Who the hell are we to judge someone?
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 15, 2009, 12:11:38 PM
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 15, 2009, 12:11:38 PM
I think that I can stir the pot up a little more here. I think guys that are attracted to pre-op ts are a good thing, I in fact dated one that was married. Now I was wrong to date a married man, & he was to potentially putting his wife as risk of an std & wrong for cheating on his wife at all. My main point here is what's wrong with men or women that are attracted to pre-op ts's?
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 15, 2009, 02:44:02 PM
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 15, 2009, 02:44:02 PM
Quote from: heatherrose on November 15, 2009, 11:12:08 AM
...and there are people who can not stand born males who refuse to act like it
and would be willing to rip your package off, hoping that you do die.
Who the hell are we to judge someone?
Being a victim of persecution doesn't mean you should be expected to condone and accept any and all kinds of behavior.
Quote from: Bellaon7 on November 15, 2009, 12:11:38 PM
I think that I can stir the pot up a little more here. I think guys that are attracted to pre-op ts are a good thing, I in fact dated one that was married. Now I was wrong to date a married man, & he was to potentially putting his wife as risk of an std & wrong for cheating on his wife at all. My main point here is what's wrong with men or women that are attracted to pre-op ts's?
Nothing, as long as it isn't a paraphilia or sexual fetish.
I can only speak for myself, but I wouldn't wanna be with a guy who wanted me because I'm TS.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: heatherrose on November 15, 2009, 03:25:57 PM
Post by: heatherrose on November 15, 2009, 03:25:57 PM
What part of being a "victim of persecution" gives anyone
the right to look down their nose at someone else?
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender wome
Post by: Megan on November 15, 2009, 03:28:11 PM
Post by: Megan on November 15, 2009, 03:28:11 PM
Wow you guys are being harsh.
You're taking this all to personal.
His wife going to think
He's cheating on me with men?!
You're taking this all to personal.
His wife going to think
He's cheating on me with men?!
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: OriSoul on November 15, 2009, 03:30:05 PM
Post by: OriSoul on November 15, 2009, 03:30:05 PM
Yeah I have no problem with men liking T's its just the cheating part I disprove of, like come on if your with your partner you want them to be loyal and not cheat on you am I right? I agree with "asfsd4214" Nothing is wrong, as long as it isn't a paraphilia or sexual fetish. Unless that's okay with you the Trans. My opinion about it is also slightly different, when I get the complete package done (everything) I never want to be looked back on as a Trans gender male to female. I just want to live as if I always been a female.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: heatherrose on November 15, 2009, 03:37:16 PM
Post by: heatherrose on November 15, 2009, 03:37:16 PM
Actually, he did state that he has "cheated"
Quote from: goldman44 on November 13, 2009, 05:11:46 AMBefore and during my marriage, I have dated transgender women...
Giving him the benefit of the doubt,
he did not say whether or not his marriage
is an open relationship.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: OriSoul on November 15, 2009, 05:14:27 PM
Post by: OriSoul on November 15, 2009, 05:14:27 PM
You're right he never said whether his marriage is an open relationship or not but he did say "I am definitely living inside a closet" which means for the most part that he is hiding that he is in fact interested in transgendered women. From the facts it would seem he is cheating by the way and words he chose to tell his story.
Although I don't understand his story all to clearly because he says "I have always been attracted to trans gender women,". Well that being the case how would one know whether or not a male has gone through Sex reassignment surgery or if they were just born a women unless the Sex reassignment surgery wasn't fully complete or he knew the person before hand? (besides the silly trans dating sites) cause you see the point in Sex reassignment surgery is to become closer looking and correct body parts to the gender your getting it to, so wouldn't trans gendered girls look like plain girls? like most if not all of you here?
Although I don't understand his story all to clearly because he says "I have always been attracted to trans gender women,". Well that being the case how would one know whether or not a male has gone through Sex reassignment surgery or if they were just born a women unless the Sex reassignment surgery wasn't fully complete or he knew the person before hand? (besides the silly trans dating sites) cause you see the point in Sex reassignment surgery is to become closer looking and correct body parts to the gender your getting it to, so wouldn't trans gendered girls look like plain girls? like most if not all of you here?
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 05:59:41 PM
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 05:59:41 PM
Quote from: OriSoul on November 15, 2009, 05:14:27 PM
You're right he never said whether his marriage is an open relationship or not but he did say "I am definitely living inside a closet" which means for the most part that he is hiding that he is in fact interested in transgendered women. From the facts it would seem he is cheating by the way and words he chose to tell his story.
Although I don't understand his story all to clearly because he says "I have always been attracted to trans gender women,". Well that being the case how would one know whether or not a male has gone through Sex reassignment surgery or if they were just born a women unless the Sex reassignment surgery wasn't fully complete or he knew the person before hand? (besides the silly trans dating sites) cause you see the point in Sex reassignment surgery is to become closer looking and correct body parts to the gender your getting it to, so wouldn't trans gendered girls look like plain girls? like most if not all of you here?
It seems most of these sorts of people (people who would call themselves interested in transexuals) are only interested in ones with functioning male genitals, for exactly that reason.
Which in my mind makes it a paraphillia, and I for one wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to be with me because of a condition that's made my life a living hell. Especially behind their wife's back.
Quote from: heatherrose on November 15, 2009, 03:25:57 PM
What part of being a "victim of persecution" gives anyone
the right to look down their nose at someone else?
It doesn't, everyone has a right to an opinion.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:00:44 PM
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:00:44 PM
Quote from: asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 05:59:41 PMI agree with everything you're saying. In particular being with someone who's strictly attracted to pre-ops as the idea of being expected to have my genitals involved keeps me from being sexually active. Howevver, I would ask everyone here in general, is someone who is strictly attracted to pre-op's a bad person, moraly or otherwise?
It seems most of these sorts of people (people who would call themselves interested in transexuals) are only interested in ones with functioning male genitals, for exactly that reason.
Which in my mind makes it a paraphillia, and I for one wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to be with me because of a condition that's made my life a living hell. Especially behind their wife's back.
It doesn't, everyone has a right to an opinion.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 07:12:03 PM
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 07:12:03 PM
Quote from: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:00:44 PM
I agree with everything you're saying. In particular being with someone who's strictly attracted to pre-ops as the idea of being expected to have my genitals involved keeps me from being sexually active. Howevver, I would ask everyone here in general, is someone who is strictly attracted to pre-op's a bad person, moraly or otherwise?
I don't know about bad person or not, but whatever they are they can be it far away from me.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:24:29 PM
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:24:29 PM
Quote from: asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 07:12:03 PMDo you believe their are people who would say or think those exact words about you & myself?
I don't know about bad person or not, but whatever they are they can be it far away from me.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 07:43:20 PM
Post by: Asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 07:43:20 PM
Quote from: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:24:29 PM
Do you believe their are people who would say or think those exact words about you & myself?
Definitely, and we can stay far away from each other too.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:56:58 PM
Post by: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:56:58 PM
Quote from: asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 07:43:20 PMI agree, that's what freedom's all about. But, only for the sake of argument, how much would effort would put into staying away from each other, or to keep them away from you? How can you really be sure it's one of them or if they're one of us?
Definitely, and we can stay far away from each other too.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: OriSoul on November 19, 2009, 03:58:31 PM
Post by: OriSoul on November 19, 2009, 03:58:31 PM
Quote from: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:00:44 PMNot at all. Everyone is free to like whom ever and what ever they want but it matters when or if it is morally right at the time like with this thread as I stated before if its behind a loved ones back (loved one being a boy friend or girl friend currently at the time) then it would be wrong and unfair to the person they are already with.
I agree with everything you're saying. In particular being with someone who's strictly attracted to pre-ops as the idea of being expected to have my genitals involved keeps me from being sexually active. Howevver, I would ask everyone here in general, is someone who is strictly attracted to pre-op's a bad person, moraly or otherwise?
Post Merge: November 19, 2009, 04:19:01 PM
Quote from: asfsd4214 on November 17, 2009, 07:43:20 PMFrom what I gather from reading this is that as long as "asfsd4214" Isn't being bothered about it then its not a problem to her and if it was she would try to stay away or converse with them little to not at all.
Definitely, and we can stay far away from each other too.
Quote from: Bellaon7 on November 17, 2009, 07:56:58 PMI'm going to start from the last question "How can you really be sure it's one of them or if they're one of us?" We'll you can't tell if it's one of them until the problem a rises.
I agree, that's what freedom's all about. But, only for the sake of argument, how much would effort would put into staying away from each other, or to keep them away from you? How can you really be sure it's one of them or if they're one of us?
For the next question I changed it around to be more grammatically correct "But, only for the sake of argument, how much effort would be put into staying away from each other, or to keep them away from you?" This is a tough question to answer because it all depends on the person with the problem about you. For instance the person with the problem may be a push over and say their opinion about us to their friends and leave her alone or they could be the over-barring type and harass her to the point of getting a restraining order from the cops. You just never know how far a person is willing to go.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Nicky on November 19, 2009, 04:22:30 PM
Post by: Nicky on November 19, 2009, 04:22:30 PM
I kind of think attraction is irrelevant when you love and are attracted to your partner. You can ogle at whomever you like, you just can't touch. (unless you and your partner have a mutual understanding in regard to this).
I like looking at women, some are absolutely smoking gobsmackly hot. I've even had crushes that felt like love on other women while married. Should I cheat because of this? Absolutely not. It's natural to be attracted to people you are attracted to. Being in a relationship does not stop you being attracted to other people.
Have a perv, fantisise, maybe have a moderate use of porno, but remember who you love. If you don't love them, maybe that should be the focus.
I like looking at women, some are absolutely smoking gobsmackly hot. I've even had crushes that felt like love on other women while married. Should I cheat because of this? Absolutely not. It's natural to be attracted to people you are attracted to. Being in a relationship does not stop you being attracted to other people.
Have a perv, fantisise, maybe have a moderate use of porno, but remember who you love. If you don't love them, maybe that should be the focus.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender wome
Post by: Dana Lane on November 19, 2009, 07:48:39 PM
Post by: Dana Lane on November 19, 2009, 07:48:39 PM
Quote from: goldman44 on November 13, 2009, 05:11:46 AM
Hi all,
I am definitely living inside a closet because I have been married for 15 years to a lovely woman; however, I have always been attracted to transgender women, especially those with real breasts.
Before and during my marriage, I have dated transgender women and always found the intimate moments completely normal and erotically intense; however, whenever I see two men having sex, on tv or in magazines, I become totally repulsed to the point where I shiver and actually feel physically sick. Yet again, I find oral sex, with a transgender woman, totally natural and beautiful.
What concerns me, is the older I am becoming, my feelings toward transgender women are getting stronger and stronger.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
We don't really have all the details but here is my interpretation. He mentions he likes oral sex with a transgender woman but also mentions he finds two men together having sex repulsive. So I am going to guess he means him giving oral sex to the male parts of a pre/non-op trans woman. It seems to me he has a fetish for (sorry if this is offensive) 'chicks with dicks'. I would also make a guess that if someone he was attracted to had SRS surgery the attraction would be gone.
Title: Re: Been married for 15 years but have always been attracted to transgender women
Post by: Korlee on November 19, 2009, 11:03:59 PM
Post by: Korlee on November 19, 2009, 11:03:59 PM
Quote from: Sebastien on November 14, 2009, 12:39:19 AM
Am I the only one who objects to this guy's post on the basis that he assumes transgender women are different from other women?
I did but to be honest I thought the forum was being trolled. I really did not expect this many people to reply to this one person either way. O.o