Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm a trans guy still hiding in the female body I was born with.

When I was a kid, I always thought I was a boy - thought of myself as "he" not "she", had typically male interests, liked to dress like a boy, threw screaming fits when my parents tried to make me wear dresses, etc. 

My parents were pretty cool with it until I won a scholarship to attend a conservative girls-only prep school.  Then all of a sudden, I was forced to act like a typical girl.  If I did anything masculine, I'd be punished for it.  So I kind of adapted by focusing on my interest in animals.

Things got more confusing when I entered puberty feeling attracted to people of both genders.  I thought of myself as bisexual or pansexual for a long time, but in my mid-20's or so, I developed a preference for men.  All my relationships have been with men. 

Because of my preference for men, sexually, hiding in a female body and gender role has been convenient.  There are simply more options.

But as time goes on, I feel increasingly awkward about presenting myself as female.  When I'm in a group of women, I feel like the only guy.  When I'm with a group of guys, I feel like one of them.  I hate being addressed as "miss" and referred to as "she".  I want to be addressed as "sir", referred to as "he", etc. 

It's daunting to think of switching from being thought of as a heterosexual woman to being thought of as the primarily gay man that I am inside because I know I'd be voluntarily signing up for a ton of discrimination.  But it's starting to seem worth it, and I'm starting to feel strong enough to handle it.

Thanks for reading my long story.  Look forward to meeting and discussing.

- Alex

Hi Alex, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 3600 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother. :icon_hug:

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Blessed Be.
Janet

Thank you!   :)

Hi Alex,
Welcome to the best place in the world when it comes to discussions and usually answers. Like most there is lots of advice to be had, please take and use what you can without feeling guilty about what you can't use. The best part for me is knowing I'm not alone, so glad to have you around.

Yeah, an FTM couldn't possibly be a lesbian.  I wonder why someone would think that was possible?

Just out of curiosity, did you get called a lesbian before or after you started T?  And do you know why?


Back when I was equally attracted to both genders, I used to get really annoyed when people would make assumptions about my sexual orientation based on, say, 1 aspect of my appearance.

When I had short hair, people assumed I was a lesbian.  When I had long hair, people assumed I was hetero.  And (at least at that point) I had never been either, so it seemed pretty absurd.

Now people who don't know me assume I'm a hetero female because I have long hair and a feminine-looking body (hour-glass), even though I dress like a guy or androgynously.  But as people get to know me, they tend to figure out that I'm mentally male.  I think if I transitioned, people would understand me better, faster. 

Right now I feel like I'm wearing a Halloween costume all the time, which seems kind of fun and unique at times but also has its disadvantages. 

welcome to susans hun their are some great people here
hugs
jessica