Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: Nygeel on November 23, 2009, 12:48:50 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Coming out to children
Post by: Nygeel on November 23, 2009, 12:48:50 PM
Post by: Nygeel on November 23, 2009, 12:48:50 PM
I am an FTM with a bit of a problem. I have an amazing friend who moved some what far away with her two children (5, and soon to be 1). The older child has known me for most of her life as a masculine female and I (hopefully) will soon start my physical/hormonal transition into becoming male. I'm planning on starting T soon, and might see them a few months after. When I visit them I most likely will appear male. My friend knows about my wanting to transition and is very supportive.
We've sort of discussed my coming out to her eldest, and I'm not entirely sure how to do it. Have any of you come out to young children at some point during transition? How do you explain it to them?
I kind of wish there was a children's book out there that can just explain it for me.
We've sort of discussed my coming out to her eldest, and I'm not entirely sure how to do it. Have any of you come out to young children at some point during transition? How do you explain it to them?
I kind of wish there was a children's book out there that can just explain it for me.
Title: Re: Coming out to children
Post by: Sandy on November 23, 2009, 01:52:38 PM
Post by: Sandy on November 23, 2009, 01:52:38 PM
Actually you are the best children's book there is.
They will see you as you are and that will give them the all the information they need.
Children are tabular rasa and will accept what they are told if it is told honestly.
My granddaughter happened upon a picture of me before my transition. Here is my blog about it:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,28099.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,28099.0.html)
It's probably more of an issue to you than it is to them.
-Sandy
They will see you as you are and that will give them the all the information they need.
Children are tabular rasa and will accept what they are told if it is told honestly.
My granddaughter happened upon a picture of me before my transition. Here is my blog about it:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,28099.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,28099.0.html)
It's probably more of an issue to you than it is to them.
-Sandy
Title: Re: Coming out to children
Post by: Nygeel on November 23, 2009, 02:15:31 PM
Post by: Nygeel on November 23, 2009, 02:15:31 PM
But I'd like to explain it to them before anything happens...right now I physically do not present as male (just masculine) and feel like they should know that I'll become a guy. I just don't know how to explain it in a way to have kids understand.
Title: Re: Coming out to children
Post by: tekla on November 23, 2009, 02:54:26 PM
Post by: tekla on November 23, 2009, 02:54:26 PM
Children are tabular rasa and will accept what they are told if it is told honestly.
Hell, if you can be compelling and convincing you can convince them of total untruth too - Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, god, Sara Palin would make a good President. The list is almost endless
Hell, if you can be compelling and convincing you can convince them of total untruth too - Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, god, Sara Palin would make a good President. The list is almost endless
Title: Re: Coming out to children
Post by: Sandy on November 23, 2009, 03:01:56 PM
Post by: Sandy on November 23, 2009, 03:01:56 PM
While the 5yo have some understanding of the differences between boys and girls, I really don't think that the 1yo has a clue. And any attempt to explain it will be lost. If you transition while that one is still quite young, she/he may never have any memory of you as anything but male.
The 5yo may be approachable and actually have an idea of what you are trying to say. So just be yourself and speak honestly. But remember that they have very short attention spans, so if you are expecting a real heart to heart, then you may be disappointed.
Keeping it practical and to the point is probably best. For example:
"You know my name used to be (insert female name)"
"yes"
"Well from now on, I'd like you to call me (insert male name)"
"ok"
If they have a question, they'll ask you, children can be embarrassingly direct. And if they want to know why, just tell them the truth. For example:
"why?"
"I'm going to become a boy and I won't be a girl anymore"
"will i ever change into a boy (or girl)"
"No, it isn't something that happens to everyone, you don't have to worry about that."
"ok"
"I may grow hair on my face, but it will be alright"
"will it be scratchy?"
"I hope not."
Children are direct and usually frame changes in their life in the context of how it will affect them. And when a question pops into their mind they will probably ask it as soon as it occurs to them. Usually in a public place like a restaurant. At the top of their voice. :o
As they get older they may have more questions or want to discuss it more, just handle it at their pace.
-Sandy
The 5yo may be approachable and actually have an idea of what you are trying to say. So just be yourself and speak honestly. But remember that they have very short attention spans, so if you are expecting a real heart to heart, then you may be disappointed.
Keeping it practical and to the point is probably best. For example:
"You know my name used to be (insert female name)"
"yes"
"Well from now on, I'd like you to call me (insert male name)"
"ok"
If they have a question, they'll ask you, children can be embarrassingly direct. And if they want to know why, just tell them the truth. For example:
"why?"
"I'm going to become a boy and I won't be a girl anymore"
"will i ever change into a boy (or girl)"
"No, it isn't something that happens to everyone, you don't have to worry about that."
"ok"
"I may grow hair on my face, but it will be alright"
"will it be scratchy?"
"I hope not."
Children are direct and usually frame changes in their life in the context of how it will affect them. And when a question pops into their mind they will probably ask it as soon as it occurs to them. Usually in a public place like a restaurant. At the top of their voice. :o
As they get older they may have more questions or want to discuss it more, just handle it at their pace.
-Sandy