Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: YellowDaisy on November 30, 2009, 07:59:11 PM Return to Full Version
Title: how do i tell my outside family i will no longer tolerate?
Post by: YellowDaisy on November 30, 2009, 07:59:11 PM
Post by: YellowDaisy on November 30, 2009, 07:59:11 PM
calling me masculine things?
Title: Re: how do i tell my outside family i will no longer tolerate?
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 30, 2009, 08:11:14 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 30, 2009, 08:11:14 PM
Do they know your story? Have you told them that you are really female?
Blessed Be
Hugs and Love
Janet
Blessed Be
Hugs and Love
Janet
Title: Re: how do i tell my outside family i will no longer tolerate?
Post by: YellowDaisy on November 30, 2009, 08:17:01 PM
Post by: YellowDaisy on November 30, 2009, 08:17:01 PM
Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 30, 2009, 08:11:14 PMmy aunt on my mom's side knows, because she was told by my mom. everyone else in the house probably knows.
Do they know your story? Have you told them that you are really female?
Blessed Be
Hugs and Love
Janet
Title: Re: how do i tell my outside family i will no longer tolerate?
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 30, 2009, 08:19:57 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 30, 2009, 08:19:57 PM
OK. So you are out to the family then. Well when that happens remind them that you prefer feminine pronouns and your preferred name. Own the ground you stand on.
Hugs and Love
Janet
Hugs and Love
Janet
Title: Re: how do i tell my outside family i will no longer tolerate?
Post by: K8 on December 02, 2009, 06:18:37 PM
Post by: K8 on December 02, 2009, 06:18:37 PM
I've found clear and open communication works well. You don't have to be defensive, but clearly telling people you want to be referred to with female pronouns can work.
Open communication is not telling your mother and expecting the word will filter out. Open communication is you telling people to call you by your preferred name and to use female pronouns.
I remember one woman calling me "sir" when I was in a skirt and heels. I told her: "I am trying very hard to become a woman. It doesn't help me for you to call me 'sir'. You don't have to call me anything - just don't call me 'sir'." She never has since.
It's a hard adjustment for many people. Sometimes we have to be patient and insistent.
Good luck, dear.
- Kate
Open communication is not telling your mother and expecting the word will filter out. Open communication is you telling people to call you by your preferred name and to use female pronouns.
I remember one woman calling me "sir" when I was in a skirt and heels. I told her: "I am trying very hard to become a woman. It doesn't help me for you to call me 'sir'. You don't have to call me anything - just don't call me 'sir'." She never has since.
It's a hard adjustment for many people. Sometimes we have to be patient and insistent.
Good luck, dear.
- Kate
Title: Re: how do i tell my outside family i will no longer tolerate?
Post by: Miniar on December 02, 2009, 06:53:54 PM
Post by: Miniar on December 02, 2009, 06:53:54 PM
And remember, for your relatives who've called you "he" since the moment you were born, it can be a little difficult to break the habit, but it's not impossible, so have a little bit of patience with them.