Susan's Place Transgender Resources

One of the things my therapist asked me when i told her i thought i was transgender, she asked about my sexual orientation.. And i told her i was straight, i think..

For my entire 20 years, i have considered myself heterosexual. I thought I was attracted to men, but what i recently realized is that im not actually attracted to them, but that is how i've always wanted to look, ie my hair, clothes, style.

And i know when i transition to a man i will want to date women, but im not sure i want to date them while i still present as female.. any one ever felt like this? or know why im so insane?? lol

Thanks
Mark

Feel pretty much the same way.

I'm sure it's pretty normal.

I have been straight, and even now I am straight.  Only now it is men, not woman.  ::)


Huggles,
Janet

 :)

im glad im not the only one

Mark

I was always uncomfortable dating women pre-transition but that was because I didn't identify as a lesbian and hated feeling like I should have. But I was never interested in men.

Makes sense. I was always bi pre-transition but more comfortable around me than women.

ive definitely had relationships with guys because i thought i was attracted to them, but now that i think about it i was actually attracted to wanting to look like them
glad somone else shares the same feeling, its crazy how the mind works

Quote from: fdfge on December 20, 2009, 05:00:53 PM
ive definitely had relationships with guys because i thought i was attracted to them, but now that i think about it i was actually attracted to wanting to look like them
glad somone else shares the same feeling, its crazy how the mind works

I definitely feel much better knowing that some people share this feeling.

I also dated a few guys, but it never worked out because i was never comfortable with the relationship.  I did however have a successful (strictly) online relationship with a female who i told i was male.

Mark

Actually, my regular doctor asked that when i talked to her about transitioning - after she said she would get me a referral to an endocrinologist and therapist. I think it was pure curiosity on her part, though i didn't mind.

I told her that i wasn't sure - i'm not openly looking for a relationship until i'm comfortable with myself. But i probably wouldn't cut out half the population simply because of their genitals. Same as i think now, actually. I guess i'm on the fence with that until i fully transition in body (though i admit to liking the male body a LOT lmao.)

Quote from: Markster on December 20, 2009, 05:19:57 PM
I definitely feel much better knowing that some people share this feeling.

I also dated a few guys, but it never worked out because i was never comfortable with the relationship.  I did however have a successful (strictly) online relationship with a female who i told i was male.

Mark

o man you just reminded me, when i was much much younger (like 9) i would go onto aim and go into these chat rooms and pretend to be a 16 yr old guy, i actually formed a sort of relationship with this girl..but i was 9, so that obviously didn't last. damn now that i think about some of the strange things ive done it all makes sense. in preschool i would tell everyone that i was a boy, stuff like that.

Quote from: Kvall on December 20, 2009, 05:32:26 PM
Keep in mind that a minority of guys have noticed their sexuality changing when they go on T. Whether this is a direct hormonal change or simply a matter of allowing the guy to open up to his true feelings is unknown. I'm attracted to both, but I became significantly less attracted to women (especially very... developed ones, I guess I could say) on T.

thats very interesting i never thought about that

Quote
I told her that i wasn't sure - i'm not openly looking for a relationship until i'm comfortable with myself. But i probably wouldn't cut out half the population simply because of their genitals. Same as i think now, actually. I guess i'm on the fence with that until i fully transition in body (though i admit to liking the male body a LOT lmao.)

nothing wrong with that!! sometimes its better not to label yourself and just go with your gut feelings

Quote
o man you just reminded me, when i was much much younger (like 9) i would go onto aim and go into these chat rooms and pretend to be a 16 yr old guy, i actually formed a sort of relationship with this girl..but i was 9, so that obviously didn't last. damn now that i think about some of the strange things ive done it all makes sense. in preschool i would tell everyone that i was a boy, stuff like that.

story of my life haha  everythings starting to make sense now lol

Mark

I'm bi but am more attracted to women...Lately I've been studying men a whole lot more than I ever have (though in a non-sexual way, studying how they dress, walk, etc).

Quote from: Markster on December 20, 2009, 03:34:15 PM...im not actually attracted to them, but that is how i've always wanted to look, ie my hair, clothes, style.

Same here.

Quote from: Markster on December 20, 2009, 03:34:15 PMAnd i know when i transition to a man i will want to date women, but im not sure i want to date them while i still present as female.

I'm the same way. I never dated women because I would be seen as just a lesbian as well as the female lover. I despise the thought of being viewed as a lesbian because that's not what I am. I'm sure any guy would be mad being seen as and called a lesbian. :-\

A few years ago I would have been really uncomfortable dating a guy, simply because I didn't want to be the "girl" in the relationship. Though I didn't ID as a lesbian, I dated a girl for 3 years and definitely assumed a more butch role.
But once I started to accept myself more as male, and began to come out to those around me, the idea of dating masculine people was much more appealing. I'm at the point now where I have almost no attraction to feminine females. I'm in a relationship with another FtM person, and I definitely lean more on the gay male side of the spectrum.
I'm interested to see where my attractions might fall when I start T.

I went through something similar.  I had my first crush (on a girl) when I was about seven.  I was attracted to girls until high school, which is when I decided to change my outward appearance.  I looked and dressed like a boy all through childhood but once puberty hit I started getting picked on.  I changed my appearance to survive in high school, and though I wasn't very girly looking, I definitely looked like a girl.  After awhile I started successfully integrating into the high school social scene (for the most part) and I convinced myself that my childhood was just a phase.  It was a decision - as if I had flipped a switch - that because I was "really" a girl, I should like boys, despite the fact that I had only been attracted to girls up to that point.  My attractions to girls didn't stop, but since I was relatively young I was successful at telling myself that I wanted the girls as best friends, and not sexually.  I'd say one of the main things that convinced me that my childhood was NOT a phase was a time in my life when I became attracted to a girl and a guy at the same time.  For the first time I could see a clear difference between the two.  I realized I was attracted to guys that I wanted to be like.  I have heard this is a common characteristic of gay men; in that respect it's almost like I made myself "gay" for awhile.  :D I think I was also attracted to guys because I am attracted to the idea of heterosexual sex.  But interestingly, I was always uncomfortable with the idea of my taking on female sexual roles.  I remember being particularly repulsed by the idea of wearing female lingerie.  Anyways, over time I realized that my attractions to girls weren't merely desires for a really good friend -- I realized that I wanted to be their boyfriend, and it killed me that I couldn't ask them out in the way I wanted.  Since that point I've only been attracted to women, though I do notice sometimes when guys are good-looking.  But it's only because I wish I looked like them.

Joseph

I identified as a butch lesbian for a while. I was attracted to women then, and am still attracted to them. But.. I guess I'm the minority here? D:

Quote from: Brynn on December 20, 2009, 07:46:20 PM
I identified as a butch lesbian for a while. I was attracted to women then, and am still attracted to them. But.. I guess I'm the minority here? D:

No, you're not in the minority. Lots of guys did time in the lesbian community.

Quote from: Markster on December 20, 2009, 03:34:15 PM
One of the things my therapist asked me when i told her i thought i was transgender, she asked about my sexual orientation.. And i told her i was straight, i think..

For my entire 20 years, i have considered myself heterosexual. I thought I was attracted to men, but what i recently realized is that im not actually attracted to them, but that is how i've always wanted to look, ie my hair, clothes, style.

And i know when i transition to a man i will want to date women, but im not sure i want to date them while i still present as female.. any one ever felt like this? or know why im so insane?? lol

Thanks
Mark

I felt the exact same way. I kept myself in denial for so long because I didn't want to believe I was trans. But I always knew how I felt inside.

All over the place!  LOL

Lived as a straight woman and dated men and only men.  Realized I was trans, and thought since I only dated men I must be gay.  But I was attracted to woman as a man, so thought I was just straight again. 

Now  I realize I'm probably bisexual, and genitalia doesn't matter too much, it's the person. Still leaning towards dating women but won't rule out men.  And trans-folk also welcome (pre or post op).

So it can change.  My therapist does say that sexual orientation can be fluid.


Jay

Always been attracted to women. Can't really see myself with a man as male or female, trust me, I've tried and I just didn't feel like myself.

My sexuality is at the top of a list "things I've given up labeling." Much easier that way. I've been with both men and women (mtf and ftm's included) and its never really mattered.  That being said however, I've found myself more attracted to masculine people lately. The cheer-leader super femme types really don't do it for me.

I've always liked girls but never identified as 'lesbian". I've always seen myself as a hetero dude that likes girls even B4 transition. all my girlfriends have been straight women  8) 8) 8)  never been w/a dude. not my cup of tea. no way! :angel: :angel: :laugh: :laugh:

I was the same...I insisted I was heterosexual throughout most of my teen years, saying the attraction I had toward girls was just "admiration" or some bull. Slowly I came around to the idea I had bisexual tendencies...though I'm finding that after being on T for a while now, I'm starting to heavily prefer women to men. Mostly because I find the person I want to date is much more likely to be found in a female than a male...and the passive guys I've seen that would fit that would borderline on "fruity".

Oh boy.... I've been asked this before and my usual answer is "confused!"  :laugh:

I wouldn't stress about it too much - it's really quite common not to fit into the tiny little restrictive boxes.

I'll objectify both, but don't think I could ever be with a woman. As soon as they become anything more than pixels, I lose interest.

I do enjoy the dynamic that goes with women, but I think that's more how they make me feel about myself. I get to feel like more of a traditional macho-man for a while. Yes, I'm a sleeze  ;). I'm also not immune to their charms - I've driven some around, moved boxes, done stupid things to impress them, etc - so fair's fair!  :laugh: It's all in good fun - I'd never lead a woman on, I have no intention of having a relationship with one.

Men on the other hand... heh :). The right man, and I actually find them attractive after I've gotten to know them. Both the people I've fallen hard for have been male. I don't discriminate between trans and cis, I've had crushes on both. It's more about the man himself as a whole. The right man can get under my skin in a way that no woman ever can.

I could only ever be with someone as a man. I don't mind the fact that I am (for all intents and purposes) gay. The further I get in transition, the more comfortable I am with it. I just don't like the image of the drama filled, stereotyped gay "community" and I want no part of it. I'm just a regular guy that happens to like other guys.

I've never been a lesbian, or done any time in the lesbian community. It was just never a fit. Even confused by the above feelings towards women, I was always 100% sure I wasn't a lesbian (during those times I could have sworn I was a straight man... very odd it didn't tip me off to the fact I am trans).

My orientation hasn't changed. In the past I just ignored how I felt about women, and pretended to be a straight female to "get the guy" (which turned out to be a disaster the one and only time it worked... the dynamic was totally wrong). Transition has made me look at the way I see things, and now I'm comfortable enough in myself to accept what may be a little unusual.

I could be gay, I could be bi. It depends how you define the catagories. Don't worry about the labels - just like what you like and get on with it ;).

for me I've always liked girls...  and always will.

I'm the opposite of you then, GnomeKid.  I've always liked boys and now I know I always will.

I already did the whole "questioning my sexuality" thingy.  Looked at girls, checked them out, even watched some porn, and then kissed a girl...  And nope, not for me. 

And I guess I feel more secure now that I've figured that out.  I've always liked being boyish and a little femmy, so it works out and I feel comfortable with liking boys.  And god I wish I had a body like one of the guys I have a crush on.  x)

I consider myself to be a straight guy. Even as a girl who had flings with girls I felt more like a guy. Lesbian didnt fit. I have been attracted to men too, but I cannot stomach the thought of being a girlfriend anymore. Its just so wrong.

Yeah, I like men too, but mostly in a gay way.  (And I'm more attracted to gay men than straight).  I definitely don't want to be the girlfriend.

Quote from: jmaxley on December 21, 2009, 08:54:53 PM
I definitely don't want to be the girlfriend.

God, same here.  I've had one very serious relationship, and I loved the guy, but it always bothered me to be treated like a fragile little flower. 

I couldn't stand all the boob worship either.  It drove me crazy that he would drool over the one thing about me that I hate more than anything else!

Gay FTM FTW!  :D

Quote from: LucienOctopus on December 21, 2009, 09:02:50 PM
God, same here.  I've had one very serious relationship, and I loved the guy, but it always bothered me to be treated like a fragile little flower. 

I couldn't stand all the boob worship either.  It drove me crazy that he would drool over the one thing about me that I hate more than anything else!

Gay FTM FTW!  :D

Yes, exactly this.  I had a relationship with a lovely guy, but I was presenting female and he just saw me as a female with an odd kink for imitating a gay guy.  He was straight so it didn't end up working out.  I always wanted to hide my chest and always wanted anal... basically I am useless for straight men.  But I can't pass   :embarrassed:

I have always been a gay guy, but my body likes to disagree   :(

I can't pass either, Alessandro.  Sucks, doesn't it?  Too gay for a straight guy, too female for a gay guy.

...Which is why I'm avoiding relationships until I start T.  :(

Quote from: LucienOctopus on December 22, 2009, 12:05:45 PM
I can't pass either, Alessandro.  Sucks, doesn't it?  Too gay for a straight guy, too female for a gay guy.

...Which is why I'm avoiding relationships until I start T.  :(

Yeah, that's exactly the problem we face.  But I know there are men out there who don't look for labels, some bisexuals and pansexual types.  There's hope, it's just pretty slim.

I too am going to stop subjecting myself to the torture of trying to find the right person until I'm better about my plans.  I still don't know if I want to start T (I know I want to, but I am terrified of the implications) but I don't think I'll ever have a relationship without it!  Its all just probability, by taking T we increase our chances, but not hugely.  Without T our chances are slimmer!

I had always liked men, then my junior year of HS I thought I was attracted to women, I became really boyish, but then I realized that I liked men very much.  I then found out that I wanted to be a man (for lack of better words) so I figured I was just a gay guy.  I still feel like a gay guy, although SOMETIMES I a physically attracted to women, but sexually their woman areas do nothing for me.

Growing up from around 8-16 I had a wicked crush on my best friend who was female.  I never told her, but when she got a BF...the fur was flying. He and I got in constant fights over her attention.  She was pretty much the only friend I had so I think that is why I liked her so much. Now (Pre-T) I identify as totally gay. Both my mates are gay cismales. I think I've pretty much been gay most my life. Very few females turn my head and when they do they are goth and or butch >.>

When I told my doc about being TG he asked what my sexuality was and I told him gay.

I think I'm Bi-Demisexual. But lately I've been attracted to Females but I still have some attraction to Males

Bi-demisexual?

A Demisexual is sort of a branch off of Asexuality. A Demisexual is someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction normally but will start to feel sexual attraction to the person they have a strong romantic connection with

I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 8 months now. I think if we were not together or if we break up for good I will definately let my gayness come out. I am so attracted to men and other ftms. My friends ask why go threw the transition and then date guys. I guess they just dont understand. I will never identify as gay or heterosexual. I hate labels for the most part.

Quote from: Markster on December 20, 2009, 03:34:15 PM
I thought I was attracted to men, but what i recently realized is that im not actually attracted to them, but that is how i've always wanted to look, ie my hair, clothes, style.

EXACTLY. that was a major realization in my sexual identity.
I discovered that in middle school actually.  I was pretty confused back then. At first, I thought that I wanted to be a boy, then I started thinking that maybe I don't want to be one, I LIKE them.  But then I realized how I truly felt, which is to be a boy.
never knew anyone else that might feel this way and never found anyone that I'd expect to understand so far.. except maybe one, but I'm too nervous to tell.

Quote from: JakeDenver on December 22, 2009, 08:05:01 PM
My friends ask why go threw the transition and then date guys. I guess they just dont understand. I will never identify as gay or heterosexual. I hate labels for the most part.

Yeah, I get this and ask myself it sometimes  Thing is though there is a hell of a difference between being with a man as a man and being with a man as a woman.  It took me many failed straight relationships to come to this conclusion.  The dynamic is definately not the same, besides they need to get that transition isn't really about making yourself attractive to a certain group of people, its about being happy in your own skin.  If that happens to make you gay, well gay it is.  Its the 21st century, who cares!  :D

Always dated women, been with my SO over 15 years. Came from the 'Lesbian" community.
Myles

Quote from: Brynn on December 20, 2009, 07:46:20 PM
I identified as a butch lesbian for a while. I was attracted to women then, and am still attracted to them. But.. I guess I'm the minority here? D:

Nah that was me too.  At first I was uncomfortable with being seen as a lesbian but I eventually started to embrace that identity.  Only been with women, some gay, some straight

I was always attracted to men, and still am.  Interestingly enough, before T I was primarily attracted to feminine men, and now I seem to be attracted to very masculine men.  Before T I also thought that I might be interested in women if I were male, but now I have absolutely no interest in them at all.  Who knows.  That might change in the future, but at this point, no thanks.

also coming from a lesbian community, i have always been attracted to women. particularly heterosexual, feminine women. to think that that could possibly change were i to start hormone therapy is a little bit startling. it's occurred to me before...what if i'm really just a straight guy?
weird. this is all such an adventure.

i never thought about T changing your sexuality, very interesting!

Mark

i never thought about T changing your sexuality, very interesting!

It doesn't, neither does E.  They only make it an option to change.

No more than I believed my deadhead friends when they told me they had found 'god in a pill.'  There is no evidence that changing that chemical pattern will change the thought patterns, most of which are hardwired in.  That it makes people more open to another way, I'm sure, but I'm also sure that's a result of lifting repression, not changing chemistry.  If it really worked that way, there would be no homosexuality if you think about it. 

Quote from: Kvall on December 29, 2009, 01:51:36 AM
I agree that in most cases it is probably a matter of them opening up to their true desires, but while repression may explain gaining attraction to men or to women, it does not really explain when someone goes from being attracted to a gender, to no longer being attracted to that gender once they have been on T or E for a while.

Along with that, I definitely think a change in a person's hormone levels can alter their attraction to different features, if not genders/sexes. An example of this is how straight cis women who are ovulating prefer men with more masculine features, while those who are on the point of their cycle furthest from ovulation prefer men with more feminine features. Birth control pills cause them to constantly prefer the feminine features. This hormonal interplay has been well-documented by many studies. Their orientation itself is not changing, but then, the level of difference in their hormones is quite a bit smaller than the change we go through.

I've also heard that women tend to be more bisexual not because of their hormones but because of their genitalia along with said hormones. I remember a study being done that found that women tend to pick their partners based on mental relationship, not so much sexual, although it is a factor, but it tends to be more fluid than say a man. They also did this study on MTFs who had surgery and HRT and said that it matched up with genetic women and the same result occurred. I think it'd be a little more complicated than just hormones anyway, and is probably because someone is more comfortable with themselves but I wouldn't completely out rule it.

Denial is a powerful thing and it's very easy to trick yourself into thinking something that isn't true, plus you're going through another puberty, the proper puberty.

I feel the same way, But i find you are who you are, i don't care whats in your pants.

OMG. iv had the same thing going on with me... And i never really asked this Q, when i was young 12 to about 14, i was fricking obssesed with eminem. and i always thought i had a crush on him. But i soon relised, I didnt have a crush on him, I wanted his lifestyle i wannted to be him, i dressed like him ect, and it was also the same before with other so called crushes,  i edded up copying them. Now i now that im pretty sure into women. I love em. LOL. I have never really been with a man. i mean as a kid i had boyfriends but not 4 very long and nothing really hevy. But i never felt right having a boyfriend, And at about 13. i had a expereance with a girl and then i was pretty sure i was into women. Now i pretty much now that, I dont copy anyone else. I just go with my own, style. But always hip hop. The one thing that does confuse me. Is people keep saying how do u now. when im still a vergin. How can i now 4 sure who im into intill i have sex with a women or man. But i dont think it has anythink to do with that, I look at a man. an i want to look like that man. But i look at a women. and im like wow i want that women LOL. thats how i can set here andbe pretty sure I am into women, I am a straight man!

You know, when people tease straight men who take offense at being called feminine because they're insecure about their manhood, it's totally true. As I became more secure about my manhood, and realized how well I passed, I began to allow myself to let go of any societal norms and have feelings for men. Being a straight female is wildly different than being a gay man, just like having feelings for women as a woman is wildly different than having feelings for them as a man, and it's quite possible your sexuality may change during transition.

Actually I am in a somewhat similar situation. Though I still do like men, I am finding myself more and more attracted to women after I came out. I think it's pretty normal.

The sexuality thing does seem to be something that changes more in transsexuals from my personal experience and from watching friends as well. I myself identified as a lesbian until I was 15 and began identifying as a straight male. Now I'm 25 and engaged to a MTF woman. We've talked about sexuality a lot and both identify as bisexual. However growing up I never had an interest in men sexually, one thing I have learned is that a lot of my issues with attraction to men though were about myself and my body. I didn't want someone to treat me like their "girlfriend" and men who I felt were attractive just seemed to spark more jealousy in me than anything else.

I still don't get along with other guys well but have come far from where I was even in having friendships, and I have noticed that since I began T two years ago I have become more comfortable with identifying as bisexual and with "checking out" guys and seeing that they are or can be sexually attractive to me. It is actually one way my fiancee and I both lucked out, being bisexual and both being post op but undergoing HRT gave us both a chance to explore our sexuality with one another, given the physical changes in appearance but still being capable of having heterosexual sex and things like that. They were things neither of us had ever explored before or really thought about, so from that point of view it has been interesting and educational for both of us in discovering our sexuality and the changes that have come on since we began transitioning.