Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Does anyone feel a little bad that you didn't get the same opportunity as someone like Kim Petras? Who transition before puberty began?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3o7VB1UnBU&feature=related# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3o7VB1UnBU&feature=related#)

I feel great for her, but I guess in the same light since she's just a year younger than me I feel kind of jealous lol. Also notice the comments, no one sees her as a male. So I know that looking completely and undeniably woman will make sure you're passing. Not just looking like a beautiful transsexual, but a beautiful woman.

Very. I'm now in my 50s and still feel sadness, looking at my very masculine bulk, knowing what I lost.

But as you say, pleased for her.

Hopefully, Kim's example will mean that future generations of young people won't be forced to accept the disfigurement of their bodies.

I do have to say that, I'm personally opposed to allowing children to have surgery. Like, I suspect, many of us, I was absolutely certain of what I should have been, at a very young age. (I was 4 when it dawned on me).

I make this point simply because such a huge decision really needs to be made with some insight that maturity brings.

But we are now able to come more into the open about our problems, largely because modern medicine has created new opportunities. Medicines exist to delay pubitry. I see no reason why, other young people, who may feel as we do, cannot ask for these. At the very worst, if they do change their minds, they can stop taking these medicines and allow their pubitry to proceed, albeit, a bit later.

As for Kim, Go girl. GO!

That is god-aweful music, seriously is that what the kids are into these days?

No offense intended but I do have to say that I couldn't disagree more about children and surgery, although sadly with current diagnostic abilities I would agree that it is difficult to allow because of the lack of certainty involved except in very unusual cases.

Personally however I am 100% convinced that most people are mature enough and certain enough to take this decision in their teens.

The fact is you were certain, so was I, and so were 99% of all the people I know. So it would seem slightly arrogant of us to assume that we were the only "genuine ones" and that others can not know what we in fact DID know. If you are anything like me you will STILL hold burning resentment of anyone who didn't believe you and told you that you couldn't be sure.

So please don't wish that on anyone else - because I really think that we should not try to live others lives for them. We all have to take responsibility for our own lives. It seems to me that much of the trouble in this world is caused by misguided people who wrongly try to protect us from ourselves.

I find it difficult to forgive myself for the fact that I was the IDIOT who virtually did have the chance at 17 and blew it by mishandling the situation. Result was I didn't get my surgery until 24. (sadly a long time ago now)

I also very much hope that in future there will be a proper diagnostic tool available, and perhaps a true, and therefore reversible, gene therapy change available, and this I hope could be offered to children.

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Post Merge: December 26, 2009, 03:34:11 AM

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Quote from: Becca on December 26, 2009, 03:27:56 AM
That is god-aweful music, seriously is that what the kids are into these days?

...and Becca I'm ashamed to admit it but I have all Kim's tracks on my ipod. In fact one (Die For You) is my ringtone LOL :D

Well to each their own. Personally I'm going to play Elton and G&R all night to get the bubblegum out of my ears.

Kim Petras might look good, but it's nothing compared to the hair transplanting miracles performed on Elton's scalp, lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeBTuiBWR9U# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeBTuiBWR9U#)

It certainly would have been nice to prevent female puberty and its growth-stunting altogether. But I still have the opportunity to start relatively young, and for that I am grateful. Things could certainly be worse.

Good for all those who didn't have to go through the wrong puberty though, it's a painful experience I wouldn't really wish on anyone.

Right now I wish I had that opportunity as the effects of male puberty haven't been kind to me.  The funny thing about when I was young was not that I knew I was different from all the guys; on the contrary I thought they were all in the same boat I was: resentful of the fact that they had to be a boy and wanted to be a girl.  Since I thought my feelings were perfectly normal I never said anything and so I never had the opportunity that Kim had.  On the one hand I wish I had known I was different but on the other hand that mentality spared me from a lot of pain early on (pushed back to now where I can do something about it).

That would have been nice, 'cause when I was younger I was sent to a councellor over my GID and was told that I needed to do more male-oriented things, and my mom also had to find a male role model for me. I had a big-brother sorta thing for a while, and I was also pushed into scouts. Back then, it was the belief (especially where I lived) that you can prevent/cure transsexualism early on if it was suspected with social intervention. Back then, there was a strong belief that gender was just a social construct, and that there was no or little genetic and brain sex involved. Things have started to change in that field, however. Yet, still, some docs and psychologists still hold onto the idea that a child can be corrected from transsexualism. I'm a product of that -- I guess it didn't work like they expected. LOL

I think Kim is amazing, I love her songs, "Fade Away" is my favorite!

It would have been nice to start that early, but what can you do about it now?

Chrissi

I agree Icephoenyx. I would have loved to transition at puberty when I came out to my parents. Didn't happen. I cannot live in the past.

I can't remeber who said it: Wishes are dishes for the poor.

I don't understand it either :laugh:

Cindy

I apologise of my comment indicated a lack of sympathy for prepubescent people like us.

I'm a little concerned about a decision on such irreversable surgery being left to a child.

I am equally concerned about the possibility of adults perhaps encouraging this for their own ends. Some boys, for example, are gay. They often have very sensitive and gentle natures. But they don't want to be women, just gay.

I do believe that the medical community must rcognise our problem for what it is. As someone who also went through male pubitry, though quite late, my body is ugly and distasteful to me. Though I know many women find the sight of strong jaw lines, broad shoulders, a deep voice and big muscles very attractive.

I think the earlier the better. But when I was Kim's age things were very different to how they are today. But I would have definitely transitioned at 14 or 15 if I had the same opportunity as Kim back in the 1970's.

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on December 28, 2009, 10:51:58 AM
I think the earlier the better. But when I was Kim's age things were very different to how they are today. But I would have definitely transitioned at 14 or 15 if I had the same opportunity as Kim back in the 1970's.

me too.

I really hope that the powers that be, see sense and allow people to ask for counciling and hormone therapy to start at the begining of teens.

I am 41. Yes I am very jelous. But that is tempered with the knowledge that even if I had come out when I was a child I would not have been allowed to transition by my family. Kim has the poster-child mom for trans acceptance and what is the right thing to do. If I could hug the woman I would.
My honest hope and prayer is that as culture advances we eventualy will be recognised as trans at a very young age so future generations can have the transition that Kim had.
I believe in reincarnation. Next time I am born into a transsexual body I hope I don't have as rough a time as this one was.

Quote from: cynthialee on December 29, 2009, 12:43:26 PM
Kim has the poster-child mom for trans acceptance and what is the right thing to do. If I could hug the woman I would.
My honest hope and prayer is that as culture advances we eventualy will be recognised as trans at a very young age so future generations can have the transition that Kim had.
I believe in reincarnation. Next time I am born into a transsexual body I hope I don't have as rough a time as this one was.

The sad fact is that even with a poster-child mum one can still mess it up!  ::)

Back in the 1960s and 1970s my mum was a saint. She even paid for me to see a gender specialist at the age of 17. I still somehow managed to mess up fall out with the man and thereby needlessly delay my own transition for a further 5 years.

But I too hope that as society understanding grows fewer people will have the rough time that many sadly still do.

I can't say I had a "poster child" mother, but my mother was always supportive of me and tried to get me into therapy to deal with my gender issues at age 13. I just couldn't deal with them myself, or even deal with confronting them in therapy, because I was far from a poster child trans kid. I had lots and lots of other problems.

I didn't really understand the options that were available to me until college (and then, largely because of the growth of the Web), but even then it took me another decade to have the personal strength to deal with transitioning. Even now, it's hard and I'm screwing up a lot of things in my life. I can say with certainty I would have screwed up even worse if I had tried to transition earlier, and for reasons unrelated, or at least only loosely related, to being trans.

So yes, I wish I could have transitioned before puberty. But I couldn't, and I only partly blame the transphobic society we live in.

I am really happy for Kim, but I am really happy to be myself.  How wonderful there are at least two happy people in the world.

I have accumulated many regrets in my life, as we all do, but I am so very delighted to finally be Kate that I don't waste any energy on what-ifs.

The saying I always heard was "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."  I read that as: Don't worry about the ephemeral; grab the real.  (And hold onto it with both hands and cherish it and work with it.)

- Delightedly Kate

Quote from: Alyssa M. on December 29, 2009, 02:44:35 PM
I can't say I had a "poster child" mother, but my mother was always supportive of me and tried to get me into therapy to deal with my gender issues at age 13. I just couldn't deal with them myself, or even deal with confronting them in therapy, because I was far from a poster child trans kid. I had lots and lots of other problems.

I didn't really understand the options that were available to me until college (and then, largely because of the growth of the Web), but even then it took me another decade to have the personal strength to deal with transitioning. Even now, it's hard and I'm screwing up a lot of things in my life. I can say with certainty I would have screwed up even worse if I had tried to transition earlier, and for reasons unrelated, or at least only loosely related, to being trans.

So yes, I wish I could have transitioned before puberty. But I couldn't, and I only partly blame the transphobic society we live in.

You are very lucky to have understanding and supportive parents. For most of us this wasn't the case and although I had the same feelings at 13 I wasn't allowed to speak about them. If I had the opportunity to deal or speak to someone about my GD issue's at 13 I would have ran with it..

Quote from: K8 on December 30, 2009, 08:20:12 AM
I am really happy for Kim, but I am really happy to be myself.  How wonderful there are at least two happy people in the world.

I have accumulated many regrets in my life, as we all do, but I am so very delighted to finally be Kate that I don't waste any energy on what-ifs.

The saying I always heard was "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."  I read that as: Don't worry about the ephemeral; grab the real.  (And hold onto it with both hands and cherish it and work with it.)

- Delightedly Kate

This.
I figure there's a reason we all transitioned when we did. Life's a journey, not a race. Maybe we had to go through some things in our birth role to more appreciate our new lives in the end.

Quote from: Nero on December 30, 2009, 12:01:47 PM
This.
I figure there's a reason we all transitioned when we did. Life's a journey, not a race. Maybe we had to go through some things in our birth role to more appreciate our new lives in the end.

That's a great way to look at it. Thanks! I feel better about those 5 missing years now.

Quote from: Nero on December 30, 2009, 12:01:47 PM
This.
I figure there's a reason we all transitioned when we did. Life's a journey, not a race. Maybe we had to go through some things in our birth role to more appreciate our new lives in the end.

There might be reasons but not necessarily the right reasons and most of us older transitioners would have loved to be in the position to transition at such an early age as Kim has been able to do.

My experiences in my birth role were horrendous and getting badly beaten up at school for looking feminine isn't my idea of a fun time!

Wow, she is CUTE. ;D

I transitioned very early as well so I don't think I would have done anything different. Of course, transitioning the summer before high school would have been optimal but I am well satisfied with how it did turn out. Definitely wish everyone lived in an accepting environment like mine that allows such early transition.

Quote from: Sameth on December 31, 2009, 05:16:05 PM
Wow, she is CUTE. ;D

I transitioned very early as well so I don't think I would have done anything different. Of course, transitioning the summer before high school would have been optimal but I am well satisfied with how it did turn out. Definitely wish everyone lived in an accepting environment like mine that allows such early transition.

I think things are much better now than when I was growing up in the 1970's.

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on December 31, 2009, 06:33:48 PM
I think things are much better now than when I was growing up in the 1970's.

Amen to that. And the 60s for that matter.

For so many of us, the frustrations of society's attutudes are a matter of fact.

I really hope we can build a better society for those who will follow us.

Quote from: K8 on December 30, 2009, 08:20:12 AM
I am really happy for Kim, but I am really happy to be myself.  How wonderful there are at least two happy people in the world.

Make that three! Why look back when there's new ground to burn :) Meghan

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on December 30, 2009, 09:54:24 AM
You are very lucky to have understanding and supportive parents. For most of us this wasn't the case and although I had the same feelings at 13 I wasn't allowed to speak about them. If I had the opportunity to deal or speak to someone about my GD issue's at 13 I would have ran with it..

Supportive? Yes, kind of. They were a lot better at helping me learn algebra than acknowledging and discussing any problems I might have been having. But understanding? Hell no!

I wasn't able to talk about much of anything at that age, I was such a wreck, and it didn't matter because in my family we almost never discussed anything of consequense. I didn't even know how to talk about things that mattered. And it sort of didn't matter that I hated being a guy, because I hated just about everything else about my life too. The only thing that made me happy at all was nature, being outdoors. Transitioning didn't seem like it would solve much, and I didn't have the strength to do it, nor meaningful support.

a little yea. i mean it would have been alot more fun in junior high if i could have had one of those salty guys. but whatever, everything is ok now so im happy :)

Quote from: Alyssa M. on January 01, 2010, 04:35:28 PM
Supportive? Yes, kind of. They were a lot better at helping me learn algebra than acknowledging and discussing any problems I might have been having. But understanding? Hell no!

I wasn't able to talk about much of anything at that age, I was such a wreck, and it didn't matter because in my family we almost never discussed anything of consequense. I didn't even know how to talk about things that mattered. And it sort of didn't matter that I hated being a guy, because I hated just about everything else about my life too. The only thing that made me happy at all was nature, being outdoors. Transitioning didn't seem like it would solve much, and I didn't have the strength to do it, nor meaningful support.

I felt a bit like that as well. I felt so depressed for so many years I didn't feel I could actually transition and it was out of reach. I also like nature and the countryside and it was my only sanctary for a long time. If I went out with male friends I was kind of there but not really there. The guys I knew were checking out the girls and I was just thinking I wanted to be one of the girls. I actually told the guys what I wanted to do and they understood far more than I thought they would. I nearly transitioned much earlier in my life but something held me back although all the time I was experimenting with hormones and trying to move forward in small steps.

Quote from: spacial on January 01, 2010, 11:06:13 AM
Amen to that. And the 60s for that matter.

For so many of us, the frustrations of society's attutudes are a matter of fact.

I really hope we can build a better society for those who will follow us.

Some of us from the 60's were lucky but it was undoubtedly harder, not least because in the 70's the medical profession as a whole seemed far less sympathetic. Happily things started to change in the 80's.

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on January 02, 2010, 06:12:56 PM
I felt a bit like that as well. I felt so depressed for so many years I didn't feel I could actually transition and it was out of reach. I also like nature and the countryside and it was my only sanctary for a long time. If I went out with male friends I was kind of there but not really there. The guys I knew were checking out the girls and I was just thinking I wanted to be one of the girls. I actually told the guys what I wanted to do and they understood far more than I thought they would. I nearly transitioned much earlier in my life but something held me back although all the time I was experimenting with hormones and trying to move forward in small steps.

Strangely enough I understand that too. Even from the perspective of having completed my journey at age 24 I look back and think that if I had only played things differently, I might have been able to complete my journey even earlier.

Bottom line I am pleased that at last people like Kim are starting to break through. Personally I hope that one day all transpeople will be able to be properly diagnosed and those who need to do so will transition and have treatment in childhood.

Quote from: rejennyrated on January 03, 2010, 05:34:26 AM
Some of us from the 60's were lucky but it was undoubtedly harder, not least because in the 70's the medical profession as a whole seemed far less sympathetic. Happily things started to change in the 80's.Strangely enough I understand that too. Even from the perspective of having completed my journey at age 24 I look back and think that if I had only played things differently, I might have been able to complete my journey even earlier.

Wow! 24 is pretty early to finish your journey! Apart from a little dabbling I didn't get officially started till I was 42..