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Did you have somebody there with you, say, a spouse, a family member, A BFwhen you had GRS?

Will there be somebody there with you, say, a spouse, a family member, a BF when you have GRS?

Or are you gonna go it alone?

I'm going it alone.

I'm not close enough to anyone to want them there for something so personal.  I'm fortunate in that my surgeon and team provide enough support for patients who have to go it alone.  Even if I had a s/o I think I'd still want to be alone.

The only reason I had someone with me for top surgery was because it was required by my surgeon.

That and it's already so expensive that for me to have to pay for someone else to go would be cost prohibitive.


Jay

No 1st time around I deliberately arranged to go in at short notice when everyone I cared about was out of the country on holiday, because I didn't want them to worry.

2nd time round for my forthcoming revision my son has to go to work and my partner has to stay in Cornwall look after the cats. So that will be no again!

Funnily enough I'm much more nervous this time round than I ever was on the first go - and this one is pretty minor by comparison

When and if I have GRS, it will most likely be alone.  But it would be nice to wake up and see someone there that really care about me.


Janet

Yes, both Julie Marie and I had each other for both of our GRS's, as well as FFS. I guess we consider ourselves very fortunate. At one earlier time, I thought that I could have gone it alone. Now in retrospect, that would have been very tough and emotionally draining. Having someone there to comfort you, smile and ease your worries was invaluable. She was my angel!

Considering that we really didn't have family's to turn to, made having a partner there all the more important.

If you have FFS in the U.S., you will definitely need someone to be there 24/7 for the first week you are home from the OR. In our country, you are usually on your own for recovery. Having gone through this, we both think that is nuts. Good aftercare for GRS and FFS is a must!

There was no one. I had been disowned only days before, left my home town of 24 years, moved to an apartment in a new city and left straight away for surgery.

Everything and everyone who has been part of my life has been added afterwards. It was only decades later that I began to reconnect with my sister and some childhood friends.

It did teach me that ultimately everyone has only one person they can always could on - themselves.

I'm super blessed and fortunate for both my FFS and SRS surgeries to have help.

My FFS surgery, I was doomed to go it alone, when my bf of 10 months, in one amazing act of amazing 'chivalry',  dumped me 3 weeks before the surgery.   But there truly are angels walking the earth, a friend, a woman that was one of many friends (that I didn't really know all that well at the time)  insisted, and I mean INSISTED that she would not let me go alone.  So she came with, and spent 10 frickin'!!! days in a hotel with me for my healing.   And, quite honestly, I would not have made it through it (sanely) without her.  She and I bonded during that healing period, and are sisters, death do us part.  We are family, and I spend holidays at her house for dinners and time with her (now my) newly adopted family (I'm the US girl transplant).

For SRS surgery, two of my very best friends (they are engaged)  are coming for the first 10 days (well, and to double time sightseeing in Thailand, lol) to see me through my healing.   She has been through the Chonburi drill before, and has been so wonderful and supportive to me, she is my (younger) big sister, in my transition.  ;D
 
Indubitably I am blessed, and will never ever knock the value of having that hand to hold onto, to whisper kind things, to one when they are down, healing and *hurting*.  I hope to give that back to my friends that find themselves on the short end of a scalpel someday.

*huggs*,
Melan

My husband was there for my GRS almost 10 years ago, and I was with him for his the following year.

We married as 'man and wife' ended up as 'wife and man'.

Both of us were treated by Doctor Meltzer while he was still in Portland, Oregon. 

Robyn

I too am blessed, and I am constantly thankful for it.  I had thought I would do this alone, but it's looking like I won't.

When I told my daughter about my surgery she insisted on coming to pick me up, take me home, and care for me until I can care for myself.  When I told my brother-in-law about my surgery he immediately began planning how to get me there and stay with me for several days after the surgery.  When I mentioned this to a girlfriend, she insisted that she will take me to my brother-in-law's house so that he doesn't have to drive the extra 200 miles to pick me up.  I never asked any of them to help me but am very grateful for their offers.

As it looks now, I'll be alone for four or five days between surgery and my daughter's arrival.  I'm sure I will be able to manage, but perhaps another angel will appear.

- Kate

My SO will be with me before, during, and after the entire thing. We are both flying from Australia to the US next year for this. I also have some girl friends in Nashville I could stay with afterward, but we are actually thinking now of renting a small apt. in Philadelphia for a couple months following the surgery so I can be close to the surgeon's office. In any case, I am very thankful to have these caring people in my life. I'm such a big baby anyways there's no way I would survive it on my own lol

I have chosen to go it alone.

My mother, I know, would come with me if i asked or if she knew. Alas, I havent nor will I ask, and she will not know.

my mom is going with me :)

getting a room with an ocean view... I still haven't convinced her it's "needed" but I believe I can convince her ;)

(that said, it will still cost me for other expenses)

I talked to my mom and I am pretty sure that she will be with me/take care of me after top surgery, she also said she could help give me T shots

so thats nice to know, she says she supports me, she just doesnt agree with what I plan to do

i wish...but i probably won't. i've been alienated by most everyone finally.

If I had it today, I would be going alone. My mom would prolly come and take care of me...but ugh. I can just see her asking the doctor which dialator her son should use and when. The thought of taking someone with me has crossed my mind, but the only person besides my mom who is willing to go is afraid of flying and wants me to pay for a cruise to and from Thailand instead.

for top surgery. one of my bro's. his wife. a buddy of mine were there. I'd just met my gf. she wasnt my gf yet but she was there 2. :laugh: ;) ;)

for hysto. my gf. my mom. my 2 bro's. my sister-in-law. a cousin. alot of ppl :) :) :)

My sister & a friend accompanied to Thailand.  Whilst I was there, I was in excellent hands, Dr. Suporn was very compassionate and so were the nurses, I have nothing but praise & gratitude for their care & professionalism, but it was marvelous to see some familiar faces when I woke up from anesthesia.

I won't go anywhere without someone there to watch over me while I'm out. And hubby wouldn't Stand for me being all alone either!
So that's that!

I had my BFF there with me for GRS and BA.  With both at the same time, you really need someone there as it would have been just about impossible, no it would have been impossible without her being along.

Beni

For both FFS & GRS, the BF was by my side.  I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't been there.

Quote from: Valentina on December 29, 2009, 05:20:26 PM
Did you have somebody there with you, say, a spouse, a family member, A BFwhen you had GRS?

Will there be somebody there with you, say, a spouse, a family member, a BF when you have GRS?

Or are you gonna go it alone?

How lonely & isolated from everybody does somebody have to be to go it alone?  If you haven't got a family member that loves you, have you got a best friend, somebody that accepts you at least?

I wanted to go alone.
I didn't want to be responsible for somebody to sit around for a week with nothing much to do.
I wanted to be able to take naps (all the time) without thinking of others.

On the other hand, I got a chance later to be there for someone else's SRS and it was great.
I wasn't bored in the least.

Oops, am I being inconsistent? >:-)

I had my fiance with me the whole time.  He was my angel sent to watch over me.  There's no way I could have done this alone.

Forgot to say that both of my parents were with me for my GRS.

Quote from: Yvonne on December 31, 2009, 04:30:16 AM
How lonely & isolated from everybody does somebody have to be to go it alone?  If you haven't got a family member that loves you, have you got a best friend, somebody that accepts you at least?

I am an intensely private person.  While I don't doubt my family loves me, I was embarrassed beyond belief to have my brother with me for top surgery.  One, my family isn't into medical things, and to have drains and blood and bruising etc. totally grosses them out.  Second, I'm not *that* close to them that I want to share the reshaping of my (intensely personal) genitals.

In an ideal world we'd all have someone we accord that level of trust to; I do not at the moment.  And like renate said, I don't want to be responsible for someone else, and I hate asking people to wait on me hand and foot.

I did my hysto alone, and it was fine.  Clearly not the same, but enough.



Jay

I voted no cause I went alone for my SRS 14 years ago.  But I did not feel alone because I went to Menard's clinic in Montreal and he had us live in the residence together.  I made lots of friends who were all having the surgery and we lived together and dilated together and everything for two weeks.  Even the two days in the clinic before returning to the residence, I was in a room with another girl who had the surgery too.  So I did not feel lonely at all.

My spouse was with me when I had the colon graft revision 2 years ago.  By that I mean he visited me in the hospital for a little while almost every day.  But I felt more alone that time because I was in a hospital and no one was around most of the time except the nurses.

I voted no, but it turned out to be "kinda".

I did not travel with my partner, Pat, because she would have lost her job if she took the time off.  Though in retrospect, since she eventually lost her job anyway, it would have been better for her to come with me.

I traveled alone, but I met some wonderful people there who I did visit and they checked up on me while I was in hospital and recovery.  They drove me around the area and showed me some sights of the area I would not have seen otherwise.

If I had been completely unattended, I would have had a much harder time of it.

This is major surgery, folks, and you really, REALLY need support for your best recovery.  Had I gone to Montreal, I may have been in a better position since there is the recovery hotel, but this is nothing to take lightly.

-Sandy

-Sandy

Was there somebody with you when you had GRS?

yes.  my parents & my brother.

Nope. My BF wants to go, but I told him to save the ~$1,000 he'd spend on the flight/hotel for a vacation later this year for us both :) It's better spent that way, in my opinion.

~Sarah

My older sister & niece who's also my goddaughter stayed with me.

I wasn't alone.  I had a very dear relative with me.  I found FFS to be more challenging than GRS in terms of pain & recuperation.  I couldn't really see after FFS; my eyes were too swollen & I was in a lot of pain.  GRS, the pain was less but I still needed help with simple stuff.  I admire those people that have to go it alone.  I couldn't have done it all on my own.

I voted yes.  I haven't had surgery yet, but my mom has told me that when I have top surgery she'll go with me and help me after.  If I haven't moved too far, she'll probably be the one to go with me for my hysto as well.  She doesn't pretend to understand what I'm going through, but she supports me enough to know she can't change my mind and this is something I need to do for myself, just not alone.

Assuming I do, likely not. Unless I have an SO at the time who's really that close.

Quote from: Yvonne on December 31, 2009, 04:30:16 AM
How lonely & isolated from everybody does somebody have to be to go it alone?  If you haven't got a family member that loves you, have you got a best friend, somebody that accepts you at least?

Hmm, have to agree that I don't want my mom around for something she won't approve of. Something very personal, I'll likely not want to be bothered. Too personal for friends. That's just not they way I deal with friends.

Maybe going alone doesn't necessarily mean someone is lonely.