Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am not quite sure, but my feeling becomes stronger and stronger. I think my face becomes masculine as my biological age approaches 50. People comment that my body shape is indeed feminine and slim, but my face does not match with it. A few people sometimes comment that my face is also feminine, but I do not agree.

A few days ago, before taking shower in the morning, I was charmed by my own body shown in the mirror. It was so lovely to my eyes. But, my masculine skin was cacophony in my girly mood. I want soft-skinned body and face. Next month, I will talk to my friend who is a GP. He does not like my crossdressing, but he may write prescription for estrogen or others for me. I prefer edible pills to injection. Just slight dosage for feminizing my face a little bit, minimizing any chance of side effects.

I do not need strong sexual desire or libido. I hope people will accept me more easily as my face matches better with my body. Of course, I will continue to be a good dad to my kids. Just slight enhancement in my face...

Barbie~~

Estrogen does not just affect the face, I hope you know that,  But it affects the entire body.  Yes, you will get softer skin.  Yes, your face will feminize. 

But you will have reduced libido, breast enlargement, body hair reducetion.  Begin HRT is not for the fainthearted.  Make sure that you are prepared for all the changes.  And don't do it if you are remotely apprehensive.


Hugs,
Janet

Quote from: barbie on January 29, 2010, 11:19:45 PM
I am not quite sure, but my feeling becomes stronger and stronger. I think my face becomes masculine as my biological age approaches 50.

I do not need strong sexual desire or libido. I hope people will accept me more easily as my face matches better with my body. Of course, I will continue to be a good dad to my kids. Just slight enhancement in my face...

Hey barbie! I love reading your posts! Just when I think I do not "fit in" here or anywhere else anymore I stumble across the same concerns that preoccupy me! Being slightly past 50 with kids (boy girl 10 12) I too have a tall slender body a lot of ggs would kill for with long brunette hair (all mine!) atop a much too masculine face!

As you may or not know I am currently divorcing wife seeking full custody as she is truly *psychotic & criminal* yet it has been an uphill battle and despite all the wild allegations & lies flying on her part IT IS NOT REALLY ABOUT CROSSDRESSING for me so much as it is a more neutral based "genderdressing" to better fit casual observer perceptions given the fact how society almost forces us into a clearly identifiable either/or mentality . . .

Correct If Wrong but You and I seem to be caught in the same catch-22 because, in spite of our own sense of conflicting inner identity, we indeed do not have the luxury of deliberately attempting to misrepresent our birth gender as we seek to portray *quite feminine* while all the time retaining the cherished mainstream social role of "dad" for our kids - the highly biased, ofttimes ignorant "world" can quite easily challenge our *perversion of their natural order* based on chosen defining ways of dressing but how can they dare dispute *actual appearances to the contrary* as long as we nominally insist on continuing to assert ourselves "as male"?

Am I making ant sense at all ??? 'cause it does seem like a huge contradictory goal that for me cannot otherwise be easily explained (so why try? what you see/think is YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE)! lol "Er, excuse me maam, but did I hear your children call you dad?"  ;D

barbie, to answer yer question having been mostly ON HRT for over three years now your facial look will definitely thin out & soften a bit and as far as breast growth is concerned estrogen will probably not become a real problem as long as you remain body thin (which like me I know you will) so GO FOR IT,

Nothing happens overnight and can always stop! Libido is also not a prob ; can *take it or leave it* but then again I have been judiciously avoiding cultivating any innate enjoyment of attentive men - as long as the kids are around I'm quite happy to be a single Mr Mom - have you ever considered any FFS? (as SRS is definitely OUT for now, can never see it happening to me!)

I so badly want to start on spiro at least, but have been able to resist that temptation so far... In part thanks to support here at Susans gently reminding me DIY is very dangerous, and in part because I know doing it behind my wife's back is dishonest and would get me kicked out onto the street.

But I also have a feminine-looking face (one other person here at Susans who has seen my pic said I "had a girl's face with a beard."), so I'm very curious how I'd look after the effects of HRT (and lazer, of course).

I also am eager to get all the other effects of HRT, both the mental and physical... but thus far I'm still on the path to do it the proper way (if I ever do it).

Thanks for all lovely replies.

As my kids are growing up, it would not matter so much. My little daughter likes to play with my 5-inch red high heel sandals, and she knows that they are mine. She also asks why dad wears make up while mom does not. She also sometimes searches for my nipples. My kids see and know that I sometimes wear skirts, which are hung in my closet.

I have not yet decided to transition, and I will listen to opinions of other people including my friends, especially the doctor. Probably I will not talk to my wife, as I think it can frighten her unnecessarily. Doctors may recommend me estrogen or spiro and others.

A few days ago, I walk along with my wife while wearing the 4-inch heels. She sometimes gave me her fashion items such as tight tops, tights and bags. She trusted me so much, and I will never disappoint her.

Kids and side effects are the major concerns to me.

Yes. Yesterday I ran about 15 km to meet my friends in a beer bar. It was really nice to drink beer after sweating. The effect of exercising is marvelous. I become so happy and confident. A problem was that I drunk to much as I was so much thirsty  :D

Barbie~~

This is a temtation I gave into ten months ago.  I am starting to notice changes in my face and I am increasingly happy with my appearance.  I know I have a long way to go but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

What is important is not how others see you bt how you see yourself.  I know inside I am female and increasingly my external appearance is matching my internal feelings.   I am lucky, I have no spouse or children.  There are very few people to shock or disappoint.  I am finding it hard to express my feelings to others.  I cannot imagine how hard this would be with a wife and children.

Quote from: barbie on January 30, 2010, 12:27:37 PM
Thanks for all lovely replies.

As my kids are growing up, it would not matter so much. My little daughter likes to play with my 5-inch red high heel sandals, and she knows that they are mine. She also asks why dad wears make up while mom does not. She also sometimes searches for my nipples. My kids see and know that I sometimes wear skirts, which are hung in my closet.

I have not yet decided to transition, and I will listen to opinions of other people including my friends, especially the doctor. Probably I will not talk to my wife, as I think it can frighten her unnecessarily. Doctors may recommend me estrogen or spiro and others.

A few days ago, I walk along with my wife while wearing the 4-inch heels. She sometimes gave me her fashion items such as tight tops, tights and bags. She trusted me so much, and I will never disappoint her.

Kids and side effects are the major concerns to me.

Yes. Yesterday I ran about 15 km to meet my friends in a beer bar. It was really nice to drink beer after sweating. The effect of exercising is marvelous. I become so happy and confident. A problem was that I drunk to much as I was so much thirsty  :D

Barbie~~

If this ever makes you miserable I'm sure that your kids would enjoy you far more when you're truly happy. I dk of your situation completely, but if this is the case, part of me would think better to do it early.

But I'm no expert.

Quote from: Pippa on January 31, 2010, 09:44:37 AM
What is important is not how others see you bt how you see yourself.  I know inside I am female and increasingly my external appearance is matching my internal feelings.   I am lucky, I have no spouse or children.  There are very few people to shock or disappoint.  I am finding it hard to express my feelings to others.  I cannot imagine how hard this would be with a wife and children.

I agree that how I see myself is more important. Sometimes I need a courage and determination to change something and the world suddendly looks different. When I first go out wearing skirt and heels. When I quit smoking. When I started exercise...

Regarding my kids, I just worry what I should wear when I attend their wedding ceremony in which I should meet and talk with the partent of the spouse of my kid. I hope it would not be a big deal.

Barbie~~

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Post Merge: February 01, 2010, 08:00:27 AM

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Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 31, 2010, 11:22:28 AM
I dk of your situation completely, but if this is the case, part of me would think better to do it early.

But I'm no expert.

Kara, I do not think an expert is always better in advising me regarding my future. An expert is good at a specific area, not at the whole life of a person.

If I can quite smoking, I may consider starting HRT. I have smoked for about 25 years and tried several times to quit.

Barbie~~

Hi Barbie,

The line that worries me is this:

"I have not yet decided to transition, and I will listen to opinions of other people including my friends, especially the doctor. Probably I will not talk to my wife, as I think it can frighten her unnecessarily. Doctors may recommend me estrogen or spiro and others."

You should reconsider transitioning (or seriously considering it) without talking to your wife.  One of the truism's about transition is that you transition and you (unintentionally) cause your family and friends to transition too.  In the sense that they have to deal with the issues, whether they wanted to do so or not.  The changes from HRT can be quite dramatic and permanent.  Definitely not fair to your wife to start to do so, without her knowledge.  I believe that it is unfair to even consider it without her input.  The more she is involved, the more likely your marriage can weather the storms that are common when one partner transitions.

If your face is all you're worried about, why not just save up (a lot) of money and try for FFS?

Barbie,

I have not been around a long time. But you were one of the persons I knew best here.  I'm sure you remember me. You always were an inspiration. We have some things in common. Like children. I think we are both 'government officials'.

My son of 6 always takes away the nail polish when he sees it is next to me. And I think he also already knows there are some things in the closet which are not in their place.  Once he asked me 'why do you wear mama's underwear ?' I wasn't, it was mine. I didn't think he'd notice.  It looked almost male one but he still noticed.

I think I read once from you a long time ago you wouldn't take hormones. You already look much like a woman. You certainly have already a very good result.  If I would be you I would not really hesitate. The people around you accept you for what you mean to them.  The gender isn't the most important in that. And you certainly would have a good result.

Like 20 years ago I wanted to become a bodybuilding champion.  I never took hormones.  But many I knew did.  And it certainly made a huge difference. But also their whole personality changed.  Some became very aggressive.  They had psychological issues.  Legal problems also.  Their marriage became a mess.  My training partner got health problems as well.  I already wondered why he was so strong, then he told me why.  Me, I think I have this 'natural' sensitivity for male hormones. It's been over 10 years since I have been in the gym but I still have my big biceps and my 'tits'. Even if now I want to get rid of them ( I mean the big biceps, not the tits   ;D ).

If you take female hormones, and if you really want to go on, I think you should.  However I don't think it will drastically change your face over night, especially iof you take low dosis.  Maybe better supervised also.  But then you will loose also your male confidence which comes with your male hormones.  I know that's what it does to me.  For a while because of medication I took my male hormone levels dropped.  And tell you the truth I didn't like it.   I had all kinds of bad effects, things I used to have which I took for granted disappeared.  Especially self-confidence. lack of fear. Ability to think abstract.  Like you I thought I did not need my libido.  But I do need it. I need my obsession and my 'dirty mind'.

I agree with silverfang in fact.  But Silverfang, the problem is money.  When you have a ( young ) family it's not always easy to put money aside for your operation. Needs are everywhere. 

I don't know where life will take me from here but it's a bit part of my personal strategy to try to get the means to do what I want to do. Mayeb there should be more information on this forum on 'How do I finance it ?  How do I make more money to find my liberty ?'  I would also do FFS surgery but I'm far from ready yet.  Money would not make a difference now.  I have many things to change still.  And I work on it every day. Step by step.

C.

Hi Barbie,

I know how you feel, I have the same body/face issues..

....although I am not as wonderfully slim as you, I have a very feminine body shape, but still male facial features etc..

...my soul craves HRT, but my reality denies it...  :-\

If you find the answer....let me know..  :icon_flower:

:icon_hug:

Chrissty

Kaeren and Chrissty,

Thanks so much, and I am really glad to read your message here again. I guess we joined this forum on the nearly the same day.

Yesterday I visited a big university hospital. The technique of SRS is the most advanced there in this country. A doctor there is famous, as he proudly conducted several hundred SRSs successfully, including Ha Ri Su.

But, my purpose yesterday was to visit a psychiatrsit frist. Cashiers and nurses were too much routine, and did not notice my tall height, the junior's miniskirt, long red coat, and brown winter tights with manly voice.

There was no such thing 'privacy' in the psychiatrist's office. There were several patients in the waiting room, and the nurse loudly asked me "are you going to have SRS?" while I was standing in front of the cashier's desk.

Oh. My gosh.... This was her first question to me, and everybody there could hear it. It was like having sex without any foreplay. It was too much straightforward and .... very bold and of course plainly rude. As she also became aware of my anger, she reminded me that she can reimburse all money I already paid if I want to stop there. I became speechless.

I did not see the doctor. The nurse gave me a bunch of questionnaires for pyschiatirc test, asking me to fill in them at home and returning by postal mail. And I paid the charge by my credit card (ca. $200). She said I need to pay another $100 when I see the doctor after scoring and evaluating the questionnaires. She added that I may not have HRT without consulting the psychiatrist.

Sometimes the nurse studied my eyes. She explained how to fill out the questionnairs, and I sometimes was bored and did not pay attention to her. Then she asked me to listen carefully. Finally I found her mistake. One of questionnaires was marked as "for teens". I pointed out it, and she hurried to replace it with one for adults.

I said to her tha I can fill the questionnair within 1 hour at the waiting room, so that I do not need to mail them. She replied she should go home at 5:00 PM, and it was 4:30 PM.

It was a kind of cultural shock to me.


I was once so much upset on the treatment there, considering giving up my plan for HRT. But, I already spent several hours to visit there, and determined to listen what the pyschiatrist would say or recommend. HRT is not any kind of a must now. It is still optional....

I have not yet completed the questionnaires.

Barbie~~

Barbie,

We did join more or less on the same day.  But you came back I think, while for me it was a first time. 

The backside of going to a place with a lot of 'experience' is perhaps that it becomes an industry. What is for you a big step is an everyday task for that nurse who does not care at all. So much is clear.  They do it every day. What's the big deal ?

You know how to see whether a restaurant or a shop is good ? By looking whether there are many customers or not.  And if there are not many then something is wrong. Same thing for everything. Even for hospitals and doctors.

I'm not 100 % sure but I think in Belgium SRS is even paid back by social security.  It's not as common as in the countries from the east.  I suppose in Thailand it's part of everyday life ??? But not so here.  Still, I would also prefer to go somewhere where there is a doctor with a lot of experience. The thing I exactly would want to skip is the psychiatrist.  I don't like it when somebody else decides it for me. I'm big, old and mature enough to know what I want and when I'm ready. All you need to get the pill is a woman / friend who asks the doctor for birth control and then gives it to you.  I guess I'm not a good advice at all.  I have no scruples for that. If I'll have to wait for the permission of another I'll wait for ever.  But honestly I don't know much about it at all. Don't listen to me !

I'm going to have my teeth done in 2 months. I have to wait so long because the dentist has too much work.  I made them white 3 years ago.  But I have 3 corrections made with mercury.  They have been there for more than 25 years.  But I've read now it is not healthy.  And it is also nicer if they are white completely.  One of the 3 is already replaced by a white one.  The 2 others will follow soon.

I'm making a statistical economical simulator on the computer.  A stock market program ( allthough it is more than that ).  That's my strategy for freedom. Money can buy you freedom. I think I need a lot of money to do all I want to do.  I have been working on it almost every day for more than a year now already.  It can even speak.  It started as a help for my professional work but it grew a bit out of proportion since. It's stable, fast and performant even if I say so myself.  I showed it to a private banker and he said he was impressed. But much work is still to be done. When it's done I hope it will give me the means of change.

K.

Kaeren,

Yes, I agree with you on the principle of captialism. A problem here is there are many hospitals that are not so much competent, but can survive anyway, partially owing to monopoly. During the Asian crisis in 1997-1998, most industrial companies in this country could not survive, and were restructured greatly. They are now very slim and competent. Hospitals are exceptional, but I guess they will also face the same crisis, urged to be restructured.

Regarding HRT, my major concern is the side effects like ther TG here. I read messages here on the side-effect issues. It would be uncertain what kind of side effect I would have. There should be a compromise between my desire and side effect. And I am still flexible on my HRT plan. I can stop it at any time or change the dose after consulting the doctor, and my friend will also give advice. As I've set about it, there is no turning back. Today I sent the questionnaires by mail.

I have worked on climate-change issues, and will be charge of the related research team in my insititute. I also nearly completed writing a research proposal at national scale. About 20 senior and young scientists around the country helped me draft it. I am also looking forward to moving to a university here to educate students.

Keep in touch,

Barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on January 29, 2010, 11:19:45 PM
I am not quite sure, but my feeling becomes stronger and stronger. I think my face becomes masculine as my biological age approaches 50. People comment that my body shape is indeed feminine and slim, but my face does not match with it. A few people sometimes comment that my face is also feminine, but I do not agree.

A few days ago, before taking shower in the morning, I was charmed by my own body shown in the mirror. It was so lovely to my eyes. But, my masculine skin was cacophony in my girly mood. I want soft-skinned body and face. Next month, I will talk to my friend who is a GP. He does not like my crossdressing, but he may write prescription for estrogen or others for me. I prefer edible pills to injection. Just slight dosage for feminizing my face a little bit, minimizing any chance of side effects.

I do not need strong sexual desire or libido. I hope people will accept me more easily as my face matches better with my body. Of course, I will continue to be a good dad to my kids. Just slight enhancement in my face...

Barbie~~

I'm not sure HRT would be the ultimate answer? it may help a bit but I also think hardness in my face is a problem despite being on HRT for many years, and it hasn't worked that well in softening my face. I'm now looking at other ways of doing it...possibly some form of dermibrassion or filler to give me a softer fatter face.

N.B., I don't know ... it definitely helped me in terms of skin. That's probably the biggest thing it has done so far.

I think if the idea is to halt the progression of male aging, it's likely you'll be satisfied with the results, though that certainly doesn't rule out other things such as dermabrasion.

About dermabrasion. Aging has nothing to do with being male or female. But everything with being alive. I came out of puberty with scars on my face from acne.  I'm lucky enough not to have them really visible.  You already need to look close to see them. I've read about dermabrasion but I'm a bit afraid of it.  It's very agressive as a treatment.  Maybe it is better to use 'normal' techniques.  A sauna can also give you a better skin.  And so can some vitamins.

Barbie,

What I hear and see about the economy and the whole world is that influence is moving to the east.  It will not be America or Europe which will be most influential but rather the asian countries. China, Japan, Hong Kong, ... .

About work. My statistical money project is a personal one. It will move on to a rule based system I think, rules based on statistical analysis.  The next thing I will build now is a rule seeker.  Tell you the truth I don't really find anybody interested, willing and able to join, certainly not 20 people. Sometimes I talk about it with somebody.  Even on dedicated forums.  But ....... nothing.  Some say the problem is too difficult to be solved, which is not the right attitude to get things done. 

The environment I would probably prefer most to work in would be research and development. But it's not so.  It's rather political and financial, not at all construction which was my first thing.  I don't know whether I would like to teach.  Probably not, I would get nervous from it. I prefer to apply things in real life. Let that be my judge.

I come in contact with hospitals and social organisations.  I have no idea how I tumbled in this kind of work which is a bit in the center.  I just knew my boss from long ago and she asked me to come work for her at a certain moment.  That's why.  I knew somebody in other words. She's far from being an angle but she's doable now. 

Money rules the world.  It can not buy everything but it can certainly help a lot.  You can have your body hair removed with it. You can travel. You can buy the best food.  You can pimp your car.  You can even pimp yourself.  You can go to the best hospitals, have the best surgeons help you.  Buy the best clothes.  It can buy you a flat in London and a house in Dubai.  I know I should not be so materialistic. But you become like that if you have had some bad experiences in the past with money.  My pretty wife had a period when she was not paid for a few months even while she went working.  She's worse than I am.  What's the result from having to live from nothing ?

You can say anything to whomever doesn't like your lifestyle if you have money.

K.


_{Profanity removed}

Quote from: Kaeren on February 13, 2010, 12:10:23 PM
About dermabrasion. Aging has nothing to do with being male or female. But everything with being alive. I came out of puberty with scars on my face from acne.  I'm lucky enough not to have them really visible.  You already need to look close to see them. I've read about dermabrasion but I'm a bit afraid of it.  It's very agressive as a treatment.  Maybe it is better to use 'normal' techniques.  A sauna can also give you a better skin.  And so can some vitamins.

Men usually have much harder faces than women no matter what age they are after puberty. My objective is to soften my face as much as possible which may or may not be with the assistance of surgical proceedure's!

Quote from: Kaeren on February 13, 2010, 12:10:23 PM
About dermabrasion. Aging has nothing to do with being male or female. But everything with being alive. I came out of puberty with scars on my face from acne.  I'm lucky enough not to have them really visible.  You already need to look close to see them. I've read about dermabrasion but I'm a bit afraid of it.  It's very agressive as a treatment.  Maybe it is better to use 'normal' techniques.  A sauna can also give you a better skin.  And so can some vitamins.

I once used dermabrasion creams, and the results were not so good. I once consulted with a dermatologist here. After examining my facial skin, he recommended to massage my face with ice, minimize the time in sauna, and always wash face with cold water. After following his advice, my skin became better and I no longer have any acne.

My skin problem was due to too much fat, which is related with male hormones. I heard that female hormones can decrease the amount of facial fat.

Barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on February 13, 2010, 03:15:29 PM
My skin problem was due to too much fat, which is related with male hormones. I heard that female hormones can decrease the amount of facial fat.

Barbie~~

It should be reverse, should it not?

Quote from: barbie on February 13, 2010, 03:15:29 PM
My skin problem was due to too much fat, which is related with male hormones. I heard that female hormones can decrease the amount of facial fat.

Barbie~~

Quote from: SilverFang on February 13, 2010, 03:57:59 PM
It should be reverse, should it not?

Absolutely! women usually have more fat in their face than men. Men's faces are usually thinner with less collegen.

Yesterday I visited the hospital to consult with a psychiatrist and a cosmetic surgeon who is a best expert on SRS.

I already filled out and sent the psychiatric test questionnaires about 10 days ago. After talking for about 15 mins, the psychiatrist approved my plan of HRT.

The nurses there were very kind yesterday, and I exchanged jokes with them. One of them guided me to the office of cosmetic surgeon, as the hospital was like a maze and I asked help.

The surgeon is very famous here as he has successfully conducted SRS for several hundred patients.

After talking with me for about 15 mins, he said he can not prescribe HRT for me without approval of my wife, because I said clearly to him 1) I do not want divorce, 2) my kids are the most important object in my life. He suggested that I visit his office again with my wife.

I thought that he is an indeed venerable doctor, as transgenders here can easily get HRT even without psychiatrist's approval. He seemed to be better than the psychiatrist in understanding transgendered people in this country.

I do not think my wife will allow me to get HRT. Yesterday she nagged at me about my wearing makeup, and my little daughter followed her  :-\. I asked her whether she wants me to look prettier, but she did not reply. I complained that the cream is too cheap, and I need one of higher quality  >:-).

Anyway, I will ask her whether she can allow it when her mood is better. I will follow what she wants.

Barbie~~

My wife always tells me.

Don't go too far.

I am however far from ready to go far.

While driving, I talked to my wife briefly about my visiting hospital for HRT. Of course, I added like "I know that you would not allow it."

I also talked it to my friend who is a GP. I said the doctor was very nice as most doctors just want money, but he refused my HRT. My friend said like "doctors are all the same. They just want money from you. Probably he has bad experiences such as getting some severe complaints or lawsuits from wives whose husband was allowed to get HRT by him."


As my wife confirmed again that my priority is my kids over my transsexuaism, nowadays she consors my fashion items together with my son. Yesterday my family was to go to a birthday party. I was wearing blue tights under very short pants. She said she would not mind whatever I wear when I alone go somewhere, but asked me to wear plain shoes while with my family. She asked me to wear plain jeans rather than blue tights under short demin pants, and a plain tee shirt instead of the greenish, deeply v-necked  girls' sweater. I just followed her direction  :(

Nevertheless, a guy was surprised at me in a public bathroom (men's). I guessed it was because of my long red-coat. He apologized me, but I just left there.

I decided to sometimes dress en femme without HRT.

Anyway we had a good time at the party.


Barbie~~

Nobody ever said it would be easy.

Barbie, you've always been one of my favorite people here at Susan's forum and I've enjoyed your great photos and fashion ideas. I have worried about your life situation, though. It's always seemed that your wife simply tolerated your feminine inclinations, rather than enjoyed them. Obviously you do not have as close a relationship with her as one would hope an ideal marriage would. And having children complicates the matter much more.

It seems to me that you have some seriously conflicting desires that are going to have to be reconciled sooner or later-- the later being worse, I think. I can't really offer any recommendation on what course to take. Someone may correct me, but I have always understood that HRT was really a step only to be taken by someone who is sure they are truly transsexual-- that is to say that they completely wish to remove their masculinity entirely and become a woman. While this forum seems to attract many such persons, in my observation, this group constitutes a relatively small portion of the transgender community as a whole. A larger group, I believe, wish to experience femininity without leaving their masculinity behind. This is certainly the category I fall into, myself.

I've often wished there was a pill for for people like me, too. Perhaps a way to have feminine skin, breasts, a low voice, perhaps, while retaining other male traits. Or maybe a way to change entirely temporarily. I think this things will be possible one day, but they are not yet. Other than considerable cosmetic options, there is HRT and SRS, which pretty much mean saying goodbye permanently to one's masculine self as you were.

Here's something else to consider, too. While HRT will obliterate or obscure your many of your masculine traits, it will not make you a woman. It will make you a person with a transgendered body (or, at least, a partially transgendered body). Womanhood starts from within. I think before taking  a step like this you need to be sure that woman is there and she's ready to take over.

Lyric

Lyric,

Thanks for comments. I think you know myself better than me.

If I am not married, then I would be rather free to chose options. As you said, I have kids who I cherish most in this my life. My wife tries her best to understand and accept me.

Officially I gave up getting HRT.

I ordered some new cosmetics today. Foundation and powder. And I exercised, hoping that I can delay my aging. These are what I am allowed to enjoy.


And there are manu tasks and obligations I should do in my work place, which sometimes become more important and urgent than my transsexualim.

I can not do all I wish. It is reality.

Nevertheless, I smile and enjoy my life as a crossdresser who has kids and wife.

Strangely, my little daughter is so much interested in my fashion items. She likes walking on my 5-inch red high heel sandals. She spilled my powder cosmetics, and I had to order another. Her temper is like a brave boy, but at glance she looks pretty and quiet. Her eyelashes are so long and people say she would not need any masara. And my relatives used to say my eyelashes also were so long when I was a kid. I am always happy that my daugher was born a girl. She also likes reading books like me. although she is at preschool age.

Barbie~~

It's good to hear you've made a decision on the HRT idea. That really is not something you want to start unless you are very sure of what you want. An unfortunate fact of life is that we can't all "have or cake and eat it, too". Each of us has a unique life situation. I have long since given up the idea of an "off the shelf" lifestyle and I think you have, too. It's both exciting and stressful to have to create your own way of life. But think of how boring it would be if we didn't.

Lyric

Quote from: barbie on March 18, 2010, 09:38:48 AM

If I am not married, then I would be rather free to chose options. As you said, I have kids who I cherish most in this my life. My wife tries her best to understand and accept me.

Barbie~~

You know what my wife said ? She told me I wouldn't feel happy if she would try to stop me.  And then she also added : "It's OK, you have some good sides that compensate." She meant that I managed to make a stable family situation which she considers to be more important and that my job is OK. I don't drink, I have a spirit that is alive and I'm a fair person.  At least that's what she told me. And that seems to count.

My point is, people will take a lot from you if you give them something else.  The fact that you dress up like a girl s not the most important side of your relationship to somebody. It's the energy and the way you treat people around you and of what use you are to them that counts. Whether you respect them or not.

Same with working place.  If you make sure that your company needs you because you're simply good then it matters less that you perhaps have some other 'handicap'.  Call it compensation if you wish.

Kaeren, I realize your intent, but I have to say I find that post really depressing. If your life situation makes your choice of appearance a "handicap", it's time for some changes. Nobody can ever feel entirely happy about themselves if they think of their passions as burdens others must look beyond. No matter how you look around it, crossdressing/transgender is a big deal. But there are people-- including women-- who actually appreciate it rather than begrudgingly tolerate it. The same can be said for workplaces. Granted such situations are not the norm in our society. But neither are we. I think we all owe it to ourselves to make an extra effort to find relationships, social and work situations where can feel fully good about ourselves.

I'll disclaim myself a bit here. This may be easy for me to say because I am not married and am self-employed. But I choose my friends and people/places to associate carefully.

Lyric

I believe we agree. That's how I understood it anyhow. Maybe my wife secretally appreciates it ? She doesn't like body hair she told me.  So we fit together that way.  I don't know. There is still the bodybuilder from before in me, and in her. But isn't that also the same in a way ?  This is after all a "body building" site, even if it's more than that.

I'm not strong enough to be self-employed. I wouldn't mind to be selfemployed but it's not so. I'm a government official. Something like that.

Self-employment is certainly not for everybody. I left a Fortune 500 company and great benefits and then went through 3 very lean years. But now I'm making more than I ever would have employed and I love what I do. You never really know what you can do until you take the plunge, I guess.

Lyric

Lyric,

Can I know what your activity is ? 

I will not start my own company like you.  It's just not in my nature.  But I'm doing economical research to be able to make enough money to pay for my estrogen project, which is my temptation.  I'm building a computer program to advise myself about money so that it produces enough money to change. It's all statistics and numbers and math. Professionally I work with banks most of the time. It's not fortune 500 because it's not really a company I work for.  But it's not small neither.

K.

My business now is mainly about Internet marketing. It's an area that has a kind of shaky reputation to an extent because of less scrupulous types, but I ran into some people who knew a lot about doing it the right way, so I spent a couple of years learning and testing methods. I've got a number of niche websites that draw affiliate income. Also I help small businesses get online and develop web-salable products.

Like any job that makes decent money, to do this you have to learn a lot of picky details. I hear about overnight success stories with it now and then, but it took a lot of learning and trial and error for me. There are no college courses or how-to books for this type of marketing, since it's all new and constantly changing. That's why those of us who know what we're doing can charge a tidy price services.

One problem I see with people TS folks and running their own business, though is maintaining a mindset. It seems to me that the hormones or perhaps the situation causes a good bit of down attitude time and I've never seen anyone do well in their own business without maintaining high spirits. It's not easy for anyone to maintain a steady work output in a self-managed situation without maintaining a strong sense of positiveness. I think jobs themselves can be kind of depressing, though. I've been generally happier ever since I left my last regular job, even when money wasn't coming in very well.

If you want to look into it, DM me and I'll send you some specifics to look into.

Lyric

Quote from: barbie on February 23, 2010, 11:37:56 AMThe surgeon . . . said he can not prescribe HRT for me without approval of my wife, because I said clearly to him 1) I do not want divorce, 2) my kids are the most important object in my life. He suggested that I visit his office again with my wife.

*sigh* lol On THIS we part ways - I want to keep the kids and lose the wife! Erin Swenson (http://www.erinswen.com/Counseling.htm), who doesn't in the least mind that I am DIY, is none-the-less appalled at what she calls my futile *battles with wife* as in the state of Georgia USA the lazy, male chavisist dominated Superior Court system almost guarantees women keep kids and everybody else just pays, pays, pays , , , I sometimes wish my idiot lawyer had better stressed that before I  handed him a $7.500 divorce check!

Oh well, NO REGRETS as the proceedings are still not final and in the meantime I am still living at home (as a guest) with her now responsible, for the 1'st time in her life, with paying more than her share I cannot complain!

Can the kids and I come visit one day? Are you anywhere near any destination points on this free travel route map (http://delta.innosked.com/)?  ;D

Cheers  :icon_bunch:

Hi, Kaeren and Lylic,

Thanks for exchanging opinions and experiences regarding crossdressing vs. professionalism.

I was really busy last week. Organizing and having a workshop, visiting a nearby research institute, having several meetings for publishing a book and initiating a research project for climate change, and finally delivering a lecture.

Friday morning, I delivered a lecture regarding climate change for about 2 hours. The audience was about 40 government employees from all around the country. I wore full men's formal dress. Black suit, white shirt and dark red tie. And of course some basic makeups such as foundation and lip gross, which were not so much noticeable. When starting and finishing the lecture, I bowed to them very politely.

This was because I think wearing proper dress is an important factor in education. Within a few years, I may change my research job to education.

I was glad that the organizer, who invited me to have the lecture, commented that few attendees dozed, and it is unusual that most of them pay attention to the lecture. Some of attendees also said to me that my lecture was very helpful.

When I am busy like this, simply I do not have time to be interested in fashion and beauty. Working becomes my priority rather than beauty.

I guess I gained some weight during the past few weeks as I seldom exercised. Yesterday, I ran for 2.5 hours (about 25 km or 15 miles) from my home to another town. Usually, it takes about 1 hour by bus because of traffic jam. As I am not confident in my waist size, I hesitate to wear very bold clothes. Once my waist size decreases, I may enjoy this spring outdoors. Confidence in body shape is also another factor in enjoying this spring.

Barbie~~