Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Dana_W on January 31, 2010, 09:54:11 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Dinner with Friends
Post by: Dana_W on January 31, 2010, 09:54:11 AM
Post by: Dana_W on January 31, 2010, 09:54:11 AM
Time for a happy post.
So last night we hosted a small dinner party for a couple we've known for ages but had not seen for quite a while. Which means the last time they saw me I was still a guy. This time when they came over I made no pretense of that. I had come out to them already, and the wife especially has been super supportive. But still, they've only ever seen me in guy mode. Not this time.
I just wore casual clothes, but my hair was down and styled and I put on a little makeup & earrings. Nothing over the top, but pretty clearly not presenting as a guy or as someone androgynous either. I was a woman, and proud to show it.
It seemed like it took a little while for them to warm up to things, but that could simply be because we hadn't seen each other for so long. After that it was just... easy. I didn't feel like I had to hide anything. I didn't have to try to figure out cues as to how I should act. What I should laugh about. No pressure at all to prove that I was a guy. I could just relax and interact honestly. Is this how it has always felt for cisgendered people when they're interacting? I rather think it is. And just wow. I used to feel kind of drained and exhausted after a night like that - even with people I liked. This time I just felt happy... and actually energized by the experience.
Also, toward the latter part of the evening I turned the conversation to the obvious... my new appearance. And they were super complimentary. The main word they used was "natural." As in "You seem so natural this way. You act so naturally. This seems natural on you." I couldn't have hoped for a better compliment.
This was the kind of experience I didn't even plan to try until spring. That was my goal... present to friends and family outside the workplace as female starting this spring. I feel like things are going better and faster than I ever dreamed possible. And last night's experience definitely added to that feeling.
So last night we hosted a small dinner party for a couple we've known for ages but had not seen for quite a while. Which means the last time they saw me I was still a guy. This time when they came over I made no pretense of that. I had come out to them already, and the wife especially has been super supportive. But still, they've only ever seen me in guy mode. Not this time.
I just wore casual clothes, but my hair was down and styled and I put on a little makeup & earrings. Nothing over the top, but pretty clearly not presenting as a guy or as someone androgynous either. I was a woman, and proud to show it.
It seemed like it took a little while for them to warm up to things, but that could simply be because we hadn't seen each other for so long. After that it was just... easy. I didn't feel like I had to hide anything. I didn't have to try to figure out cues as to how I should act. What I should laugh about. No pressure at all to prove that I was a guy. I could just relax and interact honestly. Is this how it has always felt for cisgendered people when they're interacting? I rather think it is. And just wow. I used to feel kind of drained and exhausted after a night like that - even with people I liked. This time I just felt happy... and actually energized by the experience.
Also, toward the latter part of the evening I turned the conversation to the obvious... my new appearance. And they were super complimentary. The main word they used was "natural." As in "You seem so natural this way. You act so naturally. This seems natural on you." I couldn't have hoped for a better compliment.
This was the kind of experience I didn't even plan to try until spring. That was my goal... present to friends and family outside the workplace as female starting this spring. I feel like things are going better and faster than I ever dreamed possible. And last night's experience definitely added to that feeling.
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: Muffin on January 31, 2010, 10:06:49 AM
Post by: Muffin on January 31, 2010, 10:06:49 AM
wowee!! Congratulations.. it's so true friends like that are just priceless, and having the self confidence to just let it flows helps so much... ok I'm a little jealous lol! It seems like forever before I'll get to that point! :P Good on ya ;)
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: Keroppi on January 31, 2010, 11:00:03 AM
Post by: Keroppi on January 31, 2010, 11:00:03 AM
:eusa_clap: :icon_dance:
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: Janet_Girl on January 31, 2010, 01:57:56 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on January 31, 2010, 01:57:56 PM
Sounds like despite your plans, you have hit the downhill slide. Hang on, it is going to be a great ride.
You had fun and that is the major point, and it was as you, not him.
:eusa_dance: :eusa_dance: :eusa_dance:
Janet
You had fun and that is the major point, and it was as you, not him.
:eusa_dance: :eusa_dance: :eusa_dance:
Janet
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: Radar on January 31, 2010, 04:45:30 PM
Post by: Radar on January 31, 2010, 04:45:30 PM
Quote from: Diana_W on January 31, 2010, 09:54:11 AMI used to feel kind of drained and exhausted after a night like that - even with people I liked.
I've always been like this too. I've wondered if it's because I am trans. It will be interesting to see how I feel after I am completely out and live as a man full-time.
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: K8 on January 31, 2010, 08:03:30 PM
Post by: K8 on January 31, 2010, 08:03:30 PM
Congratulations. How wonderful! I love the "natural" compliments.
I found that when I became Kate I became more outgoing and more relaxed with my friends. My friends have noticed it too and have mentioned that this (my transition) is easy for them to accept because they can tell I'm just being myself - that I'm not pretending. It sounds like that is what your friends see in you, too.
You go, girl! :eusa_dance:
- Kate
I found that when I became Kate I became more outgoing and more relaxed with my friends. My friends have noticed it too and have mentioned that this (my transition) is easy for them to accept because they can tell I'm just being myself - that I'm not pretending. It sounds like that is what your friends see in you, too.
You go, girl! :eusa_dance:
- Kate
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: Jasmine.m on February 02, 2010, 08:56:08 AM
Post by: Jasmine.m on February 02, 2010, 08:56:08 AM
Wow! That's like a fairy tale evening!! It gives me hope. :)
K8 said it best, "You go, girl!!"
K8 said it best, "You go, girl!!"
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: sneakersjay on February 02, 2010, 09:02:46 AM
Post by: sneakersjay on February 02, 2010, 09:02:46 AM
Quote from: Radar on January 31, 2010, 04:45:30 PM
I've always been like this too. I've wondered if it's because I am trans. It will be interesting to see how I feel after I am completely out and live as a man full-time.
I discovered that yes, this is true in my case.
While I'm still an introvert and dont' really enjoy large crowds or working the party, I found that all of that extra anxiety and baggage is gone. I can just be me without the 'extra' crap. Way more fun. Still need to get away after a few hours of heavy socializing, but far happier!
Jay
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: tatiana on February 02, 2010, 09:33:58 PM
Post by: tatiana on February 02, 2010, 09:33:58 PM
Quote from: Radar on January 31, 2010, 04:45:30 PM
I've always been like this too. I've wondered if it's because I am trans. It will be interesting to see how I feel after I am completely out and live as a man full-time.
I've forgotten how to "have fun" anymore. I'm always drained and exhausted after going out. Interesting...
So, it's probably because we're always trying to pretend to be something we're not and we get exhausted from it emotionally because it's draining?
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: K8 on February 03, 2010, 08:15:24 AM
Post by: K8 on February 03, 2010, 08:15:24 AM
Quote from: tatiana on February 02, 2010, 09:33:58 PM
I've forgotten how to "have fun" anymore. I'm always drained and exhausted after going out. Interesting...
So, it's probably because we're always trying to pretend to be something we're not and we get exhausted from it emotionally because it's draining?
Probably.
I recently went to a fund-raiser dinner and sat between some guy and my friend. The guy spent the dinner talking to his friends on the other side of him and cut me off when I tried to join in. My friend spent the dinner talking to the woman on her other side. I just sat there, said screw it, and ate my dinner. Eventually I joined in the conversation between my friend and her friend.
In my old guise I would have had a migraine for a week. Now it was just one of those evenings. It makes a huge difference to be comfortable with yourself.
- Kate
Title: Re: Dinner with Friends
Post by: mtfbuckeye on February 03, 2010, 08:37:28 AM
Post by: mtfbuckeye on February 03, 2010, 08:37:28 AM
That's wonderful, Diana... Hopefully I'll get to that point myself someday.
I'm an extrovert, but I wonder how much of that is me trying to distract from/hide my gender issues. I'm always trying to be entertaining to others to gain their approval, friendship, etc... frankly, it's exhausting. I'm hoping transition will allow me to slow down and relax (among a million other things)
I'm an extrovert, but I wonder how much of that is me trying to distract from/hide my gender issues. I'm always trying to be entertaining to others to gain their approval, friendship, etc... frankly, it's exhausting. I'm hoping transition will allow me to slow down and relax (among a million other things)