Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It seems like so many people knew that they were trans when they were really young, that they have stores about how things felt wrong, and how they would always tell their parents, "I'm a boy, not a girl" etc.

When I was a kid, I was just a kid.. I wasn't really a girl or a boy, and when I was a teen I liked wearing dresses to dances and stuff. Maybe its because I'm gay?

I didn't realize that I was a guy until last summer.. does that make me.. not really trans?

I started really enjoying crossdressing in my junior year of HS though.

Naaaaaah, you don't need to know very early to be trans.

We all have different stories, doesn't make us any less genuine.

A lot of people come up with coping mechanisms or just plain deny it until later on in life. Definitely doesn't make how you feel any less real. I didn't actually know I was a boy when I was 4. I got mad that I couldn't do boy things (like go outside with my shirt off) and didn't understand it. Then people started calling me a tomboy and I sort of used that to define it. Then as you get older you're no longer a tomboy, so what did that make me? I really struggled with that for many years trying to figure out what I was. Suddenly I realized I wasn't a girl and wow did that make sense (for the first time!).

When I was a kid I was also "just a kid."  My parents didn't really enforce a lot of gender roles on us children, so I don't have any stories of me telling my parents, "No!  I'm not a girl!  I'm a boy!"  All I can remember is hating Sundays, when my mom would make me put on a dress to go to church.  Other than that, if I wanted to wear shorts and t-shirts and run around with the boys, my parents weren't going to stop me.

But I don't think that not being a stereotypical trans-person means you aren't trans.  Being trans doesn't mean you have to fit into the "Transgender Box of All Transgenderness."  Just by being trans you are stating that you don't belong in a box.  All people are different, whether they are gay, straight, trans, cis, or anything else.

Quote from: LucienOctopus on January 31, 2010, 03:58:19 PM
But I don't think that not being a stereotypical trans-person means you aren't trans.  Being trans doesn't mean you have to fit into the "Transgender Box of All Transgenderness."  Just by being trans you are stating that you don't belong in a box.  All people are different, whether they are gay, straight, trans, cis, or anything else.

Most definitely agreed. 8)

when I was 5 my mom knew something was up, but I didn't.

when I was 18 I knew something was wrong, but didn't think I was trans.

not everyone had the internet, or the resources of today, as a guide to feelings of being different, for that matter not everyone had supportive parents who were by their side through the eventual transition process.

just as people figure themselves out at different times, knowing what to do with those feelings varies by person to person.

Quote from: Elijah on January 31, 2010, 03:24:37 PM
I didn't realize that I was a guy until last summer.. does that make me.. not really trans?

nah

Quote from: LucienOctopus on January 31, 2010, 03:58:19 PMI can remember is hating Sundays, when my mom would make me put on a dress to go to church.

Me too. I would make such a fuss she finally gave in and let me wear dress pants.

Quote from: Elijah on January 31, 2010, 03:24:37 PM
It seems like so many people knew that they were trans when they were really young, that they have stores about how things felt wrong, and how they would always tell their parents, "I'm a boy, not a girl" etc.

When I was a kid, I was just a kid.. I wasn't really a girl or a boy, and when I was a teen I liked wearing dresses to dances and stuff. Maybe its because I'm gay?

I didn't realize that I was a guy until last summer.. does that make me.. not really trans?

I started really enjoying crossdressing in my junior year of HS though.

All dysphoria presents differently because we're different people. Think of it like magma under the earth stewing... Most people around you are for the most part just mountains. Do we know where exactly we're going to erupt? Sometimes no. Sometimes we don't know we're a real volcano because most may erupt in a certain way, but some also just ooze it out, or it comes out differently.

Weird analogy. But I did not know what I really was at 4-10 years of age. I may repress some things, but that doesn't make me less legitimate. The feelings came out of NOWHERE the second puberty was starting up.

I knew when I was 4. I know that this is not uncommon among people born male.

But the awareness for people born female seems to emerge differently.

Or am I wrong here.

Quote from: spacial on January 31, 2010, 04:52:25 PM
I knew when I was 4. I know that this is not uncommon among people born male.

But the awareness for people born female seems to emerge differently.

Or am I wrong here.

Well, I don't know about that. I mean in what way is it different do you think?

I didn't know that I was a boy when I was 4 either. I knew that I didn't like wearing dresses about then though! It wasn't until I was 10-11 that I told people that I wanted to be a boy (as I saw it, I had a girls body and everyone told me I was a girl, therefore I was. But I did know I wanted to be just like all the boys!), got my hair cut short and got my friends to call me by a boys name. I even had dreams where it turned out that I was actually a boy. That only lasted about a year though, until I realised it was never going to happen. It wasn't until just over a year ago that I became really uncomfortable being a girl (I had always subconsciously known I'd rather have  been like all the other guys). I remember typing 'girls who want to be boys' into google (again, I saw it as I was a girl as that was what my body was). That was when I came across Ftms and finally realised.

Quote from: Lachlann on January 31, 2010, 04:54:28 PM
Well, I don't know about that. I mean in what way is it different do you think?

In that, there seems to be a significant number of people born male who become aware at about 4 years, while many people born as female don't seem quite so certain.

Quote from: spacial on January 31, 2010, 04:59:24 PM
In that, there seems to be a significant number of people born male who become aware at about 4 years, while many people born as female don't seem quite so certain.

Well I knew when I was 4 and there's been quite a few FTMs on here that feel that way too. It might have to do more with how we're socialized than anything.

This has made me wonder if I was deluded or just a touch strange! I knew very young I wasn't a 'normal' girl. Family called me she but friends and strangers called me he... I even remember realizing I was different from the other boys and asking for a sex change for Xmas or waiting for my penis to grow... Now as I said at the beginning does this make me deluded!?? People were calling me she and female birth name and here I am at first thinking I'm a boy and then thinking I should have been born a boy. Looking at my boy mates and wondering how they were born male and I wasn't-we were no different. Is this my 'female' self not being aware of sex and gender etc as a child as spacial says? Or is it my male side saying hang on a sec, I'm missing something...
But I agree whether you knew young or not-it doesn't make u any less genuine. Just different to those of us who did :)

Quote from: Lachlann on January 31, 2010, 05:31:33 PM
Well I knew when I was 4 and there's been quite a few FTMs on here that feel that way too. It might have to do more with how we're socialized than anything.

To be honest, I think a better explaination is the rigidity of the male role.

Girls can wear many different types of clothes, including trousers. Tomboy behaviour tends to be much more tolerated, even encouraged.

Boys tend to be pushed, at an early age into male orientation. Sports, male clothing, not showing emotion and being tough. Even the word Cissy, as an opposite of tomboy, has negative conotations.

But its conjecture of course.

I knew in head start at 3 yrs. Being raised as a guy for the most part just enhanced that tho.

I didn't either.  I struggled with this a few months back before making my decision to transition.  I didn't know I was trans until I started having relationships.  That was the awakening for me, realising that they didn't see me how I saw me.  Then it spread from there to 'no wait, I see myself as a man...oh crap!'   

As Osiris said, a lot of people have coping mechanisms.  Mine was/is this constant escapism in any way possible to avoid having to think of myself as a girl. 

I've heard just as many stories of people who came to realise they were trans later in life as I've heard about those who felt trans from an early age.

I'm in the same boat. And sometimes that makes me think I'm just making it up. But just because I didn't know until puberty hit me, doesn't mean I'm not trans. When I was little, I didn't really care if I wore dresses or not, like I wouldn't wear one on purpose, but if you put one on me, I wouldn't object. I was a bit of a tomboy, since I didn't really want to wear makeup and stuff, and I didn't like playing house, but I really didn't know I hated being a girl until much later. Now those years beforehand haunt my memories, but if I ever doubt myself, I just remember that I've felt this way for quite awhile now, and if it was a phase I would have gotten over it a long time ago.

Anyways, long story short, it doesn't make you any less trans or male than if you had known since you were 4.

Quote from: Elijah on January 31, 2010, 03:24:37 PMI didn't realize that I was a guy until last summer.. does that make me.. not really trans?

I don't know. Does it? That's really your own business to figure out. Maybe you're asking because you really don't think you are trans after all; or maybe you are trans and you're are uncomfortable being different, so you're looking for another box to fit into, a "normal" way of being trans. Either way, I think it's a good idea to get over it. Comparing your experience with others is only worth anything in order to give you a broader sense of what is possible. If you transition, you shouldn't care whether you are more or less "->-bleeped-<-" than anyone else; you should be certain that you're making the right decision, and everyone else be damned. If you have doubts, proceed very cautiously.

Quote from: Elijah on January 31, 2010, 03:24:37 PM
It seems like so many people knew that they were trans when they were really young, that they have stores about how things felt wrong, and how they would always tell their parents, "I'm a boy, not a girl" etc.

When I was a kid, I was just a kid.. I wasn't really a girl or a boy, and when I was a teen I liked wearing dresses to dances and stuff. Maybe its because I'm gay?

I didn't realize that I was a guy until last summer.. does that make me.. not really trans?

I started really enjoying crossdressing in my junior year of HS though.

nah, I didnt know I was trans when I was 4 either. I was a tomboy but didnt know I was trans :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: not 2 many people did.  that doesnt make u any less of a dude.  everybody is different. if we compare ourselves to other ppl & try 2 fit into a box we're never gonna be happy.  u are u & thats what counts :) :) :)

A kid that age wouldn't be mentally developed enough to understand such an abstract concept like gender anyways. No biggie.
I just felt odd growing up and out of place among girls nothing too noticeable till I was much older.

Quote from: Kamren on February 01, 2010, 12:19:02 AM
A kid that age wouldn't be mentally developed enough to understand such an abstract concept like gender anyways. No biggie.
I just felt odd growing up and out of place among girls nothing too noticeable till I was much older.

Well, they might not understand it to the same degree but that's generally the time when kids start identifying with their gender.

I didn't even have thoughts of being trans until I was 18, then I pushed those thoughts aside for a few years "because surely I'd have known before this". lol

I was just your average tomboy when I was little, and as far as I was concerned I could do whatever the boys were doing! Most of my friends growing up were boys, and I was just one of them, even though I was a 'girl'. I never even felt uncomfortable with being a 'girl' until puberty when everything went haywire, but at the time I thought I just really sucked at being a 'young woman' and I'd get the hang of it sooner or later!  :laugh:

Quote from: Elijah on January 31, 2010, 03:24:37 PM
When I was a kid, I was just a kid.. I wasn't really a girl or a boy

Same. I wouldn't voluntarily seek out girl clothes, but if Mum told me "Put on this dress" I'd just agree and then spend the evening playing with the edges of it and spinning in circles. When I was older more often than not people saw me as a tomboy, but it wasn't until puberty that I actively pushed away 'girl'ness. And then not until I was about fifteen that I accepted the idea of 'trans'.

Quote from: Elijah on January 31, 2010, 03:24:37 PM
when I was a teen I liked wearing dresses to dances and stuff. Maybe its because I'm gay?

Dude, there's nothing wrong with liking dresses and still being a boy. Yeah, it's a bit gay but they flair when you spin and they look pretty! It doesn't make you any less trans. Believe me, I know plenty of boys who love being boys but like wearing dresses. If you feel you're boy inside, you are. Dresses or not. Seriously, look at the Scottish. They've got kilt-wearing manly men!

I wouldn't say that I knew, I just felt different and looking back its because I was a boy.. if you know what I mean?

Jay

I didn't know when I was four. I was just a kid, didn't even have much of an identity. I didn't know who or what I was. No social issues with gender because I didn't have any friends.

When the breasts started to develop (12) I just felt really hollow. Like life as I knew it would never, ever be the same. I hated it when my mom tried to get me into a bra. Still hate them.

14, periods, more depressing. Just got worse from there. About fifteen I realized I must be trans. So far, the dysphoria has only gotten worse with time. Used to be bearable, even alright. I really miss those times when it didn't really bother me much. But I can only get more feminine and things are not looking up in that respect.

I don't think it can by itself make you "less trans." At first, I was doubting it too but now the dysphoria's so bad that it can't really be anything else. I don't doubt it at all now. So really, just go by how you feel.

Just like all the other guys I didnt know I was trans as a kid but I knew I wasnt a typical girl. I was always with the boys and if I was with the girls it was awkward and we never played anything of my interest. If we played barbies I was making them do stunts and throwing them and making them fall off things not making barbie and ken fall in love. Once puberty hit and my breasts started to grow I got totally wierded out. People use to comment on how nice they were and stuff and I use to tell them to screw off. I hate them and they were and still are in the way of acting like one of the guys. Anyways I didnt figure out I was trans until I was almost 19. I dont see myself as any less trans I just see it as I lived a sheltered life and just didnt know the word for me.

I am invading as usual, but hey, I might be helpful! :D

At age 4, who knows? I didn't tell my parents "hey! NO! I am a girl!". I was just me, I didn't even know what the difference is!!!

As I grew up I just tried to fit in and slowly realized what's happening which led to age 17-18 where I learnt there is a way to change my body to fit me and to be able to fit as who I am supposed to be and not be forced be something else.

Seriously though, until teens I probably didn't understand what's happening around me and only then started wishing I was a girl, even then I didn't know it was possible and only learnt heard of people later but thought they look a bit weird and decided to pass. Only at about age 17-18 I realized it is possible to do it without looking like a trans and also figured I have to go for it no matter what. Turns out I was lucky, yey |

So in conclusion. No. If you don't say "mom I am a boy" at age 4, 5, 6 or even 20, it doesn't mean you are not a boy.
You only know yourself what you truly here. I know that at young age I acted girly and fitted well with girls since ever, my brother told me to stop doing this and that because it is like a girl, yet I never realized back then that I wanted to be one, I was simply being me not realizing there is much of a difference at all.

Even if we go to puberty and don't say it, it doesn't mean you are not a boy, I mean, we try to fit in, we know that's what people are since ever and we rarely think we can just jump over. Even if we might, we could be afraid to say it or fail to realize it.
But I believe people usually just try to fit in and it takes time to realize what they got into and what they should really do or even what they really want to do.

This is something I have actually been thinking a lot about too. I really started knowing I was trans when I was about 17 maybe? I was a tomboy but I grew out of it for awhile started doing my make up, wearing dresses to dances, kind of liking guys in a way but I still LOVED girls but I didn't want to be with a girl as me being a girl on the outside so I did some looking around  Then it hit me one day that I was really just trying to make everybody else happy and I wasn't at all. So I think everybody is different and we as I'm sure other trans guys fit in the same area as you and myself 

Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 31, 2010, 04:41:37 PM
All dysphoria presents differently because we're different people. Think of it like magma under the earth stewing... Most people around you are for the most part just mountains. Do we know where exactly we're going to erupt? Sometimes no. Sometimes we don't know we're a real volcano because most may erupt in a certain way, but some also just ooze it out, or it comes out differently.

Weird analogy. But I did not know what I really was at 4-10 years of age. I may repress some things, but that doesn't make me less legitimate. The feelings came out of NOWHERE the second puberty was starting up.

i absolutely love this analogy.

i was like that too, just a kid. in fact, most people thought i was a boy until i grew boobs because i always had short hair (my mom always corrected them), and even after that i got sir/young man several times. before i knew what trans was,  i used to see shows about intersex people on TV and thought maybe that had happened to me. then i saw buck angel on maury once and didn't think much of it at the time, but it stuck in my head so much that i remember exactly where they were sitting, what buck looked like, and what maury was saying. this was probably....early 2000's or something. i didn't really know about trans stuff until 06 and didnt decide i wanted to transition until last year.

so yeah, everyone is different and it doesn't make you any less trans

For me, gender was a minor annoyance that only came up every now and then as a kid.

The signs were there early enough, but without anyone to validate my feelings I never came to the conclusion that I was a guy. Instead, I came up with various coping methods over the years by either attaching titles to myself like "tomboy"/etc, or by ignoring my discomfort with my body by immersing myself into my hobbies. However, due to one of those hobbies I would end up experimenting with presenting as male, and eventually coming to learn about transgendered people.

Mind you, even when I started to learn about transgendered people I didn't immediately come to the conclusion that I was transgendered. Years of "dealing" lead me to be able to cope with being seen as female right now, but ultimately I came to the realization that I was horrified by the idea of being perceived as a woman my whole life. For me, that was the defining line of whether my feelings were real or not.

That is a long way to say that you are NOT less of a man for your childhood. Everyone is different. We all have different coping methods, temperaments, breaking points, views, and reasoning. What is important is that you came to your conclusion and feel strongly enough about it now to transition.

like lots of you guys i was a 'tomboy' as a kid - or would have been if i ever got my nose out of a book.  At school i desperatly wanted to be one of the boys and was hurt that they would never play with me  (that whole gender divide thing kids get into around 7/8 you know, girls don't play with boys and boys wont play with girls) I was once told by a very superior 11 year old boy when i was 10 that i couldn't play D&D with him - because i was a girl - needless to say i was furious.

And that's pretty much how it was. I hanged out with guys as the token girl without really realising how at odds i was with my own body and how much i identified as feeling male, for the better part of thirty years. I indentified as lesbian ( made logical sense to me) and knew about transgender, watched tv programmes about it and everything. And then four months ago at the age of 31 i suddenly realised...hang on a minute...!!

Looking back there were lots of indications that i just didn't pick up on... i guess i'm just not too quick :)

Quote from: Kamren on February 01, 2010, 12:19:02 AM
A kid that age wouldn't be mentally developed enough to understand such an abstract concept like gender anyways. No biggie.

I apologise for intruding, but I knew I was a girl when I was 4 & I know a lot of people that have had the same experience.

I've questioned the same as Elijah in the OP. I only really began to think about being trans this past October. It has only been 4 months and here I am going by a male name, with male pronouns, with a male haircut, binding and packing, going through therapy. I guess this means it doesn't really matter when you came to the realization because when you do, you do and things will go from there.

As another guy here had mentioned, I was seen as male by many people around me starting in middle school. I was quite feminized by my mother when I was little and it never bothered me. Then in 5th grade I just wore the boy style of our uniform. I loved it. Then I started bleeding and needing to wear a bra. Awhile before this I liked girls and look back on it realizing that I liked them all along. The boys I thought I liked I really admired in a weird way...  ???

I'm rambling now.  :P :-X My point is made. When you knew it doesn't matter, only the fact that you did realize it.  :)

Quote from: Valentina on February 04, 2010, 04:15:48 PM
I apologise for intruding, but I knew I was a girl when I was 4 & I know a lot of people that have had the same experience.

Actually, I'm going to second that and say that children are observed to form their gender identities and segregate themselves by sex at age 2.

Still, I believe things can surface much later.