Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have been thinking a lot about going full time lately as I feel I can't stand it anymore. When I first started going through transition I decided I would wait until having FFS before starting my RLE. But as we know, things change! While I think I look cute wearing makeup I have no doubts in my mind that I am not a passable female.

I am mainly trying to gauge to see what status other MTF ladies were in when they went full time. Were you passable? Were you obviously not passable?

Yeah I had pretty much the same plan, but felt compelled to move it up. It was about 6 months of hrt and pretty much no I did not. It's been a drag too, no pun intended, but the ups definitely outweigh the downs. It's about 60/40 now, depending if it's a good voice day.

I was 4 months into HRT when I went full time.  I had been part time when not at work and judge the reactions of people.  When it was obvious that no one cared I knew it was time.

And I never looked back.  It was strange when I had followups with his doctors, but everyone was very professional.

I lived in a town that wouldn't have accepted such things at a time when such things were probably illegal.

Had no problems then at all.

I will be going fulltime after my name change on the 8th. I do not pass unless I am completely dolled up and keep my mouth shut.   ;) So, no.

When I moved out of my spouses house and in with Julie, I vowed to be out full time except at work.  A few months later I went full time at work as well.

The point I think I am making is that if *you* believe you are passable, most around you will not question you.

Check out my blog "Sandy's Transition" for some interesting stories about passing and being clocked (specifically "Put to the test... UPDATED" and "Look at him swish...").

Most people do not expect to see anything but a female (or a male) in public.  And if you have confidence about your presentation, people will accept you at face value.

So, if you think you are cute, Dana, then you *are* cute!

For a sample, here is a picture of me about three years prior to my full time and then a few weeks before FFS but being full time RLE:

(https://www.susans.org/forums/MGalleryItem.php?id=659)

I sometimes think that I was not very passable, but I could do nothing else but push on.  And actually I was rarely clocked.  Confidence is everything!

-Sandy

Sandy.

You looked and look, great.

By the time I'd transitioned at work and was finally full time I did look feminine. Mind you I did have long permed blond hair and had been taking hormones for a while, which helped a lot.
I was never very masculine looking so was in good shape when my time came to go full time

I dont know with me I have always looked extremely feminine.  so when i was full time prior to starting hormones I passed (went to straight bars, got mamed on the airplanes.. i was a flight attendant)  Its weird with me there was no definate transition period i guess. . . 

{have been full time for 30 days as of today :)  }

Hmm.... it's hard to say.  When I look at myself I think I would score 5 on a scale of 10 ( 10 being GG looks for sure).  Others disagree and I routinely get "mamed" etc... As in other threads, I also swim and use the women's locker rooms.  So, yah, I guess I'm passing pretty well.... but I don't see it - still.  This is hard question to answer.

I wish there had been a choice between "a lot" and "a little" ... while I can't say "YES", I felt "a lot" over states reality.

Sandy:  I think you are very right about confidence.  Also, you looked quite passable:  a knock out combination !!

It's going to be hard to really get a lock on this. As Sandy so cleverly pointed out we are our own harshest critics. I agree and disagree with the idea, but I'll stay on topic. Based on her post my question would be are YOU ready to live full time?   

I really appreciate those participating in the polls and those that offer stories about their own transition status. The numbers are very interesting and it is showing me a bit more what reality is for a lot of us that begin RLE. I thought the number of passable would be a lot higher than the other choices. I guess it is comforting to know that I wouldn't be the only one that went full time without passing (in appearance) as a female. I am not sure when I will end up making the switch but am thinking about it a lot and can't wait for that part to be behind me!

I am typically very hesitant to answer these type questions. Mostly because the issue of whether you pass or not shouldn't really be the be all, end all answer as to when and/or if you come out full time. Be that as it may, I "think" I pass reasonably well. Yet, knowing that (in my own mind) did not actually enter much into the equation when I made that fateful decision about nine months ago. It was more about not being able to go on any longer without being "me". People would accept me or not. That was just the way it had to be.

I'll admit though, I do like it when I get compliments from the guy's that come into my business, lol!


Dawn 

In all honesty I had to tick "other" as I first went full time when I was about five years old. So I honestly have no idea.

I do recall that I was thought to be a bit odd, but quite fun, by my school friends. But it was a very posh private school (the sort where royalty send their kids) and no one would have dared to criticise.

I checked "other" too, but because when I started full time I just didn't care whether I passed or not.  (Good thing. :P) 

I started full time 19 days after starting hormones.  I just felt ready to take the leap.  I live in a small town, so almost everyone who saw me that day had seen me in the previous week.  I didn't care.  I had to do it.  And everything went fine - no problems other than a few raised eyebrows. :)

However, after digging up a picture from that day to show all of you, I'd like to change my response to "no".  Here's the evidence:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fvagabird.smugmug.com%2FOther%2FKate%2FDayOne-OMG-r%2F778908352_tSK5g-S.jpg&hash=a848dfdf58a22287f255b2b36c55bf9bf13b0422)

- Kate

Lets see, I went full time about 5 months into HRT.  Lets just be kind and say I did not pass real well then. I was out and proud, as it were.   But it takes time to unlearn all the old ways and to let HRT run it's course.  Passability (gee is that even a word)  increased as time went on. After 9-10 months I was just alot more relaxed.  Now a days I look at the before photo's sometime and go who was that person.....

When the time is right you'll know.

Beni

Quote from: Dana Lane on February 01, 2010, 04:29:25 AM
I am mainly trying to gauge to see what status other MTF ladies were in when they went full time. Were you passable? Were you obviously not passable?

Hi Dana,

RLE doesn't have to be absolutely black and white, it can be a graduated thing, which is how I approached it.  I was full time outside of work for almost a year, before having FFS, which was my (planned) catalyst for going full time at work.  I was 'mostly' passable before FFS (after 2 years on HRT), and could wander a supermarket, restaurant without stares, etc

However I felt I needed FFS for the confidence boost for the close interaction and for being taken seriously within the workplace, and so I chose that option, after I had gotten RLE from the previous year.   I found this to be a good balance, partial-RLE as a runner for full-RLE, lol, if that makes sense.  ::)

I couldn't have imagined not having completed "partial" RLE prior to going full time at work, then just having FFS and wandering into work, and being halfway presentable as a woman... IE, the year of doing RLE outside of work was critical for me.

Good Luck!
Melan

I worked with one TG before I started the path. We never really spoke. When I met her it was obviously early days. Hair was male ish, male pattern baldness, in the middle of electro. She was working as an electrician in the maintenace dept. She was as friendly as could be. Her male colleagues obviously respected and supported her. I got the distinct impression that if anyone gave her a hard time a rather large male colleague would visit. They were obviously protective of her. Fantastic. I watched her develop over; I think about five years. Skin changes, hair changes, she lost the MPB but I never asked how. Other women started to talk to her about all the stuff we seem to talk about. She became an obvious female shape and personality. She had obvious male characteritics when I first met her. Before she left it was totally obvious that none of my new students recognised her as anything but the woman she was.

I never got to say good bye.


She has given me a lot of hope.

Attitude, Attitude, Attitude.

Cindy

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Post Merge: February 02, 2010, 01:30:54 AM

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Oh,
I hadn't noticed :laugh:
What a great 2k to post on :-*

Other.  To be honest I dunno I never asked.  I went full time after 12 months on mones & it was a non-issue.  That tells me that peeps were perceiving me as female.

I know I wasn't (not a lady but gonna contribut anyway!).

The first few times I wrote a check, I had people look at me quizzically and ask for ID.  Also happened when I took my car in for an oil change and handed them my credit card.  Also asked for ID.  I know they are supposed to, but the look on their faces said they didn't believe the name on the check or credit card was me.  How nice to whip out my official driver's license. :)  Because surely the DMV had it right!  Right there next to my barely passing pic.  (Remember, where I live there is a large lesbian population, so I looked like one!).

Funny now nobody asks for that ID any more.  :D  Unless they are folllowing the rules, and it's more in a bored way.

Jay

I was a flat chested bean pole as a guy and am a flat chested bean pole as a woman. With my androgynous features, passing has never been a problem for me. I logged nearly 100 hours in public the six months before I even started HRT. I'm not sure how much you have been out and about as your female self, but perhaps you can start testing the waters to build up your confidence? Some people can jump right in with both feet, but I've always been the "stick in my big toe to test the water" kind.

Ginny

After 2 years on hrt when I went full time, yes, I passed.  But even before then, I found that the better my attitude about myself, the better I passed.

I still can't really pass for the life of me and am hopefully going fulltime in 6ish months. . . so at this point I guess I just have to hope it can change with time lol. 

I don't really know when I went full time, I was androgynous for a long time even after starting hormones.. I guess boobs kinda swayed it a little. But once they came through and were more visible I started getting ma'amed a lot more etc.
So I guess for me I went full time when my boobs began to show and other people noticed them and addressed me as female.. so they both went hand in hand for me.

I guess I'm passable. I've been living full time outside of work/school/official documentation for several months. Now I'm going at school. The anticipation of running into people I know is worse than actually doing it. So far it's only been passing people briefly in the halls, or me practicing invisibility. Who knows who's actually recognized me, no scenes yet. People from last semester thought I was a chick mostly, anyway.

One guy in one of my classes recognized me and called me by my male name after class when everyone was scrambling and no one heard it, but today after class we talked for a second before he got a call and he was using my female name and friendly. Saves me having to bring that up unless he does.

It'll be fun when I invariably run into the lesbian I met last semester who I only admitted to being bi to.

I am not pretty, in my opinion, but "it's better to be a homely woman than a hot ->-bleeped-<-." I'm also not wearing makeup - I'm so bad at it normally that I haven't even tried. But I'm in a class learning about it. When people have put makeup on me, I feel like I look *GORGEOUS*, at least dead on. But I'm not to the point where I can reproduce that. At least, after over 2 months of my voice being screwed up by being sick, I'm finally getting it back. I've un-trained a lot of muscle memory in that time though :/ My worst nightmare was getting sick and having my voice messed up as I started to go full time, and it happened. But I got through it.

I think the last time I got 'sir' while not at work was back in October, when I was standing there in a miniskirt and knee high boots and a tank top at the ren faire and a woman came up and asked where I got my chicken on a stick. Of course, there's a LOT of crossdressing by men at those places.

I have some coworkers who like to bring customers to me because they know that I'm going to take care of them, but they will of course tell them what a great guy I am. One in particular enjoys trumping me up with puffery - complimentary of course, but when some person is told about what a fantastic guy I am who really knows his stuff, who is a learned gentleman and they come down and meet me they're *very* confused. It's very awkward when I have other customers that I'm dealing with and people come up and broach that topic.

Last time I talked to HR they said that I've got to legally change my name before they'll work with me... but I don't think that's right as my company has a perfect HRC score for trans employees. Once I have the chance, i'll be calling employee assistance. It can take weeks to do that, and especially since I just decided I need to change my last name too, I'm not ready to do that ><

I've been on E since august, but wasnt on the right dose til the start of November.

I will also say that being full time in a consistent social setting with lots of people who do NOT know that I am trans, is a COMPLETELY different experience than being full time when I run errands, shop, live my life, with friends or partners who know my history. But I am starting to feel immersion and having trouble remembering what it was like to live as a guy.

It just really sucks living in a poorly fitting bra, AND being tucked for so many hours of the day. I feel so restricted in my movement.

And lastly, before I stop editing this, I haven't been to work since the 24th of January. I am really not looking forward to pretending to be a guy again. I mean, I don't even remotely *try* to act male but it's very dissonant in my mind to be perceived as such.

Final edit: I guess the fact that when I am forced to out myself to medical personnel or other situations, and people say "you don't look like a guy" means yeah, passable enough.

I went FT a week after I started taking HRT. o_0 I didn't seem to run into a lot of problems, and I didn't think I was uber passible, but I guess I got by. I guess already looking androgynous helped. *shrugs*

Quote from: K8 on February 01, 2010, 07:38:12 PMI checked "other" too, but because when I started full time I just didn't care whether I passed or not.

I went full time the same day, or actually the day before I started HRT. If I look back on that time now, and the fact I was totally self conscious about everything, I don't see how I ever got through it. Today almost a year later passing is never a problem, voice included. But like Kate my attitude at first was that it really didn't matter because I was doing this for me, not anyone else, and that got me through.

No. I went full time after 12 months HRT, that was 6 months ago and I'm still dealing with people calling me sir/he/him/they all the time. I get by fine in the city because people there either just don't notice or have the grace not to make it an issue but where I work out in the Western Suburbs in customer service it's a different story. A 6ft, broad shouldered girl with large hands/forehead/feet and a questionable voice sticks out like a sore thumb and some are confused, some don't know how to treat me (they use the wrong pronouns but without malice) and some make a point of being disrespectful. I'd move if I wasn't tied to a really good job there but most of the time if the rest of my life is going well I can deal with being a pariah. Not passing isn't a dealbreaker for me - I'd never go back even though I haven't achieved what I wanted to - but it can be an unwelcome extra source of stress that on top of everything else can really get me down.

Quote from: FairyGirl on February 04, 2010, 04:12:58 AM
I went full time the same day, or actually the day before I started HRT. If I look back on that time now, and the fact I was totally self conscious about everything, I don't see how I ever got through it. Today almost a year later passing is never a problem, voice included. But like Kate my attitude at first was that it really didn't matter because I was doing this for me, not anyone else, and that got me through.

I'm not surprised. You look so lovely there. Your figure is perfect with just the right amount of curve and your hair is awesome!

i passed before i even started transition lol
i was always called she by mistake
but when i first started i was pretty damn self conscious so that prolly gave me away, i kept wondering what people thought of me so my fear showed
plus my makeup was not perfected like it is now
nowadays people are so confused when i tell them im trans, they can't wrap their heads around it
oh well lol

Quote from: Nero on February 04, 2010, 06:24:15 AM
I'm not surprised. You look so lovely there. Your figure is perfect with just the right amount of curve and your hair is awesome!

oh thank you Nero you're giving me butterflies! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cosgan.de%2Fimages%2Fsmilie%2Fliebe%2Ff040.gif&hash=9f566b3fa63cf635eeee18c054b85b3147f44e18)

I was often getting mistaken for a girl even when I thought I was being quite the guy  ::)

No, when I transitioned I was 40 pounds heavier than I am now in muscle and well, I looked more like a drill instructor.  It took some balls.  Transitioning definitely played the largest part in my transition:D  Kinda funky wording, but there's things about living female and even walking, talking, and looking female, that no amount of speculation, day dreaming, or hormones and coaching, can ever accomplish.  Now... I'll just say that I'm more than satisfied, but I wouldn't have been where I am now if I'd waited another 6 months.  I would have turned 21 as a guy... or rather, as a newly transitioned transsexual that pretty much looked like a guy.  Wouldn't have met some of my awesomesauce friends, and would have just wasted 6 months in that it would have been another 6 months that I could have been and should have been living as a woman but wasn't.

Besides, why get FFS?  All kinds of women exist with all kinds of faces.  Staying natural is the way to go, in every aspect of your life!  I think a lot of people underestimate the power an all natural vegan diet, no sodas, beers, processed junk, and definitely NO SCALPELS.  You can spend your entire life going over what people see when they look at you, makeup and form altering clothes and blah blah blah, or you can live free:D

Always keep in mind that it's not the face you wear and the body you're in that truly defines who you are, but what you do with it in thi world.  Besides, being pretty and whatnot isn't all what it seems.  You really get to a point where you start wishing people would appreciate what's on the inside over what's on the outside, seriously.

Quote from: inoutallabout on February 04, 2010, 02:32:42 PM
No, when I transitioned I was 40 pounds heavier than I am now in muscle and well, I looked more like a drill instructor.  It took some balls.  Transitioning definitely played the largest part in my transition:D  Kinda funky wording, but there's things about living female and even walking, talking, and looking female, that no amount of speculation, day dreaming, or hormones and coaching, can ever accomplish.  Now... I'll just say that I'm more than satisfied, but I wouldn't have been where I am now if I'd waited another 6 months.  I would have turned 21 as a guy... or rather, as a newly transitioned transsexual that pretty much looked like a guy.  Wouldn't have met some of my awesomesauce friends, and would have just wasted 6 months in that it would have been another 6 months that I could have been and should have been living as a woman but wasn't.

Besides, why get FFS?  All kinds of women exist with all kinds of faces.  Staying natural is the way to go, in every aspect of your life!  I think a lot of people underestimate the power an all natural vegan diet, no sodas, beers, processed junk, and definitely NO SCALPELS.  You can spend your entire life going over what people see when they look at you, makeup and form altering clothes and blah blah blah, or you can live free:D

Always keep in mind that it's not the face you wear and the body you're in that truly defines who you are, but what you do with it in thi world.  Besides, being pretty and whatnot isn't all what it seems.  You really get to a point where you start wishing people would appreciate what's on the inside over what's on the outside, seriously.

I am pretty sure your friends would call you awesomesauce as well! Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts!

Thanks to everyone for participating! It has helped my confidence a great deal and helped me gain different perspectives on a lot of things!

I went full-time 3 months before I started HRT.  I had pretty short hair, didn't wear a wig.  Had a five o'clock shadow, so on and so forth.  Stupidest/bravest thing I've ever done, but I'm better for having done it.

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on February 05, 2010, 03:56:58 AM
I went full-time 3 months before I started HRT.  I had pretty short hair, didn't wear a wig.  Had a five o'clock shadow, so on and so forth.  Stupidest/bravest thing I've ever done, but I'm better for having done it.

good job honey.  i went fulltime while getting laser, and putting enough makeup on to cover the stubble was a nightmare! lol

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on February 05, 2010, 03:56:58 AM
I went full-time 3 months before I started HRT.  I had pretty short hair, didn't wear a wig.  Had a five o'clock shadow, so on and so forth.  Stupidest/bravest thing I've ever done, but I'm better for having done it.

I'm impressed. My admiration for you is sky high. Well done.

An important trend among the no people: we are happier, I haven't seen anyone say they regret going full time early, and the world did not end in any of our cases.

I left my family and friends, who thought I was going to university (I actually intended to go to university, I eventually did) got a motel, got my ears pierced and the next morning I got dressed properly, put a little make up on, plaited my hair and then traveled to the city where I would spend the next 15 years of my life.  Living the life I always wanted, I cried before I left because, I was happy at last that I was making a decision that I knew resonated deeply inside me with such conviction that I never questioned what I was doing or what I wag going to do.  I knew it was the right thing to do.

I suppose that to do what I did as I just mentioned above, I would have had to have been very passable indeed.  I never thought of passing, yes I was self conscious for a little while, but that went away very quickly because inside of 3 months of leaving my friends and family I was working full time.  However, the best advice in passing is to be yourself.

Kind Regards
From Erfurt, Thuringen, Germany
Sarah B

Be who you want to be.

I lived part-time through my teens and went "full time" when I walked out of the hospital at age 24. From age 16 onward I couldn't consistently pass as a guy - I confused the heck out of those who assumed I was a guy and those who assumed I was a girl rarely raised an eyebrow. Going "full time" simply meant not confusing people any more. I can only judge my "passability" by the reaction of others.

Nope, and I still don't pass.
at cub I've been mistaken for my mom's daughter by strangers but I've never been mam'ed except once at target.

My don't care less about others as long as I give them respect seems to be working because nothing "interesting" happens anywhere. Even if I'm buying ultrathin pads for post surgery supplies at the pharmacy with 3 other customers around me. >.>

There was no set "I'm going to be full time" date for me.  I did come out at work and eased into it from there but my mentality is that I'm only as "full time" as people allow me to be.  I'm full time as myself and what people see is up to them.  I'd currently rate myself as 95% passable. 

I voted 'Yes' but I was sort of reluctant to vote that way. I personally didn't feel I was passable in the early months but I never ran into any trouble with being read and all my friends told me I had nothing to worry about even from the get go. In hind sight I probably should have split the difference and voted 'A Lot'

*edit* I hid HRT for 11 months 6 years ago, and only resumed in July of 2009. I went full time in November (I took my time with work, I was full time except work in July).

I went full time sometime between September and January, depending on how you look at it. I don't really think I pass now. I think I do okay in casual encounters, but most people clock me soon enough if I spend some time with them. And it was definitely worse in September.

It's definitely not how I planned it. That's just how it went. I have people around me that support me, and my community is reasonably accepting of deviance of all sorts, so it doesn't matter quite as much. I've found it helpful to plow ahead. I've learned a lot that way.

Quote from: Alyssa M. on February 10, 2010, 05:28:58 AM
I've found it helpful to plow ahead. I've learned a lot that way.

YMMV, but this worked for me. 

One morning I woke up and decided to be full time, whether I looked the part or not.  In general, my attittude has been: This is what I'm going to do and you all can adjust to it or get left behind.

(Note: I was out to everyone I knew and many I was acquainted with at that point.  I surprised a few waiters and store clerks, but otherwise everyone knew I was going to do it sometime.)

My experience was that it has been an adjustment process for me and for all of those around me.  But I think that treating it as a matter of fact - just something ordinary - helped a lot.

- Kate

I have just received some certified copies of letters that were sent to my surgeon.  I requested these letters just in case I need them to stick them under the noses of the Gender Recognition Panel (GRP)

The quote I am about to state is from a letter written by my endocrinologist to my surgeon and I quote,

"At all times she has been a totally responsible person and has proved that she can be employed as a woman, doing contract work according to her qualifications, and passes well."

The letter is dated May 1990.

Oh me, Oh my,  I passed.  :icon_hug: oneself.

Kindest Regards
Sarah B
PS  I promise I won't let it go to my head.

Quote from: K8 on February 10, 2010, 10:25:56 AM

...everyone knew I was going to do it sometime

Nobody was surprised that I actually did it but me.