Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, in case you haven't read my intro..brief background, I'm 21F, and my Bf is 23FTM Pre everything right now.

It scares the heck out of me to think about T and the affects it can have on the way he acts. He keeps saying he wouldn't act different, however Im not ignorant to the fact that adding a hormone whether it is E for MTF or T for FTM affects the body and mind, maybe not greatly for some but it does none the less. What I'm scared of is if it will change the person he is, because I love HIM, gender aside, I love their personality(aside from being quite selfish at times ;) sorry had to say it hun). But Like i said i love their personality the way it is now, and I mean Change is inevitable in life, you learn and you grow, and you change...I'm just scared he will become a completly different person and act differently. Any thoughts from others regarding this and how T has affected either themselves or the effects it has had in the relationships...

I'm sure some others here, who have more experience, will be happy to respond but from what i've learnt here, the only significant change will be that your boyfriend will be a lot happier, living as he knows he should.

I hope so!.Thanks!..at first i really didnt think it was right for him, but even the little changes he has made seem to help his attitude...although we have a long road ahead of us.

I think you will find that you will see only the physical changes, because we are still the same person after transition.  We become more comfortable as we grow into your true gender.

"E" can cause us girls to be more emotional.  "T" may make some changes in that area, but the guys can describe it better.

He'll have a higher sex drive, he may be more confident and/or happy as well. More assertive, not aggressive, just less passive. Might not cry as much if you see him cry a lot. Those are all the changes I've read of and most say they're still the same people after transition. Don't worry.

I don't agree with the whole "they stay the same person." Yes they are the same person but T or No T, the transition changes a person... or well... maybe people show more of their true sides.

It's a hard thing and both of you have to be willing to LISTEN. not talk. LISTEN. and hearing what the other person says is NOT listening. just FYI.

It's a two way streak. He has to be aware of your struggles and you need to be aware of his. No secrets. No hiding things. That's where walls are built. AND when those walls do start up, Be willing to work through it.

It's hard. You'll fight. He'll be upset. You'll be upset. Dysphoria will make things difficult, BUT if you both try and are willing to not give up, You'll make  it. I believe in you. and you both will ALWAYS have a home here at Susans. :D This is a family!!!!!  Family supports one another!

Quote from: kisschittybangbang on February 06, 2010, 03:53:34 PM
I don't agree with the whole "they stay the same person." Yes they are the same person but T or No T, the transition changes a person... or well... maybe people show more of their true sides.

It's a hard thing and both of you have to be willing to LISTEN. not talk. LISTEN. and hearing what the other person says is NOT listening. just FYI.

It's a two way streak. He has to be aware of your struggles and you need to be aware of his. No secrets. No hiding things. That's where walls are built. AND when those walls do start up, Be willing to work through it.

It's hard. You'll fight. He'll be upset. You'll be upset. Dysphoria will make things difficult, BUT if you both try and are willing to not give up, You'll make  it. I believe in you. and you both will ALWAYS have a home here at Susans. :D This is a family!!!!!  Family supports one another!

You're awesome. Thank you  ;D

Quote from: kisschittybangbang on February 06, 2010, 03:53:34 PM
I don't agree with the whole "they stay the same person." Yes they are the same person but T or No T, the transition changes a person... or well... maybe people show more of their true sides.

It's a hard thing and both of you have to be willing to LISTEN. not talk. LISTEN. and hearing what the other person says is NOT listening. just FYI.

It's a two way streak. He has to be aware of your struggles and you need to be aware of his. No secrets. No hiding things. That's where walls are built. AND when those walls do start up, Be willing to work through it.

It's hard. You'll fight. He'll be upset. You'll be upset. Dysphoria will make things difficult, BUT if you both try and are willing to not give up, You'll make  it. I believe in you. and you both will ALWAYS have a home here at Susans. :D This is a family!!!!!  Family supports one another!

I completely agree, in that they do change whether they are just being more themselves than normal or what...but they do change. and it can be as little or as significant as possible..but change happens..and it just scares the crap out me thinking the PERSON she was will change and not be the PERSON HE is.....if that makes sense...

My personal experience with being on T is that I have changed in subtle ways, but not in major core ways.  My core values and personality are the same, but some of my perceptions and reactions have changed.

I'm more assertive, but less angry.  I'm much more relaxed and easy-going.  I don't cry nearly as easily as I once did. (Thank goodness!)  I'm more out-going and less anxious.  That's not to say that I've suddenly become a social butterfly, but I'm more likely to join in on conversations, etc.  I don't get angry as easily, and I don't stay angry as long, but I have to watch myself when I am angry, because I'm more likely to say something unwise.

My perception about sex has changed in subtle ways.  That one is hard to explain without being misunderstood.  It's as if there is more of a separation between love and sex than there used to be.  Don't get me wrong.  Sex can still be a wonderful, intimate, almost sacred thing with the right person.  And if I were in a relationship I would never betray my partner's trust by cheating.  But at the same time, it's as if there is no longer an absolute imperative for love and sex to come in one package.  Given the right situation, I might entertain the idea of "friends with benefits", whereas that idea was totally alien to me pre-T.

I suspect, though, that people who are close to me may perceive more of a change than I do.  After all, I spent a lot of years hiding much of myself and trying to play a role that they would find acceptable.  I'm through with that. 

And yet, interestingly enough, now that I am being perceived as male more and more often, I find myself becoming more willing to express my feminine side.  I actually contemplated buying a pink shirt, the other day,  for the first time since I was about 8 years old.   :D  And if people have problems with me being non-competitive, cooing over cute baby animals, or expressing my concern for someone's welfare, well they can just shove it.  I'm not going to hide inside myself anymore. 

What was I just saying about being more mellow?  :D  Sorry, rant over.  Yeah, it may be a bumpy ride, but in the end the relationship will likely be healthier for it.  Better to go through it now than to be faced with 10 years of built-up resentment when it all comes out further down the road.  And that is what will happen if he doesn't deal with this now.  Unfortunately, it doesn't just go away.  Take it from someone who put off transition for 30-odd years.  :(

The part I'm worried about is exactly what you stated, the idea that others perceive more of a change than you do.

Transitioning if I have learned anything usually helps said person be more open and express themselves more. I'm worried that the person I know, is not the person he is and taking T and transitioning is just going to highlight it...it may not..but just venting my fears.

Miss PaulyD... Just... Love him as he is and love who he becomes. Be patient, Be supportive, and Be yourself (His transition dows NOT define you, but it DOES effect you... Don't lose yourself because of this...)

Mr. Davis Be patient with her. Sometimes she's not gonna just snap into action. She's gonna slip and momentarily forget things. Forgive her and be understanding. This time for you will make you have a rather "selfish" mindset, but that's ok. Just don't forget she needs attention and has things going on in her life too.

It's scary... It really is. I was terrified, but you know... I am glad I experianced it, because it helped me grow. :D AND let each other be a comfort BUT GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE!!!!! Don't push eachother.


Much love!!!
Kiss

Quote from: PaulyD on February 08, 2010, 12:48:16 AM
The part I'm worried about is exactly what you stated, the idea that others perceive more of a change than you do.

Transitioning if I have learned anything usually helps said person be more open and express themselves more. I'm worried that the person I know, is not the person he is and taking T and transitioning is just going to highlight it...it may not..but just venting my fears.

Well if he's really not the person you think he is, wouldn't you want to find out before you make any serious commitments?

I would wanna know before a serious commitment is made..but in my head there already is a significant commitment already made....I'm sorry its just all new and...scary

Quote from: kisschittybangbang on February 08, 2010, 02:11:25 AM
Miss PaulyD... Just... Love him as he is and love who he becomes. Be patient, Be supportive, and Be yourself (His transition dows NOT define you, but it DOES effect you... Don't lose yourself because of this...)

Mr. Davis Be patient with her. Sometimes she's not gonna just snap into action. She's gonna slip and momentarily forget things. Forgive her and be understanding. This time for you will make you have a rather "selfish" mindset, but that's ok. Just don't forget she needs attention and has things going on in her life too.

It's scary... It really is. I was terrified, but you know... I am glad I experianced it, because it helped me grow. :D AND let each other be a comfort BUT GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE!!!!! Don't push eachother.


Much love!!!
Kiss

The selfish mindset can be unnerving and I know he needs to focus on him..but it seems I get lost in the mix..makes me worry if a relationship(not friendship..but romantic relationship) can last through a transition.

Quote from: SilverFang on February 08, 2010, 03:18:00 AM
Well if he's really not the person you think he is, wouldn't you want to find out before you make any serious commitments?

This.

Seriously, I'd rather realize what the person is really like than be 'lied' to in a sense.

Miss PaulyD, even if the relationship doesn't last, god forbid, it's worth trying!!! Don't let "IF" stand in your way! If you have feelings for him, take this ride as far as you both are willing to go. It's not about how long it'll last. It's about TRYING. Giving up because of fear is no good reason to never try!

Yes, at times You'll feel like you've completely taken the back seat (if you haven't noticed, I don't sugar coat things) HOWEVER... this is where really communicating and listening to one another comes into place. If you feel like your needs are not being met, you need to talk to him when that time presents itself. (AND BTW this happens in MOST relationships, with a transitioning partner or not) Just try to be level headed and understanding. Again... that's a two way street.


It's scary as all get out Miss PaulyD, But in the end it will be well worth not having the regret of never really tryng!!! Especially if you love him!!! And at least he knowsyou valued having him in your life over your fears!!!!


My motto is LOVE WITH ALL YOU HAVE AND DO SO UNCONDITIONALLY OR DON'T LOVE AT ALL!!!!

I'm on AIM and Yahoo. Screen name zzsolisetumbrazz OR you can add me on facebook: Breanna Giles    I'm more than willing to chat with you at any given moment when it comes to your fears or questions!!!! :D I'll give the answers to you straight dear.