Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Since I have started to present myself in a more androgynous manner @ work, I'm curious about other's experiences with this (this includes a more genderqueer presentation) - to me an 'at work situation' very much differs from a 'social situation with friends'. What kind of reactions do you get? What happens to your confidence level?

Personally I'm taking things one step at a time. So far only got compliments on my haircut, and comments that my wardrobe looks 'neat', that the look 'suits my mannerism'. In other words: no shockdoc, which isn't unexpected (one step at a time).

Confidence wise, however, I noticed a slight change; partially I feel very confident since I feel comfortable with my look: it's more on par with who I am, on the other side I feel bloody vulnerable like I should be pulling kunfu-moves on... air and dust particles.
When I presented as female I never really had this issue, mainly because I got a tough aititude down - something I don't feel a need to do now.

So, curious about some feedback on this.  8)

What i find interesting is how little you have to do to be perceived as 'different'. I had to no more than start using a shopping bag to carry stuff in, rather than a rucsac, for the limp-wristed jokes to start!
People do notice when i wear my fairy earrings, and jangly bracelets - but i acknowledge their interest, make polite conversation - and leave it at that. Fortunately we have an Equal Opps policy, but not always Equal Opps people, so i'm taking it steady, and using brightly-coloured shirts - and generally wandering between male and female (i think of it as 'shading') - and getting the poor dear straights used to a bit of the alternative!

Clare xx

I work at a school and kids notice everything, if they say 'that's for girl's' I just tell them I got a special licence ' 'cos I like it'.

I find work to be awsome. I work for the government and they are big on diversity and being seen as an equal opportunity employer. I was queering it up for a long time with earings, nail polish, tattoos, rings, shoes. Then in the last year or so I just started dressing fully female. A lot of people were not surprised because I had always been a bit queer but a few were.

I am rather visibly queer at work - "the guy that wears dresses". People are curious, people give me fashion tips (too much sometimes, it is like your fashion becomes public property like a preganant womans belly), HR bent themselves over to make sure I was happy and check up on me on occasion, I can joke with people about it, people are concerned they are using the right terms when refering to me and ask me what I like to be called, I find being me makes it more permissive for others to talk to me about things like male grooming and depression and other things. Of course people will talk about you behind your back but I don't think I have gotten anything negative.

Yeah, excellent.

The only down side is one older woman who I joke around with alot who thinks I am doing it just for a laugh. That is annoying as it is no joke. That is the problem with joking around a lot, people don't always take you seriously.

All in all feels good, I feel accepted, and more confident. I find it a rather safe environment to be myself.

it is like your fashion becomes public property

It is in the sense that you inflict it on everybody.  It also falls under a 'art' type of deal in which everyone has an option, they are all subjective, and therefore equally valid.

This is a really interesting and positive approach, gradual change.

We take it in steps, each successive step, as we feel ready and comfortable.

We are comfortable, those around us are comfortable, especially that they are not fearing us.

I work in a meat market and deal with customers regularly, so far I haven't had any real trouble. I dress in a lot of unisex clothing, I have my ears pierced and my hair is long and up in a ponytail *since I work with meat all day* Well I have no problems at work, at this new store. The one I used to work at there was a commit hear and there, I never noticed because I don't really care, but I've been told that by people I work with. Just things like, well you can tell he's gay, or yeah he's a fairy, but meh I don't care what they think.

I'm open with myself, and the people I work directly with know i'm TG and on hormones, and they told me, if anyone gives me trouble just let them know, they got my back, so thats kind of nice.

The funniest part, idk why I just find it funny, when i'm at work and deal with customers, I get asked, excuse me miss...err..sir...ma'am..err...you are a lady right? but it does get a bit annoying when kids try and look under my hat and are like..mom..hey..mom...is that a guy or a girl? the mother responded with thats a boy, so the kid said, nuh uh, she's a girl, and continues trying to figure it out, it gets old sometimes :P

When I started work here 6 months ago I wore definitely female, but not feminine clothing, had long hair and large chest. I gradually started wearing more boy clothes at work, and cut my hair short, then started binding. Apparently I look very androgynous/like a young boy at the moment.

Nobody at work has said anything about it so far (I'm out to a couple of people there, so they expected it anyways), seems everyone just works as normal, whether I'm wearing men's boxers or not. :p

One of the things I was worried about was bumping into the head of the company while "cross dressing", thinking he might have an opinion on it. On monday he actually came and talked to me to compliment me on my work, and didn't blink an eye at my appearance. \o/

I do feel more confident and am sure I will do more so when I get used to the fact that actually I can dress and act how I'm most comfortable, even if it's pushing some social boundary.
Unfortunately everyone still knows me as female. But I do a lot less catching myself in the mirror and thinking "What the f*** do I look like?" !

So it seems everyone has a step-by-step policy on this one and overal gets positive reactions.

I'm still wondering about the confidence level. Like I said in the OP; I feel more vulnerable...

Also,

QuotePica Pica
I work at a school and kids notice everything, if they say 'that's for girl's' I just tell them I got a special licence ' 'cos I like it'.

Curious, do you tell parents the same or have you never got in such a situation before? ;)

my parents or theirs, my own plenty of times - theirs never, but I never had a mention from them. The fact is that teacher fashion is all bright cardigans anyway, pretty androgynous to start with, add a bow or some flowery laces it doesn't change too much.

I admit at first it does make you feel vulnerable. It does leave you more open to discrimination, like painting a target on your back. I'm more aware that if I stuff up at work it will probably be worse on me because I dress different i.e. not only are they weird but they are useless too, it must go hand in hand. And in a way I do think I feel more vulnerable overall - probably the same vulnerability women feel compared to men. You have to be more careful where you walk, you are more cautious about such things as walking to your car at night.

But I think it can help build confidence in yourself as the person you are.

Thanks for that Nicky.
I suppose it's only logical that there's a revision when it comes to building confidence. In my case; confidence to portray who I am instead of confidence to portray an image/attitude.

@ Pica Pica: understood.  8)

At my current job, things can get hostile. People notice everything, even if I try to hide things. I work in a all male environment. One of my coworkers does stuff like spread rumors to everyone else, belittles, and makes crude jokes. I know this because he does it behind the back of a coworker that is openly gay. I have been questioned by 4 of them concerning my nails, if i was a hermaphrodite (my body), am i gay, and about the pink shirts I have worn. At my currently I accept anything they say even if its wrong, and tell them nothing.

At my last job, things were more open and accepting, so I have experienced 2 different reactions. That job, I did little-by-little gradually. I told a few almost everything.

im like nicky i find work to be an awsome place, everyone there as been so excepting though im a nurse and would expect nothing less from a bunch of people like that. the hr department are great and ive even got my own diversity person though i havent seen her for ages no need as i just potter along. i spent some time like nicky doing little things and slowly moving towards female which people exepted the big one was my coat when i changed my coat to female that was it people really noticed something  different and i just told them all answered all there questions and that was it big news for a few days. i think when people see you do it everyday day in day out and its not just a fad then they except more especally the girls when your trying to run through snow in heels. i totally get the pubilc fashion thing lots of people try to give me advice and at first i listened to it all but now i just do my own thing and people have started to leave me to it. though i looked good anyway :) i think they just wanted to help and be supportve bless em. i now just get included in all the fashion conversations, avon books and purfume trying. now though anyone that does not work with me thinks im female anyway which does confuse people there all just waiting for me to change my name. im sure theres a sweap on it. i think they want me to follow the normal pattern to these things that they see on telly, though im happy as i am.

I've worked for about two years in an almost exclusively male small company before deciding to return to school. The first few months were kinda awkward, mostly because I'm a very shy person. Everyone there accepted me and was nice but they didn't like the way I dressed and often commented on it. I took it very personal but later realized that it was simply because camo pants and band t-shirts don't exactly look professional (what? I was still a student back then ::) ) When our receptionist left, the owner of the company somehow thought it was appropriate for me to replace her because I am female. It didn't make sense to me but whatever, he was still paying me. The problem is I had to dress up like a "real adult" woman for that and I HATED it (never mind that I had to wear color, which I almost never do). Feminine blouses look terrible on me because they all seem to be cut for women with larger breasts and skirts were a real bother because I don't shave my legs. He regularly complimented me on my looks and presentation but it didn't make me feel better.

After a few months of that hell, he found a new receptionist and I regained my status as a computer technician. I started dressing much less feminine right away. There was no gradual change at all. It felt good but I also felt vulnerable at the same time. One of my colleagues, an older woman, often made comments to me about being a tomboy which I found insulting because the words she used (in French) also implied that I was a lesbian, and were always uttered in a mocking tone. Eventually, the owner scheduled a meeting during which we discussed shirts to wear with the name of the company on them. He didn't even give me time to ask and told me right away that I could buy men's shirts if I wanted to. After that, I felt a lot less vulnerable. Heck, he even wholeheartedly offered to teach me how to properly tie a necktie :D

Now that I'm back in school, I have less of a problem with feeling vulnerable because other students don't really seem to care. I can dress feminine one day, masculine the next and androgynous the rest and no one ever bothers me about it.

Pica I'm curious you say you work at a school how do people address you and how do you feel about that?
when I was is school every adult had to be addressed with their title (Mr,Miss, Misses, sister (for nuns) or Father (priests) including the groundmen & tuck shop ladies)  I can't emagine anything worse then being called Mr all day how does it work for you?

Kieran Welcome I see your new

as I'm unemployed I don't have much to offer this conversation

I get called all sorts really.

Sometimes Mr, often Mrs - all the males end up being called Mrs.... however both are equally not quite right so I couldn't really give much of a Castlemaine XXXX... I do hate 'Sir' though.

I would say it depends on your work environment. I have been changing my appearance gradually. I haven't received outright hostile reactions but an awful lot of nosiness and silliness. Two of the managers have already told me I'm in my right to transition so I don't have an issue there. There are a lot of openly gay people but because I am quite different from even them (a lot of gays don't understand trans issues) I feel like I'm some sort of celebrity or something.

Around the time I told a number of people that I crossdress outside of work and what my female name was I was already growing my hair out. Nobody really noticed it because I was still combing it like a man and just pulling it back. But as soon as it got long enough that I then parted it down to the sides clearly looking more feminine, I swear my hair was the #1 discussion for two weeks. Every time I would pass by cubicles people would be looking.

After I showed up to work as a female in my favorite dress on Halloween, I was clearly the subject of a lot of talk. Then I experimented a couple of times with wearing clearly female shoes as well as a couple of blouses. Again, more stares and more talking. Now every time I paint my nails, everyone wants to see what the color is. It is great that I am getting more positive reactions than negative but in a way I am annoyed by it all because it is like I'm some celebrity or something. They consider me "special" and want to know every detail of my life including my life outside of work. Hair and nails are normally insignificant but seem very significant for me according to them.

Now all I really do is keep the hair long and feminine and often have nail polish but I would like to sooner or later go to regularly wearing blouses and female shoes and actual women's jeans. I'm hesitant to wear blouses as I've tried before because I pretty much have to wear a bra because I have slight breasts (AA) even though I've never taken hormones (probably just due to a lot of dairy products). Once I start wearing bras I guess I'm officially transitioning. But if I wear tight shirts without one, my nipples show right through.

Anyway, enough about me. My advice is to do these changes gradually as I think it works better that way. Each time I introduce one new thing, it becomes big talk but eventually they forget about it and get used to it. Once they are used to something, then you introduce a new thing, and so forth. It is funny how people can't even remember me with short hair anymore. I suppose if I keep making these gradual changes, eventually they won't even remember me as a boy anymore. So my recommendation is for you to do the same. Cook the frog slowly. It won't take long for them to not remember the old you. Good luck.