Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was wondering about this the other day. I pass most of the time as a male and im not on t but i pass as a younger male. So with that in mind is it wrong to talk to a straight girl like you were born a male and get to know her. I'm going through a name change. My new name is going to be chris here in the next few weeks but I already tell people my name is chris. So normal people would think oh ok cool hes a guy and not even ask. So if I did that then later on we both really started liking each other and wanted to maybe date then tell her that I was born a girl wouldn't she feel like I lied to her and not trust me? 

by the way I know a lot of other trans dudes have the problem of looking really young so with that in mind isn't it hard to find a girl around your age? Most people think I'm around 16! So thats the age group of girls that like me when really im 20 but girls my age are just like "wow yeah don't want to date somebody as young as you so i look at you as my little friend" So is it wrong to go after them 16-17 year olds?

Any girl who judges you on that basis is not worth bothering about anyway.

They are doing you a favour really. Save you the bother of having to get to know them before you ralise how shallow they are and have to dump them.

I wouldn't say it's shallow, or at least not unreasonably so. Remember spacial that those of us who are pre-T or in the early months of T can look really, really young - I mean, I'm 27 and I look like a 14-year-old boy. And that's being generous. Maybe 13. It would be really unfair to mid-20s guys to blame them for not being attracted to me as a guy...actually, it might be a little disturbing if they were, at this point.

Tripp, it's not necessarily wrong to date younger girls, but (1) be aware of the laws in your state and respect them, and (2) be aware of a possible maturity difference that can make it hard to establish a relationship as equals. Any relationship between a 16-year-old and a 20-year-old has an inherent power imbalance (you have legal rights and freedoms as well as possibly financial resources she doesn't have, not to mention a bit of life experience).

Also, be prepared to deal with questions she might have - not just about you, but about herself and her own sexuality - when you disclose. Nobody can predict in advance how a particular person will react to disclosure, but you can expect some confusion, which can manifest itself as some very strong emotions in some people.

Quote from: Trippsta on February 17, 2010, 02:37:42 AM
So is it wrong to go after them 16-17 year olds?

Depends upon where you live.  If you're in the U.S. you could wind up in jail, depending upon how far you take things.  Just something to keep in mind.

Quote from: Trippsta on February 17, 2010, 02:37:42 AM... im 20 but girls my age are just like "wow yeah don't want to date somebody as young as you so i look at you as my little friend" So is it wrong to go after them 16-17 year olds?

Be careful about dating underage girls. You can get in trouble- especially if her parents don't like you.

Quote from: Radar on February 17, 2010, 08:40:08 AM
Be careful about dating underage girls. You can get in trouble- especially if her parents don't like you.

or if her parents or her do not take you telling them you are trans very well, the overage thing could just be their ticket to get you permanently out of her life.

I apologise for #1. I completley forgot about the attitudes re age relationships in the US.

I don't think 17 is too young too date if you are 20. But if someone at your age says she doesn't want to date with you because you look young, she's probably not even a friend, is she?
I think you get to know people before you date them.

If you are worried about your look, go to a therapist (sorry if you are already doing this) and further for getting T.

About telling or not telling, I don't think you need to tell in the first time. People will always take it somehow. Don't forget that in your case you are lacking something they might expect you to have which makes some expected situations a bit more.. creativity-required.

If she loves you, she will love you, not what you have or what you don't.
Get to know the girl before you make it official. When it comes closer, you'll probably tell her.
At age 17 I am not sure if you have most of the problems I said above anyways.

Wrong? That's up for debate. But illegal in the US (echo, echo, echo. . .)

The age of consent in the UK is 16.

Also, I don't see a problem with what you're doing as long as it's legal. I always get to know girls and don't tell them I'm trans until it's somewhat more serious.

Well, I don't tell people when I meet them that I'm trans. (jesus christ, the thing that irks me the most is people who know, being all eager to tell their friends when i meet them) However, if I meet someone and can tell it's leading up to more than just friends, I tell them. I've been hit on by my fair share of gay men, and when they mentioned taking me to bed, I had to tell them. That was awkward.

Quote from: zombiesarepeaceful on February 18, 2010, 11:01:41 AM
Well, I don't tell people when I meet them that I'm trans. (jesus christ, the thing that irks me the most is people who know, being all eager to tell their friends when i meet them) However, if I meet someone and can tell it's leading up to more than just friends, I tell them. I've been hit on by my fair share of gay men, and when they mentioned taking me to bed, I had to tell them. That was awkward.

I don't tell people either.

BUT...


Last night I went to a PFLAG meeting.  I went primarily because I just came out as gay and wanted some support.  There are several people there who know I'm trans; I've gone before earlier in my transition and talked about being trans.  I waffled about saying something or not during the introductions.

Well, I ended up saying it.  MISTAKE.  Not that they weren't supportive; they were.  It's just that during the small groups, that was all they focused on when talking to me, about my life as a WOMAN.  Bleh.  Never again.  If I go next month I'm leaving that part off.  Or maybe I won't go again for another 6 months so they forget.  And then their recommendations were to come out when meeting new people right up front.  Um NOOOOOOO!!!!

Painful lesson learned.  I left with a huge headache.

Jay