Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I just hate it.
I want to have the surgery but the idea of dilating sounds like a most annoying and unnatural chore.

I don't know the finer details but all I hate about it is the idea of a highly rigorous schedule. If it was "every day or two" I don't think I'd give it a second thought.

Oh, well that and the apparently inconsistent schedules used among different surgeons. I sometimes think if I ever got to have SRS i'd try to find out which surgeon had the easiest schedule and keep that one instead of the one my own Doc recommended. After all, if anyone was closing up the Doc would have to revise their lenient program, right?

It is pretty annoying and time consuming, and when you factor in that you will need to do it forever, it can be a little intimidating.

The important thing I think is, if you are interested in having SRS, don't start to dread dilation or think of it too negatively. The more you hate it the harder it is going to be to continue to do it for the rest of your life. Just think of it as an extra hour or two that is set aside each night for relaxing and maybe watching a film (that's what I do).  :)

Also, it's important I think that if you are having SRS, you need to be motivated and commited to devoting the time needed to dilate and heal well. Laziness leads to scar contraction and tiny vaginies. Routine and commitment will make things much easier. :)

It's (dilating) as exciting as watching paint dry, but it's the price of freedom to have "indoor" plumbing. :P

and ofc there is also the added appeal of organic dilation :P

Never bothered me in the sightest. I just thought of it as rites of passage... A price I was proud to pay for my new anatomy.

It's only so frequent for the first two or three months, and if you heal up good and sensate it can even become quite pleasurable.

at first it's tiresome but you get used to it.

Regardless of the surgeon, the first 8-12 months schedule is rigorous with dilations starting out at multiple times per day through to multiple times per week.  Following that, the schedule is much more flexible.  But, yes, it is life long.  Just like having pierced ears, if you don't open it up periodically, it will heal up.  And after all the pain and expense for that, do you really want it to just go away?

Another alternative to vaginaplasty if you really hate the idea of dilation and have no intension of ever having vaginal intercourse, is a simple penectomy.  If you decide later to actually have a vaginaplasty, you would then be required to have a sigmoid colon style.  It is much less expensive than having a complete SRS and may be an option if that is your wish, though you would really have to discuss that with your prospective surgeon.  And actually, that is what Christine Jorgensen had when she had her SRS.  There was no option for a vaginaplasty then.

-Sandy

I do beg to differ slightly... after a couple of years it really isn't going to heal up as long as it is put to some regular usage. At least that's what I've found. I do dilate occasionally now... just as precaution but I've often gone six months or more without and I've certainly not lost any depth or girth.

It sounds like it's painful the  first few times. But I'm looking forward to doing it.

FWIW I hate pumping.... same deal.  Twice a day, every day, as required by my surgeon... I do it because I want the best results, which is why ladies dilate.  But yeah, esp. when I have no privacy (kids).


Jay

Jay, I don't know what pumping is, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.  :embarrassed:

Jenny, the notion that you can do it much less often after a while (more like once a week or month rather than day) is reassuring, even if "a while" means "a decade."

Being pre-op, I don't have the capability of doing it yet.  But I look forward to it as part of the package.  I've done a lot of things I didn't like in my life because I knew that I needed to do them to get to something I wanted.  If I want a vagina then I'll have to dilate - end of story.

Now when I have to actually do it, I may change my mind... ::)

- Kate

Quote from: Natasha on February 21, 2010, 04:52:53 AM
at first it's tiresome but you get used to it.

After 4 years it still hurts. I just read a book.

Quote from: Myself on February 21, 2010, 01:27:38 AM
I just hate it.
I want to have the surgery but the idea of dilating sounds like a most annoying and unnatural chore.

After doing it for over 6 months, I can say that it feels very natural now.  It's like brushing your teeth, I don't think about it, I just do it.  But, it's cool I no longer have to do it in the morning if I don't feel like it; the extra sleep is good.
 

I'm going under the assumption that a time will come when (say when you are down to doing it a time or two a week) when what was a chore done in a precise manner for an appointed amount of time has now gradually become something that you can use an appropriate "toy" to do and....shall we say....enjoy some "me time" in the process.

(which of course, if I gain a high degree of sensation and am orgasmic I would probably want a good bit of "me time")

Am I assuming too much on that front?

Quote from: Myself on February 21, 2010, 01:27:38 AM
I just hate it.
I want to have the surgery but the idea of dilating sounds like a most annoying and unnatural chore.

There are times when I feel absolutely horrid after a particularly hard dilation session, but I swallow my pride, and squash those feelings of questioning why? after feeling like I've thoroughly and utterly violated myself in a most painful and devastating way, with a shower and visions of a brighter future.   Luckily the "bad" dilations are few and far between, and a good attitude helps to keep them at bay.....

I'm 4.5 weeks post op, and in that "dilate 3x a day" time.   It's also the time when my body is trying it's hardest to close that new vaginal hole, and I'm fighting it with all my might.  It's laborious, and if completed actively, quite a bit uncomfortable, and I'd daresay painful.  However, I know this intense period does end, and even though I'm just at the beginning of this journey of daily plunging, I know that I'll be through this and onto the next stage of less dilation in no time, in relative terms.   I like to look at the bigger picture, and dilation is nothing compared to the sacrifices and pain that I have made thus far within my overall transition, and to the advantages of having a vagina, the 'fruits' of which I have yet to enjoy... but wait for with great anticipation.... driving my dilation forward, one depth plunge, and 3 stirs at a time ........ ;D

I know it's all worth it, with all my heart.  And you will see me smiling through *most* of my dilations, gritting teeth through the hard parts.... one of the Stargate series that I have eons of DVR recordings, playing on the TV :)  .....  Watching Lieutenant Colonel John Shepard's cute little smile and snappy humour seems to help ....   
 
Good Luck, Best Wishes,
Melan

Quote from: Laura Hope on February 21, 2010, 10:51:56 PM
I'm going under the assumption that a time will come when (say when you are down to doing it a time or two a week) when what was a chore done in a precise manner for an appointed amount of time has now gradually become something that you can use an appropriate "toy" to do and....shall we say....enjoy some "me time" in the process.

(which of course, if I gain a high degree of sensation and am orgasmic I would probably want a good bit of "me time")

Am I assuming too much on that front?

No that is pretty much it!

I'm not a sex maniac - but find that my normal regular sexual activity is enough to keep things in good shape. The dilators get used just once in a while because I know that when I started I could put one in all the way, so it's an easy way to tell if I've lost any depth. I haven't.

I realise I may have been exceptionally lucky because I honestly don't think I've ever had a really "difficult" session, and the idea of it being painful makes me shudder. That must be horrible.

Dilating is important because the vaginal cavity created during gender reassignment surgery is not supposed to be there, so your body would normally do what it would do with an open wound.  It would tend to close it and this is why dilation is important for post operative girls.

Now having said that, after my surgery, I had packing in place of course for a week and I vaguely remember the packing coming out and being reminded not to distinctly about dilating.  I was made aware of the the vagina collapsing, but again I only have vague memories of this.

As far as I can remember I was told I needed to dilate, however no hard or fast schedule as far as I can remember was ever laid down for me to follow.  The following week after leaving the hospital I attempted to dilate to the best of my ability not withstanding my initial troubles (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,72460.msg494605.html#msg494605).

Now as to the dilating implements.  I was not handed five different sizes or lengths to do the dilating.  Basically all I had was a piece of soft rubber rolled up and a condom was put over the top, then tied.  This was inserted into the vagina, come to think of it it was cumbersome to do so and remained my basic method of dilating.  Sometimes it was left in overnight.  I was also given or one was brought for me, a hard smooth dilator and this dilator was around 2.5cm (1 inch) in diameter and I also used this in the ensuing months and years.

As mentioned before in other posts I was back to work two weeks later after surgery and I said I was dilating once in the morning and once in the evening.  However I'm reasonably sure that I was not even following this schedule precisely.  There were times in the ensuing years, there were months on end, that I did not even dilate and there was no organic dilation either during those periods.

Currently I have two smooth dilators, both are roughly the same length one is 3.5cm (1 and 3/8") in diameter and the other is 2.5cm (1") and once or twice a week I will insert one for awhile then followed by the other.  So at this stage of my life I have finally settled into a reasonable routine of dilating and if I happen to miss a session I am not going to worry about it in the least.

However, this obsession with the rigorous dilation and frequency that some of the surgeons are telling post operative girls is more than likely not warranted.  Why? because I had my surgery over 19 years ago, my dilation schedule was virtually non existent to say in the least and currently I have 3.5cm  (1 and 3/8 inch) opening and a depth of 16cm (6 and 1/4 inches).  I would have to suggest that a research project come up with a more realistic dilation schedule for post operative girls, than the myriad of schedules that are currently being used.

Do I hate dilating no, when I dilate I do it for two reasons, one to err on the side of caution and the other for enjoyment.  The only times when I do not dilate, I will let you guess as to why!

Kind regards
Sarah B

Quote from: Laura Hope on February 21, 2010, 10:51:56 PM
I'm going under the assumption that a time will come when (say when you are down to doing it a time or two a week) when what was a chore done in a precise manner for an appointed amount of time has now gradually become something that you can use an appropriate "toy" to do and....shall we say....enjoy some "me time" in the process.

(which of course, if I gain a high degree of sensation and am orgasmic I would probably want a good bit of "me time")

Am I assuming too much on that front?

Obviously can't speak for dilation but on the pumping front that's what I do  ::)  Kills two birds with one stone, so to speak.   I guess that's why they invented door locks!!

Jay

I see it as just something that comes with the package. If it were not necessary, of course none of us would do it (other than for pleasure, which is called masturbation). But at this point, I can't wait to have the necessity to dilate, no matter how tedious it is! The things I'm giving up in return for a rigorous dilation schedule is worth it.

~Sarah

I dont "hate" it too, but getting up at 5am, do dilation, sometimes with pain, sometimes Im soooo tired i could fall asleep. Then going to work, going home, doing dilation again. well its VERY timeconsuming and I need 30min of preparation (waking up, cleaning, throwing the cats out of my sleeping room  :-\ etc etc) and then 1,5h ours of dilation, same in the evening.

its much easier if you dont have to go to work and sit/stand for hours and can stay in bed.
so im getting up early and to bed very late. there is only little time for anything else.

"pain" isnt uncommon but i can deal with it as it is only in the beginning.

after six months I can reduce it to once a day! hooray! 2hours more of sleep! :)

Kerstin

once a day still sounds a lot O_o

I am not all that crazy about sex though I'd love to be able to do that and the thing I have right now is just.. disgusting.
I don't want this obsession but I also don't want to have the wrong part/not to have that. Also want to be able to try and enjoy that thing every seems to be so excited about with my boyfriend one day O_o

Well, on average I already "spend" about 20 minutes a day on that area, so when I get to the once-a-day level I imagine it won't be very burdensome to me.

Quote from: KerstinVienna on March 15, 2010, 10:46:01 AM
I dont "hate" it too, but getting up at 5am, do dilation, sometimes with pain, sometimes Im soooo tired i could fall asleep. Then going to work, going home, doing dilation again.
Kerstin

Yikes!  Today is my first day back at work after SRS (week 8 post-op), and this sounds exactly like the journey I'm about to start... I set my alarm for 5:30 am this morning.. to dilate before work.. Then a full work day, and race home to do a 2nd dilation.   Then do a midnight dilation before bed, then rinse and repeat... 5 days a week.   Oh well, it's only for a 4 more months... ouch   :D


Melan

Quote from: Melan on March 15, 2010, 01:07:08 PM
Yikes!  Today is my first day back at work after SRS (week 8 post-op),

im 15 weeks post op and yes the first week was really awful. the busride was terrible and all i had inmind was to do dilation again :)

its like a routine now, a boring, time consuming and nothing you can share with others :) thats why I'm chatting with skype or watching television.
I cant await being 6 months post op although Im sure I wont reduce it to once a day immediatly. I will see how it feels and i will decide it somewhere far far away in the future.
cant remember what life was like without my new best friends the pillow and the dilators. we are a winning team!:)
yes it is hard work and even dont think of having sex but i hope it will be worth doing it now :)

Kerstin

Quote from: Myself on February 21, 2010, 01:27:38 AM
I just hate it.
I want to have the surgery but the idea of dilating sounds like a most annoying and unnatural chore.

When I've procrastinated too long and I realize I had better dilate or part of the surgery I paid for with my hard earned dollars will be lost, I reluctantly retreat to the "dilation room". 

The 23rd of this month will mark my one year anniversary and things are starting to "feel" down there.  I can actually experience sensual feelings with that white plastic missile.  When that happens I ask myself why I dread dilation?  I guess I'm reminded of the surgery and the intensive dilation schedule after that.  I guess the first impression became a lasting impression.

I seemed to fight the dilation schedule of 3x day from the get go. I think it was the whole icky/sticky matter for me. I was using up a lot of pads to contain the gel leakage when I first began the process. We used to even joke about it, making up a name for the experience-"Doing the Nasty." It then became known as, "doing the D".

I was on two a days probably 3 weeks after surgery, and kept that for a couple of months. It went down to 1/day when I had to go for facial surgery only 3 months post GRS. After 4 months it got down to dilating maybe once every couple 3 days.

At this point, almost 2 years post-op, I dilate maybe once a week. It's not bad really at all, and isn't really messy. I can usually go through the 3 largest dilators over the course of 30 minutes. I just put on the radio, read or watch tv. It's really nice now having a fair amount of feelings and sensations down there. Every so often, even when I don't try, I've been paid a visit by my friend 'O'. That's the best part! ;)

So for someone who wasn't the best, most methodical dilator, I've managed to keep 90%+ of my depth and remain sensate. I guess I'll take that any day.

I'm feeling seriously like the odd one out here.  :(

I did find the schedule annoying in the early days, but for me, dilation was always quite pleasurable, I don't recall ever having any pain even when I was healing, and the big O has always been pretty common, I think the first happend after about a fortnight.

Sure these days other "devices" are far better for pleasure and I use the dilators at most once a week (and often more like once a month or less) to make sure the depth is all still there... So maybe I really am weird but I don't get why everone else finds it so nasty. I can't be THAT different surely?

Quote from: rejennyrated on March 16, 2010, 03:00:08 PM

I did find the schedule annoying in the early days, but for me, dilation was always quite pleasurable, I don't recall ever having any pain even when I was healing ....

That was over two decades ago ... memories do erode over time :P   .. just kidding. 

Perhaps it's some of the relatively "newer" techniques at SRS (like Suporn employs) or something different...  or maybe global warming is making dilation harder, and more uncomfortable  ;)

Quote from: Melan on March 16, 2010, 07:03:45 PM
That was over two decades ago ... memories do erode over time :P   .. just kidding. 

Perhaps it's some of the relatively "newer" techniques at SRS (like Suporn employs) or something different...  or maybe global warming is making dilation harder, and more uncomfortable  ;)

Well, I was sent home a ball peen hammer to help me dilate.  It did sting the first few times, but after a few taps, it slides right in!  ;)

-Sandy(*wince*)

Quote from: Sandy on March 16, 2010, 07:43:50 PM
Well, I was sent home a ball peen hammer to help me dilate.  It did sting the first few times, but after a few taps, it slides right in!  ;)

-Sandy(*wince*)

lol since I have the same surgeon does that mean I get one of those too? lol :laugh: As if our doctor's tortuous dilation schedule for the first 8 weeks wasn't enough... Thanks to you Sandy, I know it's possible to survive it, but I plan to keep in mind the alternative and I'm thinking that will ease the discomfort considerably ;)

Quote from: FairyGirl on March 16, 2010, 07:53:08 PM
lol since I have the same surgeon does that mean I get one of those too? lol :laugh: As if our doctor's tortuous dilation schedule for the first 8 weeks wasn't enough... Thanks to you Sandy, I know it's possible to survive it, but I plan to keep in mind the alternative and I'm thinking that will ease the discomfort considerably ;)

Well, if she forgot to send you home with the hammer, you could always just take a running start and jump on it...

-Sandy(*double wince*)

Quote from: FlanHusky on February 21, 2010, 01:45:02 AM
It's (dilating) as exciting as watching paint dry, but it's the price of freedom to have "indoor" plumbing. :P

"Flan" I just had to quote you here, "INDOOR PLUMBING."

Sounds like a small price to pay.

Quote from: michellesofl on March 17, 2010, 01:33:35 AM

Sounds like a small price to pay.

It is a small price to pay.. but it is pretty much all-consuming for the first two - six months, so I'm definitely going to bitch about it through clenched teeth, and a smile on my face  ;D

My main fear with it all is more the fear that it will close up or get infected and kill me.  I've not had the best luck with piercings.  My body is a little too good at healing wounds.

The risk scares me.  But I think surgeries in general scare me.  I don't like having my body cut up.

If there was a way that I could have a vagina without surgery I would go through walls to get that done.

Sarah Don't worry - healing well and fast is a good thing in this. I too heal incredibly quickly. When I had my first op it was pretty well all healed within three weeks, which (if I'm honest) is probably why I had so little trouble with dilation. When I went back to see the surgeon after two months he was astonished and said it looked as if I was easily six months postop already.

It won't heal over, it will just mean that the skin will adhere well and fast. So don't worry yourself. Just follow your surgeons instructions properly, keep everything clean, and things will be fine. Oh - and you don't have to worry about infection - they usually give you an iodine based antiseptic gel or douche to use when dilating for the first month or so... and that kind of takes care of that.