Susan's Place Transgender Resources

She lives about an hour away tho, is 2 years younger than me and (well obviously) doesnt go to my school. she has noooooooooooo idea that im trans, as i havent said anything. ive seen her on webcam, and weve chatted on the phone - after my long complaining that i would sound like a a little six year old girl cause my "voice has hardly dropped YET"  ;D she was actually telling me i sounded like a normal boy (i was putting on the voice tho, i had cleared my throat alot before speaking, was laying down and pushing on a certain part of my throat, it works well actually! but really only over the phone cause u cant talk to people in real life like that hahaha)

should i tell her and come clean, or just leave it, have some fun and wait till it gets more serious....just encase we dont end up getting anywhere, and just decided to stay friends instead? this girl is my world at the moment, and id do a lot for her! she has honestly no idea!

Would you like it if someone " ha(d)ve some fun" at your expense? 

I don't think it's at here expense at all. He's talking about having fun with her.

And Ryan, I don't think you're under any obligation to disclose that you're trans until the contents of your pants become an issue. But since it sounds like you're really young (young enough that "my voice hasn't dropped" sounds plausible), and since relationships can move more slowly in that age range, it's possible she could get emotionally attached to you before the "pants rule" comes into effect - and then when you do disclose, she could feel hurt and very confused.

You're not doing anything wrong by not telling her. You're not lying. You should be able to present as you want to present. But the reality is that young people have to be handled with care (and if she's 2 years younger than a guy whose voice could plausibly not have dropped, she's got to be really young). They don't tend to have a lot of experience handling complicated relationship situations, unusual body configurations, rare medical conditions, or marginalized groups. They likely haven't thought a whole lot about gender or sexual identity issues, especially if they identified as straight early on without any soul-searching.

Just keep all that in mind, and make your decision based on what you're comfortable with. If you want to keep things light, fun, short-term, and mostly non-contact, then you definitely don't have to disclose, and having a positive memory of an experience where your gender and sex weren't questioned might be good. But if you see it getting more involved than that, both for the sake of not getting your own feelings hurt and for her sake, you should probably figure out a way to disclose soon. And try to think about the sorts of questions that could come up before you do it, so you don't get blindsided by something (like her thinking that your gender calls her sexual orientation into question, or something like that).

Well, to be honest, I know what that's like. I was completely in love before I came out to my fiance. What I did was propose it as a hypothetical question. "What would you do if you found out I had been born a girl?" When he asked why, I simply said it was because my friends and I had been doing what if situations. We talked about it for a while, then I came out. He was really accepting.

Although, it does depend on the person. That's why I did it as a what if. I didn't want to jump out and say it, I had to work into it. Mostly because I didn't want to freak him out, and I wanted to make sure he actually thought about that being an option and if he'd be able to accept it. After I came out, he asked me why I hid it, and I told him I wanted people to see me as myself, and I never expected when we met to like him so much, and it's sort of hard to just come out after you've gotten to know someone. I was scared. He seemed to understand.

So, anyway, don't hide it. Ease into it. My ex-girlfriend, who I did hide it from for a while, got really angry with me when she found out. After a few days, she was accepting...but it took her some time. Just be careful. It might not go that way. The longer you wait to tell her and the more she feels for you...the harder it will be on you both.

I agree with the ease-into it thing.

It may never come up.

For me, my test will be: Would it matter if I told you I had a small penis?  Because I will (after surgery).  If the small penis is an issue, then the reasons behind why I have a small penis will also be an issue.  I'd rather not out myself if I don't have to.

Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on February 25, 2010, 04:20:20 PMWould it matter if I told you I had a small penis? If the small penis is an issue, then the reasons behind why I have a small penis will also be an issue.

Good point. Shallow and/or non-understanding people are going to be that way. You can't change them so it's best to move on.

get to know her more, BE YOURSELF. If it turns serious, well, she will most likely love YOU, not your underwear's content.

Quote from: Myself on February 26, 2010, 09:59:31 AM
get to know her more, BE YOURSELF. If it turns serious, well, she will most likely love YOU, not your underwear's content.

QFT

Quote from: Ryan000 on February 25, 2010, 01:26:44 PM

should i tell her and come clean, or just leave it, have some fun and wait till it gets more serious....just encase we dont end up getting anywhere, and just decided to stay friends instead? this girl is my world at the moment, and id do a lot for her! she has honestly no idea!

don't tell her yet! wait til it gets more serious! 

my ftm boyfriend came out to me only after 8 months of best frienditude + lots of late night conversations + that final confession of *like* like/i-wanna-date-choo.   i knew nothing about GID or trans-ness or anything, so if i hadn't always known he was a guy, hearing that he was born with girl plumbing might have made me think of him as "my ftm friend" instead of "the cute guy who kinda likes me too"

wait til it becomes an issue. there is no need to tell her what is in your pants, especially if it might have an effect on how she sees your relationship

The further you get into a relationship, the more you worry about coming off bad and having it end.