Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was walking around campus, looking particularly masculine(in my opinion).  This girl who I used to live on my dorm hall with (the hall that I came out to, and this girl in particular asked why I had a male name and I told her) ANYWAY, she sees me, says "Elijah" (I nod at her) then she says "hey girl"


NOGRHVEOR FUIEHFIUE HXBEJLA NXIEQ RXQH;

UGH, I just dont understand, and it pisses me off!  lately I have just been pissed off so much, whenever something like that happens I just want to punsh someone in the face shouting "IM NOT A GIRL DUMBASS, DO I LOOK LIKE A GIRL TO YOU, DO I ACT LIKE A GIRL!!?"

I just have so much aggression lately, and I cant take it out on the people who make me angry, it just makes me want to take it out on myself, via punching myself, or cutting.

Like, the smallest things set me off.

How can I deal with this aggression?

Draw things, that used to work for me. Or run, take it out on the ground.

Something creative, creative things make use of your emotions for you.

i would say it gets better as you get older but it doesn't!! over time i have cut myself broke knuckles punching walls the lot. My latest investment is a pair of boxing gloves. i shut myself in a room and punch and scream to my hearts content

I used to play contact sports, until I couldn't play on the guys' teams anymore. Then I went briefly to cutting, then concerts, mosh pits, and casual sex, then online gaming, then binge drinking and friendly drunken wrestling/playfighting. Now I'm back to online gaming.

Of the rage outlets I've had, I think contact sports were the healthiest, and possibly the most fun. I liked them because they were self-destructive (playing all-out hockey or soccer with guys twice your weight is going to hurt) and great outlets for violence, but they looked constructive, and I also got male bonding/friends out of them.

Truth is though that a lot of guys (cis and trans) have immense reservoirs of pent-up rage, and most of the stereotypically masculine activities exist not just as bonding opportunities and fun but also as outlets for that rage. Almost everything guys do by choice is sublimating or releasing anger in some way. Video games, destruction derbies, racing, football, soccer, hockey, hunting, off roading, shooting, wrestling, bar fighting, horror movies, science fiction...the list is endless. Of course some women do all of those things too because they're inherently fun, but if you do them with other guys, the whole anger/violence release thing becomes really obvious.

Also know that one of the major sources for that anger, in a lot of guys, is having our masculinity constantly questioned (or questioning it ourselves) so the same activities also become ways of reinforcing our masculinity to ourselves and our friends. Get some guy friends together and go break ->-bleeped-<-, or fight, or slam into each other repeatedly, or whatever pseudoviolent activity appeals to you. You'll feel better.

I would suggest buying a punching bag. I knew many dudes who took their aggression out on it instead of themselves or other people (or walls and doors..painful and expensive) and they felt better for it.

and I cant take it out on the people who make me angry

Why not?  I'm not suggesting that you go up-side of the head with a 2x4 (no matter how much they deserve it) but there is no reason why you can't retaliate in some way, yelling at them, embarrass them, get in their face - something to let them know that there are consequences for their idiot behavior. The reason so many people engage in being stupid, thoughtless, or whatever is that everyone else is protecting them from the consequences of their actions.  Like the Increadible Hulk says: You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Taking it out on yourself just seems to be actively helping them to win not once, but twice.

Oddly enough I'm dealing with this lately. I'm transitioning again after living as...not male for almost a year. I can let it slide with people who haven't seen me in over a month since I transitioned but if they're standing there, see the facial hair, the deep voice, the lack of chesticles...I pass. If they still continue to call me she and my old name I stuff down urges to throw them through a window. Last night I had to constantly correct my roommate and his friend who he had over, who likes to make jokes about me. I'm not a ->-bleeped-<-ing joke. Then I got to the bar and some chick called me she right before I left and I'd had it...I said, "It's he, bitch," and left. I'm not a person to start physical fights but I'll defend myself to the death. I can't ignore it anymore. Idk what snapped in me, but I'm constantly angry...at my body, at all the bull->-bleeped-<- going on around me.

Maybe we get higher levels of T after we transition and present as male so that's why we get more aggressive? People have never seen me go off but man, they don't want to now. Working out and getting muscular makes me feel better...inside...but when people throw the she at me I constantly correct them now. I won't put up with it.

I'm not on T and never have been but the aggression has been there since i was about fourteen. Maybe its the knowledge that everything is wrong ?

I hear you, man.  Before I came out to anyone and was passing at least sometimes, I was just pissed off all. the. damn. time.  I, too, put a couple holes in the wall.  I still get pretty ragey when I have to deal with being called by my girl name, or don't pass and get addressed in a super-feminine way like "sweetheart"  >:(

It's an uphill battle, but all I can say is hang in there.

Might I suggest action painting and sculptural painting? Check out this Jay DeFeo piece:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sfmoma.org%2Fimages%2Fartwork%2Flarge%2F67.89_01_d02.jpg&hash=4a6a7fad8d8de356ef239c7960aea29210496945)
Probably a pretty effective way to channel aggression.