Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So on Saturday Im going to a party with some friends. This is the first time we will have met in person....but we've talked through msn, the phone and even on webcam for around 6months now!  Im great friends with them all, and passing doesnt seem to be the problem. Im just gonna feel real guilty and as if Im lying about myself to them! How can I make myself feel more relaxed and better about it?

Just remember that...you're not lying to them.

~Sarah

You're not lying. It's not like you're saying that you're a pro baseball player when you're not, you're just neglecting some details of your past. Remember, people don't go up to each other and say every secret about themselves or their entire life story. They just say a few things about themselves that they would want someone to know.

But Ryan, you are a guy.  You are only getting nervous because you are meeting them in person for the first time.  But you have known them for a while and they accept you as you.

So just be you, they know you.

Well, if you have had six months of contact then I really don't think you have anything to worry about. You can only be you. Think about it like this, if you are being yourself then people will see that you are being yourself and like you more because of it. At least, in my experience when you are yourself with no expectations of those around you things tend to work out for the best. I think people have a bit of a built in BS meter and can tell that something is off when you aren't yourself even if they can't put their finger on what exactly is off...

Hi Ryan,
I bet every one of your friends is feeling the same way. "Oh, I hope they like me." It's called being human. You meet people and chat and write etc and then the first meeting and everyone is as nervous as hell because we all want to be liked by our new friends.
Just be you, after all that's what has made the friendship work.

Hey give your sisters an update, the guys won't care but we want to know.

Hugs and have a great time

Cindy

Be yourself, and that is Ryan, a guy.

I used to think the same thing, that I had to come out to people I was meeting, after a few meets.  Now I realize it doesn't matter, that I'm Jay and male, and this is me.  NOBODY needs to know my trans history.  NOBODY (except significant others, potential sex partners, and medical personnel).

I made that mistake twice now and never again!!!

Just be YOU.

Jay

I still get super nervous whenever I go out somewhere new. The good news is that it's only for the first little while! To be honest, I'd say it's more of an anxiety. I think it happens to most people, but probably more so with trans peps (you know... passing woes and all that).  How do I deal with it? I just sit in my car and take deep, yogic breaths and try hard to relax. I tell myself I look great and, gosh darn it, people like me! :P Usually, I try hard to get the first few hellos out of the way and then sneak off to the bathroom and take a few more breaths. The first ten minutes or so are super rough, but if you can make it past that you'll have a great time!! Good luck meeting your friends! :)

There is no lying involved here. Just because your body doesn't match up with your mind doesn't make you any less of a male. For me, if someone did see through my stealth, I would explain to them that I am a transsexual woman, but as long as they see me as a female I'm not going to let them know that little detail.

Cindy's right.

Everyone will be feeling exactly the same. Perfectly natural.

Relax, have a good time. If you don't get on with someone, then that is really sad for them.

If what you are now is what you wanted to be in the first place.. you aren't lying.  :)