Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My thinking about my surgery has evolved over time.  As it get closer it becomes more real to me.

Denial  Even after I had a surgery date, I was afraid to admit to myself that I would get surgery.  I was afraid to get my hopes up.  Gradually I came to accept that – barring unforeseen events – it will happen.

Anatomical  I told myself that I just wanted to get rid of "that stuff" and have my pants fit properly.

Sexual  I began to think that – if I am very lucky – I will be able to make love with a man in a way that would please him.  (I know that it is unlikely, but it would be nice. :icon_love:)

Legal  It would be nice to be officially female rather than my current state of being a woman but male.

Social  I want to feel even more to be a woman among women.  They have been very good to me and I really appreciate it, but somehow having a more female body seems like I could be even more a part of this club I wanted to join all of my life.

Physical  At some point I started thinking about the fact that this is major surgery and that I may have a long and uncomfortable recovery.  (I knew it from the start, but it didn't become a concern – become real – until later.)

Emotional  It is only recently that I've started thinking about the considerable emotional impact of this event.  I didn't worry about this aspect, downplaying its significance in an attempt to not let myself want the surgery too much.  But now I am becoming whole at last – something I never dared hope would happen – and there's a lot of emotion tied up in that.  My transition has been a very emotional process for me.  I just wonder if the surgery will be part of that process or bring new feelings.

- Kate

Maybe one day I shall follow you. Kate.

But I have had surgeries in the past and certain stages of anticipation are completely normal.

Well Kate, it's good to get your thoughts in order, because you're only about six weeks away!

So many of us wish we were in your shoes, but you're the one who's actually going through with it! I think you're a very strong individual who will make it through it all and come out a much better person because of the experience. You are intellectual, wise and very nurturing. You *deserve* to be a woman.

~Jas :icon_chick:

Yep, I know those stages all too well. However, being 3 weeks away, I've managed to loop back around to the stage of Denial. With that whole tax refund issue last week I've started to have denial about the fact that I'll actually have it, like there's going to be something that comes up that makes it so I can't do it.

Until it's done and over with we're always going to think about all these things and more. But it's good to know that you only have 6 more weeks of it before you never, ever have to go through these stages again (at least not pertaining to this surgery).

~Sarah

14 weeks or so left for me and I'm still afraid to get my hopes up too much, just in case. I can identify with every one of those aspects of anticipation you mentioned, Kate. Someone recently asked me if I was nervous yet and I'm totally not. All I can think about at this point is just getting it over with so I can get on with my life. I think maybe transitioning has been the single hardest thing I've ever had to pull off, emotionally speaking. I completely agree with Sarah that it's good to know that when it's finally over we'll never have to deal with this surgery again. :)

SarahR: what tax refund???

Quote from: milktea on March 10, 2010, 10:04:45 AM
SarahR: what tax refund???

I mentioned it in another post.  Stupid IRS flagged my tax return because apparently the SSA never notified the IRS about my name change. Now I'm not going to be getting the refund I was expecting in time for the surgery, so I've made other arrangements to get the amount I was supposed to get. It's all good now, but it caused much anxiety regarding my SRS.

~Sarah

I really didn't know what to expect once post-op, all I knew was having it was important to my peace of mind.

Now almost one year post-op, I can say the surgery absolutely had a positive effect on me mentally, far more than I would have guessed.

I know we're all different but for me, it gave me an inner peace I've never known.  Part of that is because I'm not burning up thought energy on what life could be like.  I call it the Swarm of Bees Theory - that before GRS, I was expending a lot of energy keeping the bees (gender dysphoria) from stinging me and doing even the simplest things could be exhausting.  Now everything is so much easier.

But no doubt, being at peace with myself has been the greatest positive from this experience.

I'm mostly at this point (2 months from fly out date) yawning in excitement. mostly from wanting to start the curious thing called life (university, job, ect).

guess I'm weird for not caring about what I view as just another medical procedure.

Quote from: FairyGirl on March 09, 2010, 10:34:54 PM
14 weeks or so left for me and I'm still afraid to get my hopes up too much, just in case. I can identify with every one of those aspects of anticipation you mentioned, Kate. Someone recently asked me if I was nervous yet and I'm totally not. All I can think about at this point is just getting it over with so I can get on with my life. I think maybe transitioning has been the single hardest thing I've ever had to pull off, emotionally speaking. I completely agree with Sarah that it's good to know that when it's finally over we'll never have to deal with this surgery again. :)

Mines is a few weeks from yours and I feel the same way. Not wanting to get my hopes up but I know it's coming.