Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Rock_chick on March 11, 2010, 06:35:31 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Adventures in coming out - part one in an ongoing saga
Post by: Rock_chick on March 11, 2010, 06:35:31 PM
Post by: Rock_chick on March 11, 2010, 06:35:31 PM
I feel so amazing right now, it's unbelievable.
I had an admissions interview today at University west of England in bristol, as I'd decided at the end of last year to go and do my teacher training. Scary enough in its self, but it was made doubly scary after the course leader said during her introduction talk that the course was a lot of hard work and in a half joking way "not to get married, don't have kids and don't buy a dog" because we just wouldn't have the time.
You can imagine my utter terror, i've literally only just made the single most important decision in my life and only had a heart to heart with my friend Heidi 5 days ago. I'm sure you can imagine what kind of state I was in...bordering on panic attacks most of the day, wondering if I should say anything, wondering if I could go back to uni and continue on this journey (The thought of passing as female out side the house is still quite scary atm...imagine doing it in front of a class of 16 year old kids!).
By the time I got to my interview I was so highly sprung that I was surprised no one could hear my brain creaking under the pressure. Well, to cut a long story short, after an extremely positive interview it came to the dreaded "any questions" bit. Basically I told sue, a complete stranger that I'd only just met that morning, about who I am. She was so kind, so understanding that I feel so positive about the decision I made...though I did start crying when she said how brave she thought I was.
I feel a bit like I could take on the world right now, and more complete than I've felt for ever really. I know a lot of the journey we're all on is about breaking down walls between how the world sees us and how we see ourselves, but I never thought I was brave enough to do something like that.
Jaime
I had an admissions interview today at University west of England in bristol, as I'd decided at the end of last year to go and do my teacher training. Scary enough in its self, but it was made doubly scary after the course leader said during her introduction talk that the course was a lot of hard work and in a half joking way "not to get married, don't have kids and don't buy a dog" because we just wouldn't have the time.
You can imagine my utter terror, i've literally only just made the single most important decision in my life and only had a heart to heart with my friend Heidi 5 days ago. I'm sure you can imagine what kind of state I was in...bordering on panic attacks most of the day, wondering if I should say anything, wondering if I could go back to uni and continue on this journey (The thought of passing as female out side the house is still quite scary atm...imagine doing it in front of a class of 16 year old kids!).
By the time I got to my interview I was so highly sprung that I was surprised no one could hear my brain creaking under the pressure. Well, to cut a long story short, after an extremely positive interview it came to the dreaded "any questions" bit. Basically I told sue, a complete stranger that I'd only just met that morning, about who I am. She was so kind, so understanding that I feel so positive about the decision I made...though I did start crying when she said how brave she thought I was.
I feel a bit like I could take on the world right now, and more complete than I've felt for ever really. I know a lot of the journey we're all on is about breaking down walls between how the world sees us and how we see ourselves, but I never thought I was brave enough to do something like that.
Jaime
Title: Re: Adventures in coming out - part one in an ongoing saga
Post by: Hikari on March 12, 2010, 12:59:14 PM
Post by: Hikari on March 12, 2010, 12:59:14 PM
You are brave. I admire your courage, I am in fact a bit envious of it. I have become so used to hiding everything from everyone, even from my wife that I wonder if I could ever tell anyone, much less someone who I just met...
Sometimes, I feel kinda like a double agent, constantly lying in person and covering my tracks with written codes, conlangs, and encryption software so that my diary remains a mystery even to those around me.
If you have summoned that much courage at this stage of the game, then I think you are going to do well. Good luck with that school it sounds a bit extreme.
Sometimes, I feel kinda like a double agent, constantly lying in person and covering my tracks with written codes, conlangs, and encryption software so that my diary remains a mystery even to those around me.
If you have summoned that much courage at this stage of the game, then I think you are going to do well. Good luck with that school it sounds a bit extreme.
Title: Re: Adventures in coming out - part one in an ongoing saga
Post by: Rock_chick on March 12, 2010, 02:59:21 PM
Post by: Rock_chick on March 12, 2010, 02:59:21 PM
I'm sure you're just as brave hun, we all have to be really. You'll find the courage you need when the time comes.
Yeah school does sound scary...though I know it's something i really want to do as well.
Yeah school does sound scary...though I know it's something i really want to do as well.
Title: Re: Adventures in coming out - part one in an ongoing saga
Post by: Janet_Girl on March 12, 2010, 05:36:34 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on March 12, 2010, 05:36:34 PM
Ok I am going the other direction. Is it brave to be true to yourself? Does it take courage to stop being someone that you are not?
No. All it takes is "Attitude". And not that "Bad Arse" attitude ether. It is the attitude that any woman has, that she is very confident in who she is.
One if the girls that use to be here once said. "HUTO*". Learn it, live it, love it.
*Head Up, Tits Out
No. All it takes is "Attitude". And not that "Bad Arse" attitude ether. It is the attitude that any woman has, that she is very confident in who she is.
One if the girls that use to be here once said. "HUTO*". Learn it, live it, love it.
*Head Up, Tits Out
Title: Re: Adventures in coming out - part one in an ongoing saga
Post by: Rock_chick on March 13, 2010, 10:01:57 AM
Post by: Rock_chick on March 13, 2010, 10:01:57 AM
The more I think about it the more I think you're right. It takes confidence to be yourself not courage. I'm still buzzing for the after effects, I really feel like I could shout out to the world with a handy megaphone who I am, though I'm going to just take things slowly, the time will come, but I'm not scared any more.