Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Sebastian on March 25, 2010, 08:08:55 AM Return to Full Version
Title: I believe I'm finished with my mum
Post by: Sebastian on March 25, 2010, 08:08:55 AM
Post by: Sebastian on March 25, 2010, 08:08:55 AM
After 3 years of being truthful with her regarding myself, and her continual insistence that anything wrong with me (general overwhelmedness/busy-ness/lack of hanging out with her) is because I made a poor choice in my life to be myself, I think it's time to accept that the close relationship I always had with her is over.
It hurts, in some ways, but in another way I feel a huge sense of relief to let go of this fight for her support and unconditional love. I'm really ready to let go of the horrible hurt inside that comes from looking at her and her actions and words and going "what happened to the mum I've always known???" Of course, she's probably looking at me saying the same thing.... the difference is that I view her as intolerant, biased and disloyal. Never thought I'd feel this way about my own mum but there it is. She views me as "choosing" to live a complicated life. Shame on me.
Well, guess what Mum? You made it a heluva lot more complicated by making me feel like you have with your ways of constantly guilting me and always managing to find heaps of other people to help out when I was the one who told you (and you saw with your own eyes) how much help I needed.
//bit teary just writing it down as it seems to cement it somehow.
It hurts, in some ways, but in another way I feel a huge sense of relief to let go of this fight for her support and unconditional love. I'm really ready to let go of the horrible hurt inside that comes from looking at her and her actions and words and going "what happened to the mum I've always known???" Of course, she's probably looking at me saying the same thing.... the difference is that I view her as intolerant, biased and disloyal. Never thought I'd feel this way about my own mum but there it is. She views me as "choosing" to live a complicated life. Shame on me.
Well, guess what Mum? You made it a heluva lot more complicated by making me feel like you have with your ways of constantly guilting me and always managing to find heaps of other people to help out when I was the one who told you (and you saw with your own eyes) how much help I needed.
//bit teary just writing it down as it seems to cement it somehow.
Title: Re: I believe I'm finished with my mum
Post by: Laura91 on March 25, 2010, 09:09:11 AM
Post by: Laura91 on March 25, 2010, 09:09:11 AM
:icon_hug: I'm sorry to hear that, Sebastian, that really stinks. I can understand your reasons for doing it though, because I'm in a similar situation so I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes, you have to make the tough decisions like this in order to be truly happy.
Title: Re: I believe I'm finished with my mum
Post by: Miniar on March 25, 2010, 11:22:09 AM
Post by: Miniar on March 25, 2010, 11:22:09 AM
*hugs*
It's never good to have to let go of a parent, but at least this way you're doing it for the right reasons. You've done all you can, maybe, some day, she'll come looking for her son, and I do hope that then you'll allow her at least to know you. Until then, I hope this decision is as good for you as it can be.
It's never good to have to let go of a parent, but at least this way you're doing it for the right reasons. You've done all you can, maybe, some day, she'll come looking for her son, and I do hope that then you'll allow her at least to know you. Until then, I hope this decision is as good for you as it can be.
Title: Re: I believe I'm finished with my mum
Post by: Jamie-o on March 27, 2010, 12:57:26 AM
Post by: Jamie-o on March 27, 2010, 12:57:26 AM
I'm sorry to hear that, Sebastian, but I also understand. :'( I hope you are able to fill your life with new, chosen "family" who are there for you always.
Title: Re: I believe I'm finished with my mum
Post by: FairyGirl on March 27, 2010, 01:24:05 AM
Post by: FairyGirl on March 27, 2010, 01:24:05 AM
There are a lot of us here who have had to deal with the same issue, it's not easy. :( But there does come a time when we have to move on for our own peace of mind. We can only hope our moms will come around some day and realize we are still their children no matter what, and that they realize our happiness is more important than them trying to make us be something we aren't. I completely know how you feel about this.
Title: Re: I believe I'm finished with my mum
Post by: Sage Fallon on March 27, 2010, 11:08:31 PM
Post by: Sage Fallon on March 27, 2010, 11:08:31 PM
*hugs* I'm sorry to hear that things aren't so great with her. I understand your reasoning though, the majority of my family tends to see me the same way. It's been about 3 years with my family too, and so far they still don't quite get things. With any luck maybe she will come around one day. I wouldn't hold my breath, but don't lose hope completely for her. Your happiness is what is important, and you need to surround yourself with people that understand that and support you.