Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I keep reading various threads on here that get into doing things whether being pre-op or post-op. I start wishing I was post-op so I could feel more comfortable going to the beach in a bikini, changing in the dressing room at the gym, or simply knowing that it sounds right when I pee. I get my usual feelings of sadness that I can't do those things without having to keep things well hidden. Then I realize...I'm post-op now! No longer will I be self-conscious about these things and more. I have no more barriers now, and that's a very freeing thought.

Now that I've gotten that little rant out of the way, back to business. Yesterday got much better with the pain until later that night. Around midnight I was given 2 more pain pills and was able to get to bed. However, I woke up around 4:30am hot, out of breath, and in pain. I scrambled downstairs and went onto the porch for some fresh air. I tried calming my breathing and started to feel a bit better. I asked the nurse for some Tylenol. After a few minutes, and many glasses of water, I was well enough again to go back upstairs and fall asleep. I woke up this morning with slight pain, mainly caused by the need to "pee." Those who have had the surgery know why I put that in quotes, lol.

It seems the pain overall is getting better, it's mostly painful when I first get up out of bed or when sitting for any length of time. I have found the right spot to sit on the donut now, so the discomfort there is minimal now. I should be getting a better one today, it's one of those neck pillows instead, and I'm told it's a lot more comfortable.

This morning I was awoken by a nurse who needed to take the usual measurements. I had to wait until she was done before I could go pee, which was uncomfortable. The measurements have been good and I am told I am healing well. I'll be getting the packing out tommorrow, which should make it a little less painful as well. On Monday I get the stent out and start dilating. By then I'm hoping the pain is much better. The next day, Tuesday, I get the catheter out and it'll be all me down there, save for some stitches that'll fall out over time. I can't wait until everything is out and I am free from the confines of all this packing and pads and other stuff. I can't wait until I am pain free and can enjoy the new me instead of being on pins and needles hoping the pain doesn't start again. I'm only a few days, maybe weeks, away from that time, but for now I'll revel in the knowledge that I'm finally past the worst part.

So in my last update I mentioned the choices people make. There was a woman here who arrived a couple days before me. Her surgery was scheduled for that Monday, along with another girl. She was nice, a bit less feminine then one would expect but we come in all flavors. She was British, had short hair and a husky voice. I enjoyed talking to her. She was due to go to the hospital on Sunday. That night I came down from my room to wish her luck with the surgery and was told she had already left. Well, I'll be able to see her at the hospital, I thought. It was then when I was told she didn't leave for the hospital, but left entirely. She had a family and children, ones who are apparently not happy with her decisions. For them, she left. For them she paid an enormous fee for surgery, only to skip out on it the day before. I was told this is her third time doing this. She had paid three times, and three times now has relinquished her needs in favor of the wants of her family. You could call it a brave sacrifice, or an unjustly compromise.

Another girl here, an older lady, arrived the day after me and was scheduled for her surgery the same day as me. She was my surgery buddy, her name is Lisa. We got to talking about various trans things, as happens when a group of trans people come together. The impending surgery was of course the main topic of discussion. In the midst of talking, it came to my knowledge that she was only having a partial SRS, some call it a cosmetic SRS. She said she chose that route because she didn't expect to ever use the vagina and would rather have less pain than more function. I found this very interesting, slightly discomforting when applied to myself, but whatever makes her happy. That is all any of us are looking for...happiness. The route may be different, but the goal remains the same.

I've had enough experiences so far to last a year, and I still have a week to go. People are starting to dwindle and I'm not sure if a new batch will be arriving this weekend. The hospital is taking a long Easter holiday and they may have decided to put off surgeries for next week, but we'll see.

~Sarah   

Wow... I could not imagine going through all that, paying all that money and then backing out! Let alone three times!! Holy cats, she must be rich!!

I'm glad to hear your pain is getting better! Thanks so much for keeping us posted. I love reading about it!! :D

Pain is only temporary.  Having had surgery in the past ( lower abdominal ) I can say this.  I can not see how someone can give up that amount of money as I believe it is non-refundable.  :'(

If she wants to throw away money, there are us girls who are ready, but can't afford to pay.

Rest dear Sister.  Your 'boyfriend' will be waiting for you on Monday. ;D

Lol, Janet. My boyfriend is waiting for me at home. My "friend with benefits" is waiting for me on Monday :-)

Yes, it is non-refundable, so she is out probably close to $50k. It must be painful for her to be so close all those times and yet continue to be held back by those who "love" her. I would not be so willing.

~Sarah

Sarah:

Just a quick question.  If you have a catheter why are you worried about peeing?  It should drain without you having to do anything at all.

The first few times for me after I had my cath pulled, I was still quite swollen.  It was like holding your thumb over a garden hose.  It was a bit of a mess.

The pain will pass and much of the discomfort will be reduced when you get your stent pulled.

Dr. McGinn used gauze for my stent and when she pulled it out, she just grabbed an end and yanked it out.  There must have been a yard of that stuff in there.  It was an odd feeling.

I'm so happy for you!  Hang in there kid!

-Sandy

This is great news Sarah. I'm so glad your doing well. And to let you know, your an inspiration to me. I so look forward to the day, just a little more money :) Keep us posted!

Quote from: SarahR on April 02, 2010, 08:31:08 AM
I keep reading various threads on here that get into doing things whether being pre-op or post-op. I start wishing I was post-op so I could feel more comfortable going to the beach in a bikini, changing in the dressing room at the gym, or simply knowing that it sounds right when I pee. I get my usual feelings of sadness that I can't do those things without having to keep things well hidden. Then I realize...I'm post-op now! No longer will I be self-conscious about these things and more. I have no more barriers now, and that's a very freeing thought.

^-^Nice!  You're bringing all home and I can't wait to experience this.

Quote

So in my last update I mentioned the choices people make. There was a woman here who arrived a couple days before me. Her surgery was scheduled for that Monday, along with another girl. She was nice, a bit less feminine then one would expect but we come in all flavors. She was British, had short hair and a husky voice. I enjoyed talking to her. She was due to go to the hospital on Sunday. That night I came down from my room to wish her luck with the surgery and was told she had already left. Well, I'll be able to see her at the hospital, I thought. It was then when I was told she didn't leave for the hospital, but left entirely. She had a family and children, ones who are apparently not happy with her decisions. For them, she left. For them she paid an enormous fee for surgery, only to skip out on it the day before. I was told this is her third time doing this. She had paid three times, and three times now has relinquished her needs in favor of the wants of her family. You could call it a brave sacrifice, or an unjustly compromise.

Talk about a different take on "purging"!

Quote
Another girl here, an older lady, arrived the day after me and was scheduled for her surgery the same day as me. She was my surgery buddy, her name is Lisa. We got to talking about various trans things, as happens when a group of trans people come together. The impending surgery was of course the main topic of discussion. In the midst of talking, it came to my knowledge that she was only having a partial SRS, some call it a cosmetic SRS. She said she chose that route because she didn't expect to ever use the vagina and would rather have less pain than more function. I found this very interesting, slightly discomforting when applied to myself, but whatever makes her happy. That is all any of us are looking for...happiness. The route may be different, but the goal remains the same.

A very difficult time understanding why she would do this but, as you noted, to each their own

Another great post!  Stay well!

I'm so glad to hear things are a little easier now, Sarah - glad for you and for me and for Valerie and for whomever else is in the wings.

Originally I had wanted the cosmetic SRS - or even just a penectomy - because of my age.  But then I was talking to an older GG friend and she said: You never know.  So now it is in for a penny in for a pound.  But all of these decisions are very personal and person-specific.

I hope you get a new crew of patients to visit with for the rest of your stay.  Think healing thoughts.  A friend who studies healing said that it helps to exercise both sides of your brain - corsswords and drawing, for instance, or math puzzles and knitting.

- Kate

Quote from: SarahR on April 02, 2010, 11:44:38 AM
...My boyfriend is waiting for me at home.

You're so lucky to have an understanding guy waiting for you.  For me, one worry I have is wondering if I will ever be able to trust someone enough--it's been 15 years since I've had any kind of relationship and I'm not sure if I even know what to do anymore :(  Oh well, we'll just have to let nature take it's course.  She's been good to me so far--except for that little birth thingy between my legs!

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Post Merge: April 02, 2010, 04:25:11 PM

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Quote from: K8 on April 02, 2010, 04:14:46 PM
A friend who studies healing said that it helps to exercise both sides of your brain - corsswords and drawing, for instance, or math puzzles and knitting.

That's really interesting--I'm going to have to Google that to find out more

Quote from: SarahR on April 02, 2010, 08:31:08 AM

However, I woke up around 4:30am hot, out of breath, and in pain. I scrambled downstairs and went onto the porch for some fresh air.
~Sarah

Scrambled downstairs?  And your like 3 days post op?  OMG girl!!!!  I hate to hear of your pain, but to be scrambling.. nice!!!!    ;D


Ohhh, and that woman that had to bow out of surgery for the 3rd time.. seriously find her and give her Janet's contact info .... my goodness!!!! ;)

Happy Healing,
Melan

Quote from: SarahR on April 02, 2010, 08:31:08 AM
There was a woman here who arrived a couple days before me. Her surgery was scheduled for that Monday, along with another girl. She was nice, a bit less feminine then one would expect but we come in all flavors. She was British, had short hair and a husky voice. I enjoyed talking to her. She was due to go to the hospital on Sunday. That night I came down from my room to wish her luck with the surgery and was told she had already left. Well, I'll be able to see her at the hospital, I thought. It was then when I was told she didn't leave for the hospital, but left entirely. She had a family and children, ones who are apparently not happy with her decisions. For them, she left. For them she paid an enormous fee for surgery, only to skip out on it the day before. I was told this is her third time doing this. She had paid three times, and three times now has relinquished her needs in favor of the wants of her family. You could call it a brave sacrifice, or an unjustly compromise.



~Sarah   

I find that story so sad, I think its a brave sacrifice, the strange thing is that girl will probably be back again, she will have her operation sooner or later, in the mean time she's probably very unhappy to make other people happy, everybody's situation is different, thank you Sarah for sharing.
p

Just wanted to say congrats!

I feel sad for the woman who left also...To come all that way just to walk away from it baffles me to no end... To do it three times really puts a screw in my brains  :icon_blink:

I wonder if Dr. Brassard ever considers to do any pro-bono work with the non-refundable money he makes off folks that do such a thing

Probably not, but can just imagine how many poor girls (myself included) would jump at the chance

I'm glad your are doing well

Reading your threads has been very inspiring to me and answered some questions I'd had on my mind

Thank you so much for sharing your experience

- Virginia

You and me both Virginia.  Race you to the border.  ;D

Quote from: K8 on April 02, 2010, 04:14:46 PM
I'm so glad to hear things are a little easier now, Sarah - glad for you and for me and for Valerie and for whomever else is in the wings.

well one of those would be me lol ;)

Sarah I am also looking forward to not worrying about those things you mentioned. Plus I know it must be a tremendous relief just to be past it, finally. I keep worrying something at the last minute is going to prevent it! There's another thing you don't have to worry about anymore. Congrats and big hugs! You go girl!

FairyGirl - Definitely, that probably tops the list of concerns I no longer have now. There's no way anyone can take this from me now, which is a great feeling too. With all the financial and work-related things that were going on in the last couple weeks leading into surgery I was sure something would get in the way.

I'm not sure what he does with unused SRS money, but I doubt any doctor would do pro bono with it, that wouldn't be good business. However, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to ask him just to see, you know.

~Sarah

One day I wish also to have the surgery done...But for me, I'm afraid it's a likely candidate to be a very atrocious amount of time before the deed can be achieved.

I have a hard time believing the that woman retreated with her family being the sole reason.  I mean, 3 trans-Atlantic flights (pun entirely optional)!?!?  She knew how her family felt before she got on the plane, and she knew before she sent in the money.  It sounds more like stage fright to me.  Maybe she needs to request anesthesia when she lands at the airport.  It will all be over soon dear...

Quote from: blackMamba on April 03, 2010, 10:01:30 AM
I have a hard time believing the that woman retreated with her family being the sole reason.  I mean, 3 trans-Atlantic flights (pun entirely optional)!?!?  She knew how her family felt before she got on the plane, and she knew before she sent in the money.  It sounds more like stage fright to me.  Maybe she needs to request anesthesia when she lands at the airport.  It will all be over soon dear...

Could very well be.  After all she did have quite a few hours to think about it on the flight over.

BTW--I love your signature ;)

Quote from: FairyGirl on April 02, 2010, 10:06:08 PM
well one of those would be me lol ;)

Oops, sorry Chloe.  (I seem to be single-tracking as I get closer. :P)

Quote from: FairyGirl on April 02, 2010, 10:06:08 PM
Plus I know it must be a tremendous relief just to be past it, finally. I keep worrying something at the last minute is going to prevent it! There's another thing you don't have to worry about anymore.

Hoo-boy, that is my big concern.  OK, we shall all meditate:  This will happen, this will happen, this will happen (and please please promise me that it is irreverible. :eusa_pray:)

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on April 03, 2010, 11:44:33 AM
OK, we shall all meditate:  This will happen, this will happen, this will happen (and please please promise me that it is irreverible. :eusa_pray:)

- Kate

I keep saying it myself.

Quote from: FairyGirl on April 02, 2010, 10:06:08 PM
well one of those would be me lol ;)

Sarah I am also looking forward to not worrying about those things you mentioned. Plus I know it must be a tremendous relief just to be past it, finally. I keep worrying something at the last minute is going to prevent it! There's another thing you don't have to worry about anymore. Congrats and big hugs! You go girl!

One of my concerns as well.  Suzanne from Brassards office said she would send me a confirmation letter regarding my surgery--I'm still waiting on that one.  I really don't want to call there in August to hear "we don't have you scheduled for Sept 15". :o

Quote from: Valeriedances on April 04, 2010, 10:08:28 AM
I've found that I have developed a degree of paranoia and am more and more protective as I think about safety ...of something happening that will prevent the surgery. I have declined invitations to go out with friends, to travel to Miami for an event, or to go out on the road except as needed for fear of an accident. I was originally planning on staying with my girl friend's family in Montreal at their home, but after hearing that a male in the family doesn't approve of the surgery, I have decided to stay at a hotel. The long road trip there would be a great opportunity to stop and visit some museums or to take a scenic route, but again, my paranoia tells me to check in at the hotel nearby and sit until the date arrives to check in. So that is what I am going to do ...go, sit, disengage brain (except for reading/writing/eating), and wait for my time :-) I don't think i can focus on anything else besides.

And hopefully, once you are there, you will post your experience as eloquently as Sarah has  :)

Quote from: Valeriedances on April 04, 2010, 10:08:28 AM
I've found that I have developed a degree of paranoia and am more and more protective as I think about safety ...of something happening that will prevent the surgery. I have declined invitations to go out with friends, to travel to Miami for an event, or to go out on the road except as needed for fear of an accident. I was originally planning on staying with my girl friend's family in Montreal at their home, but after hearing that a male in the family doesn't approve of the surgery, I have decided to stay at a hotel. The long road trip there would be a great opportunity to stop and visit some museums or to take a scenic route, but again, my paranoia tells me to check in at the hotel nearby and sit until the date arrives to check in. So that is what I am going to do ...go, sit, disengage brain (except for reading/writing/eating), and wait for my time :-) I don't think i can focus on anything else besides.

Don't worry Valerie you are perfectly normal in your fears.

On my first SRS in 84 I went in on a short notice cancellation so I literally only knew I was going in the night before. No time for panic then!

For my revision surgery - I decided to use public transport so my family would not be inconvenienced. I thought, (wrongly as it turns out), that it would only be minor surgery. It was only supposed to be labiaplasty, and I wasn't expecting, nor had I paid for, the full revision and clitoroplasty that my surgeon very generously did, out of the goodness of his heart! :)

But I became convinced that there would be a rail strike or a train crash, or that some idiot would pick this day of all days to make a bomb threat or scommit suicide by jumping in front of the train. So I went up to London a full 24 hours early. I rented an appartment for one night, right next door to the hospital, and a sat and waited!

The next morning I had only a few hundred yards to walk to the hospital. My Partner and adopted son both thought I had gone mad when I could have just asked either one of them to drive me up on the day

We all get the panics - I think it just shows how much it must mean to us to make sure we succeed!

Needless to say I paid for my paranoia on the way home in full! That train journey, on my own, without any pain killers, (I didn't have any first time around so figured I could do without again), lacking a doghnut, because I hadn't expected so complete a job to be done, was pure agony!

I am also one of the puzzled ones as to why that lady jumped ship! Three times?! I have quite a way to go for my surgery. I do have one next month but that's for a facial procedure. I'm just thinking it's my first step towards me :)

I love the writing style you use SarahR. I think that most girls should haul a laptop or anything (writing paper, chalkboard) to their surgeries to document their experiences. It gives me great hope that my day will come soon enough. I'm thinking in three to four years from now. I need to graduate first and make money or... win some kind of big cash prize! I could use a couple of things besides the SRS :D

A car would be nice. Lots of new clothes. Shoes. Heels. Stuff like that.

Anyhoo I'm babbling. Have a great rest of the weekend :)

Quote from: Valeriedances on April 04, 2010, 10:08:28 AM
I've found that I have developed a degree of paranoia and am more and more protective as I think about safety ...of something happening that will prevent the surgery.

A few weeks ago we got another snow-on-top-of-ice kind of storm.  I was driving carefully through town when a large pickup approached from the side street going way too fast.  My first thought was: "Don't hit me and make me miss my surgery!" 

He did stop in time, but having that as my first reaction made me realize how wound up I am about this. :)

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on April 04, 2010, 02:33:30 PM
A few weeks ago we got another snow-on-top-of-ice kind of storm.  I was driving carefully through town when a large pickup approached from the side street going way too fast.  My first thought was: "Don't hit me and make me miss my surgery!" 

He did stop in time, but having that as my first reaction made me realize how wound up I am about this. :)

- Kate

Everyone it seems get the paranoia.

For me, it was being detained at airport security because I had not flown since before 9/11 and I heard horror stories of people being pulled randomly from flights for extensive background checks.

I arrived four hours before my check in time just because of that.  I literally flew threw airport security and then had to spend the next three and a half hours staring at airport CNN.  By time I boarded I new every news story, when it came on, and could recite the text at the same speed and cadence as the announcer.

Once my butt hit the seat, I did worry a bit that my luggage might end up in San Bernardino while I was in Philadelphia, but I had all my paperwork in my hand bag and I would have worn the same outfit for days if necessary, and would have been willing to walk from the airport to New Hope on my knees if that was the case.  Once that airplane door closed, and the plane pulled away from the gate it was as if a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. 

The paranoia is helpful in a way, because it makes us review over and over ever detail of our trip and try to plan for every eventuality.  And for everyone who has been through this, once the operation is over, the paranoia lifts and we get on with our lives.  It isn't compulsive so it's not anything that is too worry some.

-Sandy