Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: MissLiliana on April 13, 2010, 02:13:00 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Forced to come out soon
Post by: MissLiliana on April 13, 2010, 02:13:00 PM
Post by: MissLiliana on April 13, 2010, 02:13:00 PM
Just wanted to share a little bit....For those who dont know I'm 19 and live at home (movin out soon hopefully for college) and my parents are conservative southern baptist (anti-gay, etc)
So last night my dad said he wanted to talk about some stuff, apparently he found my makeup, breastforms, and some of my clothes. He told me he found them (he didn't take them away though) and asked why I had them, I am/was definitely not ready to come out so I just kinda shrugged, he gave me the old "is there anything me and your mother have done", and the "we love you anyway" lines, apparently he thought I was gay, which I told him I wasn't.
He then asked if I just liked to dress up, which again I just kinda shrugged... I mentioned I was going to counseling for 6 months for "stuff". I told him he could come to the next session which I have on may 5. So it looks like ill be forced to come out on/before may 5... Apparently he didn't figure anything out other then I like to "dress up" or something.
He told me he wouldn't tell my mom (yet anyway) and told me to hide my stuff better so she wouldn't come across it.
So last night my dad said he wanted to talk about some stuff, apparently he found my makeup, breastforms, and some of my clothes. He told me he found them (he didn't take them away though) and asked why I had them, I am/was definitely not ready to come out so I just kinda shrugged, he gave me the old "is there anything me and your mother have done", and the "we love you anyway" lines, apparently he thought I was gay, which I told him I wasn't.
He then asked if I just liked to dress up, which again I just kinda shrugged... I mentioned I was going to counseling for 6 months for "stuff". I told him he could come to the next session which I have on may 5. So it looks like ill be forced to come out on/before may 5... Apparently he didn't figure anything out other then I like to "dress up" or something.
He told me he wouldn't tell my mom (yet anyway) and told me to hide my stuff better so she wouldn't come across it.
Title: Re: Forced to come out soon
Post by: Jasmine.m on April 13, 2010, 05:13:21 PM
Post by: Jasmine.m on April 13, 2010, 05:13:21 PM
Oh wow! That's a rough way to come out... Good luck! I hope it goes well! :)
Title: Re: Forced to come out soon
Post by: Vanessa_yhvh on April 13, 2010, 05:32:06 PM
Post by: Vanessa_yhvh on April 13, 2010, 05:32:06 PM
Good luck with that one. My stash was found several times when I was several years younger than you, and my family was... unpleasant about it.
So far you're off to a better start, so maybe you'll be able to manage it well.
So far you're off to a better start, so maybe you'll be able to manage it well.
Title: Re: Forced to come out soon
Post by: Samantha_Peterson on April 13, 2010, 05:35:57 PM
Post by: Samantha_Peterson on April 13, 2010, 05:35:57 PM
Quote from: Vanessa_yhvh on April 13, 2010, 05:32:06 PM
Good luck with that one. My stash was found several times when I was several years younger than you, and my family was... unpleasant about it.
So far you're off to a better start, so maybe you'll be able to manage it well.
I can definitely agree to that. With me I was scared of telling them because they were religious, I wasn't, and every religious person I had met so far detested the idea of Bisexuality and ->-bleeped-<-. My parents turned out to be different however.
Title: Re: Forced to come out soon
Post by: rejennyrated on April 13, 2010, 06:11:57 PM
Post by: rejennyrated on April 13, 2010, 06:11:57 PM
Strangely enough it turns out that most parents, even religious ones, Love their children and just want their children to be happy.
There are a few horror stories about coming out but many, perhaps even most, have a happy ending.
Personally I am of the opinion that there is no such thing as too early to come out.
I first came out aged five, in a shoe shop in kensington high street of all places, when I insisted on my mother buying me a gorgeous pair of red shoes - she didn't want to because they were girls shoes. At which point I told her that I was a girl and tore the stuck on price label off the shoes - at which point to avoid a scene she bought them!
Next I dug may heels in and wouldn't allow her to take me for a haircut. I just screamed and made such a comotion and insisted that I wanted it long like my friend Lucinda that in the end she gave up and l won round two.
My final move was to insist that I wouldn't go to my best friends birthday unless I could have a party dress. My mother patiently tried to explain that if I wore a dress people would laugh. I said I don't care and eventually I got my dress.
From there on in it was a downhill slide to being allowed to wear a kilt instead of trousers at school and generally driving a coach an horses through any notion of gender conformity.
Looking back on it all now, and bearing in mind this was the 1960's it was pretty amazing, no strike that, actually more like almost unbelievable that I got away with it, but I did.
I think it certainly helped that my mother was a producer of medical radio programmes and therefore knew about the early gender pioneers like Christine Jorgensson etc but ultimately it was mostly that as an only child my parents loved me and wanted me to be happy at whatever the cost.
My advice, for what it is worth, is don't be affraid of coming out. as long as you have a good loving relationship with your parents Tthe sooner you can reasonably get things in the open the sooner you can all come to terms with the truth and start to make progress.
There are a few horror stories about coming out but many, perhaps even most, have a happy ending.
Personally I am of the opinion that there is no such thing as too early to come out.
I first came out aged five, in a shoe shop in kensington high street of all places, when I insisted on my mother buying me a gorgeous pair of red shoes - she didn't want to because they were girls shoes. At which point I told her that I was a girl and tore the stuck on price label off the shoes - at which point to avoid a scene she bought them!
Next I dug may heels in and wouldn't allow her to take me for a haircut. I just screamed and made such a comotion and insisted that I wanted it long like my friend Lucinda that in the end she gave up and l won round two.
My final move was to insist that I wouldn't go to my best friends birthday unless I could have a party dress. My mother patiently tried to explain that if I wore a dress people would laugh. I said I don't care and eventually I got my dress.
From there on in it was a downhill slide to being allowed to wear a kilt instead of trousers at school and generally driving a coach an horses through any notion of gender conformity.
Looking back on it all now, and bearing in mind this was the 1960's it was pretty amazing, no strike that, actually more like almost unbelievable that I got away with it, but I did.
I think it certainly helped that my mother was a producer of medical radio programmes and therefore knew about the early gender pioneers like Christine Jorgensson etc but ultimately it was mostly that as an only child my parents loved me and wanted me to be happy at whatever the cost.
My advice, for what it is worth, is don't be affraid of coming out. as long as you have a good loving relationship with your parents Tthe sooner you can reasonably get things in the open the sooner you can all come to terms with the truth and start to make progress.
Title: Re: Forced to come out soon
Post by: Janet_Girl on April 13, 2010, 06:49:54 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on April 13, 2010, 06:49:54 PM
Reading your story, MissLiliana, and your father's reaction, I think you missed a prefect opportunity. But you have to deal with him and Mom, so maybe you did good.
My folks never knew and that was a bad thing, as they never got to know their daughter. And now they will never know her.
My folks never knew and that was a bad thing, as they never got to know their daughter. And now they will never know her.
Title: Re: Forced to come out soon
Post by: Radar on April 13, 2010, 08:24:06 PM
Post by: Radar on April 13, 2010, 08:24:06 PM
The fact that your father was calm about, didn't throw it away and told you to hide it better so that your mother wouldn't find them and throw them away- that might be a good sign. I've heard of much worse reactions.
Title: Re: Forced to come out soon
Post by: Nicky on April 13, 2010, 08:36:59 PM
Post by: Nicky on April 13, 2010, 08:36:59 PM
I thought what happened was really neat. You could just have an awsome ally in your dad.
But I think it is wise to have your counsellor there, smooth the road a bit. It is hard, but you have an opening and a dad who did not explode or accuse you of anything that reiterated that they love you and will support you. That is just great.
But I think it is wise to have your counsellor there, smooth the road a bit. It is hard, but you have an opening and a dad who did not explode or accuse you of anything that reiterated that they love you and will support you. That is just great.