Susan's Place Transgender Resources

A few days ago I went out to check the mail.  Some friends were coming over in a bit so I was presentable.  The mail box is across the street from my house.  As I walked out the front door I saw some kids in the park across the street.  One I thought might have been the one who last year sang, "Dude looks like a lady!"

I got the mail and thought I heard something like "woman with a penis" coming from the kids.  I wasn't sure so I kept walking back to my house.  Then I heard it again.  So, with mail still in hand, I turned around and made a b-line towards the kids.  One kid kept talking loudly and I recognized it to be "the" voice.

I walked up to the kids and looked at the kid with the voice. 

"Who taught you to be mean?"  I asked.

He looked at me seemingly puzzled.

"We are not born mean.  People teach us to be mean.  Who taught you to be mean?"

He told me he wasn't saying anything to me, he was just kidding with his brother.  I asked him if he kids with his brother about being a woman with a penis.  The kid froze.

So I asked him if he liked it when people were mean to him.  He said no.

So I suggested the next time he wants to say something mean he asks himself where he learned it.  He looked at me and nodded.  I was about to walk away then I stopped.

"What's your name?", I asked.

"Mark"

"I'm Julie.  Nice to meet you."

And I went back to the house.  Mind you, I was completely calm and not at all upset.  I just wanted to understand him.
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Today I was outside doing some yardwork.  My house is adjacent to a park (not the one across the street).  They put in a sidewalk years ago that runs along my property line.  A lot of people walk there.

When the kids got out of school they began to congregate, as usual, in the parks.  I saw Mark and the friends who were with him the other day.  Julie and I were doing a lot of cleanup and I was on the side of the house, a few feet from the sidewalk.  Then I heard a "hello" and I looked up and there was Mark and his friend riding their bikes on the sidewalk.  I said hi.  His friend looked back with a smile.

Time will tell if my talk with the kids made a difference.  But it was nice to see the kids play.  Even better was the lack of "being mean".  It will be interesting to see how this evolves.

well i hope you made a difference in how this kid handles life  :)

wow I really admire your ability to stay calm. I would have probably immediately ran inside and cried my eyes out. It sounds like you made an impression, and what you told him was exactly right, too. Good for you!!

Things like this are what give me that little voice in the back of my head saying "maybe humanity isn't completely worthless after all." :angel:

Thanks for that, lets me go to bed with a smile on my face tonight.

Nice. I can see myself going into a silent helpless rage and just returning to the house without saying a word...but I think you just gave me a new tool. (Heh. No pun intended.)

nice julie i admire your courage it gives me hope for the world.
jessica

Often, I think, especially the young, are bad because nobody has *really* confronted them about it. Kids simply don't think deeply about things.

Of course, the stupid won't change. But the intelligent ones will learn, if given the chance. You did something potentially wonderful. Hopefully it sticks.

At one point in our life together Alison and I were a little down on our luck and as result the only house in London that we could afford to buy turned out to be on one of the rougher estates in the area. This was the place that most people outside the social norms ran from, yet here we were, two postop tanswomen living in a lesbian relationship, right in the middle of it.

Overall Alison and I always have passed very well, but with two of us living together it only takes one kid to look at you the wrong way on one occassion and the rumours will start. So we were kind of expecting it, and in any way we knew by then that the estate had something of a reputation. Merely just being lesbian was dangerous territory. Several gay residents had had things daubed on their walls and even stones thrown so we were realistic enough to know that it was probably only a matter of time.

If the kids did start on us we had decided that scrupulous medical honesty would be the best answer. Show them that we weren't ashamed or afraid of who and what we were. Like Julie when the moment came I found that I was very calm.

Amazingly we got away with it for quite some time, but inevitably the day came when one of the kids started on asking  "are you a man or a woman?" to which he got the reply "Well if you can't work that out for yourself then you can't be very bright!" Exit kid to mass laughter from the congregated gang.

A few days later undetered he tried again "So have you got a penis then?" he asked all attempts at being clever or subtle now abandoned. "No I haven't. I used to have one but I had an operation to change it because I didn't like it" I said "So have you got a pussy now then?" the kid swiftly queried "That's right." I replied without even blinking. The kid thought about this for a while and then proclaimed himself satisfied "You're all right you are!"

All they wanted was to be treated like adults and told the truth.

After that we never had any trouble. We once heard one of the kids telling a newcomer on the estate very firmly "Those are my mates Alison and Jenny. You leave them alone cos they're cool chicks. They used to be geezers!"

In fact when my car broke down in Hounslow high street some of the kids in question saw me and helpfully pushed me all the way home (a distance of about half a mile). When we were burgled, the kids helped find the information so that the culprit was swiftly caught by the police, and some years later when we were leaving the estate we got a deputation from the kids telling us how much they wished we could stay.

So one little event like that, and how you handle it and yourself can make indeed an enormous difference.

Isn't she great? I admit, I'm a little biased.

I do know that Julie has been rehersing this in her head for quite a while. She also asked this boy, "do you like it when people are mean to you? (head nod) How does that make you feel?"

I've seen Julie grow so much this past year in terms of self assurance and social confidence. Last year, she may have reacted not as well. This year, she was prepared.

Maybe it's been Julie's dip back into studying the wisdom of Buddism and the Tao that helped her. Either that, or she's just trying to impress me!  ;)

Quote from: juliekins on April 17, 2010, 02:24:40 AM
Isn't she great? I admit, I'm a little biased.

I do know that Julie has been rehersing this in her head for quite a while. She also asked this boy, "do you like it when people are mean to you? (head nod) How does that make you feel?"

I've seen Julie grow so much this past year in terms of self assurance and social confidence. Last year, she may have reacted not as well. This year, she was prepared.

Maybe it's been Julie's dip back into studying the wisdom of Buddism and the Tao that helped her. Either that, or she's just trying to impress me!  ;)

Yes she is great. and she handled the situation exactly right. From our experience I would say that it will make all the difference, and you'll probably have far less trouble as a result.

Quote from: juliekins on April 17, 2010, 02:24:40 AM
Isn't she great? I admit, I'm a little biased.

I do know that Julie has been rehersing this in her head for quite a while. She also asked this boy, "do you like it when people are mean to you? (head nod) How does that make you feel?"

I've seen Julie grow so much this past year in terms of self assurance and social confidence. Last year, she may have reacted not as well. This year, she was prepared.

Maybe it's been Julie's dip back into studying the wisdom of Buddism and the Tao that helped her. Either that, or she's just trying to impress me!  ;)

You are both great. I have nothing but respect and love for the pair of you. Two beautiful women taking on the world, and winning.

Fantastic
Hugs
Cindy

agreed

Rejennyrated: Oh wow, what a story. That's a very happy ending.

That was beautifully handled.
:)

Great story, Julie!  You done good, sister!

Kristi

I'd say Mark was about 10-11 years old.  At the time a girl, about 13-14, was sitting next to him.  Immediately to my left on a swing was a boy about 14-15.  While I was talking to Mark, another boy, about 12-13 came running up.  I was wondering if he was coming to Mark's defense but he just stood there and listened to our conversation.  That was the boy who was with Mark on the bikes and he was the one who smiled.

The idea of asking the question "Who taught you to be mean?" came from a comment I heard from Sinead O'Connor.  She asked someone, "Who taught you to hate?"  When the reply was confusion, she answered, "We aren't born hating.  Someone teaches us to hate.  Who taught you?"  I took that and modified it for a child, figuring it would be less shocking and more easy to relate to by using "mean" instead of "hate".

It was nice being outside all day yesterday and not hearing anything offensive.  But I haven't let my guard down.  I've lived in this neighborhood for over 23 years and I'm sure everyone knows about my transition.  I'll have to counter the talk the kids have between themselves and the crap they hear from their parents at home.  My next door neighbors stopped talking to me once I started presenting female.  They now just give me strange looks.

In time I hope to open a lot of minds but it will be one mind at a time.  But I've bridged a gap that had me sort of paralyzed.  That's a good feeling and it gives me a lot of hope for the future.

Wonderful stories Julie and Jenny!  I admire you both.  I hope I can react so calmly when I have the need to.

Sometimes all it takes is on voice, as Julie and Jenny illustrated.  Just one voice questioning an action.

Good of both of you for being that one voice.

Thank you for sharing these stories. It gave me a smile and some hope on a gloomy day.

I am so glad I read this. Thank you so much for sharing :)

That's when you take the kid, flip him or her over and start spanking like it's 1951 :P

Almost the exact same thing happened to me several years ago. There is a park at the end of the street, not far away. The very end house had been rented out, and the owner had met me just before I transitioned and evidently had a big mouth, cos these four kids were playing and as I got out of my car and walked toward my house from the street, this one boy goes, "that's a guy!"

But....

The other three wouldn't believe him, they were like, no way, that's a lady! Love it.

Children, and hobos, say the meanest things as every could be said.  In their world of freedom and little consequence, it must be easy.

Then again, children are children.  Give them candy and they'll start coming up to greet you when you're spotted, instead of pointing you out and gossiping obnoxiously. 

:)