Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Lilly on April 18, 2010, 01:05:37 AM Return to Full Version
Title: I want to come out, but there's too many complications.
Post by: Lilly on April 18, 2010, 01:05:37 AM
Post by: Lilly on April 18, 2010, 01:05:37 AM
I'm 19 years old, and have wanted to come out since I was 15-16, but there's so many problems that's keeping me from coming out. My mother isn't really "All there" and the simplest things can set her off, and I'm afraid coming out to her would result in her hurting herself or someone else. Then I have a religious grandfather, and I'm not sure how he would react about his grandson becoming a girl. I also have a homophobic uncle who absolutely hates gays and lesbians, and I'm afraid he'll just call me a ->-bleeped-<- and never speak to me again. There's also my father, I think he would handle the news rather well, but I'm not so sure. The hardest part about coming out is because I have a one year old brother, and I also have a 10 year old brother who looks up to his big brother (me). I don't think it would effect my sister at all, because she's always wanted a sister.
I really want to come out, but I just have to keep hiding because too many people would get hurt. I came here seeking advice on my situation, and I thank you in advance for any advice you have to give.
I really want to come out, but I just have to keep hiding because too many people would get hurt. I came here seeking advice on my situation, and I thank you in advance for any advice you have to give.
Title: Re: I want to come out, but there's too many complications.
Post by: Cindy on April 18, 2010, 02:50:01 AM
Post by: Cindy on April 18, 2010, 02:50:01 AM
Hi Lilly :-*
There are no easy answers. Can you talk to a gender therapist? Your family Dr can may help with that. I'm in Australia and each country seems to have different ways of getting a therapist. It is important because they will guide and advise you. But in the end it is up to each of us. When the realisation is so strong that our gender and secondary sex characteristics don't match then we do reach a crisis. There is in my opinion no way to ignore it, there is no way to make it go away. And in the end we have to be true to ourselves otherwise we may end up giving up, and that hurts the family a lot more. Sadly if you have bigots in your family they will probably not accept you. However in my opinion I could never accept their point of view so their acceptance of me is irrelevant.
Keep safe and I'm sure others will respond.
Cindy
There are no easy answers. Can you talk to a gender therapist? Your family Dr can may help with that. I'm in Australia and each country seems to have different ways of getting a therapist. It is important because they will guide and advise you. But in the end it is up to each of us. When the realisation is so strong that our gender and secondary sex characteristics don't match then we do reach a crisis. There is in my opinion no way to ignore it, there is no way to make it go away. And in the end we have to be true to ourselves otherwise we may end up giving up, and that hurts the family a lot more. Sadly if you have bigots in your family they will probably not accept you. However in my opinion I could never accept their point of view so their acceptance of me is irrelevant.
Keep safe and I'm sure others will respond.
Cindy
Title: Re: I want to come out, but there's too many complications.
Post by: justmeinoz on April 18, 2010, 06:51:49 AM
Post by: justmeinoz on April 18, 2010, 06:51:49 AM
It's an uncomfortable situation you are in, I agree. I hate giving other people advice when I don't even listen to myself, but if you uncle is that homophobic I wouldn't want anything to do with him anyway. Reminds me of a brother-in-law I don't send cards to.
Has your mother ever said that she wished she had a daughter? If so that would possibly make it easier. As Cindy said an experienced therapist would be the best next step in this situation. Hope things work out.
Has your mother ever said that she wished she had a daughter? If so that would possibly make it easier. As Cindy said an experienced therapist would be the best next step in this situation. Hope things work out.
Title: Re: I want to come out, but there's too many complications.
Post by: cynthialee on April 18, 2010, 07:27:13 AM
Post by: cynthialee on April 18, 2010, 07:27:13 AM
It is your life not your families. Live it how you wish. If they have issues...they have issues, and that is not your problem. Do something about this when you are young, dont wait until you are and old fart like I did.
Title: Re: I want to come out, but there's too many complications.
Post by: Lilly on April 28, 2010, 03:24:47 AM
Post by: Lilly on April 28, 2010, 03:24:47 AM
Whats harder than coming out is admitting I need help. I'm an unemployed dropout that still lives with mom (but thats a different story), and would love to admit myself to a therapist. The only problem is I convinced my mother that therapists are a load of hokey. I just don't know what to do. I'm all depressed.
Title: Re: I want to come out, but there's too many complications.
Post by: Dana Lane on April 28, 2010, 03:37:25 AM
Post by: Dana Lane on April 28, 2010, 03:37:25 AM
Quote from: Lilly on April 28, 2010, 03:24:47 AM
Whats harder than coming out is admitting I need help. I'm an unemployed dropout that still lives with mom (but thats a different story), and would love to admit myself to a therapist. The only problem is I convinced my mother that therapists are a load of hokey. I just don't know what to do. I'm all depressed.
I agree about needing to see a therapist. A therapist who specializes in GID can really help you with the issues you have with your family. What I would do is break this down into different parts. Make getting a therapist your top and only priority right now and stop thinking so much about the rest. So you told your Mom therapists are a load of hokey. Just overcome this and see your therapist. Then with your therapist's help set other goals.
Your journey will be made up of many single goals. Transition isn't just a single thing so approach it like there are many steps. If you are transsexual you absolutely must begin step 1 at some point in time!
I wish you luck. Mega hugs!
Title: Re: I want to come out, but there's too many complications.
Post by: jesse on April 28, 2010, 03:44:09 AM
Post by: jesse on April 28, 2010, 03:44:09 AM
lilly hun listen you are young the results you can achieve with the treatments available to us are astounding at a young age and taper off as you get older requiring more surgery to achieve what we might have achieved at a young age. this thing will never go away it gets worse the more damage t does to the body. having said all of this there are steps you can take to help with the depression. start dressing in an androgenous style. wear light makeup such as concealer and pwder when you can clear nail polish or go for the goth look which allows for better tools lol. marlyne manson wears eyeliner so cant you.
however the first step you need to take is getting a job transition is expensive and coming out is easier if you have a back up plan. after that get to a therapist and look into getting electrolysis or laser if youve reached that stage where beard growth is a problem i know for me once it started to grow my gid went up exponetially.
jessica
oh and welcome to susans
however the first step you need to take is getting a job transition is expensive and coming out is easier if you have a back up plan. after that get to a therapist and look into getting electrolysis or laser if youve reached that stage where beard growth is a problem i know for me once it started to grow my gid went up exponetially.
jessica
oh and welcome to susans