Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Not sure how many others have experienced this.
I was lucky enough to have my SRS in my twenties, which means I've been female longer than I was a male. And even though those formative years were a bit introverted and lonely I still know what a great thing "Male Bonding" is. I have a lot of friends both male and female and cherish them deeply, but for obvious reasons there is no male bonding. I never gave much thought how much I would miss this aspect of guy life.
This is not to say I feel my life to be one big mistake, I'm happy and comfortable with my life. I stand by my decison. But regrets, yes I've had a few and this is just one.
Stay true.

Hunter

My only regret is not starting transition sooner.  Many opportunities throughout my teens and twenties, but I was too scared to follow through.  I started when I was thirty, or there about.

Quote from: Hunter on April 20, 2010, 07:21:10 PM
I still know what a great thing "Male Bonding" is.

I've honestly made only one male friend and the rest are girls so I doubt that I will ever miss this

Forgot to mention, I've been married for 10 incredible years. Which here again means that being a TS gives you a view of the world that few can understand.
Everyday has been a learning experience and I'm thankful for them all.
Cheers.
Hunter

Hi Hunter. The fact you experienced and enjoyed male bonding doesn't sound like a regret so much. I enjoyed things about being female (I'm FTM) that I no longer have as male - eyeliner, free sex, free emotions, etc., but that's not the same as having regrets.

I had very few male friends growing up, I just never fit in with males.  My friends were all girls.  And still are.

The only regret I have is that I helped a friend in need when I had the money for SRS.  But I guess "What goes around, Come around".  We shall see.

I guess the parts I miss are when my husband and his group go out for the boyz night out.
They get together and go on camping trips with lots of ubber male testosterone events. Riding motorcycles in the woods, drinking and shooting guns at helpless cans and plastic bottles, and general howling at the moon type stuff. This makes me no different than the other wives left at home wondering about what kinds of mischef and mayhem their better half is into.
Does this make me a total basket case?
LOL

Hunter

Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 20, 2010, 08:03:18 PM
I had very few male friends growing up, I just never fit in with males.  My friends were all girls.  And still are.

I was the same way.  In fact, when I was very young and first starting school, I found it to be more natural to be friends with the girls as opposed to the boys.  It was cool with my folks at that time with me being so young, then we moved to new neighborhood a few years later.  I became friends with a couple of girls but, for some reason my folks thought that it be more appropriate if I started to make friends with boys instead.  This is when all the confusion and acting out started to happen in my life.

Quote from: Hunter on April 20, 2010, 08:18:24 PM
I guess the parts I miss are when my husband and his group go out for the boyz night out.
They get together and go on camping trips with lots of ubber male testosterone events. Riding motorcycles in the woods, drinking and shooting guns at helpless cans and plastic bottles, and general howling at the moon type stuff. This makes me no different than the other wives left at home wondering about what kinds of mischef and mayhem their better half is into.
Does this make me a total basket case?
LOL

Hunter

Ask to come along!

Quote from: Nero on April 20, 2010, 08:22:53 PM
Ask to come along!

+1 on that

Hunter you sound exactly like me. I too had SRS in my early twenties but the difference is that nobody told me that I had to leave behind the male bonding stuff. So even though I'm now female and like you I've been female longer than male - simply I go to both groups according to how I feel. I go out with the girls to a chick flick or whatever - I also go with the boys from time to time. Often they are rather flattered, once they get over the surprise, to find that I am genuinely interested.

So no it doesn't make you a basket case. Perhaps just a little less assertive that I have been.

And no - I have absolutely no regrets. I would like to have been able to bear children, but not having that possibility has come with other benefits so overall I won't complain.

PS - You'll find a few other like minded folks in the Androgyne section of the site.

I guess that since I never really passed for male, or maybe because my hormone levels were screwy, I never experienced "male bonding" - I usually hung back with the girls and chuckled at the male lunacy. So, in my 37th year of womanhood I still haven't thought of anything I miss or regret ... well except maybe the convenience of being able to pee on the side of the road discretely  ::)

Quote from: Nero on April 20, 2010, 08:22:53 PM
Ask to come along!

Its easy said than done Nero, I have 3brothers but I lost that male bonding when I transition, Im now female a lot longer than I was male, a few times a year they leave their Wifes at home and off with them for the boys weekend, this year they invited my Boyfriend to go, but would never ask me, Boyfriend excepted and off he went, I don't want to be complaining or seen to be processive, my next brother who was always slower to except my transition definitely against me going and has said it like ''why not go off shopping with some of the girls and do girly things I certainly would never go on a girly weekend why would you want a ''man weekend''   still Iv no regrets on transition, but I do know when I marry my Boyfriend, there will be times when he will go off with his group for the boys weekend away, I won't be allowed to be part of that ''its a man thing'' I guess Hunter it makes me no different from you and the other Wifes left at home, still when he did return from that weekend away with my brothers, he must have felt guilty lol because it was chocolates, flowers and kisses, I bet he was discreet with the brothers lol

Quote from: rejennyrated on April 21, 2010, 03:25:16 PM
+1 on that



So no it doesn't make you a basket case. Perhaps just a little less assertive that I have been.

Thats what I really like about you Jenny, your assertivness, I don't have enough of it and Im too sensitive when it comes to men, think I got it from my Mother, she use to say to me many times ''its a man's world, boys will be men and men will be boys, women are just women'' thats the ways things are.
p

Quote from: pretty pauline on April 22, 2010, 05:36:55 PM
Thats what I really like about you Jenny, your assertivness, I don't have enough of it and Im too sensitive when it comes to men, think I got it from my Mother, she use to say to me many times ''its a man's world, boys will be men and men will be boys, women are just women'' thats the ways things are.
p

My mother was an Androgyne - she didn't call herself that because the term wasn't invented back then... but she was beyond doubt. She was very physical and due to her particular skills played an active combat role in WW2 (she was in intelligence). In our family she was always the alpha and the one who wore the pants!

I come from four generations of proven gender rebels on BOTH sides of my family. Some of whom were quite well known in their time too. So I have a pretty good set of credentials when it comes to doing my own thing in the gender playground.

Happily I have never been left behind when my male friends went off for some bonding, nor would I expect to be so, anymore than I would expect to be left out of a girls night out (or ladies coffee morning). I love doing both and I hope I contribute well enough to both groups. Oh yes - and the boys probably like having me along because not being testosterone driven I don't mind coming last!

I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you. But on the plus side at least you know they see you as female.

Quote from: rejennyrated on April 22, 2010, 06:10:21 PM
My mother was an Androgyne - she didn't call herself that because the term wasn't invented back then... but she was beyond doubt. She was very physical and due to her particular skills played an active combat role in WW2 (she was in intelligence). In our family she was always the alpha and the one who wore the pants!


Happily I have never been left behind when my male friends went off for some bonding, nor would I expect to be so, anymore than I would expect to be left out of a girls night out (or ladies coffee morning). I love doing both and I hope I contribute well enough to both groups. Oh yes - and the boys probably like having me along because not being testosterone driven I don't mind coming last!

You are so lucky Jenny, you obviously got a lot of your assertivness from your Mother, we inherited a lot of our characteristics in our genes.

Quote from: rejennyrated on April 22, 2010, 06:10:21 PM
I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you. But on the plus side at least you know they see you as female.

Im now 37years female, 25years post op so thats not an issue, Im now fully excepted as female by my family at this stage, but I do get frustrated sometimes the way women are treated specially when I discuss it with my brother, he says ''your choice, you choose you be a woman'' my whole family background was very traditional and old fashion, women have their place and role to play, I regret sometimes I didn't transition away from family, but if I did that I would have lost them like so many other trans people.
Oh they definitely now see me as female, but I have to behave as they think a female should and I won't have any problems, I now live with my Boyfriend (fiancé) for over 2years now, he is an absolutely wonderful and gorgeous guy, but like my family is traditional, but very kind, he'll do anything except ''woman's work'' as he calls it, cooking, cleaning, dusting, polishing, washing and ironing, at least he's honest, so I do all that ''woman's work'' without a fuss, but if I was honest I don't like doing tiresome ''woman's work'' it can be boring, same thing everyday, but I get on with it, a sort of price to pay for being excepted as a woman, anyway I catch up on a lot of chores and woman stuff when Boyfriend goes away with the boys to do whatever they do, just hope Im not a basket case, Im a woman in a crazy man's world.
p

male bonding *sighs*

Quote from: pretty pauline on April 24, 2010, 06:38:15 PM
Im now 37years female, 25years post op so thats not an issue, Im now fully excepted as female by my family at this stage, but I do get frustrated sometimes the way women are treated specially when I discuss it with my brother, he says ''your choice, you choose you be a woman'' my whole family background was very traditional and old fashion, women have their place and role to play, I regret sometimes I didn't transition away from family, but if I did that I would have lost them like so many other trans people.
Oh they definitely now see me as female, but I have to behave as they think a female should and I won't have any problems, I now live with my Boyfriend (fiancé) for over 2years now, he is an absolutely wonderful and gorgeous guy, but like my family is traditional, but very kind, he'll do anything except ''woman's work'' as he calls it, cooking, cleaning, dusting, polishing, washing and ironing, at least he's honest, so I do all that ''woman's work'' without a fuss, but if I was honest I don't like doing tiresome ''woman's work'' it can be boring, same thing everyday, but I get on with it, a sort of price to pay for being excepted as a woman, anyway I catch up on a lot of chores and woman stuff when Boyfriend goes away with the boys to do whatever they do, just hope Im not a basket case, Im a woman in a crazy man's world.
p

Personal opinion, value yourself more. Stand up and be you even if that means being a woman who hates or don't do 'women's' work. I think equality is for both sides. If you really want to put up with it , fine. If you will be miserable due to the uneven balance, then change it.  Women's lib exists for a reason and having transtioned doesn't make you any less valued in the views of women's lib.

I have not completed my transition yet but one thing I miss the least is male bonding. Oh how I hate that kind of stuff. Horseplay thoroughly irritates me (I ALWAYS hated that!), screaming and yelling watching games, etc. I just never felt comfortable with male activities like that.

well each to their own I guess.

LOL - one the few times that I pretty much outed myself in the workplace was, a couple of decades back, when, on finally overcoming a major technical problem, I was seen punching the air wildly and yelling yeeeeessssss! at the top of my voice. I think they realised then that I also had a masculine side to me. (Which I had generally kept hidden so as not to frighten the horses so to speak.)

Since then I've just reached the point where I can't be bothered if someone finds it a bit confusing - in any case since the ladette movement in the late 90's it has thankfully become a lot more socially acceptable for a woman to be a touch demonstrative at times - so I wasn't really that different, just a little ahead of the curve perhaps. When I got to uni last year I found I fitted in just fine with the average 20 something year old girls :D - most of whom, judging by my attitudes, thankfully simply didn't believe that I was old enough to be their mother!

Quote from: LordKAT on April 24, 2010, 08:23:11 PM
Personal opinion, value yourself more. Stand up and be you even if that means being a woman who hates or don't do 'women's' work. I think equality is for both sides. If you really want to put up with it , fine. If you will be miserable due to the uneven balance, then change it.  Women's lib exists for a reason and having transtioned doesn't make you any less valued in the views of women's lib.

LordKAT personal opinion, well its a very sensible opinion, think Im going thru a mid life crisis, maybe Boyfriend will start to take notice, said Im not myself the last week, well maybe thats just it I want to be myself, equality is for both sides,  I really hate that term ''woman's work'' its so superficial, I love being a woman but I think I love being equal more.
Just being able to get it off my chest is a relief, thank you heaps for that.
p

Reading this thread has been fun and educational, it's always nice to see how others of like mind view something from different perspectives.
No, I would never thrust myself in the middle of the man circle, I think the fact that we each have our own circle of friends and respect each others space is what has made our marrige work for ten years plus. But sometimes we exchange looks with each other that are laugh out loud funny.
It usually starts with him saying "Looks like we got a trip coming up" then I do the hand gester that says "Do I get to go"? He then looks back with that expession that says "Uh, well no dear" I then look at him to say this is because I don't have a penis right! He shakes his head in approval "Your right dear, you don't...so you can't". LOL
Besides he knows me well enough to know that my idea of camping involves handing the clerk behind the counter at the HILTON my mastercard..
Grins and Giggles
Hunter. G

hey interesting thread...just shows how unique we all are; the old saying that  boys will be boys is really more of a generalisation than anything, and it all boils down to your own character and the people around you...sure some of us prefer their weekends spent on high street than in the woods but that's just preference and nothing to do with gender  :angel:

Quote from: Hunter on April 25, 2010, 08:08:17 PM

It usually starts with him saying "Looks like we got a trip coming up" then I do the hand gester that says "Do I get to go"? He then looks back with that expession that says "Uh, well no dear" I then look at him to say this is because I don't have a penis right! He shakes his head in approval "Your right dear, you don't...so you can't". LOL
Besides he knows me well enough to know that my idea of camping involves handing the clerk behind the counter at the HILTON my mastercard..
Grins and Giggles
Hunter. G

Your situation Hunter is so similar to mine, most guys think in the same vein, my Boyfriend usually gives a bit of notice but I usually see it coming lol
''hmmmm eh ekkkk pauline sweetie we don't have anything on 3rd week in May, I was just wondering the lads where just asking if Id be interested in 4day trip that week eekkkk.....''  I replyed don't suppose it includes me, maybe I could tag along for a change, he just hesitated for a few seconds, was I serious or what, then he put his arm around my waist and gave me a tight squeeze ''ah you wouldnd enjoy it sweet heart, its not really a lady's trip'' I replyed ''maybe give it a go, but if  prefers to go without me, don't worry I'II survive''
Now to be honest I wouldnd enjoy it, a bunch of guys going crazy, not my scene, but he doesn't know that, but let him think it, no harm BF feeling a tiny bit guilty, but theres no way Id be allowed go on that trip.
I actually enjoy the few days when he is away, little bit lonely sometimes if friends ain't around, do some swimming, a little shopping, reading, computer time and maybe 1 girly night out.
When he returns just look forward to a bunch of my favorite flowers (pink roses) yes flowers do work, when he gets away he probably punches the air lol ''the woman is sorted'' thats what he thinks, as the man says  ''KEEP THE WOMAN HAPPY''
p

Stick the flowers - there's simply no way I'm going to give up the fun of running around in the woods and eating food cooked on an open fire that we caught or shot the day before. Sleeping rough under the stars and playing a few war games - or going out for a night on the razz and maybe pulling a few hot chicks. (there's usually one who is bi).

Yep aint no doubt about it - I'm definitely coming out as an androgyne as far as this thread goes, cos I ain't interested in no flowers - I'd much rather hit the road hard with the boys.

oh AND I'll ALSO do the chick flick, girly shopping trip, emotional bonding, and night out clubbing to pull a couple of hot hunks on the next weekend thank you very much.

That's also the nice thing about having a partner who is just like me - we both enjoy doing both - so there is never a conflict between us.

I've known girls that run with the boys, and plenty of the 'boys' are never invited out on those expeditions.  Its far more personality then convention anymore.

But if you "go out with the boys" you have to LISTEN to them all weekend! How incredibly DULL!

Girls can get equally boring, just different topics.  No gender has a corner on boring topics.  That's why mixed groups are best, everyone is on better behavior.

Quote from: tekla on April 28, 2010, 01:50:35 PM
Girls can get equally boring, just different topics.  No gender has a corner on boring topics.  That's why mixed groups are best, everyone is on better behavior.

Wow!  I truly love your way of thinking!

I totaly agree with having a mixed bag of friends. This is a good recipe for a balanced life.
A good example is this coming weekend, my better half is leaving for the weekend with a handfull of his buddies, some of our mutual friends have invited me to a Derby party on Sat, then later will be going to see Southern Culture on the Skids Concert which is in town. So we're both doing things we like with people we like being with. Different paths which lead to the same place...being happy.
Life is good!

Hunter .G

How could you not be happy at a SCotS concert.  Fried chicken and gasoline forever.