Susan's Place Transgender Resources

i think i might be gay. Lately female boobs have been staring at me. there just so big how can u not miss them and they move. but then again dating and careing about a female in that manner or anyone in that way seems gross. i dont know this is freaking me out. im out is society as male but... i look at female body and its gross cause i dont want it i dont want to be that but it looks nice and when i look at a male body i want that i want to look like that, i want the parts, but i dont feel attracted to them. IDK i feel trapped and confused. maybe i should date a bi guy.

You need to figure out who you are attracted to emotionally and sexually, which is separate from your own gender and what you wish your body looked like.  Take your time, there is no rush.

FWIW I spent my whole life living as F, attracted to men, but after starting T I went through a period where boobs just turned me on.  But as more time went on  I realized that I am still physically and emotionally attracted to men, and not  just because I personallly like masculinity for myself, it's just that I like MEN.

It's not always black and white, or easy to figure out if your own gender identity is confusing.

Jay

The original post confuses me with the lack of punctuation.
Are you asking us a question or just stating your own confusion?
If the former, are you asking which gender we're attracted to, or which sex?
/grammarnazi.

I'm attracted to the male gender.. that being trans men, or cis men

SOMETIMES I find women cute or sexy.. but I wouldnt want to date a woman, I find them annoying lol

Mostly pansexual.

I have always been attracted to females.  During the years I attempted to 'conform' to the sexuality that I thought everyone wished for me to (trying to force myself to be attracted to men, date men, etc.), but it failed miserably.  Thinking of physical sexual contact with men makes me nauseous.  I don't mind what others enjoy, but I do not enjoy sexual contact with males.  Women turn me on sexually.  I am romantically attracted to women in the emotional sense, as well.  I have always thought that certain men were handsome, but always found that I wanted to BE them, rather than be WITH them, if that makes sense.

I've always liked chicks, aesthetically speaking. I can't say it was ever a struggle for me. Just one day wondered if I was attracted to the same sex, got into a relationship with a girl and went "oh well guess so."

However I'm a little on the misogynistic side thanks to experiences with 'em.. but guys I usually tend to get along with only on a platonic level, with the exception of my boyfriend. I can look at a dude and think he's attractive, but it's usually in a different way than I do with chicks. Hard to explain concisely. Sex with either is fine by me. And it makes no difference to me whether they're gender dysphoric, though I've never been involved with somebody who was.

I'm a straight guy for the most part I mean I wouldn't put much thought into it if I did fall in love with a man, but I find myself to mostly be attracted to women both emotionally and sexually. If I look at men it's usually me thinking "Man I wish I had -insert some random masculine feature here-." While with girls if I find them attractive I usually think something more along the lines of "Man she's hot/beautiful. I should try talking to her."

You should probably hold off on relationships until you figure it out.

Used to like guys, now I like girls more. Go figure. Maybe I'll swing back to the other side someday like a pendulum.

More interested in female bodies though. I've got a touch of misogyny but not significant. Haven't met a girl more interesting to talk to than a guy but maybe it's just my interests.

Women, here. Always loved women.

I know it seems hard and is easier said than done, but try to relax about it. You don't want to work yourself up too much. It could be that you only find women gross because you hate your body, or maybe you simply do not like them. I wouldn't get involved with anyone, actually if I were you I'd stop thinking about relationships and go with the flow. It's not mandatory that you figure your sexuality out right away or start dating people, but even then, worrying about it is probably going to make it harder to figure out.

I'm feeling pretty asexual at the moment.  I think I'm romantically attracted to males, but I could see myself living with and raising a child with and just being a life partner with a female more so than a male.  The thought of having sex with either gender sort of grosses me out right now though, even though I love wacking off (especially since starting T) and like porn featuring either gender.  I'm personally not worrying about my weird feelings right now.  It'll work itself out.  I'm just going to stay out of the dating scene until it does.

Both, neither, and all of them.  And I've dated (or at least fooled around with) people from pretty much every gender or sexual identity too. (bi girl, lesbian, straight male, bi male, gay male, male bodied CD, female bodied gender queer, and a MtF) I guess that would make me pansexual.

Lately though, I've found myself mostly attracted to more masculine people, and male identified over female identified.  Makeup, high heels and dresses are kind of a turn off for me (with very few exceptions).

If you see someone your attracted to, go for it. Try not to get caught up with wondering if dating someone will make you gay, or straight, or an alien, and be with whoever makes you happy, and feel safe and comfortable with being you.

I've always liked guys. And it's kind of funny, I've always been more attracted to gay guys, sometimes without even knowing they're gay. So that's kind of perfect for me.
There have been a few times where I've questioned if I liked girls. Like, I know when a girl is pretty, or has a hot body or whatever. But when it comes down to it, I can't picture myself in a relationship with a girl. It kind of irks me actually. But hey, if I met a girl I really connected with, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with her.

My suggestion is to just go with the flow. Don't worry about it too much. Eventually you will find the right person for you, and whether it's a male or a female, or somewhere in between, there's no reason to get jumbled up about it. Just do what makes you happy.

I like men exclusively. Always have, fairly certain I always will. There was a period of time I tried to force myself to be bi (back when I was convinced that I'd have to at least pretend to be straight to be taken seriously as a trans guy) but those experiences did not work, and I feel really terrible for the girls I experimented with. If it was even half as uncomfortable for them as it was for me...

Also, I'm like Espenoah in that I've always been more attracted to gay guys, at least on a relationship level. (Some straight guys are hot, I won't deny it, but the relationship dynamic is sort of dysfunctional). My biggest crushes in high school as well as nearly all my close friends ended up being gay, as did the guys who were my partners in my two least dysfunctional relationships before my husband.

Maybe I'm weird but I don't think it is gender that appeals necessarily. I usually end up attracted to the ladies but once or twice have found a man worth looking twice at. Only one ever worth spending time with tho.  I think the attraction factor has a lot to do with certain facial features and animation, personality and other abstract things.


I know a number of people (all female) on this site that I would love to know personally. Some as friends , some as potential partners.


BTW, Dating is nothing more than a way to decide if the person you are with will be a long term person you are with. Some say otherwise but that is what it boils down to.

I'm attracted to intelligent, rational, clever and playful human beings, irregardless of where they fall on the sex or gender continuum.

I consider myself a straight guy, but I do usually end up liking the androgynous looking girls as well as feminine girls. My girlfriend was dressed up like a boy for a play the first time I met her lol.

As I used to say: "I'm the gayest thing on wheels."

So... men. Especially the older classy type menfolk. I'm not into the macho crap. I do likes me some bears though... *evillaugh*

Quote from: Elijah on May 06, 2010, 08:30:07 PM
I'm attracted to the male gender.. that being trans men, or cis men

SOMETIMES I find women cute or sexy.. but I wouldnt want to date a woman, I find them annoying lol

however, I'm only ever sometimes attracted to a transwoman, where I wouldn't ever date a cis gender woman simply because of them having to go through a similar struggle as Trans men. Yet they emerge from thier transistion  beautiful, instead of manly, and I find that kinda sexy...have no clue why though...its just something I admire.  I have noticed more so now the pressures society places on women (I'M Freee wooohooo!). They gracefully accept that. And thats kinda...awesome :P

I'm only sexually attracted to elves.

:P  I like boys, really.  In my first week of public school, I saw a beautiful boy for the first time and had my first crush.  Yeah, I tried to like girls for a short time, but... I kissed a girl and didn't like it.  Girls just don't do anything for me.

QuoteI'm only sexually attracted to elves.

I second this very highly..

Really though before I came out or even knew a name existed for how I felt I could not go into any relationship and give it my all.  I had mostly dated men femme or girls manly yet femme. At the time before coming out I felt that any relationship I had was a lie because something again before I had a name for it felt wrong. I presented as female even if I were the dominate party in the relationship. I am no social butterfly so dating anyone was far and few between.

Once I had a name for how I felt and decided that I was much happier being me instead of living a lie Aka "female" My relationships changed a lot, at first I tried to keep things quiet about being Different because of the stigma I had grown up with Adam eve thing no mistakes yada yada thing.  Once I had started to socially transition and not just online I felt more open about my sexuality which personally I think has never changed.

I do not date people who are caught up so much in gender laws being male or female. I am attracted to a person emotionally and sexually just by being themselves and not bringing oddness into the relationship. I know this sort of thought does not bode well with others but It works for me. I used to be big at saying I am bi if someone asked but now I just say I can date anyone without first setting out to look for a gender.

Quote from: GothTranzboi on May 07, 2010, 09:56:52 AMhowever, I'm only ever sometimes attracted to a transwoman, where I wouldn't ever date a cis gender woman simply because of them having to go through a similar struggle as Trans men. Yet they emerge from thier transistion  beautiful, instead of manly, and I find that kinda sexy...have no clue why though...its just something I admire.  I have noticed more so now the pressures society places on women (I'M Freee wooohooo!). They gracefully accept that. And thats kinda...awesome :P

sorry to butt into your conversation here guys, but I <3 this answer! :laugh:

Quote from: LordKAT on May 07, 2010, 04:31:35 AMI know a number of people (all female) on this site that I would love to know personally. Some as friends , some as potential partners.

hey sexy, if you want my number all you gotta do is ask ;)

Through my life, things have happened and been felt about the opposite sex. I honestly think now that I was just doing it because I wanted to be these guys. Really? These guys were pretty awesome as I think back on it. Also, any sexual thing (not physical, but phone/pc) I see now as wanting to feel what they feel and doing that in the ways that I did.

Anyway, I like women. Females only when it comes to relationships and sex. As for porn, I like my variety of everything I can find. I mean practically everything.

So, OP, I'd say like the others to just lay off actual relationships and figure things out. You've got feelings that just need some time to settle. As you can see, I'm definite in what I want and need, but as for what turns me on it's all over the place.

Don't feel pressured or trapped. Where ever you end up, things will be swell. :)

Quote from: FairyGirl on May 07, 2010, 12:45:38 PM
sorry to butt into your conversation here guys, but I <3 this answer! :laugh:

\

LOL you are very welcome, I love thw sentence beneath your pic btw, priceless.

OP: Actually, I can relate to what you're feeling, if from the opposite end of the spectrum. I class myself as pan because I feel the personality is most of the pull for me, yet I've been with a few men so far and the furthest I've gone with a girl is kissing. From this I can tell you the following:

Now is not the time to think about what you're attracted to. Get your gender role sorted out (as in, living as yourself), then see how things progress from there. Once you start living properly as a bloke, your perception of people and sexuality may change, but then again, it may not. 

Even now, I still wonder how I really feel about men - all I know is, sex with them felt wrong. But then, as someone on chat pointed out, if you're in the wrong gender role, it's bound to feel wrong. The transition period is weird though; all the while you're just taking steps to become a man, your feelings about things can be all over the place. They are for me, at least - I may turn out to be a straight bloke for all I know.

Still pansexual...   8)

Girls :) cause theyre so pretty and, and you get to take care of them :P I love being the one who buys presents and does stuff for my girlfriend! (well used to, we broke up as of last night daaamn)

Girls, for me. I've always been attracted to girls. I look at guys a lot though, but only because I'm thinking 'I wanna look like that'.

Men, though I'm not getting involved with any for a long while.

Tried to be attracted to women, but I could talk myself into that about as well as I talked myself into not transitioning :laugh:

I thought I might be flexible enough to turn straight (or at least find some level of attraction there). I also thought I might change orientation after T.

Then I encountered someone almost exactly to my taste and the differences in attraction made it apparent that a change in orientation wasn't going to happen.

Women.

only girls 4 me  8) 8) 8)

So out of those who answered Bi or pansexual what is your preferance?
Mine is curently men. (of course I dont have a boyfriend at the moment) It changes. Sometimes I would say women others men.

Another girl butting in, but hey we can do that.

I am Bi, but I am more attracted to guys.  And I included Trans-guys.  so I guess I am more pan.

I was girls girls girls, all through adolescence.  I was really into pretty blonde girls, which seems weird now.  When I was 11 I was really attracted to Macaulay Culkin but I was really embarrassed about it! Still love Mac.

So in women I like chubby girls with round faces and dark hair.  I love a good bob. I also love good boobs. I like cisgirls and trans girls. Lots of hot transwomen on this forum ;)

I repressed my attraction to men for AGES cos I hated being treated like a girl. Now I'm somewhat fiendish about boys.  I like em weedy and cute with floppy fringes.  I like boys who look like scruffy grunge teens (but aren't actually teens lol).  I like chubby cuddly boys too, with scruffy facial hair and curly mop tops.

I guess I'm pan...?

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Post Merge: May 07, 2010, 11:47:00 PM

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It changes day by day who I'm more into.  I've been on a bit of a boy kick recently, but girls turn my head on a regular basis.

I am attracted mostly to women. Sensually, women appeal to me 100%. I love everything about a woman's body. The softness of their flesh and mouth, their curves. Long flowing hair. I think of women and all the romantic cliches of metaphor come to mind. Overall it is that softness that I like. I love to pleasure a woman, and make her feel beautiful. I hunger for that. I am a sentimental git when it comes to them.

I can also be attracted to guys, effeminate gay guys, but its a completely different motive and sensation. Not sensual at all, rough and often angry. I have a violent side that frightens me so I stay away from pretty men. Curious to me though.

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Post Merge: May 08, 2010, 12:25:45 AM

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Quote from: elvistears on May 07, 2010, 11:43:33 PM
So in women I like chubby girls with round faces and dark hair.

likewise. curvy brunettes.  :)

Totally hot. I so obviously have a type, in that sense.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on May 07, 2010, 11:37:52 PM
Another girl butting in, but hey we can do that.

I am Bi, but I am more attracted to guys.  And I included Trans-guys.  so I guess I am more pan.

Being attracted to trans guys doesn't make you pansexual. Please don't think that it does. We're not 'other,' any more than you are - how would you feel if a man decided he had to be pansexual (or something other than straight) in order to be attracted to you?

If you identify as pansexual because you're also attracted to people who do identify as 'other'/'none of the above' (genderqueer, androgyne, neutrois, etc) then good on you. That's just not what I got from your post.

Quote from: cynthialee on May 07, 2010, 11:29:48 PM
So out of those who answered Bi or pansexual what is your preferance?

Intelligence, rationality, and health.

Though, I do have a certain fascination with red hair...

Quote from: kyril on May 08, 2010, 04:42:15 AM
Being attracted to trans guys doesn't make you pansexual. Please don't think that it does. We're not 'other,' any more than you are - how would you feel if a man decided he had to be pansexual (or something other than straight) in order to be attracted to you?

If you identify as pansexual because you're also attracted to people who do identify as 'other'/'none of the above' (genderqueer, androgyne, neutrois, etc) then good on you. That's just not what I got from your post.

I am open to all.  So then I am pan.  So if I offended any of you guys, I do not separate you from anyone.  When I typed that I have reservations that it might be read that way.

I'm attracted to blokes (trans or cisgendered, it doesn't matter) & btw I don't consider myself "pansexual" because of that.  I consider myself heterosexual, period.

Males, primarily. On occasion there is a female who will turn my head, but this is rare. I find that when I look at women, most of the time I'm thinking "Well she's pretty, oh no honey why would you wear that shirt" and I re-dress them in more flattering outfits in my mind.

Quote from: M.Grimm on May 08, 2010, 01:11:20 PM
Males, primarily. On occasion there is a female who will turn my head, but this is rare. I find that when I look at women, most of the time I'm thinking "Well she's pretty, oh no honey why would you wear that shirt" and I re-dress them in more flattering outfits in my mind.

I never understood this. My sisters do it all the time. Who cares what people wear and why is your opinion better than any one else' s.

This has nothing to do with you personally Grimm, I just don't get the whole need to change others clothes, hair, walk or anything else for the most part.

For me, I think it's just because I'm a costumer (as in, designing clothing for others). I only seem to react this way when someone is clearly trying to dress nicely but the items are ill-fitting. An example: improperly fitting bra and pants with a clingy shirt. I'm pretty certain the result is not what they were trying to achieve.

I want to look fabulous, and I want others to look and feel fabulous, too.

I'm pan (yes, I am attracted to someone regardless of where they are/aren't on the spectrum).  I have a preference toward masculine personalities.

Heterosexual male here. Cis-gendered women only for me.
Although, saying that, I've never had any experiences with trans or gender variant people. I don't like to say I don't like something until I've tried it.

I'm a heterosexual male..I really like butch and tomboyish girls!

I'm attracted to femininity, so cis or trans women. I'm more attracted to personalities but I would be lying if I said that looks didn't matter. Physical attraction is important, I like either women who are a few inches shorter than me or a few inches taller. I also like women with red hair. Karen Gillan (the new Doctor Who assistant) would be a good example. A six-foot-something red head, yes please.

Mate, Amy Pond is mine!

You guys can fight over her, as long as The Doctor is mine. ;)

Quote from: Ryan on May 08, 2010, 05:17:03 PM
Mate, Amy Pond is mine!

Sorry, I already bagsied her  ;D

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on May 06, 2010, 08:45:32 PMI have always been attracted to females.  During the years I attempted to 'conform' to the sexuality that I thought everyone wished for me to (trying to force myself to be attracted to men, date men, etc.), but it failed miserably.  Thinking of physical sexual contact with men makes me nauseous.  I don't mind what others enjoy, but I do not enjoy sexual contact with males.  Women turn me on sexually.  I am romantically attracted to women in the emotional sense, as well.  I have always thought that certain men were handsome, but always found that I wanted to BE them, rather than be WITH them, if that makes sense.

This makes complete sense to me considering this is me as well to the detail. I have a weakness for blonde and mulatto women. >:-)

I've always been only attracted to women, preferably thick brunettes (Dr Who? psh.. Sara Ramirez from Greys Anatomy ;) ).. but ever since I've been on T the feelings that I thought were just "I wish I looked like that" I'm realizing are really more "Damn I'd totally do him". Its unnerving to say the least, but you're making yourself feel trapped and confused. Just go with the flow. Of all the people in the world we should be the most capable to allow gender to be virtually meaningless in our attractions, and of our sense of self.

Question for Evan.

Why do you think

Quotewe should be the most capable to allow gender to be virtually meaningless in our attractions

?

Who we are and what we like are totally unrelated.

Quote from: Evan on May 09, 2010, 12:54:11 AM
Of all the people in the world we should be the most capable to allow gender to be virtually meaningless in our attractions, and of our sense of self.

I'd actually argue the opposite - that of all people, we may consider gender the most important in our sense of self, and possibly also in our attractions. If we thought gender was meaningless, why would we bother transitioning?

I don't think anything sex/gender-related gets to me quite so much as being told that I ought to be bi/pan because I'm trans. Maybe it's just the baggage of years of trying to convince myself I was bi, so that I could at least pretend to fit into the heteronormative treatment model. Or maybe it's that I resent any assertion that I ought to be/feel/behave differently from cis men because I'm trans. But either way, it bothers the hell out of me.

I'm a guy, I'm gay, I like boy parts and male bodies and male voices and male smell, and I'm not going to pretend to like girl parts/bodies/voices/smell to be politically-correct any more than I would demand that a guy I'm interested in do the same. I reserve the right to make a decision on physically-transitioned FTM parts at such time as I'm given the opportunity to make an informed one.

If someone has the attitude and the creativity and all of those flowery amenable mental/emotional things down pat that I admire, chances are I want to bag them/get bagged and be their right hand man. Don't care if they're tall or short or wide or narrow, cis parts, ->-bleeped-<- parts, NO PARTS, 'just parts'. As far as preferences... Hrm.

Well, my track record has been... Lots of one night stand type deals with cis guys, but as far as 'relation->-bleeped-<-s'/ongoing arrangements are concerned...

1:Well, I dated a boy first (this was middle school) while I was crushing on a girl,
2:then got a girlfriend (one year or so, she was mostly lesbian),
3:then got with another girl (for another year or so, she was straight),
4:then had a boyfriend for about three months (he was gay),
5:another boyfriend for three months (in the closet),
6:ANOTHER boyfriend for eight months (bi-curious),
7&8: and am currently with: one pansexual cisgendered girl and one mostly lesbian bicurious transgirl.

So that makes... Four cis guys, and four women, one of whom also trans. I'd love to date another transguy, but I don't even know hardly any, much less any who'd be interested in in me romantically.

I'm ALMOST much pansexual. I'm pretty open when it comes to relationships.  Men, Transmen, Transwoman, androgyne, tall, small, fat, thin, all kk with me. I just can't imagine myself ever in a relationship with a cis female. Most of the ones i've been close to, whether by force, or by chose, are pretty shallow, and too sensitive. Too much emotion. I guess i'm a bit sexist...If its possible for me to be that is... ::)

LordKAT:

You're right, and I understand that it's only my opinion here.. but I feel that as transgendered individuals (or however someone choices to label themselves) that personal struggle should leave someone more capable to be open minded.. especially with oneself. Including who we are attracted to.

Kyril:

I don't know if you feel that I'm advocating for bi/pan sexuality with what I said, but I'm not. I don't consider myself either of those sexualities, nor do I care what anyone labels themselves. I probably chose my original wording very poorly. I agree with you that obviously gender is not meaningless, because obviously it does matter or why else transition like you said. But after the process of self acceptance that a person has to go through to admit that there is a need to transition, and any degree of a coming out process that goes with this. All I meant was that surely after all that we should be more equipped than your average cis gendered heterosexual individual to deal with something as really in the scheme of things unimportant as what gender we are attracted to.


But this is just my opinion, and respect if it's not anyone elses.

Quote from: Evan on May 09, 2010, 12:54:11 AM
I've always been only attracted to women, preferably thick brunettes (Dr Who? psh.. Sara Ramirez from Greys Anatomy ;) )..

Don't get me started on Sara Ramirez. Sex on legs. But then, most people in Grey's Anatomy are pretty hot.

Evan,

I'll agree that our inward soul searching does make it easier for us to accept the possibility of having other attractions than just the usual hetero ones. I was just wondering why you felt that way and you answered it well. I also think that may be why you see many who have more diverse attractions here at Susan's than you meet in the other 'normal' world. Those people who don't seek to understand their feelings are possibly denying their attractions. Thank you for replying.

Hey, I'M new.

Anyways, before I came out I said I wasn't attracted to anyone because me and my family are strong Christians and I didn't want to be lesbian but I didn't feel comfortable dating guys and I would feel gay but I knew I wasn't gay. So to make everyone happy,  I said I would date a transwomen so its a little more appropriate to my religion. So I'm attracted to women.

Welcome to Susan's.  Religion can be a stumbling block for some. Good luck in finding what you need.

I have heard of a lot of trans guys saying they only liked girls before transition and now they are attracted to both. I've been on T for 7 months now and Im still only attracted to women. I could never imagine myself being attracted to or dating a guy and for sure not being intimate with one....just not my thing haha

I consider myself heteroflexible...straight but not narrow. I'm attracted to those who identify as women and/or are on the feminine side of the whole gender spectrum (in one way or another).

All of them. :P

Quote from: Ryan on May 08, 2010, 05:17:03 PM
Mate, Amy Pond is mine!

Here, have her    *pushes her away with fervour*   She's godawful! 

Umm.  I identify as a gay man but really I like male identified people.  I don't care terribly if the person in question has a female body.  If you love them/they are hot enough you can just work around it.  But I wouldn't know what to do with a female identified person.  I am too gay submissive.  I used to hate that people thought that meant I was like a girl in bed, especially straight men.  I am fussy as hell when it comes to actual activity...but I know how to have a goooood time  >:-)   So I guess, in summary, I am attracted to dominant, male identified people regardless of actual body.  Yep   8)