Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This isn't technically a coming out letter, but it shares enough issues with that process that I felt this was the proper place to put this.

So, a little background on this.  My dad has known about my dealing with this gender issue for a couple of years now, well actually he knew about it long before that, but he's known that I finally began dealing with it in earnest, getting treatment, etc. for that long.  His approach to knowing this has been ...total radio silence... as I've dealt with things, and since I was pretty sure I knew what his reaction would be, I was totally fine with that.  The last thing I needed while I was entrenched in the most difficult, but important, year of my life was a "Wormtongue" in my ear, filling it with words of discouragement.  Such a thing could well have been the difference in my being alive today and not.  He is in Atlanta, on the other side of the country from me now, so it has not been hard keeping things mostly invisible to him as I have gone through the process.

Once I felt I had gained the strength to deal with his reaction, I send him a hand-written letter that basically just got the point across that this gender transition thing is for reals and we should deal with it.  His response, which came a couple months ago, was pretty much exactly what I expected.  A lot of God this and God that, the gist being: "please carefully consider how this choice will affect all the people that love you, please don't drive me away from you, and I implore you to patiently wait for God's help before you do anything that will get you sent to hell."

My response to his email is quoted below.  I would like to hear your reaction, because I worry about making it too strong.  My intention is not to drive him away with an angry or even overly emotional response, even though I have been wrecked emotionally since receiving his email.  His relationship means a lot to me and I'm not trying to win an argument with him, I just hope to retain our relationship even though I is changing sexes :P.

I chose not to get into my rather agnostic beliefs about God for this very reason, there is no point in opening that can of worms.  For y'all, just insert "the Universe" wherever you see me talking about God :P.

Okay, my letter:

Quote
(I didn't want to leave the letter part up forever.  Thanks for all the well-wishes and advice!)

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 17, 2010, 01:46:00 AM
I don't think it's too strong at all. I think it's reasonable, measured and appropriate.

I like this part especially:
"I guess if I will drive you all away by getting treatment for a condition that is often fatal when left untreated, then y'alls love for me is ...something different from my own conception of love."

Which boils down to "why is your love conditional?"
Parents should love us no matter what we do.

I completely agree.

Very nice.  Very thoughtful. 

I see nothing wrong with it.  Straight forward and insightful.  If you lose him, it is his problem.  But if he sees you as trying to become what God intended, then you may have him forever.

May the gods bless you with his love.

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 17, 2010, 01:46:00 AMParents should love us no matter what we do.

Agreed. When my mother tried to put unrealistic conditions on even coming to visit her is when I just gave up. Jen sweetie I know we've spoken about this at length and I hope you can finally get through to your dad. It's a considerate letter and expresses how you feel, not too strong at all.

You must update this when you get his answer.
I loved that letter.

So do I.

Thanks y'all.

I will let you know his response.  I'm not expecting it to be very positive, but miracles can happen I guess.

That's a really good letter hun, it beautifully written and I think the bit about never forgetting the discussions you had is a lovely touch. Hopefully he will see how much you care about him and return in kind.

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 17, 2010, 03:48:08 PM
I'm a faithless heathen, but I'll make an exception and pray that a miracle does happen.

Thanks! :)

I accept any prayers or fairy wishes anybody wants to make.  While y'all are at it, I'd love it if you'd wish for my boobs to grow faster too ;).  Well actually I have a list...

...juuust joking :).

*shakes a tin of Heinz spaghetti*

Flying Spaghetti Monster...now i've got your attention, can you make Jen's boobs grow faster? 

jen i just want to add my best wishes i hope your letter finds a sympathetic ear and an undertanding heart
jessica

Quote from: Helena on May 18, 2010, 02:02:38 AM
*shakes a tin of Heinz spaghetti*

Flying Spaghetti Monster...now i've got your attention, can you make Jen's boobs grow faster?

Lol sweet!  I'll await the results..

Quote from: jesse on May 18, 2010, 03:23:18 AM
jen i just want to add my best wishes i hope your letter finds a sympathetic ear and an undertanding heart
jessica

Thank you Jessica, and everybody else too.  *huuuuugs!*

*loans Jen a leprechaun, rarely used*

Jen, your letter is definitely not too strongly worded. You set out the situation in an adult, reasonable manner, explaining why you have chosen to do things.  You have done all that you could have reasonably been expected to do, and now it is up to your father to make the next move.
I hope things work out for you both.

Jen,
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It's a very nice letter.  You've rounded off any sharp edges to the point that if he's going to cut himself, it'll be his own doing.  You definitely show that you want a relationship with him...hopefully he can find a way through the morass of his beliefs to reciprocate.
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I wish you the best of luck.