Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just got my first transphobic comment!  I was out walking wearing male clothing apart from a slim-fit girls pink/black tie-dyed tshirt (fashion has never been a friend of mine :D) when a couple of young guys came out with "is that a man?  What is it?" comments.  I blanked them and walked on - a couple of minutes later I decided I was really angry but it was too late by then (isn't it always  :))

I was just wondering  - how often do people here experience such comments, and how do they react to them?  Like I said, I was really angry after the event and wished I had told them to f**k off, but then again I am not likely to come off very well in a physical confontation, and anyway you can't take on everyone who is gonna give you a mouthful.

Hey ho, if I am that offensive to such meatheads I guess I must be doing something right...

The comments are common. Blow em off and keep on going.

Yeah, carry on walking...the one time I actually got angry there and then I ended up more scared than I would have been if I'd just carried on.

I blame the fact I had a huge red dread mohawk...I was infused with punk attitude and responded in kind. I just ended up getting a huge fright when the van they were in stopped and started reversing.

My stock reply from back in the days when I used to encounter that sort of attitude was something along these lines:

"Well if you can't work a simple thing like that out for yourself you can't really expect me to waste my time explaining it to you!"

I used to use that to devastating effect in my younger days. It works best when delivered with a laugh!

I'm a bit confused by this topic since it's in the AG section. I guess I wonder what you presented as during that situation; gender neutral, gender queer, male, female?... Because if it was either of the first two then I'm not sure why you'd become angry about those comments - I mean, obviously you achieved your goal; they couldn't figure you out. Sure, 'it' can be quite a boo-hoo word, but it's not like you can really expect folk to suddenly know different terms besides 'male' and 'female' or have a booklet on neutral pronouns. If you look at it that way, 'it' probably wasn't even the most 'negative' choice.

For a bit of personal input: I present myself in a gender-neutral fashion and people often have trouble determining my biological sex (from a distance they often figure me male and then get confused when I come closer). Every now and then they whisper, sometimes I get a 'Sorry, but I really can't see whether you're trying to be Rose or Roy' comment - mostly people tend to be intrigued and I get hit on by high school girls. It doesn't make me angry, it makes me want to do a little dance and pull off a cocky little smirk because it means I am read the way I see myself on the inside (or better put: lacked to read). The only comment that annoys me is '(bull)dyke' and I admit the highschool girls make me somewhat uncomfortable in a 'I'm really too old for you' kind of way.

somehow No_Id - I really can't see you as a bull dyke! You are far too attractive and unthreatening.

Trust me I've known, and been hit on by many bull dykes and they are scary creatures! :o Whereas you I would positively enjoy being pursued by!   :laugh:

Quote from: rejennyrated on May 18, 2010, 03:06:17 PM
somehow No_Id - I really can't see you as a bull dyke! You are far too attractive and unthreatening.

Trust me I've known, and been hit on by many bull dykes and they are scary creatures! :o Whereas you I would positively enjoy being pursued by!   :laugh:

Hahaha thanks Jenny. ;D I'll keep that in mind if someone throw's that bloody word at me again... ;)
Watch out though, I might flex in my next avatar picture to rawr now.  8)

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 18, 2010, 04:43:35 PM
I prefer this approach:
Guy: "Are you a man?"
Me: "Why? Want some tips on how to be one?"

Priceless!  :laugh:

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 18, 2010, 04:43:35 PM
I prefer this approach:
Guy: "Are you a man?"
Me: "Why? Want some tips on how to be one?"

*writes this down in her little black book of useful stuff for use at a later date*

Quote from: rejennyrated on May 18, 2010, 02:47:52 PM
My stock reply from back in the days when I used to encounter that sort of attitude was something along these lines:

"Well if you can't work a simple thing like that out for yourself you can't really expect me to waste my time explaining it to you!"

I used to use that to devastating effect in my younger days. It works best when delivered with a laugh!

*This one as well*

For some reason, I can be flattered by that kind of thing.. As long as it isn't directly confrontational, inwhich I intelligently shut them down or start irrationally verbalizing something that doesn't make sense before teleporting.. It's usually one of the extremes...lmao.. Hmm, either way I mean.. I don't mind challenging people's minds in those ways, even if theyre outwardly being rude, i'm sure later there must be some gender introspection! Even though I may not have felt represented in a way I would have preferred.. I don't think this world will ever be discrimination free.. Not in my life time anyway. So it's best to ignore all of it unless what you can do or say will make a difference and not egg on anything too conflicting.

Sounds more like fashion comments than anything else  :D

I remember walking down the street several months ago and hearing someone call out "are you a guy or a girl?" from a car as they drove past.
If I recall correctly, my standard BS answer just came out. "I'm a banana!"

... sometimes.. stupid questions deserve stupid answers..

I'm with Pica² on this one, its just fashion commentary.

Quote from: Miniar on May 18, 2010, 08:15:59 PM
I remember walking down the street several months ago and hearing someone call out "are you a guy or a girl?" from a car as they drove past.
If I recall correctly, my standard BS answer just came out. "I'm a banana!"

... sometimes.. stupid questions deserve stupid answers..

LOL  ;D

I used to get comments in high school all the time, which I just ignored, I was pretty shy and quiet anyway, but I never get them anymore.

Quote from: no_id on May 18, 2010, 03:00:19 PM
I'm a bit confused by this topic since it's in the AG section. I guess I wonder what you presented as during that situation; gender neutral, gender queer, male, female?... Because if it was either of the first two then I'm not sure why you'd become angry about those comments - I mean, obviously you achieved your goal; they couldn't figure you out. Sure, 'it' can be quite a boo-hoo word, but it's not like you can really expect folk to suddenly know different terms besides 'male' and 'female' or have a booklet on neutral pronouns. If you look at it that way, 'it' probably wasn't even the most 'negative' choice.

I was presenting as male, the comments were in the tone of being aggressive/contemptuous rather than honest confusion.  I posted it in the AG section cuz I am in the 'questioning' stage right now and this is the area of the site I am most drawn to.  I do see where you are coming from though.


I was in a pretty low state of mind yesterday and not really at my strongest point for dealing with such comments.  I think in the future I will be prepared for such things and let them pass by more.  Strangely enough I hadn't really thought about this aspect of altering my appearance; I had been focusing on the battle against my own shyness and challenging my old thought and behavoiur patterns.

As for the fashion comments; just you wait til I have enough posts to put up pics, you will eat your words then dammit!  ;D :D

Yeahh but it's better then them knowing you don't have the parts. Atleast they were confused.


Oh, I wore a purple/white dress shirt once for a dance thingy at my gfs school. She wore a purple dress so I had to match her. We were taking pics and after it, apparently some guys asked my gf why is ur bf wearing a pink shirt? I was happy. They couldnt even tell and of course, I know they're jealous of me  :P

lol. I like the banana come-back. MY friends and i used to just reply. "yes" to the standard "are you a girl or a boy" question. Generally now, i just say "Queer" and get it out. If they have something against it i mention i'm not interested in being with or around them so they don't have to deal with it and can just leave. But this may be my new stupidity/courage. My Girlfriend still says "yes".

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 18, 2010, 05:03:36 PM
Another good one (stolen from Alien):
Guy: "Have you ever been told you look like a man?"
Me: "No. Have you?"

I have also used that one before, But with "yes, have you"

 >:(

at disney world in december, a drunken women in 50's prime time cafe asked outright if I was a lesbian.

I said NO! I am married, and flashed my bling.

it was not the first time. yet, it bothered me the most.

what DO you say, if you cannot say DROP DEAD ALREADY!


???????????????????????


newbie androgyny here, and needing help.

i should explain more.

yes , newly discovered to be androgynous, but heterosexual female married to heterosexual male.

wait-  so then who am i?????

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Post Merge: June 21, 2010, 06:34:55 PM

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maybe i am just getting this all wrong.
???

I want comments like that.  Well, comments like that in a confused tone--if it gets aggressive, I get aggressive.  However, my answer would be, "Choose which you want." (Which I've said to friends who ask 'cause I think it's mostly funny). Sadly, I can only come off as female currently.

For me a lot of the time its little kids coming up to me saying are you a boy or a girl, or ill hear them ask their parents what I am, and then the parents get all embarassed and apologize.

-.- One of my younger siblings was one of those children that always asked: "is that a boy or a girl" or "are you a boy or a girl". I didn't grasp the difference between gender as a child. My mom would reply: "go ask them" and my sibling -most of the time- would. Which i tried to discourage in a few different ways. I'd also like to add the fact that my relationship with her since i have come out has been almost depleted, I visit family, she comes to the door and goes "HEEEEEEY <insert old name being screamed at me here>!!!!" and i quietly correct her "Nat". I go inside and ask how everyone is and i get a lot of cold shoulders, but my family has always been like that so i get myself a drink and try to communicate to someone. Generally I end up going to the bathroom where the sibling in question who is 16!, follows me and gives me ->-bleeped-<- about how i'm their "big SISTER", and just because i'm "ugly" or "fat" or something else Ridiculous she makes up, like liking a certain movie, doesn't make me "allowed to pretend to be a boy". I have tried talking to her nicely and beginning to become impatient, so i visit even less than before. She calls or msg's me sometimes with things like: "My first BF's name was kinda like Nat so your just copying him because maybe your incestuous! YOUR SO GROSS AND (etc etc)"
Oh well, can't win them all, i'll be patient.

-Nat