Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I haven't met anyone who is Transitioning from Male to somewhere in the middle (M2?) except for myself in real life and among the Transitioning F2? both RL & you tube seem to say that you need to push the whole "'I am Boy in girls body' until you have changed what you need to and only let the gatekeepers  know of genderqueer after you have changed all you need to change.  Personaly I've tried just telling the truth and with some Docs/shrinks It has gone badly and others it has gone well I'm curious as to what you tell gatekeepers to allow for treatment and how that has worked for you.

I tried talking to a gender shrink about wanting to be in-between. She rattled off a few phrases about there being a spectrum of gender but I don't know that she really got it. Disagreed with me that I would become any more masculine with age (I was 22), said something about not being able to just take AAs and seemed to resist directly answering whether or not I could just transition to become androgynous, leading me to think I would have a difficult time getting the NHS to do anything for me if I only wanted to go "half-way".

I stopped attending as the sessions were getting me nowhere and I hated doing them. For me, at least at that point, lying wasn't an option. I wanted to figure out what I was, and what I wanted to do.

This was a NHS counsellor/therapist though, privately I would really hope they would be more accommodating.

Well Kinkly you know me!!  ;D

My therapist knows and is open to the androgynous identity (I checked in with her on this issue before even STARTING sessions with her)

She's a stickler for the SOC...so she wasn't really too keen on writing me a letter for hormones saying that she was OPEN to it...but that I had a lot more work to do. I came out to my general doctor as "transgendered" without specifying where I felt I fit on the spectrum...I let him think what he was going to think. He perscribed me HRT on the spot. Now that I've been on T and it's going well my therapist is now willing to write me an HRT letter (in case I switch doctors or in case my doctor suddenly decides he wants a letter after all..)

My perscribing doctor sometimes calls me "he" and sometimes calls me "she"...I don't correct him either way. Whatever. It balances out as far as I'm concerned. He's got the new name down pat though. Seems to like my choice in name. lol.

I've gone back and forth about the idea of partially transitioning.  I would love to have top surgery at some point, but financially thats far far away.  I have also considered going on T for just a few months and then stopping.  I dont think I would ever want to legally change my name or gender marker though.

@Cayce- I'm not familiar with the NHS, is it some kind of insurace thing?  Why would they need to know that you only intend to go half way?  I would think that as far as they are concerned, You started on T intending to transition all the way, but changed your mind.  What could they really do?

I was close to suicide with my gender dysphoria. After ten months battling a GT who did nothing but ram transition down my throat, she reluctantly referred me for HRT. The prescribing doctor had very little respect for my GT and referred me to their clinic's psychologist for an independent assessment. After a half day interview and a thousand plus question survey I was diagnosed as GD about my maleness to a level to indicating SRS. AND that I am equally dysphoric about my femaleness. I was put on a transition level HRT regimen that has brought my GD under control. The zombie like days and sleepless nights are gone and I have begun to live my life again.

Unlike my GT, I felt an instant rapport with my Psychologist. She has a broad understanding of the transgender spectrum. I have absolute respect in and confidence for her and have never looked back. In my limited experience, even though The Standards of Care recognize HRT as the recommended treatment for a wide variety of causes of gender dysphoria in addition to transsexualism, there are so few of us that the medical community just doesn't have much experience with us.

Quote from: kyle_lawrence on May 27, 2010, 08:10:01 PM
I'm not familiar with the NHS, is it some kind of insurace thing?  Why would they need to know that you only intend to go half way?  I would think that as far as they are concerned, You started on T intending to transition all the way, but changed your mind.  What could they really do?

NHS is the UK's National Health Service (socialised medical care).

If I were to tell them I intended to go the whole way they'd probably ask me to live full time for some time before they'd give me anything. I'm already on T though unfortunately (male born).

I'd like to be able to be honest with whoever's providing my care if possible. Ideally they could find a middle-ground solution medically, like just Anti-androgens, or low-dose oestrogen with a SERM to stop me growing breasts.

I honestly think I could get the NHS to prescribe for me eventually, but the hoops I'd have to jump through would be too unreasonable for me.

New and searching. Had not thought about looking at a TG site for support until recently and find the information and people here by far the best.  Currently a modest CD but realize I am not content with my masculinity and find my feminine desires strong.  Knowing that I would never pass as a woman 6 ft large frame etc. full transition never entered my mind.  Partial transition might be why I ended up here at Susan's.  I hope to sort things out and get good direction from the experiences here.  Just coming and joining I feel much better about sharing my desires with caring people.  Thanks

I've started to want to partially transition.  I just want to be able to flip between male and female whenever I want to.  I haven't talked to anyone about it, but I'll probably do it in a week or so.  Granted my psychologist and psychiatrist are probably not familiar with transgender issues.

Shang that may be my boat too.  I have thought more about my dislike of my physical masculinity and dress than have the oppertunity for becomming a woman.  It is hard to be a fem guy when you have strong male charistics. 

I'm confused. Why would you want to be stuck in-between?
Which gender do you prefer for romance? Both?

Quote from: ativan on June 27, 2010, 09:46:27 AM
It confuses me (androgyne) as to why someone would want to be stuck at one end of the gender spectrum.

agreed.

Quote from: accord03 on June 27, 2010, 07:48:04 AM
I'm confused. Why would you want to be stuck in-between?
Which gender do you prefer for romance? Both?

Romance/sexuality have little to nothing to do with gender identity.

Secondly I don't think most of us would see it as "stuck" inbetween. We'd more see it (or at least I personally would see it more as..) finally home. Isn't that what all of us hope for? You make the assumption that the binary is proper and that there are only two genders. When...our existance proves that there are AT LEAST...three.

Though to answer your question about sexuality...I can say for myself that I am pansexual. Which is to say that gender isn't really a factor in who I'm attracted to. Trans, cis male, cis female...I've found value and wonderment with all :)

Quote from: ativan on June 27, 2010, 09:32:40 PM

The partial transitions are nothing more than an adjustment to help draw together our selves as we see and feel we need to.
I'm happiest when I'm more feminine and I'm looking into HRT as a possible solution (for now).

How far would you take it? I'm looking in to HRT as I want a more feminine face and body shape, but not really interested in breast growth as I see that as too far in the female direction, although a binder can work wonders I suppose.

My gender therapist was completely receptive to the idea that I might want to transition only partially. I now look back and see that this idea was one of my coping mechanisms, but I knew that he would be cool with whatever I did. He had another FTM-style client who only took T until his voice changed--and, last I heard, he hadn't had any surgeries and didn't want any.

I was able to be very frank about the possibility that I might partially transition, and we both knew it was a possibility from the beginning.

Quote from: accord03 on June 27, 2010, 07:48:04 AM
I'm confused. Why would you want to be stuck in-between?
Which gender do you prefer for romance? Both?

I'm Transitioning to the middle are on Hormones I'll try to explain my gender, I'm too much female to Live as just a man and too much of a Man to live as just a Woman.
I'm always both. a mix of stereotypical Male and Female  traits.

there are a few ways I've explained my sexuality which doesn't directly have anything to do with my gender.
I'm attracted to people who interest me romantically I've had romantic feelings for cis-Females, F2M, F2GQ & M2F I haven't met any other M2GQ, I've never had feelings for a cis-male.
i've never felt the desire to put my boy bits into anything or anyone (sorry if too much info)
The more I know someone the more likely I am to fall for them.
Personality is way more important then Looks & body parts don't matter.

Really I think some people only want to make partial changes because the whole change may be to much for them. Surgery to me is a scary prospect, so like others here I think its best to just go step by step and maybe I'll get to a point that I'm comfortable with how I am. I also don't want to become so fixated on completely changing that it brings down my quality of life, then again I don't want to get trapped between genders. I think however some people believe that their natural place is somewhere between male and female, even if most to us that seems hard to fathom.

Quote from: Llewelyn on July 29, 2010, 12:51:20 AM
Really I think some people only want to make partial changes because the whole change may be to much for them. Surgery to me is a scary prospect, so like others here I think its best to just go step by step and maybe I'll get to a point that I'm comfortable with how I am. I also don't want to become so fixated on completely changing that it brings down my quality of life, then again I don't want to get trapped between genders. I think however some people believe that their natural place is somewhere between male and female, even if most to us that seems hard to fathom.

I could be wrong, but I'm not sure that it is in most Androgyne's plans or wishes for themselves, although I know there or more than a couple here that are looking forward to it. That's fine, it's not so much about looks as it is what Androgynes are.

An Androgyne isn't trapped between genders. It is who they are, just as everyone are the gender they are, regardless of their physical appearance

It is their natural place, it's not just a belief, it's knowing. That's not any harder to fathom than someone who understands they are one gender or another. From an Androgyne point of view, it's hard to fathom being binary, but they accept it as true. And realize there is important information that can be gleamed from listening and maybe discussing various issues. And accepting their point of view of who they are. If you want to understand, start by accepting people for who they are, not for who you think they are.

Like always, this is just my opinion, right or wrong, I understand or your mother thinks I understand wrong, etc., and so on.........IMHO.

I'm not picking on you, Llewelyn, I just had to throw in my humble 2 cents worth. Or no sense worth.

I dont' assume to know anything really, I can only go by personal experience and I certainly don't paint people colours based on that, I can only say for what I think and feel. In the end we're all just a collection of similar individuals, and all this talk is really just to help us figure things out for ourselfs and the person next to us. I think if someone were to try and define each person here they'd go crazy  :P

I'm not traped in the middle I find freedom in the middle area because that is where I naturaly sit I have always felt trapped by the rules society pushes on me because of my biology.  I hate being told you must like this "because all men like this" or "Only girls like that" I'm not changing to the other side because the rules are almost as rigid on the other side.  The world sees traits as male or female I see it as right or wrong for me,  I need to be seen as "NOT NORMAL" or "weird" otherwise I feel I'm living a lie.  there are no rules caging me in the middle

Ohh, didn't think I'll see this thread bumped up.

I'm somewhat obsessed with the idea of partial transition right now. I'm not by any stretch female, but I'm not sure that I'd be comfortable living 100 per cent as male either. Maybe "neutrois with masculine gender expression" would be more apt a term for me than androgyne. Maybe nutter is best of them all.  ;D I prefer living and socialising as a man - and I do, as much as this perception-warping meatsuit would allow. But when I consider a full transition, something's stopping me. Can't figure out what it is yet. Would I like to wake up tomorrow and magically have a bio-male's body - in full working order and matching all my aesthetic quirks to boot? Oh ->-bleeped-<- yeah. It would be bloody lovely. Would it solve everything? Nah.
Playing the cards I've been dealt, mostly I feel like having a low voice and a flat chest would quell the dysphoria enough for it to become essentially a non-issue. Wouldn't be perfect, but as close as one can get.

Quote from: Kinkly on July 30, 2010, 03:43:14 PM
The world sees traits as male or female I see it as right or wrong for me,  I need to be seen as "NOT NORMAL" or "weird"

Yeah. This. Though I guess it all gets a bit more complicated if a need to be taken seriously comes into play, doesn't it?

There are no rules anywhere hon if you don't let people define you, you gotta do it for yourself first, not for other peoples perceptions.

I am somewhere in the middle between genderqueer and transsexual FTM / FTGQ and must admit I lied a bit to my shrink and presented as transsexual in my mind. However, I never pretended I wanted to go the whole way through with bottom surgery. I live in a place with only one shrink for trans, who is a nice guy but very old school. And I was afraid I might be refused hormone treatment because then I would have been stuck. I can lie while looking straight into people's face, which made it easier.

Now how do you live as a MTGQ?

Quote from: Shang on June 24, 2010, 08:28:27 PM
I just want to be able to flip between male and female whenever I want to.   

This is what I would like as well.  I am masculine and feminine and sometimes neither.  Though I would like to get the chest appendages removed.  There are times when I want to be feminine but I do have a lot of dysphoria about having a female body.  Confusing?  Definitely.

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Post Merge: August 04, 2010, 11:42:28 PM

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Quote from: accord03 on June 27, 2010, 07:48:04 AM
I'm confused. Why would you want to be stuck in-between?
Which gender do you prefer for romance? Both?

I am what I am.  It would actually be easier if I was on one end of the spectrum or the other, it would've made the decision to transition so much easier.

Quote from: Fencesitter on July 31, 2010, 12:21:26 AM

Now how do you live as a MTGQ?

I act how I feel comfortable & do what feels right often breaking the gender rules
I present in a positive Androgynous way that is sometimes called "gender ->-bleeped-<-"
I have a thick beard but always wear female clothes normaly pants that could go either way and a very fem top sometimes I wear makeup mostly just eyeshaddow sometimes lipstick.  It is rare for me to not be wearing padding on my chest. I am transitioning to the middle on hormones and wanting both parts down there.  I don't know if that is entirely possible but I do know of a compromise that is possible boy bits to procreate and girlish bits for toileting

@Kinkly

That sounds interesting, I've never heard of someone MTQG presenting with a beard and female wardrobe all the time.

How do people react to this? Do you get a lot of trouble or are they cool about it?

Quote from: Fencesitter on August 07, 2010, 04:44:13 AM
@Kinkly

That sounds interesting, I've never heard of someone MTQG presenting with a beard and female wardrobe all the time.

How do people react to this? Do you get a lot of trouble or are they cool about it?

I get a lot of strange looks its only young children and teens that say anything personally I enjoy the giggles the closest I've had to adults makeing comments while I've been at shops or whatever is when a young child starts to say something and they are interupted by a loud ssshhhhhh there have been times when I've passed a group of people when I've heard a whisper followed by laughter, I enjoy knowing I'm bringing some happiness into the world I don't notice the looks as much as I used to the only people who have been negative to the way I look is some TS Females who are stuck in believing that If you are outside the binary then you are "F'ed in the head".  I have had a bit of a hard time with family but they are coming around - slowly

That's amazing. I don't know if I ever had the courage to present the way you do (even if I wanted to). You rock.

Hi.

If you can understand being both male & female & think both ways at the same time & know you are not really male or female , yet are both ,  its not a sexual detail .

      As others know at age 10 i did not see any difference between male & female . So in a sence i was a mis match in my thinking or could not understand what i saw,  was not how i saw my self , hence being androgynous.

How do you explain you are not a male or a female & then say your both. people dont really get it so my friends know about my male background & accept me as a woman .

Its the whole person not just our mind or body ,
what do we say a 3rd  gender , im not stuck in the middle ,
  im happy in the middle . strange , different , yes & thats who i am.

If your not happy being who you are,  then we look at ways to bring about getting to that place where we are .

Ill be 63 in a few hours time & all iv been through to get were i am now has been more than worth it ,

This is the best part of my life , if i drop dead to morrow ill have had 8 out of 12  years of hell,  & 4 of  the most happyest time of my whole life . if i get 15 to 20 more  years thatll be just great,

   you look in the mirrow it lies it does not show the real you,
   only you can do that,or show that,

Am i a male or a female or both & really , does it matter .
To me ....NO....

...noeleena...

I'd like to integrate anima and animus within me, into union, perhaps becoming more fully woman, than biological women, and more fully male, as males. Yet transcend these both, become the spirit of marriage. Man-Woman. Mother-Father. Carl Jung has described this process, in his psychology of alchemy.

I'd also like to be absolutely pure, light, and cold like snow, so that no desirous or erotic thought, or wish, or disappointment, or grudge would interfere with my relations with women.

If I could I would love to half transition - probably top surgery or just taking half-doses of T. But I wouldn't trust any doctors or therapists in my area to actually understand where I'm coming from.  :-\

Quote from: Aiden James on August 10, 2010, 10:25:37 PM
If I could I would love to half transition - probably top surgery or just taking half-doses of T. But I wouldn't trust any doctors or therapists in my area to actually understand where I'm coming from.  :-\

I have known it done.  I suspect that the results are not quite what you imagine them to be, but it is done.

- N

I personally would prefer to permanently rid myself of all body hair apart from the hair on my head, my eyebrows if they count and my pubes, I would prefer wider hips and to be thinner (hopefully I won't lose weight and find some ugly huge adam's apple underneath the flab on my neck. I definately want to get rid of my caveman brow ridge. As for my genitals, I couldn't care less what I had, but I would prefer to keep my one remaining testicle to use in order to become a parent if the opportunity arises in the future (although there is always adoption). I would prefer to have my hair longer than what is seen as normal masculine length hair that suits my face shape (I would also want to make it darker, as  although my hair is between dark dark brown and black, it often looks a lot lighter and I prefer to have very dark hair). I can't do much about my shoulders (which are normal masculine width) or my UK size 12 feet, but I could learn to accept them. At least my height of 176cm is short enough to be in the middle. As for breasts, I would be fine without them - that would probably be a step too far, personally.

I don't know where I identify...I've been living as male as much as I can for years...I feel that if I transition and pass as male and it turns out that it's not right for me that I'll have even more struggle transitioning to "something else." When I was in therapy I said absolutely anything and everything gender related until there was nothing left to say. I ended up analyzing everything that I did trying to figure out what the therapist would be thinking. I tried to figure out if I was doing things femininely or masculinely...if my masculinity meant male. It wasn't good.

I want to go on testosterone to make myself more masculine than I am right now (which is pretty darn feminine). I want top surgery or a major reduction but I'm scared of surgery.

i haven't encountered gate keepers, but then i was into fully transitioning. i was already "full time" when i started HRT. i'm now considering stopping things and just being gender queer, identifying more with gay men, rather than being a woman. i'm not sure why, though. i never get any grief for being trans -- everyone sees me as a woman no problem, so i'll probably get more grief if i quite HRT. and then there's the issue of does my 3yo still call me mommy? i hear of lesbian dads (i.e. butches), but haven't come across gay (male) moms.

hi
i'm italian and i'm doian a partial transition.
I'm search other people who are doing this.
I hope in that way to have more information because here in italy there aren't many people who are genderqueer or transgender in partial transitioning
thank's

Quote from: Fencesitter on August 08, 2010, 10:02:20 PM
That's amazing. I don't know if I ever had the courage to present the way you do (even if I wanted to). You rock.

Agreed-Kinkly has way more nerve than I do too.
I don't mind being a little odd, but I like to go for more menacing goth/punk than cute genderbent...

Kinkly-genderlicious!

Quote from: rite_of_inversion on October 12, 2010, 06:14:18 PM
Agreed-Kinkly has way more nerve than I do too.
I don't mind being a little odd, but I like to go for more menacing goth/punk than cute genderbent...

Kinkly-genderlicious!

Thanks all
Its not so much about nerve It is more if I try hiding who I am again then I'll be back in a dark place that could end with me taking my own life. I don't want to die but if I can't be me then I can't really be at all.
I'm constently gaining more confidence and pushing the envelope further I'm more likely to wear a skirt then shorts most
of the time and go out in dress at least once a week.  :) always changing always pushing the limits.

Thought you might be interested in him. He partially transitioned.
Partial FTM Transition (2008) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X4Nd9nQPDA#ws)

I'm partially transitioning. My therapist knows but...my GP (who perscribes my T) doesn't.
I'm female born, and started T almost a year ago now..yet still pass female. (quite well...might add) I've got fully male range T and E yet my body has only very little body hair, very light beard coming in (hooray!!!) and hasn't shifted my fat any (yet).
I wear skirts even when my beard is showing (though again...only a year on T so it's light and kinda thin..)
Even when I'm binding I'm seen as female which can be frustrating. My voice has dropped WELL into baratone/bass range yet I'm still assumed female on the phone and in person. My cadance is very female...so that's my "androgyn" balance to my voice :)
I'm going to be getting a breast reduction because I don't care for their current size. It's too much and I can't bind much. (DDD cup)
I have gotten clit growth from the T...but I'm now considering a meto...well...just a release really. I could care less about standing to pee...but I'd like my bits down there to look more androgyn too. That's still in the "thinking about it" phase...but the breast reduction is coming up in a few months likely! Woot!!
Even thought I'm read female almost always...I feel good. I feel balanced. My female side and my male side feel really...good...there's always work to do...the balance can always get out of whack...which is the MASSIVE struggle and difficulty when it comes to transitioning as an androgyn. You never know how far hormones are going to take you!! As I continue to be on T...it's assumed that I will continue to masculinze. We'll see...and balance where and how I can.

I'm suppose in a way a good number of ftms go through only a partial transition. I've done everything but bottom surgery. The thing is though that the bottom surgery is foremost in people's minds when they think of transsexuals. I guess I'll always be physically androgyne.

Physically...sure. But how do you identify? How does everyone see you? Male. What was your motivation for transition? To become male.

While from the outside someone could look at you and I Nero and see the same....but the intention and the motivation and the desired outcome isn't quite the same.

I'd say that's what makes our quirkly little "family" quite unique and nice :)

Quote from: phx_rising on December 07, 2010, 10:34:27 PM
Physically...sure. But how do you identify? How does everyone see you? Male. What was your motivation for transition? To become male.

While from the outside someone could look at you and I Nero and see the same....but the intention and the motivation and the desired outcome isn't quite the same.

I'd say that's what makes our quirkly little "family" quite unique and nice :)

True.  :)

If they had a good (i.e. had nerve endings) phalloplasty I'm sure a lot more transguys would have that...I hope they get that figured out, reallly I do.

Lately I've gotten a bit of beard envy...not sure what on earth to do with that-I wasn't planning on doing hormones anytime soon, if at all.
And I have other things on my plate besides gender stuff.

Currently taking so say boob growing herbs and use a noogleberry breast pump to try to enhance the breast area, personally feel i am wasting my time and only a boob job is gonna give me what i want, which both me and my wife dont want, especially as far as i am aware i will have to go through the whole process of pretending i am TS again even to go to the far east somewhere to have this done. Just makes me mad that people like me have to lie about what they are to get what they want. Im a bit female and a bit male, just want the body to match, why cant people understand?

I identify as gender queer and am on HRT, this was approved by both my therapist and GP doctor.

I don't have any plans to fully transition to a female but plane to try and be both. I say try because Im not sure how things are going to turn out and what changes will happen. Not to mention how this will change the dynamic between my wife and I.

I will say since being on estrogen I feel better than I have before and am approaching my GD one day at a time.

Quote from: phx_rising on December 07, 2010, 09:31:02 PM
I'm partially transitioning. My therapist knows but...my GP (who perscribes my T) doesn't.
I'm female born, and started T almost a year ago now..yet still pass female. (quite well...might add) I've got fully male range T and E yet my body has only very little body hair, very light beard coming in (hooray!!!) and hasn't shifted my fat any (yet).
I wear skirts even when my beard is showing (though again...only a year on T so it's light and kinda thin..)
Even when I'm binding I'm seen as female which can be frustrating. My voice has dropped WELL into baratone/bass range yet I'm still assumed female on the phone and in person. My cadance is very female...so that's my "androgyn" balance to my voice :)

Thanks for posting this.  I've been trying to decide on taking T and have started wondering if I might be FTA...although I would prefer to be seen as a man most of the time, there's times when I'd still like to pass as a woman.  Considering my genetics, though, I'm not sure how possible that will be after I've been on T awhile...at least, not without a full body wax.  :laugh:  I'll probably end up with a pretty deep voice too.