Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Anyone else tend to react defensively to phrases that were intended to be innocent, but come across as demeaning to you? 

This morning I was out at my Cousins family's Lake house, helping put a dock in the water.  After standing around for a while, holding bolts and handing my brother and 2 male cousins wrenches, I finally offered to start carrying the wooden top peices down from the house.  My cousin looks at me skeptically for a second, and finally comments that they are pretty heavy and awkward, and "I don't know if you can handle it". 

Immediately I get defensive and insist that I can do it, and storm off to prove him wrong.  Turns out that he was right, and they are pretty heavy and awkward, and my other cousin struggled to carry them just as much as I did. I almost immediately regretted trying to move them on my own, and realized I was likely to hurt myself in the process, but I did it, and the look of surprise on my cousins face when he saw me coming down the stairs with it was totally worth it.

Anything that implies that I'm female. Isn't meant to insult me, but it definitely does.

Anything along the lines of "when you become a boy", or "so they think you're a boy?" Anything implying that I'm not male, or I'm trying to become something that I'm not already.

Oh, and of course: "You know, you want to be a guy because not one now. You're a woman."

That irritates me. It bothers me to be told I want to be male. Probably just because it implies I'm female.

"Let me get that."
"Smile!"
"....for a girl."

My oldest sister has taken to telling me every time she calls me now that I'll "always be her little girl"

and I'm like yeah, thanks, that's not as comforting and nice as you think it is. She insists on saying it no matter how many times I ask her not to.

Quote from: Jeatyn on May 30, 2010, 03:27:02 PM
My oldest sister has taken to telling me every time she calls me now that I'll "always be her little girl"

and I'm like yeah, thanks, that's not as comforting and nice as you think it is. She insists on saying it no matter how many times I ask her not to.

Same. Except it's my Dad, and he always calls me Princess which I absolutely can't stand. I've told him this but he still says it.

Quote from: Addison on May 30, 2010, 05:10:26 PM
Same. Except it's my Dad, and he always calls me Princess which I absolutely can't stand. I've told him this but he still says it.

My bio-dad calls me 'sweetie' and I hate it. I'm glad I don't talk to him anymore.

BTW, GSP FTW.

Quote from: Addison on May 30, 2010, 05:10:26 PM
Same. Except it's my Dad, and he always calls me Princess which I absolutely can't stand. I've told him this but he still says it.

My dad is JUST like that. He calls me 'baby' and 'puppy' and 'kitten' and it's so awkward and irritating.
And my mum.. well, whenever she says that 'she supports my decision, no matter what I am' she still always refers to me as 'she' and 'her' and 'her daughter'.

Funnily enough mine is only indirectly related to gender.

For me the first thing that comes to mine is any sentence about me ending in "not normal".

It's just that I've been told I'm "not normal" and that what I've suffered in life was 'my fault' because I'm "not normal" my entire life by my parent. That it does tend to set me off pretty easily.

Quote from: Berren on May 30, 2010, 05:17:27 PM
My dad is JUST like that. He calls me 'baby' and 'puppy' and 'kitten' and it's so awkward and irritating.
And my mum.. well, whenever she says that 'she supports my decision, no matter what I am' she still always refers to me as 'she' and 'her' and 'her daughter'.

man, I am so glad my dad has never given me any girly nicknames like that.

Quote from: Lachlann on May 30, 2010, 05:12:20 PMBTW, GSP FTW.

:) He's amazing.

Quote from: Elijah on May 30, 2010, 05:19:54 PM
man, I am so glad my dad has never given me any girly nicknames like that.

You are so lucky. When I tell me dad not to call me those names he kinda just shrugs or just plain says 'no'. *siiigh*

Quote from: Elijah on May 30, 2010, 05:19:54 PM
man, I am so glad my dad has never given me any girly nicknames like that.

same, that would do my head in.

My dad will occasionally call me "MY PET LAMB" but he says it in this weird German sarcastic way and I think he'd say it to a son too. He started calling me Boy George recently.

Wanted to smash my friend the other day when we were delivering fliers to the neighbours and I peered in one of the letterboxes and he said, you better stop being so nosy if you're going to be a guy.  And I know it was meant to be a joke, but I was pissed. Haven't you heard of SPIES before?!

My mom shouts sis eveywhere we go. Interestingly she only does it public. My aunt goes out of her way to treat me like female. She'll say things like "your a girl so you don't have a choice. When you grow up you might have to be a cleaning lady, you weren't born male so you can't mow yards."

I just wanna tell her "Listen b@#*% I can lift more then most full grown men. I can only pump out a measly 110lb bench but I can pick up at least 250. I'll be damn if I can't at least push 2lbs across the yard"

Quote from: elvistears on May 30, 2010, 05:43:53 PMHaven't you heard of SPIES before?!

LOL! Next time tell them you're just playing James Bond.

Quote from: kyle_lawrence on May 30, 2010, 02:00:19 PMI almost immediately regretted trying to move them on my own, and realized I was likely to hurt myself in the process, but I did it, and the look of surprise on my cousins face when he saw me coming down the stairs with it was totally worth it.

This.  I HATE it when people assume that I'm incapable of carrying heavy objects or doing anything that might cause me to break a sweat.  One time our school got a shipment of oranges and the band went out to help carry the boxes in.  I tried to go get a box but all the guys shoved past me and got them first.  "I'll get that!" Grrr! >:(

And yesterday I went to the store for some dog food.  It was a large bag and it was heavy, but I carried it out under one arm instead of both to avoid some "helpful" employee trying to take it from me.  Yeah I'm scrawny, but if I want help I'll ask for it, thanks.

Yeah I was doing a job with my friend which involved lifting large rocks off a beach.  It was just me, him and one other dude, with a guy supervising us. So the guy who organised it kept getting the other two off by themselves to lift bigger things.  My friend was getting annoyed cos the other guy was actually really weak and he was doing all the work! So the next time he grabbed me and the other guy tried to be all like "oh let me!" and we were all uhhhh no.  Then my friend muttered to me, you're WAY stronger than him.  WAY.

I was stoked.

I remember when I was at a scrap yard I carried a transmission about half a football field when I was 13 and the men were like jezz ur a beast.
My mom outed me and then all of a sudden it was like "you shouldn't lift heavy things you might pull a muscle, leave the lifting to the men"

the guy working couldn't pick it up even two feet and I'm gonna pull a muscle, right.   

I made an entire new thread once in the PMS section about some old woman I worked with getting all up in my face about unloading a van when it was "mens work"

Regardless of me being trans, I failed to see how me...the strongest one of the lot...should somehow leave all the unloading to the two scrawny 16 year old boys.

People baffle me

I totally get the pet name thing. Try having the nickname "Pinkie" from your parents. Bleh. :P

I have two things that get me really angry though. I can contain it, but it frustrates me.
The first is when runs up ahead of me to open the door for me. Seriously, even when I'm in girl mode (I'm not completely out yet), do I look like the kind of chick that needs your gentlemanly charm? Ugh.
The second is when my dad calls me beautiful. Which is ALL THE TIME. It's flattering that you think I look good, but here I am wearing all guys clothes, trying my hardest to look masculine, and you use the least masculine adjective you can think of. On top of that, I'm out to you. Please, I'm begging you, use some other word.

Quote from: Espenoah on May 30, 2010, 08:01:47 PM
I totally get the pet name thing. Try having the nickname "Pinkie" from your parents. Bleh. :P


The second is when my dad calls me beautiful. Which is ALL THE TIME. It's flattering that you think I look good, but here I am wearing all guys clothes, trying my hardest to look masculine, and you use the least masculine adjective you can think of. On top of that, I'm out to you. Please, I'm begging you, use some other word.

I think men can be beautiful.. My boyfriend is beautiful.

try to think of it in a masculine way, may make you feel better

Quote from: Elijah on May 30, 2010, 08:07:34 PM
I think men can be beautiful.. My boyfriend is beautiful.

try to think of it in a masculine way, may make you feel better

I could try, but he often pairs with "sweetie" or "honey," or worse... "You are a beautiful young lady."

But that is good advice otherwise. I'll try it when I can. :3

Quote from: Espenoah on May 30, 2010, 08:11:00 PM
I could try, but he often pairs with "sweetie" or "honey," or worse... "You are a beautiful young lady."

But that is good advice otherwise. I'll try it when I can. :3

ya that sucks.. but try it when you can.

Quote from: Espenoah on May 30, 2010, 08:01:47 PMI have two things that get me really angry though. I can contain it, but it frustrates me.
The first is when runs up ahead of me to open the door for me. Seriously, even when I'm in girl mode (I'm not completely out yet), do I look like the kind of chick that needs your gentlemanly charm? Ugh.
The second is when my dad calls me beautiful. Which is ALL THE TIME. It's flattering that you think I look good, but here I am wearing all guys clothes, trying my hardest to look masculine, and you use the least masculine adjective you can think of. On top of that, I'm out to you. Please, I'm begging you, use some other word.

Those are some other ones that bug me.  I don't usually get somebody running up ahead, I usually get someone who is already ahead and then stands there with the door open for an unnecessarily long time.  I just want to say "Shut the door already!  Do you really think I don't know how to work it?"  I'm all for being polite and I hold the door for anybody who is a few feet behind me, but I don't see the point standing there holding it because you can see someone approaching the building from the parking lot...

I also get the "pretty" and "beautiful" comments from my family.  It doesn't really offend me so much as it has no effect on me, though.  I know it's meant to be a compliment, but I don't want to be seen as beautiful, (as a female, which is how they mean it) so it's really just kind of meaningless.

My mum also calls me beautiful, cute, pretty as well. How can you be cute and pretty in a male sense? The other day she started hinting at the fact that the reason i was trans was cuz my female body didn't reach my high expectations. Thanks mom.

Though I'm only partially out at school my teacher still refuses to let me lift things, and always sends all the boys to carry things. He'd rather have the anorexic, not-allowed-to-do-gym boy, as well as the other scrawny bio males carry tables and chairs down the stairs, when i have offered, and am perfectly capable, way more than some of them, seeing as i actually have some amount of upper body strength.

Bill Kaulitz
http://api.ning.com/files/aviZRBklP114LoBSMgppyjgeZkOonT3phs4wgcWhrhpdooOsr-TO84WF5mg1MnPTKxMccJwRl6CgtawUoeeHGoS6sJOBTbmf/BillKaulitz29.jpg (http://api.ning.com/files/aviZRBklP114LoBSMgppyjgeZkOonT3phs4wgcWhrhpdooOsr-TO84WF5mg1MnPTKxMccJwRl6CgtawUoeeHGoS6sJOBTbmf/BillKaulitz29.jpg)

cute and pretty boy :D

boys can be cute and pretty

Nomnom Bill Kaulitz. I love that man.

But generally, parents use "beautiful," "cute," and "pretty" with daughters. With boys it's "handsome" or "lookin' good, champ!" And then when the see Bill Kaulitz, they just kinda look at him funny...or at least that's what my parents do. XD

_{(I always feel horribly guilty posting here because I'm not technically FtM, but I so very often feel like I have input/can relate. *crawls out of zir lurker-hole*)}

On the subject of pet-names: For some mysterious reason, aboutbthe time I figured out I was trans, the entire world suddenly decided that "Girl" would be a fantastic nickname/pet-name/way of addressing me. Seriously, people only very rarely did so before, but sometime last fall (after I figured out my gender identity, but before I came out to my family), people (most notably my mom) suddenly came to the conclusion that "girl" is a good nickname for me.

I'm not just talking about, "Yeah, Diane is that girl over there." I'm talking about directly, to-my-face, "What's up, Girl?" "Girl, what are you talking about?" "You're crazy, Girl!"

The most bizzare part? This was never even IN my mom's vocabulary before, but now it's a frequent occurance! Where this unfortunately-timed change of vocabulary came from, I don't quite know, but it's a surefire way to make me cringe.

(I also have some accquaintances who know about and are generally okay with my genderqueer-ness but for some inexplicable reason call me "girl." But at least for them it seems to be a compulsive part of their vocabulary, not an entirely new development.)

Quote from: Crow on May 30, 2010, 08:37:13 PM
The most bizzare part? This was never even IN my mom's vocabulary before, but now it's a frequent occurance! Where this unfortunately-timed change of vocabulary came from, I don't quite know, but it's a surefire way to make me cringe.

Well, I dunno about your mom, but I know my vocabulary changes all the time. "Cool" phrases come and go rather frequently for me. Has she done that with any other words that you just didn't think about before?

Quote from: Espenoah on May 30, 2010, 08:41:15 PM
Well, I dunno about your mom, but I know my vocabulary changes all the time. "Cool" phrases come and go rather frequently for me. Has she done that with any other words that you just didn't think about before?

That's a distinct possibility-- I know most people (myself included) pick up new phrases out of the blue from time to time. It's not like she specifically started doing it to spite me or something. However, the timing was rather unfortunate, to say the least. x3

I guess I'm lucky on the pet name thing. The friends I'm out to now compulsively "dude" and "man" me, which makes me feel sort of self-conscious when they do it in front of my husband, but it definitely could be worse. (Like yesterday, walking down the street with said husband who's still not cool with the trans thing or really aware that I'm trying to pass, getting called "gentlemen" and "boys" and "guys" by every panhandler and signature-gatherer we walked past. Awkward!)

Anyway, nobody had girl pet names for me to begin with. I don't think anyone would have dared. My husband calls me by my name or "Hey," my dad calls me by my name or "Kid," and my friends call me by whichever of my many names or pseudonyms they know me by. And I can only recall one person in my life (an ex) ever calling me "beautiful" while fully clothed - mostly from my husband I just get "You look good." Sometimes it's "I like that shirt, I'm going to steal it the next time you take it off," which I take as a compliment 🙂

ME and my friends like to be rough and punch each other and when they hit me, people will say (politely cause they don't understand) hey, you can't hit a girl. I flip out on them. I tell them never to say that again. THAt's sexist anyways. ALso at My friends house his parents like to treat me like a FEMALE guest like  saying here's the to seats for the ladies while the guys got stools. AND they don't let him and his bro be tough with me cause 'Im a girl' makes me want to throw up. ANd when I say to some of my friends about treating me like a girl they say 'why? YOU are a girl' I flip out on them too.

I made my priest friend mad once (and this was in my "try to be girly" stage, too) because I was taking him out to lunch and he decided to hold the first door for me and he said "ladies first" so I rushed in and grabbed the next door and held it wide open for him and said "ladies first".  He just made that "annoyed" sound in his throat and grabbed the door way over my head (he's a giant) and made me go in first.  I never liked doors being held open for me unless I'm carrying something.  There's this guy in my karate class who will hold a door open and try to insist I go first even when it means I have to squeeze past him to get out.  It makes no sense.

I also hate anything that implies I'm weak and always have.  I'm not sure whether it has more to do with being trans or being overweight and so being perceived as being out of shape and incapable of anything physical, but I've always HATED anyone or anything implying I'm a weak link.  I will literally hurt myself trying not to show weakness.  I've sprained muscles before and just kept on at the sport I was playing without letting anyone know.  I've worn boots that were cutting my ankle so bad I almost needed stitches and didn't let anyone know I needed to stop marching.  Just the other last week at work I tore a huge chunk of skin off my finger right in front of the manager and was bleeding everywhere and I didn't even make a face because I didn't want him to know and send me to first aid.  I got POed at my karate instructor the other night because it was like 100 degrees in the room and I was the only one he asked if I was ok and if I could keep going.  It gets dumb sometimes, but it just makes me so mad.  I hate being the weak/slow/inadaquate one.

The things that set me off, for the most part, aren't gender related.  Anything that implies I'm not telling the truth, even if it's just a joke.  Saying that something is, "not allowed", even as a joke.  Anything that gives the impression that someone is giving me orders, rather than asking me politely to do something.

When I was younger it used to annoy the heck out of me when teachers would ask for "a strong young man" to carry heavy objects, especially back in the days when I was bigger and stronger than most of the boys in my class.  ::)  I was always the first to volunteer.

Quote from: Devin87 on May 30, 2010, 10:01:52 PM
I've always HATED anyone or anything implying I'm a weak link.  I will literally hurt myself trying not to show weakness.  I've sprained muscles before and just kept on at the sport I was playing without letting anyone know.  I've worn boots that were cutting my ankle so bad I almost needed stitches and didn't let anyone know I needed to stop marching.  Just the other last week at work I tore a huge chunk of skin off my finger right in front of the manager and was bleeding everywhere and I didn't even make a face because I didn't want him to know and send me to first aid.  I got POed at my karate instructor the other night because it was like 100 degrees in the room and I was the only one he asked if I was ok and if I could keep going.  It gets dumb sometimes, but it just makes me so mad.  I hate being the weak/slow/inadaquate one.

All of this.

Quote from: Jamie-o on May 30, 2010, 10:02:18 PM
Anything that implies I'm not telling the truth, even if it's just a joke.  Saying that something is, "not allowed", even as a joke.  Anything that gives the impression that someone is giving me orders, rather than asking me politely to do something.

This too.

i hate this crap. today at work (and most days at work, my job is extremely misogynistic) they get a "man" to take heavy items to customer's cars. today i wasn't doing anything and instead of just get me to help the customer out, they got the guy to stop what he was doing to help. frustrating.

though a coworker said once that i have "the manly strength" so that made me happy  :D

the worst thing though, that makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out, is "ladies". i am not, have never been, will never regardless of gender, BE A LADY. ugh. ma'am i'm used to, female pronouns i'm used to, but lady/ladies hell no.

My mother is very interested in the fact that I have high-functioning aspergers, so she is constantly doing research about the syndrome, seeing as she is simply interested in such things.  She, however, always looks up aspergers in girls specifically, and has before told me "But sometimes aspergers is expressed differently in girls!" when I said I don't possess all the traits.  It absolutely infuriated me.

Although, she's trying.  I don't blame her for it.  It's just that sometimes what she does annoys me, which is perfectly reasonable.  It even hurts me sometimes, but I try to see past it, and instead focus on their progress in accepting me and adjusting.

For instance, today we had a conversation over lunch about men and women, and I expressed some of my negative views of female bodies.  I have them because of my body, however; I am pansexual, although she doesn't necessarily know this.  She said "Well, you're certainly not heterosexual then."  I was actually sort of confused/shocked at first, because that's... unlike her to say.

My father used to call me "girl" until I told him I hated it, that I was not a girl.  He now calls me "man".  Sometimes it felt like he was just over-compensating, but now it's become more natural.

I love my parents.  I am very lucky.  They have done so much for me.  They slip up occasionally but I'm grateful for everything they've done.  It's not perfect, but it's definitely something.

On another note, pretty much any recognition of my female body, or assertion that I am female in any way, offends me.  Of course, I hate the classic "Hey, ladies" I get when eating out with my mother.  Although sometimes my father and brother get that, too, as they have long hair... I remember once, we all went out for dinner and we were addressed as "ladies", and my mother goes, "Wow, I'm the only one they got right."   😀

My peeve is my mother tonight. She repeatedly called me by my female name when she knows that I had it legally changed over a year ago. That in front of a bunch of nurses. One saving grace was before she did that and my daughter needed a shot, she asked if I was ready for her to grab my hand and called me mom. The look on that nurses face was precious, it shocked her.

I've never really gotten the super feminine nicknames, luckily.  My dad always called me his "little bug", or just Bug growing up.  I also heard a story for the first time tonight, about how I was a skunk for some school play thing in pre-school, so he called me stinker for a while after that, usually when I was being a brat.

I grew up working on horse farms, and doing all the heavy lifting (water buckets, bags of grain, hay bales, pushing wheelbarrows...) that goes along with it, so I've always been stronger than I look, and stubborn enough to let people know it.  Eventually all my employers have figured out that I'm easier to deal with if they just let me do the "mens jobs", like getting all the carts from the parking lot.

The holding the door for me thing is super obnoxious.

"Ladies" used to get me even before I knew that there were FTM transsexuals. Thank heaven I don't have to deal with that anymore.

I'm so happy I'm not the only one who gets angry at the door thing! Me and a guy friend of mine always have awkward moments where one of us holds the door open and neither of us go...and then he eventually gives up and walks on through. He knows that if he waited for me to go that neither of us would get inside. I'm too stubborn. :)

Strangely, I've never had a problem with the heavy lifting thing. Maybe it's because I look stronger than most guys. Actually, I'm usually the one asked to help move stuff.

Hunh. Now I'm remembering some things I would prefer to forget. Half a dozen trans people, both men and women, at a trans-aware gay-owned restaurant in the gay part of town. The gals have skirts, long hair, breasts. The guys have short hair, binders, pants. One guy has facial hair. The server calls us "ladies." Um, yeah.

I also hate when people write off everything I do because they don't like one thing about me.  For instance, my mom is convinced that nothing I do will last and so nothing should be taken seriously because I was an atheist in high school, then I went back to Catholicism in college and now I'm Jewish a year out of college.  I thought it was because high school/college/young adulthood was a time of self-discovery, but it's appearently because I can't make up my mind and so nothing I do should be taken seriously and everything I care about should be made fun of, including my feelings on gender/sexuality.

Quote from: Devin87 on May 30, 2010, 11:26:33 PM
I also hate when people write off everything I do because they don't like one thing about me.  For instance, my mom is convinced that nothing I do will last and so nothing should be taken seriously because I was an atheist in high school, then I went back to Catholicism in college and now I'm Jewish a year out of college.  I thought it was because high school/college/young adulthood was a time of self-discovery, but it's appearently because I can't make up my mind and so nothing I do should be taken seriously and everything I care about should be made fun of, including my feelings on gender/sexuality.

I get this too, I feel your pain.

I move around a lot, and cannot stick to one college course/career because I change my mind half way through. Even Dr Curtis asked me why I thought I would stick to my decision of wanting to transition if I couldn't stick to anything else.

Quote from: V on May 30, 2010, 10:51:50 PM
On another note, pretty much any recognition of my female body, or assertion that I am female in any way, offends me.  Of course, I hate the classic "Hey, ladies" I get when eating out with my mother.  Although sometimes my father and brother get that, too, as they have long hair... I remember once, we all went out for dinner and we were addressed as "ladies", and my mother goes, "Wow, I'm the only one they got right."   :D

That's pretty great. XD Your mom's reaction sounds like it was worth being mistaken for a lady.

Until very recently my mum had this thing where if I asked her to pass something to me she would say something along the lines of "Here you are Madame"

Example:
Me-"Can you pass the salt please"
Mum-"The salt, Madame"

I don't know if she had ambitions to be a French waiter but it badly pissed me off when she said it. And she would say this at least once a day until about a month ago when I flipped on her for saying it.

My partner use to call me 'wifey' and 'pooky'.  Just to see how irritated I would get.  He use to think it was funny until he understood that it really was bothering me.  Thankfully he hasn't done that for a while.

These days being called ma'am, miss or any variation by customer service people drives me insane.  They can see how I am dress, and how my hair is cut and how I am presenting myself.  I really am going to start correcting them because enough is enough.  My partner says they will laugh at me but if they do that I'm getting the manager and lowering the boom.  I'm buying their damn food, they are going to treat me the way I want to be treated. 

Oi, the horrible names we've had to put up with!

When I was younger, "pumpkin" was mine, courtesy of my dad.  I understand his feelings, of course, and I don't blame him at all.  I just don't particularly like his name choices.  In a way, though, it's sad to know that I've deprived so many people of the daughter/granddaughter/etcetera that they thought they had.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on May 31, 2010, 09:08:08 AM
These days being called ma'am, miss or any variation by customer service people drives me insane.  They can see how I am dress, and how my hair is cut and how I am presenting myself.  I really am going to start correcting them because enough is enough.  My partner says they will laugh at me but if they do that I'm getting the manager and lowering the boom.  I'm buying their damn food, they are going to treat me the way I want to be treated.

I figure that if we're not "passing" and we're out in straight society, they just think we're very masculine-appearing women. In gay society, at least in my city, servers bend over backward to show that they recognize us as women. They apparently see many very butch lesbians who strongly identify as women...and the butches become very angry and even vocal when they are not recognized as women. I had a server once who was obviously SO PROUD that he read me and my companion as gals. My friend's wife was muttering under her breath, "Can't he tell that you're MEN?" Nope. As far as he was concerned, he was doing the right thing. I wasn't going to go into Trans 101 for this guy because I knew it was a matter of months before everyone read me as male anyway. (That's exactly what happened, and I still wonder what they're seeing that I don't see.)

I've heard that it's hardest for FTMs to be read as male in San Francisco. Can anyone attest to that?

"Let me carry/lift/get that for you" drives me crazy. I can lift a lot more than most of the cisguys I encounter yet they want to be the ones lifting the heavy things? I don't think so. It usually results in me glaring and snatching whatever it is back. Doesn't matter how heavy it is. :laugh: Must not look weak!
Also: 'for a young lady' makes me usually want to hit someone. Usually it's my gramps harassing me about 'that's not proper language for a young lady'. I just glare and mutter that I'm not a 'young lady'. But since he's a conservative old fool with anger issues and I'm not even thinking of being out to him anytime soon, I can't really say anything.
As for nicknames... 'Sweetie', 'angel', 'baby girl', 'girly girl', and 'honey' are all courtesy of my mum. It drives me absolutely up the wall. :-\ And when I reply with my usual 'not a girl, stop calling me that', I usually get a 'oh... right... baby... thing then'. Because obviously 'not a girl' is equal to 'thing' in her universe.
Sometimes she just uses 'kid' or 'kiddo' though. Much much better. 🙂

I've heard the same about San Francisco. But Seattle's been very easy on me despite the large gay community. I'm not sure if it's the gayness of the city that matters so much as the butchness of the lesbians in it.

Well that's a disappointment about San Francisco.  I'm going there this October for a wedding and I was looking forward to being seen as myself while I was there. 

That sounds like that won't be the case.  Unless the T does some astounding things in the next couple of months. 

Quote from: Kvall on May 31, 2010, 03:26:26 PM
As in, not many extremely butch lesbians? I'm not very familiar with the lesbian scene anywhere, so I suppose I couldn't say. I can say that gay men in Seattle were one of the groups I passed the most among when pre-T.

Yep, I've had the same experience, it's really really easy to pass in the Seattle gay scene.

My guess is that in places with a lot of very butch lesbians, people become accustomed to looking more closely for signs of femaleness. That would account for the difference between SF and Seattle - Seattle also has a large gay community with a ton of lesbians, but very few particularly butch ones. I've met more trans guys than butches here.

"You wouldn't get it, it's a guy thing."

As if caring about cars or talking about women like pieces of meat is a prerequisite to being male.

Quote from: brainiac on May 31, 2010, 04:01:39 PM
"You wouldn't get it, it's a guy thing."

As if caring about cars or talking about women like pieces of meat is a prerequisite to being male.

I hate that one.

Ma'am.  (puke).

My brother called me that the other day.  It was inadvertent (he still slips) and we were talking about airports and me traveling hiding something under my clothes, and he took the tone of a TSA agent and said, "Ma'am, step aside, what is that under your shirt?"  And my brain was like WTF?  I'm not sure he even realized he said it.  (puke!!)


Jay

(Another intruder from the androgyne section here  ;))
The holding doors open thing... ewbhjkdsfjhb! >.< Coherent sentences cannot express how irritated that makes me! And the most irritating thing about it is that the people who do it believe they are super-virtuous for doing it, so you can't get too angry at them. Even if I ask them not to, at least for me, they'll reply with a cheery "Chivalry is not dead!" or some other such...  :eusa_wall:
Yeah, also, lately I know quite a few people that end a lot of their sentences with 'woman' and that, of all the appellations out there, gets to me the most. "You're crazy, woman!" or "Move your seat back, woman", just, why!? I'm so glad my parents never gave me cutesy nicknames though, I don't think I could stand that. In fact, my mother went through a long phase of addressing me as 'mister', which was pretty cool. My brother wasn't as keen on 'madam'.  :D
The strength thing gets to me too but seeing as I actually am fairly weak (trying to change that) I have to accept it.

"real guy." As in, "if you were a real guy" or "real guys do xyz" or even "if I were a real guy..."

1)"You wanna fight" "yeah sure, when and where"[knowing that I could easily win] "No, i don't fight girls"
!()*%@#)SDKLFJOI!U@(# %!~!!!!!!!!!!
For ->-bleeped-<-s sake. You wanted to. Now that I'm taking you seriously you back out?  ::)

2) the "let me get that for you".
God. I don't have the best upper body strength, but I can carry 25 freaking pounds. Easily. Stop patronizing me.

3) Gym teacher, "No you can't go with the boys class. [Yes I did give the option to choose, but] Not enough girls want to go over"
!$#@ Come on, you don't see that I'm NOT happy in the girls class, and when the classes are mixed I actually DO something? God. I'm taking lifetime next year,despite it being pratically not a gym class. guaranteed coed at least.

4) any feminine terms of endearment. "sweety", "chica"[no, i don't live in a heavly spanish area either. wtf?], "darling", "girlfriend".
I'll deal with 'beautiful' from my boyfriend [yeah... i thought i was straight too. Long story] because I know how he means it. But otherwise, I am NOT your darling ->-bleeped-<- OFF before I knock your head off, kthx.

5) last, but certainly not least.
"you've got .... for a girl"
I'd like to kill  everyone who makes this comment.

It always feels wrong when they carry something or hold the door open for me. I know men do it out of respect more than thinking I'm too weak but still. Then there's always the times my dad or other men feel the need to wrap their hand around my scrawny arms, is grabbing my limbs that irrestible?

I remember back in highschool we had to do as many push ups as we can and our partner had to count. My partner was this huge guy, 6'+ I think training for the marines or something but I did as many push ups as him. I don't think he expected that from a 105 pound girl but it felt good.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets miffed if someone assumes I'm not strong enough to carry something. Although, I will say that this happens very rarely; I haven't had anyone outright tell me I could not carry something that was heavy, I just get defensive if someone says "We need a few strong guys to carry these boxes". Or, "We need a tall guy to grab this thing up here".

I'll be realistic--I'm really strong, but only really strong for a female-bodied person. I'm stronger than your average guy who does not bother to exercise, though. I despise this sexual dimorphism, I work so hard to be strong and it's barely adequate. I'm so thankful that T is going to correct this.

I loathe "ma'am" and "miss" being directed at me. I despise it when I have to fill out a form on paper or online and they have a section for 'salutation' and they only offerings are "Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms., Dr.". Years before I knew I was trans, I would avoid filling out this part because I hated how it would pigeonhole me. Recently, when my bank became another bank they sent me a new debit card and embossed in front of my name was 'Ms.', which was not there on my previous card. I nearly had an apoplectic fit.

"want to be a guy"
"if you were born male"
"a real guy"
"you aren't strong enough"
"drag king"
Anything that refers to "hips" even if I know the person is referring to male hips.
I could go on.

"Do guys do that?"

Yes.. Guys file their nails if they don't want them to crack up to the root and bleed... >.<

Quote from: Miniar on June 01, 2010, 01:22:35 PM
"Do guys do that?"

Yes.. Guys file their nails if they don't want them to crack up to the root and bleed... >.<

We do? They do that?

Hm, my nails are getting long.

Quote from: Miniar on June 01, 2010, 01:22:35 PM
"Do guys do that?"

Yes.. Guys file their nails if they don't want them to crack up to the root and bleed... >.<

yea my stepdad said 'well GUYS dont care how they look"

I guess he doesnt know many guys.

Quote from: Elijah on June 01, 2010, 02:35:42 PM
yea my stepdad said 'well GUYS dont care how they look"

I guess he doesnt know many guys.

Haha! I know, eh?

There are so many things directed to men about their looks, it's just very subtle in comparison to women. If men didn't care how they looked, some of them wouldn't pick on the 'ugly' or funny looking kids for example.

I don't get angry when someone holds the door open for me never have and never will. I hold the door open for everyone regardless of gender, I do it out of respect I don't want anyone shutting the door in my face.

If someone flipped out cause I held the for open for them Id be like I guess it's that time of month eh.

Quote from: mcalistershaun on June 01, 2010, 03:24:08 PM
I don't get angry when someone holds the door open for me never have and never will. I hold the door open for everyone regardless of gender, I do it out of respect I don't want anyone shutting the door in my face.

If someone flipped out cause I held the for open for them Id be like I guess it's that time of month eh.

I think they guys here are talking about when other men think they are female.. and HOLD the door and wait for them.. not just.. holding the door for a minute

Quote from: Elijah on June 01, 2010, 03:27:12 PM
I think they guys here are talking about when other men think they are female.. and HOLD the door and wait for them.. not just.. holding the door for a minute

Where I live, that's common for both genders.

Quote from: Lachlann on June 01, 2010, 03:30:11 PM
Where I live, that's common for both genders.

It's the same where I am too.

Quote from: Nathan. on June 01, 2010, 03:34:32 PM
It's the same where I am too.

Again, same here.

That makes sense I'd get pissed too if someone held the door and said ladies first. Although me and my friends joke about that stuff.  If someone is 15 ft away I'd wait for em.

Once I held the door open at the theatre for pretty much everyone in line behind me (nearly the whole theater after a movie had finished)... I can be a bit of a compulsive door opener, perhaps.

Lol in feel ya V. Those doors are so tempting.