General Discussions => General discussions => ARGHHH! => Topic started by: Arch on June 01, 2010, 08:46:51 PM Return to Full Version
Title: That's right, I'm QUEER. Now go stare at someone else.
Post by: Arch on June 01, 2010, 08:46:51 PM
Post by: Arch on June 01, 2010, 08:46:51 PM
I have to get this off my chest, so to speak.
I am trying to figure out this divorce paperwork and am stuck on a few things. So I finally got up at zero-dark-thirty (yes, me) to see a free facilitator downtown.
I guess they had someone on vacation for the holiday week because there was only one facilitator available. So I was there from opening till midafternoon. That was bad enough.
The worst part was that there was no privacy. The facilitator doesn't take you into a cubicle or an office. She comes right out to you and talks to you in front of whoever happens to be sitting around.
Things were weird from the get-go. She kept asking me who this <partner's name> was. I said, "That's the person I'm married to. It's the person I'm divorcing." She was fine with that, but of course she referred to him with male pronouns, and heads began to swivel. A couple of conversations stopped, and folks started listening in. A few people were glaring at me every time I looked up.
I haven't been read as a woman in almost a year, so I'm pretty sure they were hostile because they think I'm a flaming homo, not because they think I'm some kind of freaky woman.
At least, I was praying that they were thinking that. Because it's the truth. But I hate feeling like a bug under glass.
I kind of wish I had had the guts to say, "That's right, I'm a MAN married to another MAN. You got a problem with that?"
Nope. Too much of a scaredy-cat. And maybe they had those expressions on their faces because they had too many Chicken McNuggets for lunch. But I don't think so. If that had been the case, those people would have looked away every time I held their gaze. They didn't.
I am mindful that a lot of trans women go through this every day when they are early in transition. And that a number of my gay friends are so obvious that they probably get the same treatment on a regular basis. Ouch.
I am trying to figure out this divorce paperwork and am stuck on a few things. So I finally got up at zero-dark-thirty (yes, me) to see a free facilitator downtown.
I guess they had someone on vacation for the holiday week because there was only one facilitator available. So I was there from opening till midafternoon. That was bad enough.
The worst part was that there was no privacy. The facilitator doesn't take you into a cubicle or an office. She comes right out to you and talks to you in front of whoever happens to be sitting around.
Things were weird from the get-go. She kept asking me who this <partner's name> was. I said, "That's the person I'm married to. It's the person I'm divorcing." She was fine with that, but of course she referred to him with male pronouns, and heads began to swivel. A couple of conversations stopped, and folks started listening in. A few people were glaring at me every time I looked up.
I haven't been read as a woman in almost a year, so I'm pretty sure they were hostile because they think I'm a flaming homo, not because they think I'm some kind of freaky woman.
At least, I was praying that they were thinking that. Because it's the truth. But I hate feeling like a bug under glass.
I kind of wish I had had the guts to say, "That's right, I'm a MAN married to another MAN. You got a problem with that?"
Nope. Too much of a scaredy-cat. And maybe they had those expressions on their faces because they had too many Chicken McNuggets for lunch. But I don't think so. If that had been the case, those people would have looked away every time I held their gaze. They didn't.
I am mindful that a lot of trans women go through this every day when they are early in transition. And that a number of my gay friends are so obvious that they probably get the same treatment on a regular basis. Ouch.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm QUEER. Now go stare at someone else.
Post by: Lachlann on June 01, 2010, 09:02:09 PM
Post by: Lachlann on June 01, 2010, 09:02:09 PM
It's amazing how people can be rude to not only someone they don't even know, but someone they're not even talking to. It's safe to make all the judgments you want about someone when you don't have to face them face to face.
I don't get why people care so much about that sort of thing, but I guess they obviously think otherwise.
I don't get why people care so much about that sort of thing, but I guess they obviously think otherwise.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm QUEER. Now go stare at someone else.
Post by: Hermione01 on June 01, 2010, 09:34:54 PM
Post by: Hermione01 on June 01, 2010, 09:34:54 PM
I'm sorry you experienced this situation. I've been through the same, I hate being an object of gossip and slander.
I have never been like that myself, so I am not easily accepting of others who exhibit this kind of behaviour. Who the hell do they think they are?! They don't know you.
I've also been tempted to say something cheeky back, but of course I've backed out. But one day, yes one day, I will. ;)
I have never been like that myself, so I am not easily accepting of others who exhibit this kind of behaviour. Who the hell do they think they are?! They don't know you.
I've also been tempted to say something cheeky back, but of course I've backed out. But one day, yes one day, I will. ;)
Title: Re: That's right, I'm QUEER. Now go stare at someone else.
Post by: Janet_Girl on June 01, 2010, 10:15:05 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on June 01, 2010, 10:15:05 PM
When my ex and I got divorced the judge wrote a letter to me wanting an explanation. We were married in Reno back in 1988. And Nevada only just approved same-sex marriage. She wanted to know how we were married. When I replied, she send back a thank you and an apology to me for invasion of privacy.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm QUEER. Now go stare at someone else.
Post by: Arch on June 01, 2010, 10:23:50 PM
Post by: Arch on June 01, 2010, 10:23:50 PM
Thanks for the kind thoughts, folks. I'm feeling better now, but I was pretty angry for a few hours.
Funny thing. All day I've been seeing signs that say, "Quiet, please. Court is in session." And people have been holding loud conversations and talking endlessly on their cell phones and letting their kids yell. At least I was instrumental in shutting them up for a little while.
Funny thing. All day I've been seeing signs that say, "Quiet, please. Court is in session." And people have been holding loud conversations and talking endlessly on their cell phones and letting their kids yell. At least I was instrumental in shutting them up for a little while.