Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It was crossing my mind recently, and what are your guys' opinion on virginity, like who to lose it? A friend to explore, the person you love, or even a stranger? I just kind of want some opinions because I'm sort of at that decision right now and I want some older guys's views on stuff before I set out to do something stupid.

My advice is to hold onto it as long as possible.  Honestly.  I had people tell me all the time that they wished they had waited, and that I should wait.  I didn't listen to those people and now I regret it.  :/

I never gave a damn about virginity, and still don't.

Quote from: LucienOctopus on June 11, 2010, 09:43:16 PM
...now I regret it.  :/

Why is that, if you don't mind me asking?

Because I was young and didn't know enough about my body.  At the time I lost my virginity, the guy I was with had touched my downstairs bits more than I had.  Also because I didn't do it because I wanted to.  I did it mainly because I knew he wanted to.

So I guess, if you decide not to wait, just don't do what I did. ;)

It really sucks to lose it to someone you end up hating, so make sure this is a person you know you'll love for your entire life, even if you're just loving him/her as a friend for the rest of your life.  There's nothing worse than knowing that this person you now hate and recognize to be a horrible person took one of your most precious gifts (assuming you consider your first time to be a precious gift).

I lost my virginity at 15.
I grew up in a sex positive atmosphere. (except 3 years when my grandmother had me, /shivers)
I was ready. It was with my exgirlfriend who had just came back into town for a few days. I can't say I was in love with her but I loved her. I did enjoy myself but about an hour later dysphoria showed up and bitch slaped me for a few days. Took me a long time to find ways to avoid disabilitating bouts of dysphoria after sex. Even now in my 40's I am not free of that one completely.

I would say wait or just not doing it if you are prone to dysphoric depression. No sense just inviting trouble.
If you are sure you are mature enough and not too worried about dysphoria go for it.
Just keep it safe! Use protection. Even if you feel safe and trust the person you are with, use protection. I am talking from experiance on this one. I am HIV+.

Okay, the thing with me is, I'm not comfortable with my body per say, but I really want to do it. Not just for myself, I'm curious, but I want to feel someone, be with someone. I can't explain it, but I don't know what to do because there's so many things going on right now.

I love virgins, and if you're one, my name is Kat, and I have drugs and liquor, and you can contact me at (address omitted by Susan's).

Quote from: LucienOctopus on June 11, 2010, 10:23:44 PM
At the time I lost my virginity, the guy I was with had touched my downstairs bits more than I had.

Heh I've never touched the factory equipment I've got in a sexual way. And probably never will. But perhaps I'm strange. :laugh:

Anyway... I think 'virgin' is more of a state of mind than an actual experience. And in a way you 'lose your virginity' with each different person you're with. It's about feeling that innocence, that slight unsureness of 'what next', that anticipation. So if you're gonna do it with someone, whether it's your first first time or not, do it with someone you're comfortable having that innocence out in the open with and somewhere where you can relax. (Ergo: Not at their bible-thumping mother's house. :laugh: Learned my lesson there!)

I think 'virgin' is more of a state of mind than an actual experience

Wow, that sounds like something a virgin would say, if you've done it, you'll know it.

Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:11:41 AM
I think 'virgin' is more of a state of mind than an actual experience

Wow, that sounds like something a virgin would say, if you've done it, you'll know it.

It's just my opinion. I've been with a couple of different people now, but I still think it's more of a state of mind. It's not about 'knowing it'. Maybe it's just because I've never really thought of sex as a big deal. Maybe it's because of my childhood. Maybe I'm just weird. In any case, I don't really think it's about an actual physical experience. It's about the mindset behind that experience.

Maybe it's just because I've never really thought of sex as a big deal.

An opinion shared by your partners?

Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:22:38 AM
An opinion shared by your partners?

Generally, yeah. I don't mean that the entire experience is just bland or ordinary like say mowing the lawn. But more so that it's the environment combined with the emotions, and mental states surrounding the sex itself that makes it a big deal or not, not the genital contact.

But like I said, it's just my opinion.

Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:11:41 AM
I think 'virgin' is more of a state of mind than an actual experience

Wow, that sounds like something a virgin would say, if you've done it, you'll know it.

I agree with him.. and I have had sex.. but I do think it is about the physical too

I waited.  And when I finally had sex, he was so into it, and I was like, so, this is sex?  Yawn.

Probably because I was good at doing things myself, maybe because PIV sex really wasn't my thing, idk.

Later I did get more into it.  YMMV.

I would definitely say if you're going to do it for whatever reason, at least do it with someone you like.  Not a random stranger.

Jay

Quote from: Carson on June 11, 2010, 10:18:48 PM
I never gave a damn about virginity, and still don't.

This.

It's just sex. Just people making each other feel good. It doesn't have to be this amazing love-making process.

To me my virginity was something I couldn't WAIT to dispose of. It was a stupid stigma that kept me from getting any.

Most guys I dated: "Oh, you're still a virgin? I may be a total slut, but now I feel like I shouldn't take that away from you."

Me: "Nooooooooooooooooooo! Just take it, dammit! I promise I won't think you're special."

I suppose I think of sex more casually than most. But... that's what I wanted. Casual sex. I didn't care about a special, lovely, hearts floating out of my ass type experience. I wanted a getting off then going home experience.

(shrug) Didn't care about it, still don't care. Like Rowan, though, I had trouble losing it if I admitted to it, and I actually lost my boyfriend at the time when I admitted to him that he'd been my first and I hadn't told him. So it was a relief to get rid of it.

All throughout my childhood I thought "virgin" meant spontaneously becoming pregnant! (My only exposure to the word was in the context of the virgin Mary-- understandable, I suppose, seeing as I have a pastor for a dad.) I didn't learn until high school what it really meant. XD

In any case, I think virginity is a really arbitrary concept. I mean, what defines honest-to-goodness, virginity-losing sex from "sexual things that aren't really sex?" I've done the same general things with two different partners, but with one it was clearly intended as experimentation and didn't feel like sex at all, while the other it was clearly intended as sex and very much felt like it. I can't draw a clear line where I "lost my virginity."

For some people, sex is a big deal. For others, it's not. It's a personal thing and not the same for everyone. (For me, personally, I think sex is a big deal but virginity and the loss thereof is not.) Regardless, though, the most basic things to take into account are, "Are you being safe?" and "Do you feel comfortable?"  Also, like a few other people have said, it does help if you know and are comfortable with the person (whether romantically or as a friend)-- especially the first time or few times. It's not a necessary prerequisite by any means, but it is helpful for preventing future regrets as well as potentially dangerous/uncomfortable situations.

Hm, I've rarely had any trouble drawing the "what is sex" line, even though it doesn't particularly mean a whole lot to me. If anyone's pants come off I might as well just call it sex already, because something's going to end up inside something.

(I did have one experience that was difficult to classify - I was with two other guys, and I made out/fooled around with them both, and they unambiguously had sex with each other, but my participation in that portion was limited to things I consider not-sex, so I'm not certain if I should consider myself to have had sex with them. If that had been a candidate for my "first time" I might have been somewhat confused.)

Quote from: kyril on June 12, 2010, 09:25:57 AM
If anyone's pants come off I might as well just call it sex already, because something's going to end up inside something.

Oh this made me laugh ;D

I've never seen sex as a big deal, more like a hobby actually. The only value I put on virgins is I know I won't catch anything off them :P

In my opinion sex hapens when someones genitals get touched. Thats my line.

For me I had a few diferant 'virginitys'.

My first time masturbating.
My first sex with a boy.
My first sex with a girl.
My first time I recieved anal.
My first time with more than one other person.

Quote from: cynthialee on June 12, 2010, 10:01:05 AM
For me I had a few diferant 'virginitys'.

My first time masturbating.

On that note, I do believe I lost my virginity at the age of two. *whistles innocently*

Quote from: cynthialee on June 12, 2010, 10:01:05 AM
In my opinion sex hapens when someones genitals get touched. Thats my line.

For me I had a few diferant 'virginitys'.

My first time masturbating. 16
My first sex with a boy. 19
My first sex with a girl. still a virgin
My first time I recieved anal. still a virgin
My first time with more than one other person. still a virgin

According to that list I'd lost all my virginity's by the time I was 13 xD good god

11 for me if we count masturbation, hahaha.

Quote from: BoyDani on June 11, 2010, 09:39:53 PM
It was crossing my mind recently, and what are your guys' opinion on virginity, like who to lose it? A friend to explore, the person you love, or even a stranger? I just kind of want some opinions because I'm sort of at that decision right now and I want some older guys's views on stuff before I set out to do something stupid.

I differ from the above opinions, but I think you should lose it only to someone you love (or think you love).  Though a really good friend might work, too, assuming it won't damage the relationship.  I lost mine willy-nilly because I didn't know what else to say (which was stupid of me).  Nothing magical or fun about it, though.  I think I need to find people that are better at sex xD (for the record: I've only slept with two people).

Miss Cynthia, I'm so sorry to hear that. You are a strong woman.

As for sex I didn't lose my virginity until older than many people. I wasn't interested in sex and wasn't interested in sex as me in the female role. I eventually gave in but saw it as no big deal. I say do it whenever you feel ready.

As said before, protection is crucial. Not just as birth control but to prevent diseases.

I don't place too much value on virginity, but that might have something to do with my earliest impressions of sex and my girlfriend forcing me into my first time when I was 15. It took me a few years to finally own up to it and then realize "hey, I'm not filthy or dirty or a slut, it wasn't my fault." I've always thought the hype about "saving your virginity" to be nonsense anyway, though. Typically your first time won't be all that special like a lot of people seem to set their expectations for. It's just the beginning of something that gets a lot better with experience. It's a healthy sex life you wanna strive for. I personally prefer to just shag people I care about, but different folks/different strokes. Who you lose it to isn't as important as you losing it when you're ready.
I do think sex itself is something you should save and you should make sure you're ready to have it before you get into bed with the other person, whether it's your first time or your seventh. What that means for you and the other person is totally variable, whether you're in a committed relationship and you only wait a week or six months, or you're hooking up with somebody for just one night. As long as both people are comfortable with it an aware what it means to the other person, that's what matters. If it's not fun for both of you, what's the point?

My first girlfriend obviously didn't respect me, and I obviously didn't respect myself enough to drop her like it was hot the first time she forced me into sex. But in a way I'm glad for that experience because I learned from it, and I knew I was ready to be sexually active with my current boyfriend before we started messing around. Of course, we were friends for ten years before we started dating, so that was only about a week. :P

Virginity is a subjective concept.  It doesn't mean much at all, other than how one views themselves in regards to their experiences.  For example, there were some goddesses in ancient Greece who were seen as virgin, though they were far from asexual.  Another example is myself: I've never had vaginal intercourse and never want to, (though I have done other things,) but I don't consider myself a virgin.  So many people these days have an obnoxious attitude about virginity or lack of, as if it's a way to measure personal worth, wisdom or how interesting someone is.  It's not like the clouds open up at a first sexual contact and send Jove's Lightning down to change the essence of those involved or forever mark their foreheads for all to see. 

As for this:

Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:11:41 AMWow, that sounds like something a virgin would say, if you've done it, you'll know it.

I've "done it," and I know this statement is, well, bothersome.  To say the least.  And the implication that you know better because of your...uh...status?  Inaccurate.  This is exemplary of the messed-up attitudes going around.

It was never a big thing with me. I didn't care if I even lost it. Yeah i'd like for it to be someone I trust to see me and have sex with me and still see me as a dude. And I did. To my ex. But that's whatever. It's still not a big issue to me. It's like every other moment in our lives. It happens. Then it's just a memory. It can be left behind if it's all that bad. In my opinion anyhow.

Virginity is a social construct. The idea of a person being more virginal or pure because they didn't do a certain sex act...it's just not something I agree with feel exists to me.

With that said the first time I had sex (definition of sex also varies from person to person) was a one night stand with a friend of mine who was visiting from another state. This was about 5 years ago and I still talk to her. I don't see it at all as being a mistake. It was an enjoyable way to spend time.

Personally I recommend that you masturbate a whole lot and get to know your pleasure centres.  That information will be helpful when you tell your partner the best way to pleasure you. 

I have GD but I manage to get around it by closing my eyes and envisioning that my clit is a tiny cock.  That my body with it's unwanted curves is a fit male body.  That my breasts don't even exist. 

Then when you are ready find someone you trust and feel comfortable with, not necessarily love.  You need to be vulnerable to this person.  They need to go slow and at your pace.  Sex is honestly fantastic when you connect with someone.  But it can be awful if you feel uncomfortable or put upon or doing it out of obligation.  It's finding that balance.  If you aren't at least a little comfortable with yourself I can't see how you could ever enjoy sex. 

For me when it comes to jerkin' off...well...I never touch myself directly which makes it much easier to think of myself as male.

I lost my virginity at 14.

Quote from: cynthialee on June 12, 2010, 10:01:05 AM
In my opinion sex hapens when someones genitals get touched. Thats my line.

Wow...that's a little too broad for my liking. I think you have to at least add in "with sexual intent of at least one of the parties involved"

Quote from: Alice Danielle on September 04, 2013, 04:04:03 PM
Wow...that's a little too broad for my liking. I think you have to at least add in "with sexual intent of at least one of the parties involved"

I thought that was a given.....

::)

well that cuts my virginity losing age in half lol