Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi,
every time when I look at myself through the mirror I can see mysef pretty passable, even my family members and friends all think I am passable as female, some of my friends even wonder how I can still pass as man ( I am still have to go to work in male mode). That make me feel much relaxed and confident when I go out as Amanda.
But somehow, when I look at myself (Amanda) in the pics or vedios (many times with differen cameras) , I look less feminine and I can still see a guy, how I can be passable like that? This makes me wonder if my eyes is lying me when I look at myself in the mirror, and my image in the pic/video are actually how other people see me. when I think of this, I become less confident with myself and become more anxious whe I out as Amanda and afraid getting read out.
I am so confused now, don't know which image of myself I should trust. I wonder if any one has similar experience. thanks.

Amanda   

Maybe you're picking up on masculine behavior that isn't visible on a face.

I'm with vexing. Your perception is skewed, as is everyone's when it comes to your own voice, looks, and even thoughts.

It's pretty normal for us to judge ourselves far harsher than other do. It's also common among non-TG boys and girls. We all have a perception of 'our self' which doesn't reflect on how people see us. In the theater it is called acting, and we all all act on the world stage.

Cindy

I have only recently, one year post full time, gotten more comfortable with my pictures etc, and not so picky about them. Of course some of that two is more time on E etc. During transition I did not like photos of myself, picked out all the masculine features etc that I thought were still there. But now, it's just me be overly self conscious about my looks. 
   Also, in regards to the opinions of others. Most strangers you meet, people who do not know your history, will take you as you present. There are plenty of masculine women. I have seen and met plenty of natal females with bigger brow ridges, stronger jaw lines, taller, and the list goes on. If you are passable, unless you do things to blatantly out yourself, then most people will not think trans.

Yep, it's you.  ;D

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like EEWWW!  You're a woman with a beard!  Who do you think you're kidding!!!

But then I meet people who knew me before, and they have no idea who I am.  Everyone new I meet calls me sir.


Jay

thanks for all the encouragement. Tonight I wore a nice skirt which I just bought recently and went to a nearby grocery store. before I went out, I smiled to myself in the mirrow " you are a pretty girl". But when I drove there, I suddently started to  worry, "do I wear too nice so will that attract other people's attention", " my upper arm looks big, I shouldn't wear such short", so drove my car around the parking slot several times and try to decide if I should go to store or go home. Eventually, I told myself" just trust yourself, you will be fine, btw, why care other people think?" so I parked my car and went inside even talked to casher lady :)

I am pushing myself to go to public place more often, hope that can build up my confident before start my RLT. I think I am getting better.

I hear you ....I see lots of guy in myself and I feel it holds me back

I hope over time i just forget the word "passable"...but i still think about it alot

I think the mind holds an image of what we think we look like and when we look in the mirror earily on in transition the old image is overlaid in our mind (quite a bit actually).  It takes alot of time for the interior mind image to shift to that which is in the mirror.  it's always easier to look at a photo of oneself to see how others see the person in the mirror. 

Beni

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 16, 2010, 09:39:39 PM
Today I had one of those days; I looked in the mirror and I couldn't find a girl in there.
I went out to do some stuff in town and people kept giving me weird stares; I'm convinced that they couldn't see a woman either.
What's changed though? I'm exactly the same person that I was last week when I looked in the mirror and could only see a woman looking back.
I guess stress and other factors skew our perception of ourselves and makes us read too much into the looks that other people give us.

Also our perception of ourselves affects the expressions on our faces and the way we carry ourselves.  So many things in life become self-fulfilling and being accepted as your target gender is definitely one of them.

I wish I had an answer for how to get yourself out of the mental funk when it happens, because so far I can't seem to exercise control over it.  No amount of mental gymnastics seem to work.

I have had those days too, and I think it is dependent on our mental stress level.  I am having on of my 'male' days, and it is because I had a fight with my friend.  I just do really sive a ghit today.  But I still when out to do what I had to, and not once did anyone even give me a second look.

As vexing said, it is just one of our 'man' days.  Don't stress out of it, just let it pass.

God, I know what you're talking about and I hate that. The only conclusion I've come to is put the camera down when I'm feeling like that. I think there are professional make-up artists who recommend relying on a mirror over a photograph when it comes to judging beauty, anyway.

All women worry about their looks and most are extremely critical of themselves. Of course we girls are even more concerned about our looks. Although I am generally quite passable some days I don't feel confident so I get dressed nicely, fix my hair and do my makeup and head for the mall. After being maamed a few times I relax and feel better. I think you project much better if you relax and say to yourself " I am really a woman and I do not care what others think." Once in a while someone suspects and if they ask I just say I am a transsexual and I am in transition. We need to remind ourselves we are women and we can't help we were born with the wrong plumbing.

Pam

There are definitely good days and bad days. PLUS cameras suck! I swear if I take a picture and I actually like it....a few days later, I'll hate it. We ARE our own worst critics.

Also, some people notice things differently than others.

I don't usually have a problem passing nowadays and yet when I first met my bf's sister's bf....he somehow knew. Ugh. =/

keeping reminding myself "you are just A normal but not perfect girl"  really powerful to me. I am getting much relaxed and nature when I go out in public. :angel: but I still hate to see myself in the pic and don't like taking pic. maybe I will love to take pics after my FFS.

Oh, two weeks ago, I went to DMV to get my Texas DL (unfortunately it's not change my M mark) due to my move. The laddy in DMV looked at my previous DL and passport (those pics were taken just after I start HRT), then looke at me, she keep on shaking her head and said to me " you don't look like in the pic, your face is different, definitely it's not because the long hair" ( I really hoped she could said " you look like a girl" :), but I think in her heart she may think so).  She studied my pics in my IDs and my face for about 1 min, I almost wanted to tell her that I am transition to a girl. Eventually,she had to ask another DMV lady who is a Asian to get second opinion, that lady study a while and said " yes, is the same person". so problem solved.  When I saw my new taken pic in the DMV, I still see a man and much alike what I looked in the old IDs, why that lady couldn't see it ?? ???

I got my passport a year ago, after being on T for a year.  I was pretty happy with the pic, though it is a bit washed out.

So it sat in my safe at home until last week when I pulled it out to travel.  UGH.  What I thought looked so masculine looks feminine to me now.  LOL  And I'm stuck with it until 2019.

Jay

Quote from: amandax on July 07, 2010, 11:04:03 PM
keeping reminding myself "you are just A normal but not perfect girl"  really powerful to me. I am getting much relaxed and nature when I go out in public. :angel: but I still hate to see myself in the pic and don't like taking pic. maybe I will love to take pics after my FFS.

Oh, two weeks ago, I went to DMV to get my Texas DL (unfortunately it's not change my M mark) due to my move. The laddy in DMV looked at my previous DL and passport (those pics were taken just after I start HRT), then looke at me, she keep on shaking her head and said to me " you don't look like in the pic, your face is different, definitely it's not because the long hair" ( I really hoped she could said " you look like a girl" :), but I think in her heart she may think so).  She studied my pics in my IDs and my face for about 1 min, I almost wanted to tell her that I am transition to a girl. Eventually,she had to ask another DMV lady who is a Asian to get second opinion, that lady study a while and said " yes, is the same person". so problem solved.  When I saw my new taken pic in the DMV, I still see a man and much alike what I looked in the old IDs, why that lady couldn't see it ?? ???

If your not full time yet you will get stuff like that, but when you go full time its even more interesting when the clerk tries to renew your costco member ship card when your old face is on it.  "I am sorry miss this person has to come in and renew the card, you cant do it.."  ^_^b  I had to show an ID with the same name before they renewed it, the clerk still couldn't believe it. 

Whenever I am feeling crappy and masculine, I google pictures of runway models and feel better instantly.

Quote from: uni on July 08, 2010, 01:00:35 PM
Whenever I am feeling crappy and masculine, I google pictures of runway models and feel better instantly.

You feel better after seeing models? i feel worse... like i will never look like that, or have the opportunity to come close to that.

Quote from: amandax on June 16, 2010, 10:54:53 PM
thanks for all the encouragement. Tonight I wore a nice skirt which I just bought recently and went to a nearby grocery store. before I went out, I smiled to myself in the mirrow " you are a pretty girl". But when I drove there, I suddently started to  worry, "do I wear too nice so will that attract other people's attention", " my upper arm looks big, I shouldn't wear such short", so drove my car around the parking slot several times and try to decide if I should go to store or go home. Eventually, I told myself" just trust yourself, you will be fine, btw, why care other people think?" so I parked my car and went inside even talked to casher lady :)

I don't know about other people, but I used to do this all the time.  I'd be driving somewhere and catch myself in the rearview mirror and think "wow, I look like a guy with lipstick on."   Then I'd get all discouraged and depressed and come home.

I think we're all our worst enemies.   The way I see it, being transgendered, we are much more perceptive to minor differences between the genders because we over analyze them.   When we catch something minor about ourselves that tend to be our birth gender, we focus on it and feel we need to address it.

I've learned to just sort of cope with those feelings when I go out.   I still have moments where I'll hear someone behind me laugh about something and think they are laughing at me.   (Even though they usually aren't.)  It's grating on my nerves, but I'm learning to not care so much about it. :)

Just take a deep breath and relax.   Enjoy life and be happy! :D

Quote from: Izumi on July 08, 2010, 01:10:20 PM
You feel better after seeing models? i feel worse... like i will never look like that, or have the opportunity to come close to that.

Not regular models, runway models. They have masculine features but still look glamorous.

Hey Amanda, I was just thinking this same thing (in the other direction, though ^_^) I was taking pictures of outfits so I wouldn't forget what to wear, and I thought I looked fine in the mirror, but then the picture looked terrible. But later my friend was taking the pictures, and after she took one she looked at it and said, "Wow, you looked a lot more passable in real life than in this picture." So I think it's just a "cameras are sucky sometimes" thing.

Quote from: espikai on July 21, 2010, 12:18:33 PM
Hey Amanda, I was just thinking this same thing (in the other direction, though ^_^) I was taking pictures of outfits so I wouldn't forget what to wear, and I thought I looked fine in the mirror, but then the picture looked terrible. But later my friend was taking the pictures, and after she took one she looked at it and said, "Wow, you looked a lot more passable in real life than in this picture." So I think it's just a "cameras are sucky sometimes" thing.

it adds 10lbs and you look better irl because the lighting and perspective is different IRL.  For example if your in a well lit room with little shadows you will look more fem, same for a dim lit room with little shadows, however, in the wrong lighting i think i look bad.... So it could be the same.

It's true we're too harsh to ourselves. That ruins self-confidence. The last couple of days, I got some good comments from other people, and even though I remain at least a bit sceptical, it works miracles on my self-confidence. It may be a good idea to try to get another opinion once in a while from someone who is honest, instead of only judging yourself.
Feeling good about the clothes you wear also helps. Last week I talked about this to a genetic woman, and to my surprise, she also has days where she feels bad coming outside in some clothes (especially new ones), and has to pick something different just to feel confident. Until the day comes when she's suddenly ready to wear the new clothes.
I think I'm getting to understand this time-consuming clothes-selecting ritual as a part of building confidence before getting amongst other people

Here is my latest youtube log, it seems I am getting better, am I? :)  thx.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPr0xPioh8k# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPr0xPioh8k#)

You're rather cute and have a sweet voice... Nice vid.  :icon_chick:

You seriously look and sound absolutely female in that video. You are, without question, a woman.

I don't know what fears and worries you have, Amandax.  Not only do you look very female, you sound very female.

You just need to step out there and be the woman you are.

Hi Amandax

Janet-Lynn and SydneyTinker have said it all for me.  You will be so successful, that one day you will say to yourself, how could I have ever doubted myself.

You are a female and when you go out, go out with confidence, nobody will suspect anything.  When you realise that you are being treated as a female, your confidence will increase with leaps and bounds.

Go out have fun, enjoy life and best wishes for the future.

Kind regards
Sarah B