Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am so glad I found a forum to help me along my transition.

Here is my story (though some details I chose to leave out, both for tl;dr and since some things are quite personal):

I do not remember much from my youth. The earliest thing I remember is being picked on at school by bullies. I was picked on because I acted different than everyone else. So, in effort to rectify the degradation of my treatment by peers I chose to change my behavior in ways that just made things worse, I tried to act "cool" by doing things that I saw people that I thought were cool did. In the end this ultimately failed. So in 3rd or 4th grade I became a loner, and acted how I wanted to. I took up knitting and knitted during recess with a girl in my grade, liz. Liz and I would talk day after day and I grew comfortable around her, and school started getting better, well atleast the recess part, I never outgrew being class clown.

Years later in middle school, I once again decided that I wanted to be "cool". So I started trying to be that guy that showed off and tried hitting on girls by doing stuff that I saw other "cool" guys do. That failed as well and I was back into a low point in my life.

Around this time I started to become curious about women, and how they acted. The reason being that from my eyes women were so happy, they were so free and treated so well. I wanted to be like that, so I did the only thing that I could and I went into my parents room and rummaged my mothers drawers for underwear. They were too big so I tied knots in the waist so they would fit, and wore them to bed every night.

A few years later, my freshman year of highschool, I bought my first skirt. Which I wore only in private, but soon after I bought more and more. I was always happiest when I was wearing woman's clothing. I never dreamed of wearing them out in public, but if I had known I could, I would have wanted to desperately.

At this time I joined an IRC (instant messages in a room consisting of many people) for a text based internet game. The game was alright, but the chat was wonderful. It gave me a safe envoirnment to try out being a girl. Which I did for two years, before coming out to them, and hence being banned from the network. But every day I couldn't wait to get to go on and be Christina. It was my oasis from all things sad and real.

During this time I was struggling with the reality of who I was born. I was so unhappy with who I was that I contemplated suicide numerous times, even when I was in elementary school and middle as well. I also would watch extremly violent videos (suicides, cutting, murders) to try to harden my effeminate emotions. I was so sick of being called a sissy by my dad, and my worst favorite line ever "what are you, a man, or a mouse!" ;_; But none of this worked, and only caused me to one time to get dizy and start screaming for help, but I couldn't scream loud enough to be heard because I couldn't see, and then I was out, I fell down. I had fainted, but didn't harden my emotions. And as proof, I cant get through the first 5 minutes of "Up" the pixar film without sobbing. Another thing that I sob during is a korean animated short called "there she is". It reminds me of myself, that the cat and the bunny can't be together, being trans, this problem comes up often.

My first year of college, I got serious in to road bike racing, and found out that serious "roadies" got to shave their legs. The second I heard this I got a razor from the bathroom and went to town taking off the hair, yes, as well as the top layer of skin. My legs were bloody all over, torn to shreds. But I was so happy that I didn't even feel the pain until I felt something wet.

Now years later I learn about something, the difference between gender and sex. I had heard of "sex change" when I was younger, but I never understood it. Now I was able to put two and two together and see that my femininity and my desire to be a girl, could be fulfilled and that I was not strange, and that I didn't have to hide it any longer.

I now am starting to go out in public dressed as Christina. I am just starting HRT and am on the journey.

Thank you for reading.

Your story sounds very familiar. You're going to fit right in.
Welcome.

Quote from: cynthialee on June 26, 2010, 11:38:19 AM
Your story sounds very familiar. You're going to fit right in.
Welcome.

Thank you for the quick welcome :)

I already do fit in, as I have seen in susan's IRC :) I have never felt so at home. Thank you!

Hi Tina,

Welcome to our safe little corner in the world. Lots of info here and potential friends. Read, Learn, Have fun.

Hi Tina, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 5000 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  

Hugs and Love,
Janet

Hi Tina  :)

Welcome to Susan's  ;D

Life's journey towards one's dreams begin with one small step and you have take your first couple of steps towards those dreams.  Realization that you are a female, going out and being yourself and taking HRT to help you along in your journey.

Be who you want to be and go and enjoy life as yourself.  Take care and all the best for the future.

Oh and welcome to Susan's

Kind regards
Sarah B

Hi Tina,

It's good to know you are on your way to becoming the person you know you already are.

Hello and welcome

You are DEFINITELY one of us. 

Welcome, my sister.  You've doubtlessly come to the right place.  You're totally among friends.

Your story?  Many of us here, myself included, have "been there, done that, thought it" in a different way, but the theme is very similar.

Welcome to "Your Internet Home" so to speak.  We're glad you're here.

:)   Lacey Lynne