Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My brother who is 10 years old, thinks that being transsexual is a huge secret of mine, and that it is really fun telling people the truth! :-X

One time I met this girl at the park, and told my brother I would give him 20 cents (he would have done it for 5 Ill bet) if he didnt tell her I was born female  :P I could see it in the way he was smiling that he wanted to say something to her. Things got interesting tho, and she asked me to be her boyfriend that day. I said alright, cause I was bored, and really not thinking at the time (kinda really stupid  :P)...and we kissed and hugged within the first few hours!  :o I later told her myself the truth 2 days later, and she was cool with it, but we broke up cause she was getting annoying  :-\ About 4 weeks later I was up around the same park again. Because she already knew I was born female, and was cool with it, I didnt feel so worried about my brother and his loud mouth. But he wouldnt stop telling her about it, and took the whole issue way too far. She ended up ignoring me for the whole 3 days I was visiting >:(

Another time I walked to the shops with him to buy chocolate, and the lady at the counter says "hello boys" ;D My brother immediately stops and tells her "umm thats not my brother, thats my sister, shes a girl!" I felt like i just wanted to drop everything and run  :'( but the lady tried to cover over for me buy saying to my brother "I was only talking to you" he then mentions "but you said boySSSS" Ahhh I really could have killed him!  >:(

On Friday I am planing to hang with some friends at a skating rink, and of course my brother and sister are coming to, not to be around me tho. But my brother is so obsessed with being around me that I am going to have to tell him to get lost 3 million times  :-\ One of the friends I am seeing knows I am trans, her other friends dont, and my brother is yet again going to think that it will be the best "secret telling game" ever! :-X

Ahhh when he tells them "did you know Jasmine is really a girl" I really want to say "and did you know "Sarah" is really a girl too!" or something, but it could get awkward and then retarded  :-\ So I dunno grrrrr. How can I avoid this?

In some places, being outed can be dangerous.  I'm sure your brother isn't aware of that.  You can try to explain it to him but I fear he'd think you were making things up to get him to stop.

I'd tell him it can be dangerous, that some people can become very upset, even violent, when they hear about a trans person.  If that works then you're golden.  If that doesn't work, read him some of the all too common news stories about trans men and women being attacked for who they are.  Hopefully that will get him to stop.

If he continues to do it, set him up for a scare.  Get someone he doesn't know to play along and become upset and threatening when he tells them you're trans.  They need to really get into it and then leave in an angry state - you'll want a good actor, in other words.  While this might seem a mean trick, I think he's asking for it if he won't respect your wishes on this subject.

If he finds out later that you set him up he might start in again.  Remind him of the news articles about hate crimes against trans people.  Ask him if he really would like you to get hurt, beat up or worse.  The main thing is that he has to learn that outing people is NOT funny.

Good luck!

hugs & smiles
Emelye

And where are your parents?  Seriously, the directive to stop needs to come from them, that this is NOT OKAY, and, as others said, could be dangerous in the wrong situation.

My son was 9 when I came out, and is now 11 and would not consider outing me.  Not because I'm his parent and would kill him, but because he's thoughtful and respectful and understands (sort of) the implications.  He is old enough to understand at that age.

Siblings thrive on being annoying to each other.  He knows you don't like it so he does it more.  I had an older sister like that (well, still do, but she's not speaking to me really for other reasons).  But your parents (as did my parents) have to put the stop to this.

Jay

or....Tell some of the little snots friends he is a really a girl. See how he likes it. Children can not stand to be lied about.

I believe in punative social interactions.

Yeah, go around "outing" him as a girl. It's funny and it may make him think twice.

Actually, it's more likely to make him do it more to you to get revenge, but at least you still get a laugh!

I had issues with my sister that were similar.
I have been bisexual all my life. Whenever I wan't to date a girl she always found it necessary to tell the girl that I liked boys.
I only broke her of it when I threatened to tell everyone, she had sex with her boyfriend at age 9. Which she did, I had caught her red handed.
Sometimes kids will only respond to social wepons.

I like the idea of outing him as a girl when he outs you as a girl, even though I don't consider you a girl. Also, if he does it more as revenge, just keep doing it. I think most people might think it's a silly game between brothers.

I would have a serious, sensitive, and sincere talk with him about this.  He is old enough to understand, though depending on his maturity maybe he isn't.  Does he care about you enough to listen and to process a serious talk?  This is a tough one, because it's hard to tell if he is capable of understanding ->-bleeped-<- and the impact this has on you.  Most kids are smarter and more perceptive than most think they are.  Feel him out and see if there's any way you can talk to him and make him understand. I wish you much luck.

I'd personally beat the crap out of him. But that's wouldn't accomplish much.

How old is he, anyhow?

After I beat him, I'd ignore him. Or when he outed me I'd say he's nuts and play it off like he's just messing around. As along as you pass decently, you shouldn't have a problem.

Don't beat him though. I mean...unless you really want to. But I can't advise this seriously, since we're on a public forum and all.

Hahaha! Yeah he's 10 and really really really immature  :-\ He knows, but he still I guess makes fun of it. When Im at home, I really dont care, its just when we are in public places and he is constantly saying "sup BROTHER" in such a stupid sarcastic voice  >:( I told him that I didnt like it, and so his reply was "ok im sorry sister" I dont know if he gets it or not :-X

That's awful. Maybe if you just keep sitting him down and having talks with him he might grow up and adjust. He might just miss his sister, even though to me he never had one (unless you guys have a sister lol), but just keep trying to explain to him that your his big brother! Remind him how it makes you feel and how good you would feel if he supported you.

Ostrasise him. Refuse to deal with him. Let him know how much you have hurt him. Turn your back on him as much as possible.

Or you could take to calling him Betty in front of his friends then quikly correcting yourself and then use his real name....

Hide girls clothes in his personal space then tell his best friend that he has girl stuff hiden and tell him where.

dirty pool but meh......

Brothers. Eh?  :D

Think Cynthialee's suggestion of saying the same about him is probably the best.

But seriously, I tend to think younger brothers do this because they are younger brothers.

There is another thing to consider though. he will be growing up soon and you could be there for him then. He will really need that.

That could put you both on a secure long term friendship.

If that is possible, then you might be better trying to cultivate a friendship now.

But, whatever you do, don't beat him up. That isn't going to impress your parents or anyone else and will just make him a lot worse.

whenever he does that, ignore him for a couple of days. if he follows you around as much as you're saying he does, that will bother him enough to make him think twice next time.

edit: if ignoring him doesnt help, you may replace that by being mean :D

I personally like zombiesarepeaceful's post.  That's my first inclination, but ah, yes, that course of action would probably bring more trouble to you than is worth it, SO:

Duct tape.



or absolutely refuse to go anywhere in public with him (if that's doable?).

I also like the suggestion to ignore him when he does that.

That sounds so frustrating.

I like cynthialee's suggestions. That's the kind of stuff children respond to, because to them, that's serious stuff.

Good luck.

"Yeah, Sarah likes to call me a girl." (look at your brother) "She thinks it draws attention away from her being one."

You can change the name to whatever you think will annoy your brother the most. Just make sure it's obviously girly, and emphasize the pronouns and make it obvious you're talking about him. I guarantee you'll piss him off. Do it every time he outs you, and he will stop.

Quote from: SilverFang on July 10, 2010, 03:13:15 PM
I like cynthialee's suggestions. That's the kind of stuff children respond to, because to them, that's serious stuff.

Agreed. I'd go for that one.
If not, I remember being terrified of words such as "disappointed" and "ashamed" when I was a kid. Getting yelled at was fine, but being told that someone was disappointed in me was horrible. Depends on what kind of kid he is though.