Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello everyone I just need some advice on something that recently happened at work.

When i got my job I was already full time, only HR knew of my past, i told them i didnt want anyone else to know but if someone found out eh, i will deal with it.  At the time i was single and had no issues and anyone finding out wouldn't have really mattered since it was just me, however now things are a bit different.

I currently am now dating a guy that also works for the same company but a different section, no one from his section except maybe the management comes to the office where i work, but somehow someone i have never met or had anything to do with found out about my past and my BF can now be hurt because of him, since he works with guys and they talk on the job site. 

So basically i am afraid the other guys might poke fun at him, also what is really strange about all this is the degree at which the manager is adamant that i am a guy, even after my BF said shes 100% woman.  He said he just took a back and said no.... that cant be.  I look passable and i have straight guys ask me out, so it cant be my looks and my voice is as good as a phone sex operator if i wanted to, none of my new friends can tell, so someone must have leaked my records.... I would hate to think HR would do that....

Well the issue is not myself, i am tough and can handle anything, but i dont like seeing the people i care for being hurt... not sure what to really do about it though, any suggestions?

First off it is no one business about your past.  If HR reveals it, that is a violation of the confidential information policy of any company.

You might need to have that "Talk" with your b/f.  Which can lead to losing him, but that goes with the territory.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on July 09, 2010, 11:57:12 AM
First off it is no one business about your past.  If HR reveals it, that is a violation of the confidential information policy of any company.

You might need to have that "Talk" with your b/f.  Which can lead to losing him, but that goes with the territory.

He knows about my past, i told him once we were getting serious in our dating.  We had know each other 2 months by then and he said he didnt care, and he loved me.  I had a talk with him and he is the type to defend my honor~ still, i dont like to see problems like this.  I should probably talk to HR....  and find out who talked with him at the office, and how they found out.

Quote from: Izumi on July 09, 2010, 12:01:19 PM
.....  I should probably talk to HR....  and find out who talked with him at the office, and how they found out.

Definitely,  it is the same as if they reveal your medical history.

And good for you two.  ;D

From the sound of it, this manager is trying to get at your boyfriend.

It's a mean, nasty thing to do. Does your company have a bullying policy?

Quote from: spacial on July 09, 2010, 07:01:45 PM
From the sound of it, this manager is trying to get at your boyfriend.

It's a mean, nasty thing to do. Does your company have a bullying policy?

Looks like its being taken care of.  I am interested to see how this drama plays out, i guess i will know soon, HR is tracking where all this originated from.

Quote from: Izumi on July 09, 2010, 07:31:26 PMLooks like its being taken care of.  I am interested to see how this drama plays out, i guess i will know soon, HR is tracking where all this originated from.

I'm glad they're taking it seriously. I hope it all works out.

hope this drama has a happy ending.  :) As Chinese always said " there is no wall which can completely block the wind" (something will go throught), we can't completely prevent the leaking but hope it lead to the good result.

Quote from: amandax on July 10, 2010, 10:45:46 AM
hope this drama has a happy ending.  :) As Chinese always said " there is no wall which can completely block the wind" (something will go throught), we can't completely prevent the leaking but hope it lead to the good result.

Thats not entirely true a wall in space can completely block wind since there is no wind up there.  However, you are right i lived 30yrs as a male, thats kinda hard to erase.  Long paper trail, but i will give it a try.

Quote from: Izumi on July 12, 2010, 01:12:24 PM...a wall in space can completely block wind since there is no wind up there.

But... how can you block something never there? There's no wind to block.

Hi Izumi

You are right to keep your life private and your stance on telling no one, because it is none of their bloody business and the only time you tell anyone is when you are with a long time intimate partner or when a relevant medical condition arises.  Did I tell any of the doctors that were involved in my recent breast scan? No.

Hopefully, the current situation will resolve itself.  Your boyfriend has indirectly stood up for you, without you realizing the true strength of his character and nature.  He accepts you for who you are without any reservations.  Tell him you are worried about the other guys poking fun at him and hopefully he will or both of you will come up with a solution to this particular problem.

Oh by the way do not your boyfriend go, his is a real gem.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Kind regards
Sarah B

Quote from: Sarah B on July 15, 2010, 08:52:47 PM
Hi Izumi

You are right to keep your life private and your stance on telling no one, because it is none of their bloody business and the only time you tell anyone is when you are with a long time intimate partner or when a relevant medical condition arises.  Did I tell any of the doctors that were involved in my recent breast scan? No.

Hopefully, the current situation will resolve itself.  Your boyfriend has indirectly stood up for you, without you realizing the true strength of his character and nature.  He accepts you for who you are without any reservations.  Tell him you are worried about the other guys poking fun at him and hopefully he will or both of you will come up with a solution to this particular problem.

Oh by the way do not your boyfriend go, his is a real gem.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Kind regards
Sarah B

The issue has been resolved although i dont know the details yet of how the information got out.  My BF tried to fix it himself however before hand by showing pictures of me with a bikini on at the beach... heh, he said that worked, still HR talked to the manager and he got in trouble for spreading "Rumors".  Everyone else just assumed after my BF told me someone thought i was a guy that i got mad and called HR, because us women dont like being insulted LOL. 

As for my BF he is a real gem, he fell in love with a woman, thats all he sees, even after i told him my past he didnt care, he only cared about what was in front of him.  I can honestly say that i wouldnt mind spending the rest of my life with him.

Quote from: Izumi on July 16, 2010, 11:32:51 AM
The issue has been resolved although i dont know the details yet of how the information got out.  My BF tried to fix it himself however before hand by showing pictures of me with a bikini on at the beach... heh, he said that worked, still HR talked to the manager and he got in trouble for spreading "Rumors".  Everyone else just assumed after my BF told me someone thought i was a guy that i got mad and called HR, because us women dont like being insulted LOL. 

As for my BF he is a real gem, he fell in love with a woman, thats all he sees, even after i told him my past he didnt care, he only cared about what was in front of him.  I can honestly say that i wouldnt mind spending the rest of my life with him.

<3 Ugh, OMG That's so cute~~~ :D He's a lucky man to have you sweetie. :) I hope no more drama comes your way.

You're really pretty, you look like a 100% female to me.

Quote from: Kentrie on October 13, 2010, 08:41:56 PM
You're really pretty, you look like a 100% female to me.

Ty thats really kind of you to say, but i still have a long way to go IMO.

Quote from: spacial on July 09, 2010, 07:01:45 PM
From the sound of it, this manager is trying to get at your boyfriend.

It's a mean, nasty thing to do. Does your company have a bullying policy?

Agree with Spacial.  People are people, and HR policy or not, there may be a prick(s) in any department.  If you DO find out, you may want to approach them and say you'll engage an attorney to file a libel and slander civil action unless they lay off.  If somebody loses a lawsuit like that, they can end up paying out the yin yang.  Just an idea for you.

Honestly, I don't think you have to worry about your boyfriend.  There ARE guys out there who are cool with transwomen (postop).  You've probably seen Lynn Conway and Karen Serenity's websites and the T-girl profiles there.  Sounds like this guy's a keeper, Izumi.  Awesome, girl!  Hope it works out and that you rock each other's worlds.   

So what happened? Did they find out who leaked the information?

Quote from: cmfic1 on October 25, 2010, 10:47:29 PM
So what happened? Did they find out who leaked the information?

Yeah they did an investigation i dont know the details but they put a stop to the rumors. and sent a memo with harassment laws on it.  Also, from my BF's (now fiance) account it seems no one believed that i was a guy except really that one manager that insisted on it.  The staff thought i got pissed because some guy was going saying i am a man, and what woman would like to be called a man, so calling HR was logical.