Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Ashley Allison on July 10, 2010, 02:48:29 AM Return to Full Version
Title: In the limbo, wondering in this situation.
Post by: Ashley Allison on July 10, 2010, 02:48:29 AM
Post by: Ashley Allison on July 10, 2010, 02:48:29 AM
I recently had to move into my parent's house after four years on my own due to financial reasons...
For the past 11 days, I have been traveling Central America on a research trip, which ended up being an amazing time :) As I had not unpacked my stuff from my old house, I simply left it in my new room at my parent's house, expecting to unpack when I got back from my trip... Anyways, I come back into town last night from the vacation, and my whole entire room is organized. No boxes, no stuff laying around; it was simply and purely clean. Apparently my Mother and her friend were talking about how my room was messy, and decided to clean it themselves.
The problem is, I am not out of the closet with my parents; they have absolutely no idea I am kind of confident! I am pretty sure they didn't looked through my stash of clothes... As the bags on top of that ominous duffel back did not look too pushed around. But, I had makeup remover towelettes in a box which had other bathroom items (obviously a non-masculine object). They organized all the items in that box in my bathroom, but the makeup remover towels are gone! I think they through them away. I am worried that they know something is up, though my parents haven't said anything! On another note, they found all of my 'weed' (kind of embarrassed to say I do it) and placed it on my counter...
I am wondering in a way, should I bring it up that the makeup remover is gone or whether they saw my female clothes? How should I respond if they bring it up, as I wasn't planning on coming out immediately? I know these are almost rhetorical questions, as I know the right answer is to let them know the truth; they are relatively understanding of things like this, though it would be hard for me as I am unprepared. I more or less need a sense of support. Has anyone ever encountered a situation like this??
I am in this stage of anticipation right now waiting to see what will happen. I feel as if this could be a perfect moment to describe what is inside me. But at the same time, I feel extreme hesitancy, fear, and anticipation.
For the past 11 days, I have been traveling Central America on a research trip, which ended up being an amazing time :) As I had not unpacked my stuff from my old house, I simply left it in my new room at my parent's house, expecting to unpack when I got back from my trip... Anyways, I come back into town last night from the vacation, and my whole entire room is organized. No boxes, no stuff laying around; it was simply and purely clean. Apparently my Mother and her friend were talking about how my room was messy, and decided to clean it themselves.
The problem is, I am not out of the closet with my parents; they have absolutely no idea I am kind of confident! I am pretty sure they didn't looked through my stash of clothes... As the bags on top of that ominous duffel back did not look too pushed around. But, I had makeup remover towelettes in a box which had other bathroom items (obviously a non-masculine object). They organized all the items in that box in my bathroom, but the makeup remover towels are gone! I think they through them away. I am worried that they know something is up, though my parents haven't said anything! On another note, they found all of my 'weed' (kind of embarrassed to say I do it) and placed it on my counter...
I am wondering in a way, should I bring it up that the makeup remover is gone or whether they saw my female clothes? How should I respond if they bring it up, as I wasn't planning on coming out immediately? I know these are almost rhetorical questions, as I know the right answer is to let them know the truth; they are relatively understanding of things like this, though it would be hard for me as I am unprepared. I more or less need a sense of support. Has anyone ever encountered a situation like this??
I am in this stage of anticipation right now waiting to see what will happen. I feel as if this could be a perfect moment to describe what is inside me. But at the same time, I feel extreme hesitancy, fear, and anticipation.
Title: Re: In the limbo, wondering in this situation.
Post by: Cindy on July 10, 2010, 03:05:43 AM
Post by: Cindy on July 10, 2010, 03:05:43 AM
Hi Honey
They may have just thought you were with a girl on your trip and baggage got mixed. If they have no other reason to know you are female why would they think of more complicated ideas. Probably they are having a giggle about you and her mixing up stuff.
They may also think that other the last 4 years you had girl friends and just through all of their stuff into the boxes by 'accident'.
If the avatar is you, I think it's time for a family meeting.
Time to come out?
Cindy
They may have just thought you were with a girl on your trip and baggage got mixed. If they have no other reason to know you are female why would they think of more complicated ideas. Probably they are having a giggle about you and her mixing up stuff.
They may also think that other the last 4 years you had girl friends and just through all of their stuff into the boxes by 'accident'.
If the avatar is you, I think it's time for a family meeting.
Time to come out?
Cindy
Title: Re: In the limbo, wondering in this situation.
Post by: spacial on July 10, 2010, 04:16:56 AM
Post by: spacial on July 10, 2010, 04:16:56 AM
I have a feeling you mom will figure something out. Moms come in every shape and size. Some are great, others are best forgotten. But I doubt there are many who really can't read their children like a book. It's a natural instinct created to ensure survival. (Me being darwinian again. :) )
I also get the feeling, both from here, from my nursing experience and from general life, that many simply don't face up to what they already know.
I'm not suggesting you get up tomorrow and put on your best dress for her. But she knows now that you have makeup.
With that in mind, you now need to think of your next step.
And that must be for you. Firstly, because you know your mom and secondly, because you know yourself.
But if you leave it there, I strongly suspect your mom will fall into the mom syndrome and put it out of her mind. That would be really silly. You need to face this eventually.
Incidently, sorry you had to go back, but great that you can. She sounds really great.
I also get the feeling, both from here, from my nursing experience and from general life, that many simply don't face up to what they already know.
I'm not suggesting you get up tomorrow and put on your best dress for her. But she knows now that you have makeup.
With that in mind, you now need to think of your next step.
And that must be for you. Firstly, because you know your mom and secondly, because you know yourself.
But if you leave it there, I strongly suspect your mom will fall into the mom syndrome and put it out of her mind. That would be really silly. You need to face this eventually.
Incidently, sorry you had to go back, but great that you can. She sounds really great.
Title: Re: In the limbo, wondering in this situation.
Post by: MillieB on July 10, 2010, 04:50:45 AM
Post by: MillieB on July 10, 2010, 04:50:45 AM
i'm not so sure that she does know, and probably threw away your make up remover because she can't see any reason why you would have it and must have been there by mistake.
Another theory is that she does know and has put it to one side in the hope that you ask her about it and she can talk to you.
As you can see, I don't know!! :laugh: :laugh:
But after 4 years of relative freedom to be yourself, I imagine that hiding who you are from someone who loves you will be quite painful and potentially damaging to you, so maybe it is time to talk to her. Clothes just don't look right when they have been hidden away in a bag.
Good luck!
Another theory is that she does know and has put it to one side in the hope that you ask her about it and she can talk to you.
As you can see, I don't know!! :laugh: :laugh:
But after 4 years of relative freedom to be yourself, I imagine that hiding who you are from someone who loves you will be quite painful and potentially damaging to you, so maybe it is time to talk to her. Clothes just don't look right when they have been hidden away in a bag.
Good luck!
Title: Re: In the limbo, wondering in this situation.
Post by: Janet_Girl on July 10, 2010, 09:51:11 AM
Post by: Janet_Girl on July 10, 2010, 09:51:11 AM
Parents have a way of "just knowing". She might bring it up and she might not.
But don't be surprise if when you have "the talk", she says "I know".
Sorry you had to go back in to the closet, but it is only temporary.
But don't be surprise if when you have "the talk", she says "I know".
Sorry you had to go back in to the closet, but it is only temporary.