Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone,

I'm new the forum but have been reading and lurking for some time now. Have so many questions but one that I guess I'm curious about is the effect of HRT on sexual attraction. I know that for most, hormones don't change what we're attracted to but for a smaller group it does change things. For those that had the object of their desire change after starting hormones, was it a shock? Did it happen all at once or slowly over time? Were you ok with your feelings shifting or was it distressing? Is anyone just starting HRT worried about things changing?

You all are so inspiring, reading and learning so much from you all.

I started out bi 9 months ago and I am still bi now......except...I ussed to want men all the time and women still atractive but not like men, now I want women and I find men marginaly interesting.
Still bi, I would still be happy with a man or woman but I do feel somewhat diferant than I did when I started.

We all have our own unique situation. What happens to one of us is not nesecarily going to happen to everyone. Some of us completely switch sexual orientation and others have no reaction and are left looking at those who do with complete lack of understanding.

It is what it is.

cynthialee,

That makes sense to me. But I agree with what you said about not understanding others who do change. It just seems impossible but I have read so many accounts from people where their attraction changed, just wonder what they felt or how things changed

My theory is that we are wired to be either strait gay or bi. If you were 'strait' in your original incarnation you will be strait as your true self. This is just a wide generalizeation. A trend I have noticed if you will. Definatly not set in  stone.
It is a complicated issue with layers and layers of sexuality, gender roles, psychological baggage and societies baggage all intertwinded. It is a wonder a cissexual cisgendered person can function with the modern worlds hangups let alone a trans person.
I think that the most sane way to deal with this should it happen with you, is to just accept it as is and take it where it goes.

Well, at first I thought Id end up being a lesbian transwoman. Then at some point my ex started pointing out cute boys. To my surprise I found them cute too, but still wouldn't consider myself that kind of attracted to them. Eventually she introduced me to some of her toys... I'm thinking that changed my outlook on things quite a bit, but not right away. We separated/split up and I was lost for a very long time.

At current I consider myself bi but really women are fun to snuggle and play with, but I don't want anything longterm permanent... Nothing beats a pair of strong arms wrapped around you and a solid chest to rest your head on :)

I don't know when or exactly when/how the change happened, but overall I do like guys more than girls. Even though I cant stand most men and HATE HATE HATE machismo of any kind... makes for a really shallow dating pool where I live. Oh well LoL

This seems to happen to people who start transition during or prior to there early 20s than it does to those who start later in life generally speaking.

I'm still early on in the whole HRT thing but have always been bi and still am. Weird thing for me is that sexually I veer towards men, but I really can only imagine living with a woman. I think that I would want to strangle most men after about three days!! :laugh: There are some good ones though, so maybe I'll get lucky, either that or have some fun and then send them on their way >:-)

Thanks Lynne, that helped a lot.

Quote from: cynthialee on July 18, 2010, 02:42:13 PM
My theory is that we are wired to be either strait gay or bi. If you were 'strait' in your original incarnation you will be strait as your true self. This is just a wide generalizeation. A trend I have noticed if you will. Definatly not set in  stone.
It is a complicated issue with layers and layers of sexuality, gender roles, psychological baggage and societies baggage all intertwinded. It is a wonder a cissexual cisgendered person can function with the modern worlds hangups let alone a trans person.
I think that the most sane way to deal with this should it happen with you, is to just accept it as is and take it where it goes.

I don't think this is necessarily wrong...but a lot of us, even though we know there's something wrong, still experience a strong enough attraction to our gender of interest that we override our preference for a "straight" or "gay" relationship dynamic.

I always knew I was queer - as in gay male. But it's more important to me that my partner be male than it is that my relationship be gay. Priorities may vary across individuals and possibly genders.

As I have stated previously I only liked woman pre HRT but now after many months of HRT I am very attracted to men. I don't know for sure why this happened but I think I T and my failure to accept that I was really a woman contributed to me not accepting myself. As a woman I think it is quite natural to be attracted to and have sex with a man because I think of myself as a heterosexual female but I rally don't worry about classifications.

Pam

I went from completely bisexual to completely heterosexual and am now only physically/romantically attracted to men. At the beginning of my transition I was in a relationship with another woman. It wasn't a shock, we both saw it coming from a ways off, but it was kind of sad and I denied it to myself for a while. We still love each other to this day but neither of us could be lesbian; our sexual response to each other changed drastically and that was that. It happens. :-\ But I'm happy now with who I am, no matter what my orientation.

There have been other threads about this topic in the past- I posted quite a long explanation of this as I see it here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,75998.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,75998.0.html)

I'll quote it here:

Quote from: FairyGirl on April 20, 2010, 09:21:59 PM
In the process of transition I've discovered that sex is very different from the female perspective. The attraction is different, the response is different, everything about it is different. I have a sneaky suspicion these differences, coupled with brain chemistry changes, may have something to do with why so many find their orientation shifting as they transition from one physical side to the other. Mine surely has. And as I've tried to understand my changing sexuality, I've written down some thoughts I've had about it...

Trans - Sexuality

Woman are attracted to men in different ways than men are attracted to women. Without personally possessing any empirical scientific data to back this claim, from observation and personal experience only I will go out on a limb here and say this is a fact. The male libido is different than the female libido. Men have a different sexual response, that is, a different physical, mental, and emotional response to sexual arousal than that of women. The differences, while they may certainly vary by individual, are still rather profound and somewhat akin to comparing apples and oranges: that is, they are not alike enough to draw anything but the most superficial comparisons, like saying well, apples and oranges are both roundish types of fruit that grow on trees.

Being on female HRT for well over a year has changed my sexuality dramatically. Different things arouse me, and do so in different areas of mind and body. There is no way I could have known this however, had I not had the opportunity to experience it from both sides of the fence, so to speak. People who are born fully female (that is, with the gender of both mind and body aligned), and likewise people who are born fully male, can never know firsthand what it's like to experience sexual attraction from the perspective and hormonal influence of the other sex. Many years before I ever started HRT I used to ponder this. Do women feel the same attraction towards men as men do towards women? Which internal perspective is better? And, why do I feel attraction to both?

As a male, I had the testosterone driven sex drive and sexual urges of a rogue bull elephant in full rut. This naturally influenced practically my every waking moment and most of my sleeping ones as well. Before HRT, my sexual response was more physical, visually oriented, confined to certain regions of the body, and more urgent. Now, it is much more emotional, mental, full-bodied, and unrushed. I get turned on at the thought of simply cuddling and exchanging sweet talk. Previously it was so overpowering I mostly couldn't even think of any of that stuff, only of trying to satisfy the beast that was my male libido. However, No amount of sex was ever, ever enough to satiate that ravenous beast.

Prior to HRT, my sexual attraction to women was purely physical and on an almost animal level, i.e., it was all about the sex and finding my own sexual release and fulfillment. Having sex with men however was different, and had an additional aspect that sex with women did not. When I was with a woman I would sometimes fantasize about being with a man, but I never fantasized about being with a woman when I was actually with a man. So this additional aspect that being with a man gave me was the ability to let myself go completely, to be myself and to act very feminine, to assume the submissive "bottom" role, and for a short time at least "be" the woman. Of course my runaway sex drive was still firmly in place, so sex with men also had a very strong physical component as well. It actually felt better with men for the very reason that with men, I was able to unleash the feminine side of myself that I kept hidden all the rest of the time. (Of course friends have since told me that I didn't keep it hidden all that well, but that's another story.)

Now I cannot generate the same sexual response to a man in the same ways I used to for a woman, but I easily can in totally different ways. This is not a bad thing, and for the record I see it as a definite improvement. Again it's simply not nearly the same, and is like comparing apples and oranges.  For example, there are definite physical male traits I find attractive, stimulating, appealing, but as much as I love looking at hunky guys it doesn't generate the same response a when I used to look at a visually appealing women and feel that sexual attraction, or even the sexually charged aspect of my creativity. I can look at a hot guy and sure, it's exciting, but I'm also wondering about his personality, and what kind of husband and protector he would make. Another example: A really intelligent man, even if he is mediocre looking at best, can turn me on and give me those butterflies in my tummy just by listening to him talk. These things in women do not attract me, and in fact I find that all the previous sexual attraction I felt for women, and all the ways that that manifested itself, only seem now like hollow, empty shells- a ghost of something that used to completely rule my world, but is now only a mirage. Sure I can still force the physical response, but in the end it only brings back those feelings of total emptiness, like the bottomless pit that can never be filled.

One last thing- within 3 days of starting HRT I began to notice that I smelled differently. Pheromones play a huge role in sexual attraction in the animal world, and with all our bigger brains, they still play an important part in physical, sexual attraction. When we become 100% chemically the sex that used to be opposite, then it seems natural that we would begin to find the pheromones from the now opposite sex to be intoxicatingly enticing. ;)

Bottom line: Whatever I was before, I am now a heterosexual woman. As we change our bodies, discovering that our orientations have changed should come as no surprise- we used to be physically oranges, and now we are apples.

Chloe

Chloe,

Thank you sooo much, what you wrote makes so much sense. I'm open to where ever the road leads it just seems so far away sometimes.

Congratulations on your recent SRS, you and so many others are an inspiration.

Thank you and hugs,
Kirsten

I wonder if it's possible that someone could be 'straight' pre-transition (as in attracted to their same gender but the opposite biological sex) as a result of trying to live through the other person. You know, falling in love with the person they want to be. Then once they no longer need that, realize they're more into the opposite gender. Thoughts?

Quote from: Nero on July 18, 2010, 10:11:58 PM
I wonder if it's possible that someone could be 'straight' pre-transition (as in attracted to their same gender but the opposite biological sex) as a result of trying to live through the other person. You know, falling in love with the person they want to be. Then once they no longer need that, realize they're more into the opposite gender. Thoughts?

I do this. Still do as my mate is a female bodied androgyne. I doubt I will no longer need or want hir in my life after SRS. The energy and history we share is phenominal.
Leaving hir for a more fulfiling sex life would be uterly alien to me and extremely out of character. Even if that were possible.

Quote from: Nero on July 18, 2010, 10:11:58 PM
I wonder if it's possible that someone could be 'straight' pre-transition (as in attracted to their same gender but the opposite biological sex) as a result of trying to live through the other person. You know, falling in love with the person they want to be. Then once they no longer need that, realize they're more into the opposite gender. Thoughts?

I think this happens a lot. I have a couple of friends who fit this model to a tee.

I hate when people try to make hormones the scapegoat for the change though.

I haven't started HRT yet, but my experience so far is that my first priority is to be honorable to the current relationship, and i still enjoy sexual contact with her - but i'm not sure what will happen with that when i start HRT and lose function.

that said, right now when I look at someone and think "they are sexy" it's almost always a female. Though I certainly can distinguish a good looking man when I see one. however, when i think of myself having sex in the future, I pretty much always imagine myself be "taken" by a man.
I've had three oral encounters with a man and thoroughly enjoyed each.

So i would describe myself now as bi, but i would have NEVER considered sex with a man AS a man - it's only as Laura that that was possible.

this isn't to say that there was some sort of homophobia going on - over the years I thoroughly examined the potential that I was gay as opposed to trans and was entirely open to it but i always concluded I'd rather be an ugly celibate woman as a hot gay Lothario.

since I went full time, I did have one very attractive young mexican guy ask me if I was married and i got such a rush from that that i didn't even no how to process it....I've never felt anything like it.

So anyway - I said all that to say this - I HOPE, fervently, that I'm one of those who's attraction does change. I don't have anything against being a lesbian, I love the company of women, but there is something that is just fascinating about finding my interest in guys expanding beyond the ...uh...physical activities.

My first choice is still to be happily bi - but I hope it's Bi on every level and not just about the sex.

Quote from: Nero on July 18, 2010, 10:11:58 PM
I wonder if it's possible that someone could be 'straight' pre-transition (as in attracted to their same gender but the opposite biological sex) as a result of trying to live through the other person. You know, falling in love with the person they want to be. Then once they no longer need that, realize they're more into the opposite gender. Thoughts?

There was a good bit of that going on for me. I was so insanely jealous of them for being given at birth what I wasn't and watched their every move trying to learn from what I saw, or at least live vicariously through them. It was pretty neurotic.

Quote from: Nero on July 18, 2010, 10:11:58 PM
I wonder if it's possible that someone could be 'straight' pre-transition (as in attracted to their same gender but the opposite biological sex) as a result of trying to live through the other person. You know, falling in love with the person they want to be. Then once they no longer need that, realize they're more into the opposite gender. Thoughts?

I can't rule that out.

As I was processing the conclusion that my hyper-religion wasn't going to "deliver" me from my condition, I went through a bit of a "depressurizing" phase where I was separating what I really believed from what was "rule following"

As I went through that, one of the ways it manifested itself was encouraging my wife to "loosen up" both in the matter of appearance and wardrobe, and in behavior. we eventually grew into a modified form of swinging (which details i won't go into in an open forum) but the upshot is that looking back, I can see that the look and behavior I was encouraging her to was pretty much the sort of girl i wanted to be.

and looking back beyond that, i can see that the sort of women i was interested in before i really got into repressing my gender issues were also that sort of girl - so yeah, there might be something to that.

I used to be a-sexual (really!). Now I am straight but more and more time passes I seem to be lacking interest again and drifting back towards a-sexuality.. so maybe it's something mental with me.

But I have a boyfriend and I love him for who he is (most of the time :P) so it's better this way :)

10 months on HRT and prior to that I hadn't really had strong feelings for men, and while I continue to live as a straight male while transitioning, I've always kinda envisioned myself as a bisexual TG in the long term anyhoo.

However, about 3 months or so ago this began to change, and I find myself doing double takes with alot of dudes lately, and moreso "picturing" myself being with them or some other guy in a normal relationship a few years from now. Still attracted to GG's, but that has really started to wane a bit. So in my HRT experience, it has definitely opened me up to new feelings! It's actually pretty exciting!

Well, I am a heterosexual female. Before HRT, I suppose, I was actually physically attracted to Females, but mentally I was attracted to males. (I always found myself checking out males)

I am not totally sure yet as to whether or not I am Bisexual or Heterosexual, but I suppose, at the present moment, I relate more to a Heterosexual nature... Gosh sometimes I just can't get guys out of my mind! LMAO

Be who you are and forget labels. As my body gained Estrogen and rid itself of T my true self came out and I started thinking about men. As time went on and HRT progressed I started to dream about being taken by a man. Soon I thought about it during the day. I don't think HRT changed orientation; it just rid me of stigmas and fears and allowed me to be the woman I was. Now when I make love to a man it feels quite right and natural.

Pam

I was attracted only to women before I started HRT. It was only a few weeks after I started HRT that I saw a picture of a man with his shirt off and suddenly felt very giddy and excited. I also remember seeing men's underwear ads and getting a similar feeling. This only developed more as HRT went on and nowadays I consider myself mostly a heterosexual woman...but I'm still kind of undecided so I say I'm bi. I mostly say that because I think if I found the right woman, things might work, I dont know.

Did the hormones cause this? I think so. The other option is that I was in denial all my life until then...which is also possible. I was raised to believe liking men was "wrong" for me and I adapted to that by avoiding looking at any pictures like the ones described above. So who really knows.

I'm pretty much the same as Jerica, except I never was that attracted to women.  Whether it was an effect of HRT or not, I am certainly a lot more attracted to men than ever before and that seemed to correlate pretty well with when I started.

I am six months HRT, full transition level estrogen and testosterone blockers, happily married to the same cisgender woman for almost 20 years. I have a harder time now imagining why anyone would be attracted to a guy than ever.

I am so bisexual I have literaly fall into tears to have to make the men or women descision. Luckily for me I married an androgyne and I get both in one person. But I will say as I did before, I ussed to want men more than women and now I want women more than men but I have always liked both pretty much equaly.

I was always, always bisexual, since childhood. My first sex was with boys my age. Like Cynthia, I truly didn't have a preference and have had multiple partners and relationships with both sexes. After transition, HRT, surgery, if I think about women it's like, what would I possible do or even want to do with a woman? I remember the attraction to women, like a ghost with no substance, but the real thing is just not there anymore. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cosgan.de%2Fimages%2Fsmilie%2Fkonfus%2Fa050.gif&hash=3aef94fddedef29723ac7cdc7d7a7cef91a72f6d)

Because I never had any hangups about dating men before, I have to think there's more to it with me than just a release of denial or freeing of sexual inhibitions. Maybe dating women was my hangup lol

Quote from: KirstenR on July 18, 2010, 01:43:05 PM
Is anyone just starting HRT worried about things changing?

I am not worried about things changing at all. I have always been attracted to men, am starting hormones very soon, and am pretty sure that that I will continue to be attracted to men only. I can't really explain why, but I just know it. Even if my orientation would change, which I doubt, then so be it. It will obviously feel right then, otherwise I wouldn't feel the attraction.

I do notice more interest from lesbian women lately. I have no ideay why. They keep popping up everywhere hehe, before I just didn't notice them for some reason, aside from my lesbian friends. Anyway, I'm just not interested. Not yet anyway, LOL.